The DC Folly Trolley – 08/25/13

When Your Smilin’.

Foxy New’s star Greta Van Susteren was observed smiling today.


Paparazzi caught Greta Van Susteren attempting to smile. Some of the photographers believed the event was staged.  Is her smile real?  Only her plastic surgeon knows.

The brief facial expression is believed to be the first time in years that the Foxy 10 PM star spread her lips.

So rare is such an episode that many observers believed the smile was a staged photo-op.

Photographers who were invited to the event noted that a rumor spreading wildly around the scene accused the Fox star of taking secret smiling lessons from Hollywood’s famous lip guru known professionally as “Sammy the Smirk” who was present during the session.

It is believed that Van Susteren is considering permanent smile plastic surgery.

Shortly after the embarrassed Van Susteren flashed her phony smile, she accused President Obama of staging a photo-op on the golf course and criticized him for diddling at the game while so many Americans are out of work..


While practicing her grin, the Foxy News star failed to note that the unemployment crisis resulted from the criminal behavior of Wall Street banksters and all attempts to effectively eliminate the tragedy have been blockaded by the Repub Party.


An Expensive Trim Job.

Jared Bernstein wrote that he would not want Larry Summers to mow his lawn.

Well, I wouldn’t want him to mow mine either. He’d undoubtedly charge $250.000 a cut.

Plus expenses.

And hire minimum wage labor to do the job.


At It Again.

Repubs in the House of Representatives appealed to John Boehner, the Speaker who can’t control his caucus, to reject any budget deal that does not defund Obamacare.

The cabal in the House, as well as some Repub members of the Senate, are out to kill the Affordable Care Act completely. Boehner, while in agreement with the movement, warned against doing so as part of a government shutdown.


The hapless Boehner, whose approval ratings in his home state are approaching that of syphilis, is afraid that a shutdown would create a backlash against Repubs in the 2014 elections that could cost him his Speakership.

Guess he’s scared his party’s actions could do to him exactly what President Obama’s sneaky Oval Office meetings with health industry executives did to Nancy Pelosi’s Speakership when the Dems were overwhelmed in 2010 – destroyed it as we well know.

As for the president, he’s about making Repubs drool with his tempting offers to cut benefit programs like Social Security and Medicare.

It seems however, you just can’t make a Repub happy. They want to kill off not only Obamacare but the two signature Democratic benefit programs as well.


Rum Day.

Yes, there is a national rum day. Sadly, I’ve never been a fan of the drink of pirates and English sailors. Gratefully, there are many alternatives.

Here’s a ditty to the sugar cane distilled alcoholic beverage which, if you didn’t know, was served on board ship by the Royal Navy and came to be called “grog”, a version of rum diluted with water and a citrus juice to prevent the Vitamin C deficiency suffered by sailors and known as scurvy.

Fee fi foe fum
Never had a Coke and rum
Prefer a drink a bit more hearty
That’s the way to start a party
Though they say good rum will numb.
Four and twenty black birds 10 ounce glass of rye.
That’ll turn your nose red my oh my oh my.
Next a spot of good scotch
That makes your face a blotch
Pray the Lord will gently set you safely down to lie.
The great sailing ships of yesteryear were a sight to behold. In the Royal Navy, sailors on board were given a daily ration of rum often mixed with lime juice and diluted with water. Called “grog”, the mixture prevented the vitamin C deficiency disease known as scurvy. (Artist not known).  

Wanna Be President.

Who am I speaking of? Rick Santorum. Who else?Yes, he’s getting some face time, this time, until next time.

The former senator and current presidential wanna be took Repubs to task for not appealing to the working class voter. He didn’t say Repubs should take actions to earn working class votes. Just say a few “heartfelt” words to bring the vote home to the 2016 GOP presidential candidate, who might possibly be Little Ricky himself.


It’s the old compassionate conservative schtick served up on the same stick and stuck in the same place Repubs usually shaft the middle class.But “talk it up fellow GOPers” is the Santorum message. Happy talk might just bring in enough votes to push the former senator into the Oval Office.


Former VP Candidate Gets Whiny.

Gets whiny. Who am I kidding? She’s been whining since her 2008 defeat.

This particular whine is about Repub elitists restraining her from speaking about Jeremiah Wright, former Obama pastor, and Bill Ayers, one time founder of the Weatherman, the anti-Vietnam war group.

The McCain campaign managers feared the media would pounce if those tired old subjects were revived.


Anyways, Sarah still looks great in a bikini and if she had campaigned in one she probably would have improved McCain’s vote total.

(Sorry about the sexist statement, ladies. But I can’t help thinking the bikini was one of mankind’s greatest inventions. And there was a time when everyone of you looked great in one).


Pasta E Fagioli With A Twist.

The Sardo Institute of Chemistry Studies is offering a complete set of instructions on how to establish a Do-It-Yourself Methamphetamine Processing Laboratory.

For a limited time only The Sardo Institute is offering a Do-It-Yourself Methamphetamine Lab Instruction Kit at the amazingly low, low price of $19.95 plus shipping and handling.

The Sardo Institute’s Do-It-Yourself Methamphetamine Lab Instruction Kit comes complete with everything you need to know to build your very own meth laboratory.

The Kit includes dozens of recipes to help you increase your enjoyment of this delightful chemical substance. Here’s just one.

First, assign one member of your family (usually an adult) as the designated chef.

Next add one quart of Extra Virgin Olive Oil to a pressure cooker (not included).

Heat the olive oil to 100 deq.

Add 10 oz. oregano.

Separate and slowly add 1 lb. of dandelion leaves, spinach or escarole.

Salt to taste and reheat.

Now add 20 mg of ephedrine which you can conveniently obtain from your local pharmacy (be sure to ask about our Do-It-Yourself Breaking And Entering Kit).

Bring the contents to a slow boil for two hours. (As a precaution, evacuate your place of residence during this step).

Next the designated chef should re-enter the residence and carefully open the pressure cooker (not included).

Remove the cooked leaves from the pot being careful not to disturb the white crystalline substance that layered on the leaves during the boiling off process.

Place the leaves on previously prepared bowls of paste e fagioli and serve hot to dinner guests.

You’re sure to be delighted when guests begin to experience a warm, dreamy intimacy the recipe is guaranteed to induce.

To get your very own Sardo Institute Do-It-Yourself Methamphetamine Laboratory Instruction Kit send $19.95 plus $5.95 shipping and handling to:

The Sardo Institute of Chemistry Studies
PO Box 555 5555
Pasta Fagioli, Italy 55555
Cash Only Please.

And if you act right now, we’ll include a second kit absolutely free. Just pay shipping and handling.

As always if you are not completely satisfied with your instruction kit, simply return it in 30 minutes for a full refund.


Dandelions in bloom on a farm. Its leaf is edible.  (Attribution: Richard Croft).


If the instructions above seem a tad phony, The Sardo Institute isn’t the only organization that got it wrong. Check out the article below about Breaking Bad getting meth wrong.




One Comment to “The DC Folly Trolley – 08/25/13”

  1. Entertainingly well done, as always!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: