Archive for October, 2013

October 27, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/27/13

Ouch!

Sarah Palin shot herself in the foot this week. The accident marks the 42nd time the former governor has done so.

 sarah2

Sarah Palin’s Horrifying Message For Piers Morgan

This time she took aim at Piers Morgan of CNN choosing a strange way of declining an invitation to appear on his interview show.  

At times I think her brains may be where she keeps shooting herself.

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Dick Durbin Does Dems Dirty.

The senior senator from Illinois, Dick Durbin, who inexplicably has made a sharp right wing turn on safety net issues, revealed last week that a certain Repub congressman while in a meeting with Barack Obama said he “couldn’t stand to look at him.”

 durbin

Shades of Sarah Palin, Little Dicky Durbin shoots self in foot twice in one month.

The White House quickly dumped on Durbin after Majority Leader Harry Reid spilled the goods on the congressional GOP no-gooder, some guy from Texas who goes by the name of Pete Sessions. The dump-dump occurred when Press Secretary Jay Carney described the event as whatchacall your “mis-communication.”

I wonder if Durbin isn’t trying to cover his tracks after he brazenly lied about Social Security going broke on the Fox GOP propaganda network.

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Etna Blows.

Mt. Etna, a volcano located on the lovely Italian isle of Sicily, erupted once again, spewing lava into the air and forcing the closure of airspace to all traffic.

Conclusion: God is angry with Italians for electing a moderate cleric to the Papacy.

 etna

Thar she blows. Now that is one pissed off god.

What else could it be!

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Preacher Cures Deaf.

Multimillionaire TV preacher and African diamond mine wage slaver Pat Robertson chided a woman who prayed to God to cure her son’s deafness. Her prayers have been ignored and the preacher man said she must have done something to displease God if He chose not to answer her entreaties.

The preacher continued his chiding by telling the woman that he himself had restored hearing to the deaf by “rebuking” the bad spirit of deafness.

 spirit

The search for Pat Robertson’s Bad Spirit of Deafness yielded this photo by David Levine of Portland, OR entitled Libation to the Spirits.  Methinks Pat has been communicating with this spirit more than he would like to admit.

Way to go Pat. Must be an easy malady to cure if you’ve done it. There are many more people suffering from deafness you could turn your miracle working toward.

Perhaps your co-pays and deductibles are too high.

Hey, you wouldn’t be willing plug up that volcano erupting in Sicily would you?

Name your price.

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Combating Hunger In America.

There’s absolutely no reason for anyone to go hungry in America.

For example, generic cornflakes with a smidgen of powdered milk makes for a wonderfully nutritious meal. For lunch, add a pinch of salt. Dinner, some pepper or oregano.

Dandelion leaves are also nutritious. You can pick them from your lawn or your neighbors’. Be careful you don’t get shot however.

Ever thought about shoplifting? Now that winter’s coming, you can wear a heavy overcoat without being suspicious. Slip a can of peas or green beans into oversize pockets and no one will ever notice. Eating one or two peas a day can make for a wonderful treat and they last for a long time.

Don’t worry about getting caught shoplifting. Ladies, if you are ever searched simply yell “RAPE” at the top of your lungs. The manager will give you a bag of groceries just to shut you up.

And for the guys, insist that searching violates your privacy rights and demand to call your attorney.

And if nothing else works, there’s always the soup kitchen.  They’re making a comeback.

soup kitchens

Painting of a soup kitchen by William Rose (1810-1873).

By using these and other creative means, anyone can easily avoid starvation.

So there’s no reason for a person to starve in America and that is something we can all be very proud of.

October 20, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/20/13

Committee Averts Shutdown.

Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

An exclusive from the UPW Newsroom. From Marcy Popindick, Super Senior Correspondent for International Affairs on the scene in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

Ms. Popindick reports that a settlement has been reached in a dispute between members of the Nobella Committee and its Board of Directors.

alps

Scene from Pasta Fagioli in the Italian Alps where the Nobella Prize Committee located its hideout.  (Also a painting of that majestic region by Edward Compton).

The Nobella Prize Committee avoided a shutdown just moments ago when committee members and the Executive Board agreed to terms for a settlement.

The committee signed on to a continuation of the austerity measures imposed by the Board in exchange for concessions for reduced workloads.

The committed noted that it had been inundated with nominees for the both the Most Valuable Putz prize (the Putzie) and the Schmuckup Prize (the Little Schmucky). According to members, it simply could not keep up with the flood of submissions for the two awards, the vast majority of which emanated from the Follyland DC area.

After returning to business, the Committee announced its first award. It noted however, that two nominees raced to front of the huge pack and votes for each were hotly contested during Committee deliberations. After numerous discussions that lasted into the early morning hours, members finally agreed to award The Schmuckup Prize to Eric Cantor (R-VA) for his role in prolonging the debt crisis showdown in the U.S. Congress.

CANTOR

The Republicans in the House appointed Eric Cantor Emperor of the United States of America.

The committee noted that its decision was based largely on the fact that the House of Representatives appointed Mr. Cantor to the position of Emperor Of The United States when it designated the Majority Leader as the sole representative permitted to send legislation to the House floor. In his new role, Cantor undermined the authority of Speaker John Boehner, the runner up for the prize, and became the only man in the entire Milky Way galaxy who could reject Senate approved legislation and prevent it from going to the White House for the president’s signature.

Using the unprecedented powers granted to him by his colleagues, Cantor repeatedly refused to bring bills passed by the Senate to a floor vote in the House. By his stubborn actions, the rep from Virginia catapulted the government into a protracted conflict over payment of debts already approved by Congress.

And so for his appointment to the position of Emperor and the convoluted actions that followed, Congressman Cantor receives The Schmuckup Prize.

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Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

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To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t be an ordinary schmuckup. There are already thousands of those in the nation’s capital. No, you have to be an extraordinarily monumental schmuckup and we are proud to say the most recent winner fits that description.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

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Lies, Lies, Lies.

We all know that stretching the truth is a Fox News staple. The network is openly and notoriously a right wing propaganda organ. But last week Sean Hannity went over the top even for the Fox Funnies.

He brought “guests” on his entertainment hour to discuss Obamacare. It was obvious that neither the “guests” nor Hannity knew what they were talking about.

The entire lie filled segment was so full of misstatements that the piece appeared to be a set up that had little to do with the facts.

When Eric Stern fact-checked Hannity’s amateur hour, he revealed that the tall tales told by the “guests” were fables that belonged in a book of propaganda fairy stories.

Once again Hannity was outed for his show’s insannity.

Sean Hannity Gets Fact-Checked Hard On Obamacare Claims

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Boehner Turkey Trot.

Once again House Speaker John Boehner tried to pull his oft used and now worn out schtick.

He pulled that wool over the president’s eyes once too often. The flim flam goes something like this: the Speaker, once upon a time the leader of his party in the House, is entangled in plots hatched by the Tea Party extremists in his caucus. There is no possible way he could arrive at an agreement with the White House without unless the accord satisfied the demands of the right wing radicals, even though that vocal group represented a minority of the Republican Party. The Speaker’s hands, you see, are tied.

That turkey trot didn’t cut it at the most recent dance. In fact, the dance never took place as the president refused to join the festivities. So the Speaker got all dressed up and had nowhere to go.

The moral of the story: the turkey had better tiptoe through the tulips; Thanksgiving is just around the corner.

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House To Name Pet.

According to a House staff member, who spoke under conditions of deep background, the House of Representatives will shortly name its Pet of the Year.

Speaker John Boehner is the lucky recipient of that award.

The possibility is very real that Boehner will lose his Speakership.  Should that eventuality become reality, the hapless Speaker is a shoe in to receive the consolation prize and be elected House Pet.

Deliberations are secret but UPW Super Senior Congressional Correspondent Marcy Popindick is reporting that Boehner has amassed enough votes to walk away with the honor.

 

boehner pet

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Cheers!

In a report filed by UPW Super Senior Congressional Correspondent Marcy Popindick, a high-ranking GOP House staffer revealed that the taxpayer will pick up the humongous bar tab Republicans left at watering holes throughout the DC area.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), the leading candidate for the honor of Shit-Eatingist Grin in Follyland, said he worked during all of his stops at Raul’s Oasis Grill and Massage Parlor and is entitled to declare the expenditures on his expense report. So what if he tips a little heavy when he’s tipsy. The ladies at Raul’s really love it and they always to go the extra mile.

 louie

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) said today he would give every hair on his head if he could squelch Obamacare.

When told by Ms. Popindick that Sen. John McCain said the rep from Texas had “no intelligence”, Gohmert fell off the bar stool and slurred “sticks and stones may break my bones…..”

http://dcfollytrolley.blogspot.com/
2013/10/forward-progressives-
john-mccain-texas.html

Related articles

October 14, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/13/13

Committee On Shutdown.

10/11/13, Pasta Fagioli, Italy

The Nobella Prize Committee shutdown today when members refused to award prizes.

Committee member Pollo Cacciatore, who spoke under condition of strict anonymity, said his colleagues felt they were being overtaxed due to the heavy workload. The Committee is receiving nominations in record numbers.

Moreover, due to austerity measures imposed by the Executive Board of Directors, members have been furloughed one day a week and have suffered a 20% cut in pay.

Negotiations between members and the Executive Board ended in a stalemate and no new meetings have been scheduled. There is no end in sight to the shutdown.

Meanwhile, screening applications for nominees for the Most Valuable Putz Prize, which numbered in the tens of thousands over the intervening weeks, have been stalled. A member of the Executive Board indicated no date has been set for renewing the process for evaluating submissions.

putsie 1

The Putzie, sticking it to winners who earned the prize. Will the committee allow the member to go flaccid?

Unreliable News Worldwide has learned through a series of leaks the names of a number of hopefuls.

Among the nominees for the Putzie were Sen. Ted Cruz (his second nomination); Speaker of the House John Boehner (lost count); Rand Paul (R-KY); Renee Ellmers (R-NC); Louie Gohmert (some guy from Texas, where else); Steve Pearce (R-NM); Ann Romney (screen tested for the role of Catwoman in a Batman movie)

Gohmert was nominated for the prize in Mythology for his discovery that John McCain (R-AZ) was a supporter of the terrorist group al Qaeda.

Millionaire Steve Pearce received his nomination in Banksterism for his advice to furloughed government employees to seek loans in the free market from banks willing to lend money without collateral. The free market allows borrowers to shop for the most competitive interest rates, some reportedly as low as 330%.

Ellmers served her state proudly when she voted to furlough 800,000 federal workers and then refused to defer her own paycheck because as she said, she needed $174,000 to pay for her hair stylist.

ellmers

Renee Ellmers (R-NC) pockets her $174,000 per year paycheck during the government shutdown.

Romney received her nomination for accusing voters of causing the government shutdown. There was widespread agreement among Republicans with her statement.

Damned if you do; damned if you don’t. Let’s face it, if you don’t vote in America, you can’t go wrong.

Nobella Committee member Cinque Formaggi Gorgonzola, who also spoke anonymously, said members voted to pay their salaries during the shutdown. Bills for cell phones, gymnasium memberships and country club dues would be paid as well. However, members agreed to limit visits to bordelli to one a day. The latter concession is expected to save thousands of euros weekly.

Marcy Popindick, Senior Foreign Affairs Correspondent for Unreliable News Worldwide, asked Gorgonzola if he wasn’t referring to the U.S. House of Representatives in his statement.

Magari,” he said. “How you say, eets a not a too clear over here a whats a going on over der a.”

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http://www.forwardprogressives.com/house-republican-refuses-to-defer-pay-during-shutdown-says-i-need-my-paycheck/

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/11/
louie-gohmert-john-mccain_n_4086201.html?ref=topbar

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/11/
steve-pearce-furloughed-workers_n_4086260.html?ref=topbar

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http://www.addictinginfo.org/2013/10/04/ann-romney-blames-obama-voters-government-shutdown/

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Rats On Mars.

No, really. The NASA rover currently roving over the Red Planet discovered rodents among the rocks on the Fourth Planet from the Sun.

According to a statement from an NASA spokesperson, the rat in the photo is a member of a huge colony living on the surface of Mars.

The rats, he said, speak a peculiar language, similar to the one spoken in Follyland, DC. NSA code breakers are said to be working feverishly in an effort to translate the unfamiliar tongue.

One thing clear from the NSA efforts to date, however, is that the rats on Mars, unlike their brothers in Follyland, have a functioning government.

http://www.examiner.com/article/
extraterrestrials-nasa-rover-shows-mars-rodent?cid=taboola_inbound

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Make Mine A Double.

Republican lawmakers were spotted entering saloons in the Follyland area in in astonishingly high numbers last week. According to witnesses, the GOPers were observed entering in a sober state and left drunk.

So heavy was the drinking that residents in some areas of the city were reporting a strange smelling stench hanging over their neighborhoods. One resident said the miasma stank of beer, bourbon and vomit.

A Congressman who thought he might be from Texas and who spoke in a language similar to the one spoken by rats on Mars, said he didn’t care a human’s ass about what happened in the House of Representatives, he was going to vote in favor of the taxpayer picking up his bar tab.

The important work of Congress must go on,” he said.

http://truth-out.org/buzzflash/commentary/item/
18235-conason-republican-extremists-shredding-principle

***

Obama; Amabo. Wrong Way O!

During one of his weekly radio thingies, President Obama told the American people what hundreds of millions of us already know: Forces are conspiring against the middle class.

Duh!

What the president left unsaid is that he is one of those forces.

Consider. Obama has led the charge to cut Social Security and Medicare, two extremely successful and well funded government programs that working people depend on during their retirement years.

Obama is also cheerleader-in-chief for the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP), a trade agreement described as “NAFTA on steroids.”

Using his usual modus vivendi, the president is once again sneaking behind the backs of the American people trying desperately to keep deeply secret negotiations over this poisonous trade scam, one that poses the greatest of all threats against working people. The TPP abomination will drive the final nail into the coffin of the middle class.

bad hair day

The president showing great concern for the affairs swirling around him. “Oh, poopy,” he said. “Another bad hair day.”

Obama’s Labor Day paean to the working people is one with his classic diversionary tactics. It’s the way the man operates. He comes to praise the middle class, then to bury it.

While his aides were preparing the phony acclaim, Obama was no doubt burnishing his foot long stiletto which he intends to shove squarely between the shoulder blades of every working man and woman in the country.

Quo vadis, Obama? Need we even ask?  He is firmly entrenched in the 1%.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

October 6, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/06/13

Genghis Khan Suffers Defeat.

On this day in 1192 Genghis Khan, emperor of the Mongol empire, suffered one his greatest defeats.

The great emperor appointed a commission to examine the causes of the tragic rout and report back to him personally in two weeks.

khan

A portrait of Genghis Khan, artist unknown. (Public domain, PD-Art).

Two years and millions of yuan later, the great Khan received the report. It revealed that the battle was lost due to a lack of arrows.

Apparently, Genghis had appointed a new general to manage of the Office of Procurement and Inventory Control (OFOPROAINVCON).

The general issued a policy stating that arrows would not be issued without a signature on a signed requisition form and a valid photo ID.

In order to get the ID, a birth certificate, Social Security card and a utility bill with the warriors name and place of residence was required.

The general’s policy also stated that an X placed in the signature field of the new requisition form would not be acceptable for identification purposes.

The measure was in keeping with the general’s austerity program which he promised would save Khan billions of yuan as well as millions of water chestnuts, an exchange medium used by numerous Mongolian peasants.

On that eventful day when the Mongol forces fled in a rout due to want of an arrow, most of the warriors were standing in long lines waiting for their daily arrow ration. The delays were so numerous and the confusion so great that the Office of Procurement and Inventory Control shut down.

Needless to say, the shutdown of the OFOPROAINVCON forced by the new general’s austerity measures was identified as the chief cause of the defeat of the emperor’s forces.

To this day, no one knows where that general is buried.

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Prize Announced.

Here is an exclusive from the UPW newsroom in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

Unreliable Press Worldwide, the leader in mainstream media news, reported moments ago that the Nobella Committee announced John Boehner as the winner of the coveted Schumckup Prize in Literature. He won for his contribution to letters when he stated that “I weally shtuck my weewee in a winger this time.”

BOEHNER

Boehner also said “whatever happened to the good old days when I could get drunk in peace. Barkeep make that a double.”

Nobella Committee Chairperson Pasquale Mangiapasta proclaimed Boehner the winner in a brief statement praising the House Speaker’s eloquence from the committee’s headquarters located in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

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Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t be an ordinary schmuckup. There are already thousands of those in the nation’s capital. No, you have to be an extraordinarily monumental schmuckup and we are proud to say the most recent winner fits that description.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

***

Subsidy Or Tax Credit.

Not to worry about your Obamacare subsidy. The refund you will be getting, if you qualify, will cover everything you are entitled to, even if you didn’t pay any taxes.

The confusion resulted from so many pundits and websites (including Kaiser Permanante) referring to the subsidy as a tax credit. A tax credit is a refund against taxes paid and it is limited to the amount paid in Federal income taxes and no more. No taxes, no credit.

Obamacare pays a subsidy. As such, all who enroll will receive all of the contribution they are entitled to based on family income. The subsidy will pay more of your health insurance premium or less based on that income and premiums.

aca

In the USA, we still profit off health care. Obamacare doesn’t change that.  (Photo:  In Sappho We Trust, Los Angeles).  

One catch however. The subsidy is paid directly to the health insurance company. Sweet deal for them. Hopefully, it will be just as sweet for everyone forced to sign up for health insurance. To be determined.

So far, the best that can be said for Obamacare is that it is better than nothing. And even that is still to be determined.

For example, the Bronze Plan, the cheapest with the least coverage, has a 60/40 split (the insurance pays the 60. Phew). But a plan may contain deductibles. If you must meet a $3,000 deductible before benefits kick in, you’re on the hook for that amount. You get nothing, nada, zippo until you’ve spent the three grand on medical expenses. Only after you meet that requirement does the 60/40 kick in. Moreover, you will have to pay the premium each and every month.

Like I said, it’s better than nothing.

Complex and confusing and a thousand pages long, the program could turn into a loser when a person needs care but can’t come up with the deductible and this after paying the premiums.

A single payer Medicare for all would have been so much simpler.. Obama, however, bailed on the public option when it was well within his grasp, in effect, turning his back on We the People.

Well, there’s always Hillary. Will she be any better? Stay tuned.

***

National Gnome Day

The Sardo Institute For Profit Education For The Hopelessly Ignorant (Beware: Heavy Republican enrollment) has just declared October 5 National Gnome Day.

No not genome, gnome. You remember those pesky little fellows who live underground and usually guard something valuable.

Well, it’s official. There is a Gnome Day, twenty four full hours set aside to honor the mysterious little creatures.

In keeping with the festivities, The Sardo Institute is hosting a Limerick contest. Below is an entry composed by the Institute’s poet laureate emeritus summa cumma louder, Jocapo Bacciagalupe.

abba

Gnomes representing the musical group ABBA. (Photo by John O’Neil).

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There once was a guy from Peru
Who added some brew to a stew.
He sipped it for taste
Then added with haste
More brew to the stew which soon he would rue.
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The stew with the brew soon started to spew
A heap of malt liquor as the stew it grew
To a mountain of foam
That soon filled the home
Which to clean to a gleam took a little gnome’s crew.
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The guy from Peru flew into the foam.
Which mixed with the stew and turned into loam.
From the loam rose a gnome
With a heavenly dome.
The gnome with the dome said “my name is Jerome.”
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The gnome named Jerome flew in from Rome.
Not on a plane but a magic comb.
He sat on a chair
And announced with a flair.
The stew with the foam made my day in the loam.
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Jerome sipped the foam that grew in the loam.
He fell from the chair and broke the Rome comb.
He then broke as well his heavenly crown.
Now Jerome is a gnome of worldwide renown.
Jerome from Rome is a bald headed gnome.
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The comb for Jerome was now of no use.
It broke in the loam from constant abuse.
The gnome from Rome was fit to die.
He had no means with which to fly.
For Jerome the Soused there was no excuse.
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Jerome with no comb said in drunken despair
The crown of renown now has no hair.
In deeper despair, he was said to bemoan
He lost it alone in the loam with the foam.
Now the dome of Jerome shines with bald headed glare.
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It is there in the loam that Jerome now resides.
A life now fickle that rolls with the tides.
For the foam in the loam
Birthed a drunken gnome
Whose sotted behavior the world now derides.