The DC Folly Trolley – 10/20/13

Committee Averts Shutdown.

Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

An exclusive from the UPW Newsroom. From Marcy Popindick, Super Senior Correspondent for International Affairs on the scene in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

Ms. Popindick reports that a settlement has been reached in a dispute between members of the Nobella Committee and its Board of Directors.


Scene from Pasta Fagioli in the Italian Alps where the Nobella Prize Committee located its hideout.  (Also a painting of that majestic region by Edward Compton).

The Nobella Prize Committee avoided a shutdown just moments ago when committee members and the Executive Board agreed to terms for a settlement.

The committee signed on to a continuation of the austerity measures imposed by the Board in exchange for concessions for reduced workloads.

The committed noted that it had been inundated with nominees for the both the Most Valuable Putz prize (the Putzie) and the Schmuckup Prize (the Little Schmucky). According to members, it simply could not keep up with the flood of submissions for the two awards, the vast majority of which emanated from the Follyland DC area.

After returning to business, the Committee announced its first award. It noted however, that two nominees raced to front of the huge pack and votes for each were hotly contested during Committee deliberations. After numerous discussions that lasted into the early morning hours, members finally agreed to award The Schmuckup Prize to Eric Cantor (R-VA) for his role in prolonging the debt crisis showdown in the U.S. Congress.


The Republicans in the House appointed Eric Cantor Emperor of the United States of America.

The committee noted that its decision was based largely on the fact that the House of Representatives appointed Mr. Cantor to the position of Emperor Of The United States when it designated the Majority Leader as the sole representative permitted to send legislation to the House floor. In his new role, Cantor undermined the authority of Speaker John Boehner, the runner up for the prize, and became the only man in the entire Milky Way galaxy who could reject Senate approved legislation and prevent it from going to the White House for the president’s signature.

Using the unprecedented powers granted to him by his colleagues, Cantor repeatedly refused to bring bills passed by the Senate to a floor vote in the House. By his stubborn actions, the rep from Virginia catapulted the government into a protracted conflict over payment of debts already approved by Congress.

And so for his appointment to the position of Emperor and the convoluted actions that followed, Congressman Cantor receives The Schmuckup Prize.


Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.


To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t be an ordinary schmuckup. There are already thousands of those in the nation’s capital. No, you have to be an extraordinarily monumental schmuckup and we are proud to say the most recent winner fits that description.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.


Lies, Lies, Lies.

We all know that stretching the truth is a Fox News staple. The network is openly and notoriously a right wing propaganda organ. But last week Sean Hannity went over the top even for the Fox Funnies.

He brought “guests” on his entertainment hour to discuss Obamacare. It was obvious that neither the “guests” nor Hannity knew what they were talking about.

The entire lie filled segment was so full of misstatements that the piece appeared to be a set up that had little to do with the facts.

When Eric Stern fact-checked Hannity’s amateur hour, he revealed that the tall tales told by the “guests” were fables that belonged in a book of propaganda fairy stories.

Once again Hannity was outed for his show’s insannity.

Sean Hannity Gets Fact-Checked Hard On Obamacare Claims


Boehner Turkey Trot.

Once again House Speaker John Boehner tried to pull his oft used and now worn out schtick.

He pulled that wool over the president’s eyes once too often. The flim flam goes something like this: the Speaker, once upon a time the leader of his party in the House, is entangled in plots hatched by the Tea Party extremists in his caucus. There is no possible way he could arrive at an agreement with the White House without unless the accord satisfied the demands of the right wing radicals, even though that vocal group represented a minority of the Republican Party. The Speaker’s hands, you see, are tied.

That turkey trot didn’t cut it at the most recent dance. In fact, the dance never took place as the president refused to join the festivities. So the Speaker got all dressed up and had nowhere to go.

The moral of the story: the turkey had better tiptoe through the tulips; Thanksgiving is just around the corner.


House To Name Pet.

According to a House staff member, who spoke under conditions of deep background, the House of Representatives will shortly name its Pet of the Year.

Speaker John Boehner is the lucky recipient of that award.

The possibility is very real that Boehner will lose his Speakership.  Should that eventuality become reality, the hapless Speaker is a shoe in to receive the consolation prize and be elected House Pet.

Deliberations are secret but UPW Super Senior Congressional Correspondent Marcy Popindick is reporting that Boehner has amassed enough votes to walk away with the honor.


boehner pet



In a report filed by UPW Super Senior Congressional Correspondent Marcy Popindick, a high-ranking GOP House staffer revealed that the taxpayer will pick up the humongous bar tab Republicans left at watering holes throughout the DC area.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), the leading candidate for the honor of Shit-Eatingist Grin in Follyland, said he worked during all of his stops at Raul’s Oasis Grill and Massage Parlor and is entitled to declare the expenditures on his expense report. So what if he tips a little heavy when he’s tipsy. The ladies at Raul’s really love it and they always to go the extra mile.


Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) said today he would give every hair on his head if he could squelch Obamacare.

When told by Ms. Popindick that Sen. John McCain said the rep from Texas had “no intelligence”, Gohmert fell off the bar stool and slurred “sticks and stones may break my bones…..”

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