Archive for December, 2013

December 29, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/29/13

Toyland Buyout.

North Pole, December 29, 2013.

Developing story.

Santa’s Toyland Workshop was acquired in a hostile takeover today by Bain Capital Management.

The equity group quickly created a new entity and named it Toyland Import Group, Inc.

Executives appointed to manage the corporation formed by the takeover immediately fired more than 2000 Santa’s helpers before filing for bankruptcy.

santa

Santa sent packing; evicted from Toyland after hostile takeover.

Attorneys for the new corporation claimed in bankruptcy papers filed in DC District Court that the salaries of overpaid workers were unsustainable given the heavy debt load transferred to the new company by Bain Capital to complete the takeover transaction.

An appeal filed by a group representing Santa’s helpers asked the Court to delay the proceedings until attorneys could present evidence of wrongdoing involving the takeover. The appeal was denied by the Court.

The Court also ruled that Toyland Import Group could eliminate both funded and unfunded pension obligations and use the money to pay down the loans acquired from Bain and Wall Street banks.

Attorneys for the company indicated that once relieved of the expenses of high salaried employees and the costs of pension obligations and bank loans, Toyland Import could emerge from bankruptcy and resume normal operations.

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Santa Jailed.

In a related story, Santa Claus was arrested, handcuffed, fined and given a thirty day jail sentence when he protested the Court’s ruling regarding a hostile takeover.

Santa was particularly angered by the Court’s decision in favor of Toyland Import Group agreeing that the new company should retain sole rights to Santa’s traditional red garments and that Mr. Claus must surrender his claim to the garments and forswear wearing the uniform in the future.

Mrs. Claus was also enjoined to give up wearing all of her traditional garments.

As the Court read its decision, Santa was heard to exclaim “That’s bullshit!” It was then that the judge issued his contempt sentence.

Attorneys for Mr. Claus appealed the decision and Santa was released from prison pending the appeal.

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Toyland Import Sold.

In a story still developing, Bain Capital Management announced today that it has sold its remaining interest in Toyland Import Group to a consortium of wealthy investors.

The price of the transaction was not immediately revealed but sources believe it to be above $6 billion dollars.

Another source told UPW Super Senior Legal Correspondent Marcy Popindick that Bain Capital acquired the company on borrowings of $3 billion and, after a series of management decisions that reduced expenses, sold its interest at the higher price thereby realizing a profit of at least $6 billion after the transfer of loans to the new entity.

Most of the money loaned to Bain Capital by Wall Street banks and transferred to Toyland Imports was paid to executives who engineered the hostile takeover and who managed the company prior to its sale to the investment group.

Bank loans were repaid with funds obtained by reducing salary expenses and assets realized after eliminating pension obligations.

The reorganization of Santa’s Toyland Workshop into Toyland Imports enhanced the value of the new company by several billion dollars according to the source. However a liquidity shortfall forced the sale to the investment consortium.

***

Get Out and Stay Out.

Multimillionaire John Hagee implored atheists to take a Walkman and “stuff it in your ears or just leave the country.”

Sources close to the owner of Cornerstone Church and CEO of Global Evangelism Television said the rich evangelist has detested the movement of atheists to erase Christ from Christmas for many years and finally made his feelings known when he bellowed during a sermon that “this country was not built by atheists for atheists…We don’t want you and we won’t miss you”. So there.

hagee

(Original photo: Christians United for Israel).

Hagee is also the pastor of the Christian church.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/27/john-hagee-atheists_n_4509397.html

***

Who? Sarah Palin. That’s Who.

Some of her best friends are, ya know, gay.

So saith the longest lady in waiting since, maybe, Hillary Clinton.

Still keeping her face in the news still hoping to be president, former Alaska governor and former vice presidential candidate and former beauty contest winner Sarah Palin defended the foolish words of the guy from Duck Dynasty, a millionaire named Phil Robertson, even though she said she didn’t read what he said.

This is what he said…. Oh, fuggetaboutit. Everybody knows what he said and anyways he’s back on television after his suspension was suspended by A&E.

Such a fuss. All A&E had to do was issue a disclaimer disclaiming the comments by claiming that the comments do not represent the views of A&E, its management or its cleaning people.

But then that wouldn’t have gotten all the publicity the comments got and the show’s ratings would have been stuck in the astronomical figures its now enjoying and the ratings wouldn’t have been boosted to yet another record breaking level.

So here’s a thought. Was the whole episode orchestrated for publicity purposes? Was GQ exploited as a ratings guinea pig?

Who can tell? But such are the workings of the minds of TV management geniuses that diabolical plots are not solely the dwellers of TV murder mysteries. “Say, Phil, here’s an idea. How ’bout you have an interview with GQ magazine and you say something really nasty about….

.

Oh yeah. Right. Back to whatshername.

sarah

Struttin’ her stuff.

She said what he said was okay. I mean, like, we all have First Amendment rights. Right? I mean like yelling fire in a crowded theater and starting a deadly stampede. Right?

Anyways, if she said what he said was a right and what she said is right, she could be nominated for president on the Republican party ticket. Right?

I mean, like, stranger things have happened. Look at Mitt Romney.

Right?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/27/

sarah-palin-gay-friend-duck-dynasty_n_4501113.html?ncid=txtlnkushpmg00000037&ir=Politics

***

 I’m A Liberal.

“If by a ‘Liberal’ they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people – their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties – someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a ‘Liberal,’ then I’m proud to say I’m a ‘Liberal.'” John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

***

Does He? Or Doesn’t He?

Drink I mean, like alcoholic beverages.

Some say yes. Some say no.

Oh, okay, maybe a tinsy winsy bit of wine before breakfast. And a little after breakfast. And some during the morning hours and maybe just a touch before lunch and s’more after lunch and something a little harder during afternoon break and before dinner and after dinner and before bedtime and….

But not a drop more.

BOEHNER

A spokesman for the Speaker said he doesn’t drink anymore.

A colleague was overheard to say: “He doesn’t drink any less.”

(Old Dean Martin joke. Sorry about that).

http://www.capitolhillblue.com/node/49470

***

Still Running!

How can you tell when Paul Ryan is running for president?

When the Randian Repub representative from Wisconsin says he wants to help the poor and feed hungry people.

Yes, he will implement conservative ideas to eliminate poverty.

Aaaaah, compassionate conservatism. Just pull that old idea out of the dust bin of political history and put it in speeches, op-eds and repeat ad nauseum during TV appearances. Conservatives really do want to help the infirm, heal the sick, feed the hungry. Hmmmm. Where have we heard that bullshit before?

The compassionate conservative viper is about to raise its ugly head and strike once again. And why not? Works every time.

http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/

champion-the-poor

ryan val

Such a nice boy.

Paul Ryan is helping the poor
By giving to them once more
A GOP hosing
By simply proposing
A phony agenda for sure.
.
His Path To Prosperity bull
Will surely keep rich pockets full.
With deals he will ax
From a rich man’s tax
While wool over eyes he will pull.
.
The bull he’s still throwing at us.
And no one is raising a fuss.
With outlandish acclaim
He achieves right wing fame
With plans he won’t fully discuss.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/13/paul-ryan-path-to-prosperity_n_1773623.html

***

toilet paper

A or B? The eternal question.

A” is the only way if you have a cat. A cat can unravel “B” but not “A”. He can scratch “A” to smithereens but he can’t unravel it. Use the former and your frustrated feline will be saying: “Oh shit, “A” again.”

(Credit: Nancy Lloyd shared Art Jonak‘s photo.)

***

Real Trouble At The North Pole.

Santa’s factory is troubled at the North Pole.
A new economic model at last has taken a toll.
The old fellow finally has the temerity to confess,
even in Red states his elves couldn’t make less.

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No incentive, no merriment, an absence of wages,
slave labor has replaced good will for all of the ages.
As Santa is forlorn, and the elves are all broke,
he has been acquired by the brothers Koch.

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They employ their economic model as the cruelest one,
and believe they can sell it as unions are done.
Santa is changing his route and what he delivers
in a way that should give most children shivers.
His sleigh piled with rubies, diamonds and gold,
there’s only a 1% delivery list this year,
loaded with real estate stolen not sold.

.

As it is sure to disappoint many a child and waif,
precautions will be taken to keep Santa safe.
As TV follows Santa’s trek through the skies,
war planes will escort him wherever he flies.

NORAD has said that it will do just that, 
blasting away any nasty revenge seeking 99% brat. 
Indeed, the teary-eyed tykes will hear as he flies out of sight: 
“A miserly Christmas to most, alas, we’re blitzin’ far right.”  

VAN TOBIN FOR BUZZFLASH AT TRUTHOUT

December 22, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/22/13

Right Wing Dems. A Burgeoning Wing.

The disastrous Clinton Administration can be summed up in three words: NAFTA, deregulation and bubble.

The Clinton years were easily the most conservative in recent party history, making Bill Clinton hands down the worst Democratic president ever.

two peas

Two peas in a Wall Street pod.

Barack Obama is giving Wild Willy a run for his money though and will surely be designated “worst ever” Democrat if his administration continues on its current path. Obama has two years to reverse course. But if he persists in his plunge over the right wing cliff, he will usurp that infamous crown from the likes of Clinton.

Here a few of Obama’s tragic missteps:

Saved the big banks, yes.

Saved the crooked bankers, yes.

Turned his back on homeowners, yes.

Abandoned labor union members, yes.

Supported meek stimulus, yes.

Embraced austerity economics, yes.

Pursues destructive trade agreements, yes.

Pursues cuts to Social Security, yes.

Pursues cuts to Medicare, yes.

Signed Obamacare to profit insurance companies, yes.

Double-crossed U.S. on public option, yes.

Cowers before GOP, yes.

Continues Bush wars, yes.

Launches murderous drone attacks, yes.

Supports spying on Americans, yes.

Openly admires Ronald Reagan, yes.

rob

Birds of a feather.

And what about Hillary? Will she follow in the steps of these two tragic Democratic presidents and support the policies that are dismembering the middle class? Why, yes! Of course.

Two peas in a pod.

***

Little Ricky On His Rocking Horse.

Little Ricky Santorum, former Senator from Pennsylvania and former GOP presidential candidate, is back in the news splainin stuff to us.

This time it’s about Obamacare. Ya see, Ocare is sposed to provide heath insurance so sick people can get health care.

rick1

Santorum (at the Reagan Ranch for a Young Republican’s pow wow, rode into town wearing his finest Reagan get up and shouting a hearty “giddyup horsey”) said that if gubmint is responsible for health care, it controls who lives and who dies. “Cause if the gubmint withholds health care from people, those people die and can’t vote. Against you. Or anybody else for that matter. Of course, they can’t vote for you either.

People are making fun of Little Ricky’s convoluted explanation of gubmint health care. But maybe he has a point. Would a Republican president attempt to withhold care from working class people who tend to vote Democratic so they die and can’t vote? Tis a question to ponder.

Santorum, we think (who can tell???) was apparently attempting to link Obamacare,which is health insurance, to gubmint health care, which Ocare is not.

Not to belabor the point but nearly half the country is on government health insurance and has been for decades (Medicare, Medicaid) and it works far better than the money gouging, limited care profit variety.  In both cases, private and government, the insurances rely on a private model delivery system.

rocking horse

Little Ricky rides again. Giddyup horsey.

Rick Santorum Drops Strange, Death-Filled Description Of Nationalized Health Care

***

Good Bye, Rudolph.

A fellow who frequently blows
His very large reindeer nose
Took a plug from his pocket
Stuck it into a socket.
Now his nose red as Rudolph’s it glows.
.
A fellow who’d just come to blows
With a reindeer famed for his nose
Left Rudolph quite stricken
As Santa was picken’.
A new nose from the pack soon arose.
 
rudolph
.
His nose Rudolph frequently blows
As huge tears from his eyes soon arose.
His bags he must pack.
Santa cut him no slack.
It was Rudolph’s the new nose would depose.
.
Now poor Rudolph frequently blows
His nose till it’s red as a rose.
His nose he kept lickin’
Said “it’s better than pickin’.
A new song someone needs to compose.”
 
rudolph
 
 
 

Tricky, Tricky, Tricky.

The Washington Post is up to its old tricks. The paper has declared Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) a compassionate conservative. Yes, you read that right. Far, far, faaaaaaaaaar right wing Paul Ryan is just dying to help the poor. What a magnanimous change of heart!  Wouldn’t have anything to do with 2016 now, would it?

Actually, it has everything to do with 2016 and nothing else.  No doubt, many of the poor will die waiting for Ryan’s help.

So now seriously serious Ryan, who is contemplating a run for the presidency, plans to implement far, far right wing policies to what-chya-call “combat poverty.” Kill food stamps for the hungry, kill the minimum wage for the exploited, cut Medicare and Medicaid for the sick and Social Security for poverty stricken seniors, kill middle class jobs and, presto!!!, poverty will end.

ryan1

In summary, if you believe in bullshit, Ryan’s your man for president.  This lost in space fake is desperately attempting to soften his harsh right wing position on the issues to grease what purports to be a seriously serious, if somewhat slimy, run for the grand prize in 2016.

Ryan Poverty Plan

1. Cut spending on the poor, cut taxes on the wealthy
2. Shred safety net through block granting federal programs
3. Encourage entrepreneurism, sprinkle around some vouchers and tax credits

4. ???

5. Poverty falls

And as for the Post. Well, that right wing sycophantic rag has its own brand of bullshit to toss around.

‘Champion of the poor’? | MSNBC

Paul Ryan’s ‘Path To Prosperity’ Hurts Americans In These 10 Ways

 

December 15, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/15/13

Sign Up Here For Bad Deals.

Want to pay higher taxes for bad service?

Join the millions of Americans who have voted for privatization of public services.

Here is your chance to pay more for parking meters, toll roads, water and a whole host of services formally provided efficiently and at a reasonable price by your government.

Better hurry. Time is running out.

Here are just a few examples of the perfectly dreadful service you can pay higher taxes for through privatization.

These free enterprise companies operating in a competitive free market offer the privilege of paying an exorbitant price for service that ranges from substandard to just plain awful.

Let’s start with the obvious. The Obamacare rollout, a monumental website mess brought to you by, you guessed it, a free enterprise company operating in the competitive free market.

BUT, as we are all too well aware: GUBMINT IS THE PROBLEM.

rahm

Rahm Emanuel, mayor of Chicago and purveyor of privatization, is going after schools, the water system, public health and transportation. Want to go to a park in Chicago. Better have plenty of dollar bills to feed to the turn stiles. And all of this destruction of the public welfare comes after former Mayor Bill Daley privatized parking meters in a sweetheart deal that saw meter fees soar.  

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What about defense contractors. Ya gotta love defense contractors. They’ve evolved the perfect scam, extorting billions of taxpayer dollars in the shell game known as the COST OVERRUN.

It works like this,

First, bid low on a new weapons system and win the contract.

Then run into delays. Technical problems, don’t cha know, like planes that don’t fly right.

Next, and this is a very important detail, never have a technical problem until you’ve suckered the taxpayer for billions of dollars, making the weapon too expensive to cancel.

Now you’ve got ’em by the balls and can overcharge anything you want.

BUT, as we are all too well aware: GUBMINT IS THE PROBLEM.

.

Here is one of my personal favorites. The privatized parking meter. Wanna pay five dollars a half an hour to park downtown? You got it. Privatize the damn meters. You use it, you pay for it.

Ah, but here’s the perfect flim flam. If you don’t use it, you pay for it anyway. That’s right. The contract privatizing the meters contains an under-utilization clause. So if nobody ever parks at a parking meter again, the company providing the service is guaranteed to make a profit, compliments of the taxpayer, who shells out cash for services not used..

BUT, as we all know, GUBMINT IS THE PROBLEM.

: Parking meter

: Parking meter (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A parking meter, the old-fashioned kind. Still a hassle any way you cut it.

Of course, government isn’t, and has never been, the problem. Corrupt government officials operating in collusion with corrupt corporate executives are the problem; and one so large that deceitful connivance between officials and executives represents a grave threat to democratic rule in America.

And let’s finally be honest with ourselves. The corruption and collusion start with the lowliest local official and rise to the highest office in the land.

(If you want to read more about blunders of free market companies click the following links in The Fiscal Times and The Nation).

***

Dems Bed Ryan.

It took longer than expected, but the Democrats finally got in bed with budget butthead and media darling, the seriously serious Paul Ryan, House Austerity Committee chair from Wisconsin.

Patty Murray (D-WA), Senate Budget Committee chair, hammered out an agreement with seriously serious Ryan that delayed sequestration cuts for two years and increased Federal spending by $45 billion in 2014.

The compact also delays any cuts to Social Security and Medicare, although the original deal did extend payment cuts to Medicare providers by two years, a provision that may be removed from the final budget if the House agrees.

The cuts to safety net benefits however still remain on the table and could be addressed in separate legislation if President Obama gets his way.

The deal also squashed any hope of increasing benefits to the millions of unemployed across the nation. If Republicans continue to rule in Congress extended benefits are gone forever.

Tax increases were never seriously considered as seriously serious Ryan squelched that proposal at the outset.

Bad news for pension benefits for Federal workers: They’ll have to contribute more, in effect cutting the benefit and this after a salary freeze and furloughs during the shutdown fiasco.

The seriously serious Ryan however found another way to avoid tax increases: Screw a vet. Veterans will take cuts as the COLA in military pensions will be reduced for all non-disabled retirees under the age of 62 thereby slashing the benefit for some by tens of thousands of dollars over the lifetime payout.

RYAN VULCAN

The seriously serious Paul Ryan, whose budgets originate in outer space, is waaaaay out dere.

Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI), chair of the Senate Armed Services Committee, promises to review the military cuts. He’s just blowing smoke however since the House has adjourned for the year and no amendments can be offered if the budget is to pass before the holiday hiatus.

So the Dems took a fall and got a budget and nothing else and the seriously serious Ryan and his GOP cohorts offered only delays in the harsh austerity measures that are crushing working Americans.

As the economy continues to tank, the chances of the Obama legacy looking anything but Hooverian are growing dimmer by the day.

***

Tanking Economy.

The Ryan-Murray austerity budget holds the promise of choking off the frail economic recovery.

BUT, is there a “recovery” at all. And if so, for whom? Wall Street? Yes indeed. Stocks are reaching all time highs.

Corporations and their CEOs? Yes, of course. Profits and compensation are exploding.

Is the American worker partaking of this so-called “recovery”? Not the millions of unemployed nor the millions more who are under-employed. Nor those infamously designated as “discouraged” workers and no longer counted among the millions and millions of unemployed.

Do you think those numbers are an exaggeration? The fact is nobody knows the real figure when you consider the unemployed, the “discouraged” and the under-employed.

According to John Williams at shadowstats.com, the real unemployment rate is above 20%, a nightmarish figure for President Obama. Shades of Herbert Hoover.

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The BLS claimed a jobs increase of 203,000 for November. Nice number, but it’s as bogus as its rigged unemployment rate of 7.0%. The real numbers must have Obama pulling his hair out.

Here’s a breakdown of the figures reported by Paul Craig Roberts, former Assistant Treasurer in the Reagan Administration, at counterpunch.

Briefly, more than half the jobs were of the low wage retail and hospitality variety. Others were in low wage home health care and warehousing. If you’re interested in the grim details, click the link above. And if you’re an Obama fan, you may have to suck up to the realization that this president’s legacy is headed straight to Hooverville.

***

upw

Here are the latest headlines from the Unreliable Press Worldwide wires – UPW, surpassing the mainstream media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

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Debbie Does Dems.

Debbie Stabenow (D-MI), the chairwoman of the Senate Corporate Agriculture Committee and ostensibly a liberal, agreed with the obnoxious right wing Ralph Lucas, the Republican from Oklahoma who chairs the House Corporate Agriculture Committee, to cut food stamps (SNAP) by another $8 to $9 billion.

According to Unreliable News Worldwide Super Senior Congressional Correspondent Marcy Popindick, who is really, really cozy with a lot of Congressional staff members, the two Congress critters were elated with the cuts and enumerated the benefits associated with diminishing food stamp allotments in a top secret policy statement.

Leaked by a staff associate late one night, Popindick learned from the secret memo that members of the committee believed:

The new policy will go a long way in helping to reduce obesity among little kids in America.”

It will also teach kids not to waste their food nor to complain about the slop served during school lunch periods.”

Going hungry two or three times a week can be an inducement for kids to clean their plates when they do have food and especially eating up all of their vegetables. “

And as we all know, starvation builds character.”

debbie1

Debbie Stabenow, building character among the hungry.

The cuts will only affect about 47 million poor people and who needs a bunch of poor people anyways.,” the secret statement continued.

After the unauthorized release of the Agriculture Committee top secret palavering, Stabenow notified the FBI, the CIA and the Homeland Security Department of the infraction and demanded a full investigation of the matter.

When I find out who is responsible for this notorious leak, I’m gonna kick some ass” said the Senator from Michigan.

.

And what about the corporate Democrats? What did they have to say about yet another cut to SNAP, the program that benefits much of the Dem base?

If you listen very closely, you can hear their protests.

Are you listening?

Can you hear the silence?

If you can, then you’ve heard everything the Dems had to say on the issue.

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There once was a gal on committee
Who on children she took no pity.
If food they were craving.
They should money be saving.
Or stealing some food from the kitty.
.
The kitty was looking quite skinny.
Its purring was sounding right tinny.
For sure it must starve.
There’s no turkey to carve.
For to spare we don’t have a guinea.

***

Duh!

President Obama said in a speech last week that income inequality is responsible for declining mobility and a shrinking middle class.

According to Unreliable Press Worldwide Super Senior White House Correspondent Marcy Popindick, who is really, really, really cozy with the White House staff, phone calls went out from high level staff members to CEOs of banks and corporations forewarning of the Obama speech and advising that they not pay too much attention to his words. He was just trolling for votes and nothing more would come of the speech was the message left on CEO voice mails.

During the gush of outgoing calls, the White House switchboard was virtually smoking and some cell phone circuit boards melted.

And since the president abhors leaks, the message also contained a warning to CEOs to drop their phones immediately because the devices would self-destruct in ten seconds.

Not to worry though. Replacing the phones is a tax deductible offense, just like mega million dollar bonuses.

.

The president hates White House leaks
That seem to occur when he speaks.
He blows up just like fission
Cause they mess up his mission.
And send gray through his hair in wide streaks.
 
 ***

The Finest Health Care In The World.

Went to the doctor the other day. After waiting in a small room for twenty minutes after waiting in a large room for twenty minutes, a corporate employee walked in.

He wore a white coat and carried a laptop.  Looked like a doctor.

He stared at the laptop and asked name, date of birth, etc. Wanted to make sure he was in the right room.

Next he said “patient complaint.”

I said “I have a constricted anus.”

He stared at the laptop for a long time.  Then said “Don’t have that one. Pick something else.”

I said “That must be a common complaint since Obamacare became law. It’s gotta be there.”

He stared at the laptop.  “Nope. Not there. Pick something else or I’ll have to send you to a specialist. They have bigger keyboards.”

I said “So what choices do I have?”

He stared at the laptop; read a list from the keyboard. Finally he came to UPPER RESPIRATORY INFECTION.

That sounds good. Let’s do that.”

He said “That’ll be $192.00.”

I said “Don’t I get a pill.”

He pulled a small hand-held electronic device from his pocket. Looked like an iphone with a prescription app. He scrolled for a few minutes, tapped the pad and said “Pick it up at the front desk. That’ll be $225.00.”

.

If you live in America and haven’t had an experience similar to the one described above – you will!!!

.

DOCTOR, DOCTOR, DOCTOR, IT HURTS WHEN I DO THIS!

Don’t do that. That’ll be $192.00 – unless you want a prescription.”

***

Typing For Doctors.

In keeping with the new skill set required of physicians, The Sardo Institute of Modern Health Care is offering a typing course especially designed for heart surgeons, brain surgeons and foot doctors.

In fact, if you’re a clumsy physician in any medical practice and you’re having a problem navigating laptop keyboards designed for your specialty, The Sardo Institute of Modern Health Care has the answer for you.

For the first time, The Sardo Institute of Modern Health Care is offering an entry level Typing Course for Medical Providers for busy professionals just like yourself. When you have completed this amazing course your fingers are guaranteed to fly across any keyboard with the speed and agility of little girls in freshman high school typing classes. And you are guaranteed to learn these skills in just ten short weeks.

And now, for the very first time, The Sardo Institute of Modern Health Care is offering this specially designed Typing Course for Medical Providers in an online version so you can enjoy the benefits of this amazing training in the comfort of your very own home and all for the low, low price of just $29.95. 

The Sardo Institute is also offering an extended course for slow learners that allows medical professionals to acquire the special set of skills now demanded of the modern provider in just twenty short weeks for the amazingly low, low price of just $39.95.

Included in the price of this amazing course is the cost of The Typing Certification Test which normally costs $9.95.

And if you act right now we will include the cost of a second Typing Certification Test absolutely free just in case you fuck up the first one.

So don’t delay. Go online right now to register for this amazing training at:http//thesardo.instituteof.modern.health.care/

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Or if you prefer, you can call 1-555-555-5555 where our highly trained professional staff located in Mumbai, India are waiting to assist you with your registration.

Better hurry. Offer ends soon.

***
 
Limerick Lunacy.
 
A woman was running around
With a guy who refused to be bound
By a ring on his finger.
So with others he’d linger
Till the woman a new guy she found.
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A rumor was going around
‘Bout a gal whose assets astound.
She played with full vigor
Soon the guys would all dig her.
They admired her talents profound.
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A woman was running around
With a really big hunting hound
The dog it would drag her
To a pound where she’d stagger.
As the hounds from the pound came unwound.
.
A rumor was going around
‘Bout a woman whose boat ran aground.
She waved to the guys
Who stared with wide eyes.
As she steered the boat toward a sand mound.
.
The rumor kept going around
‘Bout the gal now stuck on a mound.
She downed some hard liquor.
Her eyes would soon flicker.
On the mound in the sound her head would soon pound.
.
The rumor kept going around
‘Bout the woman now stuck in the sound.
She drank too much grog.
And was bound in a fog.
It took days for her head to rebound.
.
The rumor kept going around
‘Bout a gal who had a huge hound.
He jumped in the water.
On the mound he soon caught her.
And pulled her ashore fore she drowned.
.
.
A gal on a hunt for a sale
Went shopping each day without fail.
She found sales galore
But soon came to abhor
A habit she could not curtail.
.
A gal on a hunt for a sale.
Got a deal on a horse with no tail.
A horse I can’t use
But a buy can’t refuse
I’m just glad it wasn’t a whale.”
.
A gal on a hunt for a sale
Went to buy her horse a new tail.
She looked here and there
No avail to her mare.
Till she met a guy out for a sail.
.
A fellow went out for a sail
Saw a horse who was lacking tail.
It swam for his boat
With the poor gal in tote.
Whom he rescued and plied with strong ale.
.
So the gal on a hunt for a sale.
Did the guy who went out for a sail.
Though the horse had no tail.
To the gal’s he’d avail
And happily they lived in this tall horse’s tale.
December 1, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/01/13

A Bear For Dinner.

As governor of Alaska, former defeated GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin was set to pardon some turkeys at Thanksgiving when an unidentified aide whispered in her ear that all turkeys were Democrats. She discontinued the practice immediately because she never knowingly pardoned a member of the opposing party.

When she was informed that all Republican politicians are turkeys Palin peremptorily pardoned all fowl.  She then went into the wilds, shot an Alaskan brown bear, stuffed it and served it for Thanksgiving dinner.

sarah and bear

Sarah and the bear dissing Piers Morgan. (From Facebook).

Remember When Sarah Palin Thought This Interview In Front Of A Turkey Massacre Would Be Smart?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/25/sarah-palin-bear-piers-morgan_n_4164062.html

***

A Sick Country.

If we started in 1960 and we said that as productivity goes up…then the minimum wage is going to go up the same, the minimum wage today would be about $22 an hour. With the minimum of $7.25 an hour, what happened to the other$14. It certainly didn’t go to the workers.” Sen. Elizabeth Warren.

There is a sickness upon the land. It is called greed and corruption.

*** 

No Shave November.

The 11th month of the year is a time when you can stop shaving for thirty days.  Yes, it’s really OK.  And not just for men.

Many people think shaving is a burden borne only by men since most scrape their faces with sharp stainless steel blades every morning.

The ritual is however practiced by women who routinely shave several of their body parts while bathing or in the shower.

So if they participate in the no shave month they will grow hair in places that have not seen it in years and also take a brief respite from the daily chore.

Alas, with the arrival of December comes not only the eager anticipation of Santa and his eight tiny reindeer, but also the return to that noisome task of shaving every day.

In keeping with the tradition of “taking it off” in the month known for shopping frenzy, the Sardo Institute has declared December World Shave Month.

In honor of the occasion, Professor Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe, Poet Laureate Emeritus Summa Cumma Louder, will deliver an ode to mark the festivities.

Below is a transcript of the Professor’s contribution:

(Warning: Persons offended by sexually explicit material should skip the following entry. You must be over the age of 18 to continue reading the post. That’s because it gets really, really dirty).

A woman did it on a dare.
Shaved off all her pubic hair.
Here’s a story not oft’ told.
Soon she caught an awful cold.
‘Cause now it gets real chilly there.
.
If you think this story dumb
‘Bout the gal shaved ‘neath her bum.
It’s true I say in total sum.
For now she’ll sneeze instead of cum.
.
‘Cause ‘tween her legs strange noise emits
Whenever atop a man she sits.
What was that,” the guys would shout.
Something’s odd down there no doubt.”
.
I shaved it off because it pleases.”
Now poor thing it always sneezes.”
Beware, true words we shall not flout.
As stranger things soon came about.
.
Her shaved bottom had no match..
The cold it caught all could catch.
The guys she slept with were made fools.
For all a cold had gripped their tools
Which sneezed and sneezed while in her snatch.
.
This story’s true, you can believe.
It’s not my purpose to deceive.
So now you know you must beware
That when you shave your pubic hair
You cannot know what you’ll receive.
.
So now please take this sound advice.
Keep it trim and looking nice.
For if you shave it smooth as ice,
You then must pay a frightful price.
.
A cold down there can really bite.
You’ll have to hide, stay out of site.
So if your tempted, best think twice.
A little hair can well entice.
.
A cold no drug can ever cure.
A cold down there you must endure.
So don’t expose it to a breeze
That’s when it will likely sneeze.
So stay you must behind closed door.
.
When at last you do come out
Do not shake it all about.
For friends will no doubt quickly shun you.
They’ll fear a cold be catching from you.
And think of you an awful lout.

.

three in one

Three in One, sculpture by Paul Richer (1849-1933).  Do they or don’t they?  Kinda looks like they do.

Well, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

***

Running Scared.

He’s scared. He’s real scared. In fact, he running scared.

The Tea Party is backing a candidate in the Republican race for the Senate and they’re are going after Mitch McConnell.

You would think the Tea Party money bags would be satisfied with McConnell’s performance. After all, he’s the man most responsible for the blockade of that one august body. He’s the man who make of it a laughingstock. He may well be the most extremist GOP leader in the Senate’s history.

mich

Damn, those suckers are squeezin’ hard.

Yet the Tea Party is out to get him and McConnell is running scared.

Mitch will win the primary. And more than likely retain his Senate seat. But the challenge is a warning to all others: Do what the big money tells you to do or else.

***

Sarah Palin: Career Change.

Sarah Palin has changed careers from politician telling jokes to comedian telling politician jokes.

In an interview on Today, the perennial TV talk show guest described her version of an alternative to Obamacare.

Here is what Lady Sarah had to say:

The plan is to allow those things that had been proposed over many years to reform a health-care system in America that certainly does need more help so that there’s more competition, there’s less tort reform threat, there’s less trajectory of the cost increases, and those plans have been proposed over and over again.”

Sounds to me like she’s describing the right wing Heritage Foundation’s idea of a health care plan, otherwise better known as Obamacare.

She then babbled:

And what thwarts those plans?  It’s the far left.  It’s President Obama and his supporters who will not allow the Republicans to usher in free market, patient-centered, doctor-patient relationship links to reform health care.”

Now that’s a statement straight from Planet Palin, an orb known to exist in the farthest reaches of the universe. And that’s really “out ‘dere.”

Hello, Sarah? Sarah, are you there? Come in Sarah.

Houston, we have a problem. Sarah Palin is lost in space.

missing sarah

Missing Sarah.

Forward Progressives — Train Wreck: Watch Sarah Palin Embarrassingly Try to Explain Her Alternative to “Obamacare”

***

Something’s Wrong with Pope Francis.

There must be something wrong with Pope Francis. He’s acting like a Christian. Not even popes can be accused of taking such an out of character step as Francis just did.

In his first major publication, the Holy Father decried what is more commonly called vulture capitalism, that is, the unfettered brand that cruelly places profit, profit and more profit ahead of the welfare of mankind.

A headline in The Guardian read: “Pope Francis understands economics better than most politicians.”

That statement of course is exactly wrong about politicians. They understand. They know all too well. The Pope is merely speaking the truth. As for politicians, they’re too involved in the payola chase to admit that the Pontiff is speaking truth to power.

And the right wing is already up in arms. The conservative Accuracy in Media director Cliff Kincaid has criticized the Pontiff for releasing Evangilii Godium or Joy of the Gospel, a document in which the Pope called trickle-down economics “a naive theory that has never been confirmed by the facts.”

Unfairly and by inference, Kincaid tainted the Pope’s writing by associating it with Marxism. Nothing really new in that attack though. The right has always made it a point to call a “communist” anyone who disagrees with their way of life.

pope francis

To the right wing, he’s a Marxist; for the rest of us, a populist Christian.

Francis’ statement however is absolutely true.

The term “trickle-down economics” is nothing more than a right wing propaganda contrivance intended to convince the working class that the upward distribution of wealth benefits all who work for a living. That of course is nonsense.

The same can be said of the phrase “a rising tide lifts all boats.” To benefit from a rising tide, you first need a boat. For a rising tide can drown all who are left to die on the shoals of economic life.

The Pontiff’s advocacy of economic justice is not a call to Marxism despite the fact that right wing propagandists are hard at work demeaning the Pontiffs statement as influenced by the nineteenth economic philosopher.

The new world economic order that Kincaid accuses Francis of advocating for is not the order that is already well established on this woe begotten planet

The new reality that infests the global economy is one that the conservative spokesperson turns a blind eye to.  Right wing corporate pirates and their accessories to the crime have gone to great lengths to make the world economy a source of unimaginable wealth for themselves and one of misery, and even death, for billions of human beings.

Somebody got to the Pope,” writes Muslim scholar Reza Aslan. “It was Jesus. Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin would call Jesus a Marxist.”

If the Pope does not desist from his message of economic justice, the titans of vulture capitalism will be out to get him and by any means necessary. First will come the typical right wing propaganda barrage. Next who knows. Possibly an attempted assassination, first as a warning shot, and then the real thing.

No reasonable person can doubt that the monsters on Wall Street and the masterminds of global corporations will let anything or anyone stand in their way.

After all, they’ve already got the president of the United States in their back pocket.

Conservative activist: Pope Francis exposed the ‘Marxist problem’ inside the Catholic Church | The Raw Story

Muslim scholar Reza Aslan: Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin would call Jesus a ‘Marxist’ | The Raw Story

***

Plans After The White House.

What to do? What to do? ‘Tis a puzzlement.

What does a president do after leaving the White House besides getting filthy rich?

Apparently one of the First Daughters will have a say in the matter.

Will Sasha choose to stay in DC or move back to Chicago? Stay tuned. The gaggle of media reporters is hot on the story.

comic obama

The leader of the pack: Obama, Obama, Obama and Obama, LLP.

Either way, as a former prez, Obama can rent offices on K Street and establish a lobbying firm and call it Obama and Obama as he teams up with the First Lady.

Both would make superlative lobbyists-to say nothing of millions of bucks-appealing to Democratic Congressional critters to pass legislation favorable to Republican clients.

Later, as the daughters graduate from law school, the firm would change its name to Obama, Obama and Obama; then to Obama, Obama, Obama and Obama.

Wait till the grand kids start joining the firm.

Only in America.

***

Paul Richer was a French anatomist, physiologist and teacher as well as a sculptor. The backside of his sculpture above is below.

three in one rev