The DC Folly Trolley – 01/12/14

So We Didn’t Know It Before???

Okay, so maybe some people ignored it, turned a blind, cut the guy some slack. But now it’s official. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is a bullshitter. Not an ordinary bullshitter, mind you. But a monumental bullshitter.

The NJ gov., as you may have heard by now, blamed the traffic jams that occurred on the George Washington Bridge shortly before Election Day on staffers who orchestrated the backup with the connivance Christie supporters at the Port Authority.

Well, the gov took the blame, said he was the honcho in charge of stuff in the Garden State and looked for all the world his meek and humble self.   But then did a turnabout, said he was lied to by staff members who hatched the diabolical plot and then fired those responsible for the dirty deed.

That’s the bullshit part.

It now appears that Christie’s Chief Legal Council and longtime associate Charles McKenna not only knew about the traffic jam conspiracy but actually congratulated conspirators on their successful efforts. “Charlie said you did GREAT” reads a smoking email.

Here’s yet another twist unraveling. Christie said he appointed McKenna to investigate the matter and report back to him with the names of the evildoers.

We shouldn’t jump to conclusions of course. But, what the hell, let’s jump. It’s believable that McKenna could have reported all the names of those invovled in the caper save one – his own. But it’s more likely that Christie knew what was going down in the first place and the whole investigation thing is a cover up.

The Mother Jones take on the most recent revelations is, well, revealing:

http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2014/01/chris-christie-fort-lee-charlie-mckenna-text-message

christe lasagne

Christie, G. W. Bush and a guy with a real job, Medal of Honer winner Sgt. First Class Leroy Petry.  (Orig: The U.S. Army).

Here’s the real story – as told by a disenchanted Christie staffer to Unreliable Press Worldwide’s Super Senior New Jersey Public Affairs Correspondent Marcy Popindick. And don’t repeat this to a soul ’cause it’s a secret.

It seems the portly governor enjoyed taking casual strolls on the George Washington Bridge, long about rush hour. And while doing so, he managed to block two lanes of traffic – for days.

So far, very believable.

It wasn’t a revenge thing, mind you, implemented just because some Democratic mayor from the town of Fort Lee, which just happens to merge into the GWB, refused to give his support to a Repub governor during the recent election cycle.

No, the governor just like to skip along the bridge during the busiest hour of the day.

And the massive traffic tie ups caused by the gov’s hippity hoppiting down the lanes were merely a by-product of the strolls he took such a liking to.

Now for the rest of the story. Also a by-product of the gov’s fancy was the observation by numerous commuters that the bridge seemed slightly bent out of shape.

When engineers were alerted to a potentially dangerous condition, they immediately began inspecting the bridge for structural damage. They became gravely concerned when they discovered a distinct rightward tilt of the upper tier of the two level span.

It seems the NJ honcho liked to hippity hop in only one direction and that habit caused the bridge to lean to the right.

Engineers were reportedly busy developing a plan to correct the pronounced rightward shift.

Now that’s a story you can believe. Certainly better than the bullshit Christie was throwing around at his news conference.

Here’s the one thing you can count on about the gov’s jam: You’ll never hear the truth from him.

chris gwb

New Yorker’s Chris Christie Cover Is Perfect

***

Eliminate Crime Forever.

One way to eliminate criminal behavior on the part of bankers is deregulate the banks. Now that we’ve deregulated the banks we can all see the benefits, no laws, no crimes.

Now why didn’t we think of that before. It’s an idea that opens whole vistas of possibilities.

Why, we can return to the days of old, to very beginnings of civilization and learn how crime can be reduced and even eliminated entirely simply by doing away with a few laws.

But let’s not go back that far. Let’s start with the pirates. No, not the Wall Street bankers. I mean the Blackbeard kind.

pirate

(Credit: mwanasimba from La Réunion).

Society passed all kinds of laws trying to prevent those guys with the serious dental problems from robbing and killing on the high seas.

Why?

Nobody really cared except a few rich people who needed laws to make the oceans safe for commerce. And with the laws came the need to track down and jail the one eyed miscreants.

Now look at what happens next. If you gotta track ’em down, you gotta have a navy. And that’s means spending billions of dollars. And recruiting men who don’t want to be sailors to become sailors. That means something called impressment – on land and on the seas. And that’s really bad ’cause it can get folks riled up and lead to war and just one of those wing dings causes more destruction and killing than the pirates ever did since the invention of boats.

So if the laws against piracy were eliminated there would be no pirates and while there still would be recruiting, there would be no impressment and folks wouldn’t get riled up and there would be no destruction and killing caused by massive uniformed gangs blowing each other up on a battlefield.

At least piracy wouldn’t be the cause.

Anyways, laws can be a very bad thing. Which is what the Wall Street bankers discovered when they paid government officials in Congress and the White House to deregulate banks, i.e., kill the laws.

Unfortunately for the pirates there was no Bill Clinton back in the day to sign off on piracy deregulation like he did for the banks.

And, unlike bankers, pirates were not politically savvy. They didn’t realize they could turn stolen booty into campaign payola. Like the bankers did.

So just because they couldn’t get government to overturn a few laws, pirates who were captured were summarily hanged.  (See photo above to understand the fate of pirates who were too honest to corrupt government officials).

Ironically, these bandits of the high seas had far greater entrepreneurial skills than any Wall Street CEO ever dreamed of. Let’s face it, it takes a lot more business acumen to be a pirate; not so much to be a banker.

.

There once was a pirate named Jamie.
Who practiced an art quite gamey.
He would rob and pillage
From city to village
And claim, “There’s no law so don’t blame me.”

***

God Screws Up.

If you think God is perfect and can’t make mistakes think again.

Well, He sent Louie Gohmert to Congress, didn’t he. And if that isn’t bad enough, He can’t remember why in God’s name he ever did that.

Not to worry, though God. Louie knows why.

You see, God, you inspired your loyal servant and with that solemn inspiration reverberating in his brain, Louie ran for office and won a seat in the House of Representatives where he intends to fulfill the promise of your Son to keep a bunch of damn single moms from getting any more welfare checks.

You don’t remember that? How could you forget?

You sent Louie to that God forsaken place to be the perfect example of “compassionate conservatism.” And he just gave what amounts to an historic Sermon on the Hill. No, not the mount. The Hill, Capitol Hill.

louie

Heeeeeeere’s Louie. 

Your servant – that’s Louie – was inspired by You to get into politics and he got elected, and on his first try no less. So You must have greased the way for him and now he’s ever so grateful and giving thanks by demeaning what former President Lyndon Johnson did 50 years ago when he declared a War on Poverty.

The former president’s program lifted millions of people out of poverty through education, job training and living assistance. The War was a great success as far as it went. If it failed it was because later presidents failed the program and reduced the Great Society experiment to a state of stagnant “benign neglect.” Nevertheless, millions benefited from the effort and went on to enjoy successful middle class living standards.

But Your faithful servant believes that single moms and their kids would benefit more from inadequate housing, deficient education and going hungry than from a sustained government effort of assistance to uplift poor people.

Well, that’s Louie for ya.

***

Your Are About To Be TPP’d.

The magnificent Follyland Smoke Machine was at his best once again.

You perhaps heard about or maybe even read the transcript of the president’s speech on economic mobility and income inequality. No need to say he did a great job because he always does.

Of blowing smoke, that is. Just in case you were wondering where he stands here’s the scoop: He supports the former and decries the latter.

Yes, the president proclaimed in stentorian tones that Teddy Roosevelt fought for the eight hour workday and got. FDR fought for Social Security and got it. LBJ fought for Medicare and he got it.

So what is Barack Obama fighting for. Income inequality, what else!

two face

The two faces of Barack Obama.

The speech was typical Obama smoke and mirrors as in say one thing and do exactly the opposite.

For the president is fighting for the Trans Pacific Partnership, a so called “free trade” deal that has little to do with trade and a whole lot to do with corporate domination of the economies and legal structures of every nation that signs on to this perverted pact.

Remember NAFTA, the Clinton administration fiasco that cost the American middle class more than a million jobs and three million Mexican farmers and small businessmen their livelihoods while fattening the portfolios of the richest of the rich?

Well, Obama’s TPP promises to do even more for the fat cats who paid for his passage into the Oval Office. This trade deal that isn’t a trade deal will drive the final nail into the middle class coffin.

Let’s give just one ugly detail about this nefarious package. If a corporation believes that a law of any nation inhibits its ability to maximize profits, it can bring suit before a tribunal and challenge the law. If it wins the suit, a likely foregone conclusion, the law is overturned.

Well, guess what. Corporations in the United States are required by law to contribute to Social Security and unemployment compensation funds.

Talk about a sneak attack on the social safety net.

But it gets worse. Employee benefits, what remains of them, could easily vanish along with the minimum wage laws, many of which have yet to be adopted, and of course all hourly pay would be under attack as well. And this march back to the 19th century is being brought to you by none other than Barack Obama himself, the ultimate smoke blowing machine.

And it only gets worse. You see, the entire sordid affair is supposed to be a secret. You are not supposed to know about the back stabbing terms of the evil pact. The plan calls for the terms to be sprung upon you after the fact, a virtual fait accompli.  Save for a handful of leaks, the negotiations would be shrouded in an impenetrable cloud of secrecy.

Think it can’t get any worse?  Well, it just did.  The corporate communications giants will be permitted to take control of the Internet and monitor content in much the same way the NSA scans conversations and email traffic across the entire planet.  You won’t be able to voice a protest without your message being scanned.  And Facebook, Google, etc. will be tasked with the obligation to scour the web for undesirable content.

internet

The Internet, a thorn in the side of the 1%.

Obama has been sneaking around behind the backs of the American people in this manner for his entire term in office. (His voltefaccia on the public option is just one other example). I smell another sneak attack.

So much for the transparency president.

See below:  Bill Moyers, Yves Smith and Dean Baker on the TPP threat to democracy; Youtube short on Internet control; and the transcript of the presidents speech on inequality.

Bill Moyers: Trans-Pacific trade pact is death for democracy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3KlrfjcjV4

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2013/12/04/remarks-president-economic-mobility

.

And here’s the latest news for this bummer of a deal for working people in the Western nations whose leaders are behind the plot to finally kill off the middle class.

Enemy of the people Thomas Donohue of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce said: “We are within striking distance of concluding an agreement….”

The rest of his statement is pure corporate bullshit. See the link for the bullshit.

TPP deal in ‘striking distance’: Donohue | The Japan Times

***

Wonders Never Cease.

Here’s what we’ve all been waiting for. Obama cheerleader and House Minority Honcho Nancy Pelosi said: “We want transparency.”

The representative who should have left her heart high on a hill in San Francisco, was referring to President Obama’s Trans Pacific Partnership.

The Bogus Trade Agreement is a secret and the entire Congress and you and me and just about everybody else who isn’t a corporate flack have been kept in the dark about the terms.  Whatever has been revealed about the shrouded deal squeezed through the barriers on the lips of a leaker.  (Thanks yet again Wikileaks).

So Nancy’s upset ’cause Obama is keeping secrets from her.  She warned the president that her caucus will not support his TPP and is prepared to slap Obama with a huge political embarrassment if he doesn’t start whispering in her ear.

Chris Van Hollen (D-MD), echoing Pelosi’s words, remarked: “There is inadequate engagement on the substance” of the bogus pact.

Well, here’s the real story. The Dems aren’t angered by the prospect that the TPP will cause further rot to the working class of developed countries.

Nope. They’re pissed off because el presidente snubbed them and they’re embarrassed by his actions.

nancy2

Nancy Pelosi, after plastic surgery.

The president, of course, doesn’t need his hypocritical Dems anyways. With the exception of the votes of a handful of Senate comrades who he already has in his back pocket, he can muster enough Republican support to get the TPP fast tracked and then passed into law.

So to avoid an embarrassing situation all around, look for a White House staffer to sneak into the Capitol late one night and clue in the Democratic leadership about the evil agreement. Once Obama makes nice nice with his party’s Congressional honchos he will be able to count on their full support.

Did you ever doubt the outcome?

Why House Democrats Might Kill Obama’s Big Trade Deal

(Fat chance).

***

More Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow was warned in advance
But decided to still take a chance
He hit on a gal
In a seedy locale.
Sister Agnes looked at him askance.
.
A woman refused an advance
From a guy at a neighborhood dance.
That’d be the day
I ever will pay
Attention to a suave fancy pants.”
.
A gal got a tiny advance
From a boss who then took a chance.
If to my place you will come
I will pay a fine sum.
For a night of thrilling romance.”
.
The gal with the tiny advance.
Told her boss to shove his romance
The money is spent
So you can get bent.
And I have a new job in finance.”

Originally posted to:

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/

2014/01/05/limerick-outing-limerick-off-monday/

 

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