Archive for February, 2014

February 23, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 02/23/14

Hallelujah! He’s A Comin’

The Lord he’s returning to an earthly existence. You better believe it ’cause it’s in the Bible. Revelation to be exact.

He’s coming back and, by God, he’s a packin’ heat. An AR-15 in one hand and an AK-47 in the other. And their both just a blazin’ away.

revelation

John Patmos, the author of Revelation, knew nothing of AR-15s. Nevertheles he depicted a bloody retribution for all but the few faithful when the Son returned to reclaim the Earth from the sinful. (Painting by Matthias Gerung 1500-1570, Wikimedia).

So saith Lt. Gen. (Ret.) Jerry Boykin, now an executive vice president of the Family Research Council.

According to the former general, not only is the Bible the literal word of God. So is the Second Amendment.

Well, okay, maybe not the literal word of God. But the idea does literally come from Jesus Rambo Christ. Nevertheless, Jesus loves the right of the people to keep and bear arms, to say nothing of buying and selling them.

By the way, if you don’t have an AR-15, better go buy one. The Lord wants you to have it. And it’s an easy way to get yourself saved. Or born again, if you aren’t already. And while your waiting for the Coming, you can have some fun shootin’ up trees and stuff.

The latest Follyland rumors about Boykin pertain to the rejection of his nomination for the Putzie Award by the Nobella Prize Committee. A spokesman for the Committee maintained that nominees for the prize must possess at least some modicum of sanity. The general was disqualified on that basis.

http://gawker.com/ex-u-s-general-jesus-is-returning-to-earth-with-an-ar-1526260312

***

Rush To Serve In Vietnam.

Not likely.

When some doctor gave Rush Limbaugh his draft physical and said bend over and spread ’em, Rush could hardly contain his joy. You see, he had a pimple on his tail bone for which he would receive a 1Y classification, later changed to 4F, and exempting him from serving in the armed forces due to a physical condition.

limbaugh

(Ian Marsden from Montpellier).

The pimple is called a pilonidal cyst or boil, a minor condition which can be relieved and cured by draining – a treatment Rush neglected to seek at the time of his physical which was conducted by a private physician on the basis of whose report, Rush received the exemption.

He says he didn’t even know it was there. But, save for the now infamous butt boil, Rush might have been able to serve his country in the Vietnam War and become a military hero – or coward which is the more likely scenario.

In any case, he eventually became the quintessential chickenhawk or someone with a yellow streak down his back who sought every means possible to avoid military service duing the Vietnam era and who is now harshly critical of persons who prefer peace before war.

http://www.examiner.com/article/rush-limbaugh-dodged-vietnam-draft-due-to-a-boil-on-his-rear-end

http://www.snopes.com/military/limbaugh.asp

***

Racism In Greenville. Again.

Would that be Greenville, South Carolina? Or maybe Greenville, North Carolina?

Nope. Wrong on both counts.

It’s Greenville, Michigan.

green mi

(Historic District, downtown Greenville, MI. By Andrew Jameson).

Seems some Republican in that woe begotten GOP ruled state exhaled.

And whenever a Repub exhales you get more than a blast of bad breath. You can usually count on at least one dumb remark. And it’s very often a racist one.

And that is exactly what issued from the mouth of this babe in – yes, Greenville, Michigan.

It seems that wherever there’s a Greenville there is at least one racist Repub and probably many more.

So this guy says it’s time to turn Detroit into an Indian reservation.

No. Really. He really said that. You can look it up.

Who was the guy? It was Republican County Director L. Brooks Patterson. And he wasn’t talking about a Native American reservation.

Anyway, this intellectually challenged Repub has nothing to fear since he no doubt lives in a safe district and will be reelected in a landslide. In Greenville. In Michigan. Hmmmmm.

In a related matter, the Nobella Prize Committee rejected Patterson’s nomination for the Putzie Award. The Committee cited a rule that requires a candidate to possess some semblance of sanity to be considered for the prize.

http://www.greenvillegazette.com/disgusting-republican-says-most-racist-thing-weve-ever-heard/

***

MSM Ignores News. That’s News???

Maybe it’s the fact that the news is occurring in North Carolina and the MSM has a soft spot in its heart for the state, so it’s turned off and tuned out to events in the tenth largest among the 50.

Or maybe it’s because the state is now ruled entirely by Republicans for the first time since Reconstruction.

But whatever the reason, the media has failed to report the ongoing and popular Moral Monday protests that have been organized and

conducted on a regular basis in the GOP entrenched red state.

There is also a mysterious silence on the Duke Energy coal ash dump into the Dan River.

Perhaps the media fears Republican retribution if it reports honestly on the protests and Duke dump which poured massive amounts of arsenic laden coal ash that settled in layers on the river bottom.

Perhaps the media was satisfied that the state Department of Environment ordered Duke not to do that anymore. Or that it fined the power company $100,000 for its carelessness –

Perhaps it has something to do with Gov. Pat McCrory’s 28 year tenure at the power company. Or the favorable treatment Duke receives throughout the state from Repubs and Democrats alike.

Whatever the reason, the media is keeping its hand off both the protest movement and the toxic coal ash dump.

http://mediamatters.org/research/2014/02/20/report-network-news-ignoring-toxic-coal-ash-spi/198149

***

College. A Raw Deal?

College is becoming an arena for the privileged only. The kids are being scammed by the banks, the loan servicers and the colleges themselves.  Here’s a suggestion from Sen. Elizabeth Warren to help ease the heavy debt burden graduates are buried under when they finally reach the job market.

http://www.salon.com/2014/02/22/

just_say_no_to_college_why_its_the_worst_

decision_a_young_american_can_make/

***

Dinosaurs In Paradise.

dino

https://www.facebook.com/Antitheists

Researchers at the Sardo Archaeological Institute are disputing the claim by Creationists that male tyrannosaurs did not masturbate.

The reason given for their Onanistic shortcomings by fundamentalist theologians is that their arms were too short.  

In the scientists’ report, however, they  noted that dinosaurs had very long, you know, thingys.

The length has been estimated by nineteenth century biblical authorities to be between 1-3/4 to 2-1/2 giraffe necks based on interpretations of evidence found Genesis 51: 48-69.

Archaeologists noted that a thingy of this length could facilitate masturbatory activity. 

No word in the Bible on how females relieved their pent up sex tensions. 

 ***

Limerick Lunacy.

A woman whose life was fast-paced
Often her car keys misplaced.
She frowned and she fretted
Through sweater she sweated
As often to the office she raced.
.
A woman whose life was fast-paced
Was chaste though she often was chased.
One night on a bender
She’d finally surrender.
Of the good life she’d had a foretaste.
.
The woman whose life was fast-paced
 Her old ways she’d finally displaced.
 She soon took to bedding
 Without ever fretting
 As guy after guy she replaced.
 .
 A fellow who frequently paced
 Was upset that he was replaced
 By a new guy in town
 And so he would frown
 “I’m in no mood now to be chaste.”
 .
 A fellow who frequently paced
 Soon found his life was debased
 For a girl he went shopping
 So he started bar hopping
 Got drunk and he stripped ‘neath the waist.
 .
 A fellow was working with paste
 That he knew to be rye whiskey laced.
 He’d baste beef while roasting
 Then tasting and toasting
 Till his brain he’d completely erased

 

 Related articles

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February 16, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 02/16/14

Committee Awards Prize.

In this season of awards, the Nobella Prize Committee has announced the winner of the Schmuckup Prize.

The victor was selected from among a list of thousands of nominees and the committee is proud to announce that its unanimous choice is none other than the esteemed governor of the semi-great state of New Jersey, Chris Christie.

christie high

christie sign

(Original photo by Luigi Novi).

The governor won the prize largely because he faked out just about everybody who attended the news conference where he stated he knew nothing of the plot hatched by his staff to close lanes to the George Washington Bridge in order to perform whatcha call your “traffic study.” The resulting closure caused massive traffic tie ups in Fort Lee, NJ and was said to be an act of retaliation for the town mayor’s refusal to endorse Christie‘s reelection to the governorship.

The endorsement of Democratic Party officials was an important factor in the campaign because the gov was seeking a landslide election, one that would propel him to the nomination as the Republican presidential candidate in 2016.  Christie however insisted he would never launch a retaliatory strike against a political adversary just ’cause the guy didn’t green light his reelection.

Because Christie had no knowledge of the caper, he was unable to prevent the incident, which he would have done if only he had known about it which he didn’t. The governor was kept in the dark despite a purported email that informed him of the dirty deed. But as luck would have it, the governor didn’t find time to read his emails that day or any other day whenever it’s convenient for him to say that he didn’t read them.

And besides, he relied on a staff member to advise him of any important matters contained in emails and the staff member relied on a staff member to inform him and some how the matter of a traffic jam at the Fort Lee access route to the GWB seemed rather trivial and the entire affair fell through the cracks.

So for his stubborn failure to read his own emails, Gov. Chris Christie of the semi-great state of New Jersey becomes the proud recipient of The Schmuckup Award.

.

Winners of The Schmuckup Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t be an ordinary schmuckup. There are already tens of thousands of those in the nation’s capital and capitals throughout the country. No, you have to be an extraordinarily monumental schmuckup and we are proud to say the most recent winner fits that description.                                                                                                                            

chris curseconnie


Fort Lee, New Jersey; looking west from Center...

Fort Lee, New Jersey; looking west from Center Avenue overpass at toll station for the George Washington Bridge in Fort Lee (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

In a related matter, Chris Christie is invoking executive privilege.

He informed the committees investigating bridgegate that members of his administration are exempt from testifying before the legislature under the doctrine known as, well, executive privilege. That just means people who are in the know can’t rat on him in front of people who don’t know but want to.

Another definition of executive privilege is “a device used by someone who has something to hide.” In Christie’s case, those skeletons in the closet are starting to rattle and he’ll pull every trick in the book to keep the door shut.

Can he do that? Does it matter? Chances are he’ll get away with whatever he does. But his future looks bleak even as he insists he is innocent.

His actions, however, just do not pass the smell test. Mostly because Christie’s maneuverings are beginning to stink like a dead fish, as are the ploys of the members of his staff who pulled off the bridge caper.

(The pretty young lady pictured above is 1950s rock ‘n roll diva Connie Francis.  Born and raised in Newark, NJ, the singer’s breakout hit was Who’s Sorry Now). Give a listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vql_1pO9FZw

***

You Scratch My Back….

Did Christie cut a deal with Democratic mayors promising to grease the way to the Senate for Democrat Cory Booker in exchange for mayoral support in the reelection campaign?

Nah! Christie would never do such a thing? That sorta stuff would be playing politics. And in New Jersey no less! Where politics is as clean as an ocean full of dead fish.

The Christie Factor

dead fish

Can you find Chris Christie?

***

Dems Fail???

Liberals and recovering Democrats have to wonder about mainstream media coverage of the nearly decade long Republican blockade of the Senate.

Is everybody in the media a Repub? Must be.

Otherwise, truthful reporting would prevail and shout out: Republican filibuster; Tea Party intransigence; payola rules!

Instead we read in the headlines: Democrats fail to pass “whatever it is the Repubs are obstructing.”

news 3

There is perhaps one exception to media support for the GOP. And that desertion applies only to the debt ceiling issue.

Why? Quite simple. A debt ceiling default by the U.S. government would directly impact the earnings of corporations, investors and Wall Street.

Not even the GOP can deflect media advocacy for the fat cats.

But Repubs can gleefully stick it to the unemployed by filibustering an extension of benefits and then depend on the right wing controlled media to stick it to the Dems who “failed” to pass the extension.

***

Roaring Silence.

You heard about the rally in Raleigh, right?

No!!!

There’s no real reason why you should have. That’s because the mainstream media went into off mode on the subject.

Nonetheless, nearly 80,000 showed up for “moral Monday” in North Carolina’s capital to protest the extreme right wing policies of the Republican legislature and its similarly right wing governor, Pat McCrory.

monpat

Events such as Moral Mondays can really piss off a governor.

The Repubs in that doleful red state have slashed unemployment benefits, refused the Medicaid expansion and enacted one of the nation’s most restrictive voter ID laws.

The legislature’s program, enacted by one of the most regressive GOP gangs in the state’s recent history, further subjugates working people to the needs and demands of the ruling class.

Unexpectedly however the McCrory agenda’s malicious intent spurred the protests that became known as Moral Monday.

And if you haven’t heard about this latest public challenge to destructive government policies, that’s because the media is deliberately and obediently keeping the movement under wraps.

http://www.thenation.com/blog/178291/north-carolinas-moral-monday-movement-kicks-2014-massive-rally-raleigh

***

Palin Knocks Christie.

She’s done it before so it really isn’t much news. And she’s at it again. Let’s face it she never liked the guy in the first place and her dislike stems from the fact that he’s so fat. The word she applied to Christie wasextremeand she didn’t mean his politics.

sarah2

Her latest knock is that a capable administrator would know what his staff was up to at all times. So even if he was in the dark about the antics at the GWB, he was the responsible adult and should have been aware.

Of course, Christie said as much during his prolonged mea culpa before the press.

My guess is that the former governor of Alaska just can’t wrap her head around the possibly soon to be former governor of New Jersey’s weight problem. He’s too fat for her. And that condition is one of the reasons that she refused to join the clamor for a Christie dark horse bid for the White House in 2012.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/

sarah-palin-chris-christie-knew-article-1.1611073

***

Pension Betrayal.

Here’s a new take on an old saw. They came for labor union pensions and nobody cared. They came for state pensions and nobody cared. They came for city pensions and nobody cared. Then they came for your pension. And nobody cared.

By the time they came for military pensions, they had already perfected a time worn military tactic: Divide and conquer. Pick them off one at a time. That ruse still works perfectly today.

And just who is the “they?” Why it’s the 1% of course.

Sure, they need you to work for them at cheap wages and no benefits. Better for them to prosper. But deep down, they despise you and resent even the scant wages they pay for your services. You are unworthy of their notice.  

And that brings us to the latest pension betrayal. It’s orchestrated by PBS, yes that PBS, the “liberal” bastion of the air waves.

They’ve been seduced by money, $3.5 million to be exact, from one John Arnold, a former Enron trader, who hates pensions for working people.

A series PBS is producing and airing for a period of two years on hundreds of its stations is entitled The Pension Peril and it will brazenly advocate for cuts to public pensions.

vulture

Hello, Big Bird. Is that you?

I use the word “brazenly” because it was PBS officials who presented the project to the Laura and John Arnold (anti-public pension) Foundation hoping no doubt to cash in on the deal. And they succeeded big time.

{Here’s an update as of February 14. Now that they have been smoked out, PBS officials announced they will return the cash, as much as it pains them to do so).

Incidentally, the Pew Foundation, a contributor to PBS and NPR, also advocates for dismantling public pensions.

http://pando.com/2014/02/12/the-wolf-of-sesame-street-revealing-the-secret-corruption-inside-pbss-news-division/

http://ourfuture.org/20140214/is-pbs-being-paid-to-join-the-plot-against-pensions

***

Limerick Lunacy.

A gal heard a rather loud knock
She was sleeping and woke up in shock.
The guy at the door
Was drunk wanting more
As he stumbled around the wrong block.
.
A fellow would frequently knock
On doors on any old block
The neighbors all knew
He banged right on cue.
As he binged day and night round the clock.
.
The fellow who’d frequently knock
Found a suite in the local cell block.
He stayed there till morn
As neighbors would scorn.
And when sober his actions they’d mock.
.
The guy heard a rather loud knock
On the bars of his private cell block.
It woke him in fright
To the cops great delight.
The latch on the block they refused to unlock.
.
So the guy who would frequently knock.
Sat alone in his block round the clock.
Till he sobered on day
And thought with dismay
I’ve been acting for years like a schlock.
.
But the guy in the block decided to stock
A stash ‘neath the bed in his private cell block.
He applied mighty torque
Till up popped the cork
Then said as for me I’ll never dry dock.
.
The tale of the guy who’d frequently knock
Ends sadly for him on a far off dock
He washed up one day
In a place far away
On the shores of the city Bangkok.
.
The guy who would frequently knock
Woke in shock not wearing his frock.
He was naked you see
Only cloaked in debris
So he hid in a tree with no smock.
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February 10, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 02/09/14

Cure For Nation’s Ills Discovered.

breaking

President Barack Obama has discovered a cure for his country’s problems: Make a speech, hold a media event and leave the rest up to business leaders.

On the Friday after Obama’s tepid State of the Union Speech — a speech in which he pledged his concern for the long-term unemployed and low-wage workers — the Administration brought members of the corporate and financial elite to the White House to discuss strategies for addressing the plight of the long-term unemployed.  Not surprisingly since this meeting was nothing more than one of many events planned as part of the Democrats’ media strategy to better position the party for the mid-term elections, the only thing that emerged from this gathering was photo-ops and diversionary rhetoric.* 

Wow! Why didn’t he think of that before?

Anything else?

Nope.

Oh, just one more thing. The Democrats will do whatever it takes to hold on to power. That’s their sole mission in politics and it’s looking more and more like a mission impossible. They will never learn. You can’t out Republican a Republican.

The message from the Party leaders will always be:  “You can’t do anything until you win.”  

Then you can do nothing.

*http://www.commondreams.org/view/

***

Robert Reich, Up To His Old Tricks.

Fighting For The Little Guy.

The guy just won’t quit. No doubt firmly ensconced among the 1%, why should he care about the rest of us.

That’s a question that’s hard to answer. But we can all be grateful that he does – care.

ROBERT TEICH

Robert Reich. He cares. (Photo: Policy Network).

And maybe the answer is that simple: He cares.

http://front.moveon.org/war_on_the_poor_

http://freakoutnation.com/2014/02/07/watch-robert-reich-explains-gop-war-plan/

***

Pay Up Or No Water.

The West Virginia American Water Company will bill customers as usual for the spill contaminated water they may or may not consume. Doesn’t matter if the stuff is poison. Pay up or you get nothing at all.

And besides, the water is whatchacall your “suitable for consumption” variety.

Once you get past the smell, it’s like any other water. Oh, maybe, just a bit licoricey to the taste. But don’t you pay no never mind. It’s safe, uh, suitable for consumption.

And some folks are saying it’s better’n moonshine.

http://thinkprogress.org/climate/2014/02/09/3196981/chemical-spill-timeline/

***

SNAP Snipped. Again.

For some, the most recent cuts in food stamps will amount to $100.00 per month. Quite a chunk out of the cat food allotment.

In Michigan to praise the most recent welfare legislation for agricultural conglomerates, President Obama happily cheered the bill as an example of the kind of bipartisanship the country needs.

On hand to congratulate the president on the signing of the legislation into law were, oh let’s see now, oh yeah, some mayor of the city where Obama made his speech.

Where was John Boehner, Speaker of the House? And Chairman of the House Ag Committee Frank Lucas (R-OK)? And the Republican governor of the state?  Guess they had better things to do than to listen to another Obama speech fest.

BOEHNER

Not anoterr Obama speessh. 

Thankfully a handful of Democrats were on hand to cheer on the president as was the mayor of Lansing, MI, also a Dem.

As for the Republicans, they had better sense than to show up for a speech about welfare for the wealthy and cuts to food for the hungry.

http://freakoutnation.com/2014/02/07/mia-not-one-of-the-two-dozen-republicans-obama-invited-joined-him-in-michigan-not-one/

***

Obama Voltefaccia.

Yes, the Affordable Care Act accomplished some good. Here are some of the more notable health insurance improvements brought about by Obamacare.

First, persons with pre-existing conditions can’t be turned away. And there is no upper limit to the amount of insurance a person received during a lifetime. And young adults can be covered under a parent’s plan until they reach the age of 26. And policies must cover preventive care.

The drawbacks however are glaring. For example, the position of the health insurance industry, an entirely unnecessary middle man, is now unassailable. Obamacare has made health insurance corporations the centerpiece of the health care industry never to be removed from their position of dominance.

The public option, or Medicare for all, is doomed for all time. Republicans won’t hear of it and the Democrats will defend Obamacare to the death.

Will Obamacare succeed? After all of the haggling and squabbling over a piece of insurmountable and unnecessary complexity, that question remains unanswered.

After all is said and done, the result of the signature piece of the Obama presidency is little more than a huge government handout to insurance carriers, their executives and investors.

Barack Obama proclaimed support for a public option in numerous speeches on the 2008 campaign trail and, once in office, turned his back on the people who gave him their votes.

barryreverse

Voltafaccia, a turnabout. More like a betrayal.

We can only dream what might have been. And envy those nations, such as Mexico, that have realized the dream.

http://www.salon.com/2014/02/08//jon_stewart

http://www.demonews.org/watch-americans-living-in-mexico-praise-its-universal-health-care-seguro-popular/

***

Hamming It Up.

Ken Ham, God’s gift to ignorance, said in the debate with science guy Bill Nye, that “a light-year is a measure of distance. A million light-years doesn’t mean that it took a star’s light that many years to reach us.”

Pay no attention. The preacher, known to his hipster followers as the Hamster, not only loves stuff that is made up. Cool cat that he is, he really, really loves making up his own stuff.

Not only did he make up the the part about the light-year. He also created out of no evidence whatsoever, an entire Creation museum, proving once and for all that something can be made out of nothing.

Like maybe even a universe.

But the Hamster also believes that the Bible is the inerrant word of God.

Not so, of course. You can accept as gospel that Christians modified biblical texts repeatedly over the centuries by inserting and removing words, mis-translating the Greek and Hebrew languages and expunging objectionable material – all in a misguided effort to make the mother of all books coincide with evolving beliefs.

Take for example the story of Adam and Eve. Everyone believes that the happy couple committed an unforgivable sin when they ate the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, an act expressly forbidden by none other than God himself.

That’s the altered version. The real story tells of a weed growing beneath the tree that God told them not to smoke. So what did they do? They huffed and they puffed, got high and started fornicating all over the Garden of Eden.

weed

A medieval monk who believed smoking marijuana was a mortal sin, made up the story about the apple. In reality, it was a weed that did in the happy couple. Fortunately, Adam had the good sense to steal a few plants and cultivate them for the greater glory of God and mankind.

They humped and they pumped and when God finally heard the moans and the groans through the listening devices he had planted throughout Paradise, he got pissed.

God then kicked the giggly pair out of the Garden and sent them into the deserts of Mesopotamia.

But first He made them cover up their fornicating apparatus with fig leaves.

And believe it or not, there’s an addition to the story no one has ever heard of. That’s because the words were expunged and remained a secret until archaeologists discovered ancient scrolls stored in a sealed urn in a wine cellar of a pair of medieval merchants who owned a small job creating business named Sid and Saul’s Kosher Bar and Grill located on E34th Street in Thessalonia.

Here’s the rest of the story. Shortly after the expulsion from the Garden, Eve invented the first thong and whenever she wore the thing and twerked, it drove Adam wild. That’s why they had so many kids.

adam and eve

Expulsion of Adam and Eve (Alexandre Cabanel). Note the thongs made by Eve from fig leaves both were forced to wear.

A few thousand years later a saintly nun named Victoria of Vichy, who happened to have studied the original biblical text, stole Eve’s idea and sold her sexy undies in convents and monasteries throughout the declining Roman Empire.

Early in the 6th century, the wearing of thongs (from the Greek Θovkς) and twerking (Greek: Θηρκινγ) were prohibited by Pope Nero II (AD 521-523) under pain of excommunication. The use of the words themselves was banned in both spoken and written forms in all languages then in use until the garment and the dance were rediscovered two thousand years later in the ruins of Sid and Saul’s establishment.

thong

An example of St. Victoria’s design improvement on Eve’s fig leaf thong.

You can believe the story because it’s all contained in the original unmodified version of the Bible, the only text that is the inerrant word of God. Sadly, no manuscripts survived beyond circa AD 500 and today we have only an anecdotal record, the written reminiscences of St. Victoria and the few scraps of scrolls which when pieced together reveal a smattering of the true nature the book that came to be called the Bible.

Anyways, the upshot is that because of a few puffs on one little weed, we’re all living in a turd bowl and, worse, we could go to Hell.

In modern times, most biblical scholars are convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that the Bible as it exists today cannot be the unimpeachable word of God because the Book has been modified countless times over the centuries. Now, when you read Genesis 3 again, you can be assured you’re reading a radically altered version of the best selling book of all time.

.

Okay, okay. So I made up the part about Victoria’s secret. But the rest of the story is absolutely true. And you can take God’s word for it.

***

Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow whose collar was frayed
Upbraided a careless housemaid.
She said “that’s enough
Or your collar I’ll stuff
Down your throat till you need first aid.”
.
A fellow appeared unafraid
Of a woman whose nerves were frayed.
At him she would screech
I’ve a lesson to teach
You’ll regret that you foolishly strayed.
.
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Was dismayed by a mate unafraid.
She said don’t you sneer
You will soon come to fear
The wrath of a woman betrayed.
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February 2, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 02/02/14

Women Warned Against Tight Fitting Clothing.

That’s right ladies, throw out those tight-fitting dresses, skirts, shirts and designer jeans.

‘Cause if you wear ’em, you ain’t gonna go to heaven.

Doesn’t matter if weight gain caused the tightness. Your evil ways will surely condemn your immortal soul to the everlasting fires of Hell.

SEXY GIRL

A debate is now raging in the inner circles of fundamentalist Christian groups: Is the above garb considered too tight?  We expect the entire issue to sort out in a century or two.  In the meantime, bless you, my child, bless you.

You think your husband is a pain in the ass. Wait ’til you meet Satan. He’s no pussycat either and he sportin’ a torch with your name on it.

But have no fear, those of you of modest attire.  For I say unto you, fear of the flames of perdition will surely save the faithful from the fiery abode of the dead and turn true believers from their sinful ways.  Abide by Christian dress codes and yea verily will you be saved.

 Praise the Lord.

Anyways, that’s what this pastor who owns a Baptist church with a congregation of 11,000 devout adherents believes.

Praise the Lord.

Pastor Paul Washer, founder of HeartCry Missionary Society, admonishes women to get rid of that tight-fitting sweater, throw away the tank tops, and the blasphemous bathing suit, burn your breeches and get thou some holy clothes.

Praise the Lord.

Yes, modesty must prevail for women in all matters of apparel.  That is exactly how his wife dresses. No sexy attire in her wardrobe.

Praise the Lord.

There’s a big however here however. Many noticed that Pastor Paul’s sermonizing about modest clothing for women doesn’t include a single word regarding nudity. So, I guess, ladies you can get naked as much as you want.

Praise the Lord.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/01/28
/virginia-pastor-women-are-sinners-if-
clothes-outline-body-to-make-it-noticed/

Asked for her opinion of the pastor’s pulpit pounding sermonizing, here’s one young lady’s response:

 

middle finger

***

The Devil’s Playground.

Need an exorcism.

Well, you’re in luck.

Reverend Bob Larsen is offering a special this week and this week only.

Yes, for the unbelievably low, low price of only $295, Pastor Bob will cast out the demon from your body, your heart and your mind. And for an additional $95, he will expel Satan from your soul; and send him cascading straight down to Hell (or maybe into someone else’s body, who knows).

Better hurry though! When this price goes away, it won’t come back.

breaking

Word has just come in from a quiet little village in the Italian Alps that a member of the faculty of the Sardo Institute of the Religious Paranormal is offering yet another exorcism bargain.

Not to be outdone by Pastor Bob’s special sale, Monsignor Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe, DD, PhD, LLD, MD, INC and Pastor of the Church of the Blessed Toe located in the Pasta Fagioli, Italy is offering a twofer.

Yes, that’s right. For the unbelievably low price of only $249.95, you will receive one exorcism guaranteed to cure your devilish demeanor and a second exorcism for the person of your choice absolutely free.

That’s two exorcisms for the price of one.

Monsignor Bacciagalupe’s world-renowned secret method of metatarsal manipulation combined with ancient incantations composed by a medieval monk who possessed the wooden block to which the feet of Our Lord and Savior were nailed is guaranteed to remove all vestiges of demonic possession or your money back.

But you must act now! This special offer is for a limited time only.

Send your donation of $249.95 for your two individually tailored exorcisms to:

The Church of the Blessed Toe
C/O The Sardo Institutue of the Religious Paranormal
PO Box 666
Pasta Fagioli, Italy 55555 5555

Cash Only Please.

Donations are tax-deductible. Airfare and hotel accommodations not included.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/01/29/
arizona-pastor-offering-tax-deductible
exorcisms-over-skype-for-295-each/

***

Students Warned Against Masturbation.

A short documentary produced by BYU and narrated by its president has warned students against masturbating too much.

That raises a question. How much is too much? Once a day, twice a day?

The mini-movie directs its message to males addicted to pornography who masturbate due to their viewing habits .

It also encourages fellow students who don’t masturbate (too much) and who are not addicted to porn to come to the aid of their porn-addicted brethren.

The film says nothing about female masturbation, however, an activity which exists along with the male variety.

There are solutions to the problem of excessive masturbation, of course, both male and female.

Here’s one problem solver. Have authorities thought about encouraging oral sex? It used to be that’s what the back seat of cars were made for. Now they make coed dormitories for that sort of thing.

I have a feeling it will be a long time before school officials embrace the idea of students going down on each other – even if the student’s attitudes about sex are advanced well beyond those of their elders.

Watch the short film if you like.

Warning: No explicit sex.

***

Short A Training Mission.

Former Navy Seal and Tea Party baby doll Ryan Zinke is running for Congress from the great oil state of Montana.

The Big Sky Country Republican drew a huge standing room only crowd of thirty right-wing extremists to his fund-raiser in Big Fork.

Although there are many more extremists in Big Fork, population 4270, not counting roaming buffalo, the candidate blamed the huge turn out on his staff who, a member claimed, couldn’t find Big Fork on a GPS.

Anyways, Zinke anointed potential Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton the new “anti-Christ,” calling her “the real enemy” and stripping President Obama of the title even before his term ends.

The GOP hopeful also railed against big government to the delight of the wildly cheering throng.

Making a veiled reference to overthrowing the government by invoking Second Amendment rights, Zinke shouted: “Who trusts the U.S. No one in this room….In the military the last option is to send in the Seals.”

At the end of the meeting the candidate handed out 50 caliber ammunition to the men who sponsored the event.

Zinke’s fundraising success and his appeal to religious zealots, gun rights advocates and anti-government enthusiasts suggests Montana may send in the clowns rather than the Seals.

I guess one more clown in Follyland won’t matter much. But the current candidate is definitely short a training mission.

clown 1

One more clown in the House won’t matter a bit.

http://www.politicususa.com/2014/01/31/
gop-candidate-calls-hillary-anti-christ-
passes-bullets-event.html

***

Don’t Go Near The Water.

If you live in West Virginia anyway.

A company hypocritically named Freedom Industries has been accused of dumping 10,000 gallons of a deadly chemical into the Elk River.

That spill poisoned the drinking and bathing water of some 300,000 residents who lived in the vicinity of the mishap.

The chemical 4-methylcyclohexanemethanol for short, has been known to cause cancer in living organism and also people.

But I’m not talking about just the first spill. You’ve already heard about that one.

tank trio

Leak? What leak? I don’t see any leak!

I’m speaking of the second spill.

The incident occurred when a contractor rammed an underground pipeline with an excavator, bursting it and unleashing more of that chemical I mentioned above, sending it gushing to the surface.

Not to worry though. A containment area constructed to trap the spill prevented the chemical from reaching the river.

If you’re concerned about Freedom Industries, you can put your mind to rest. They’ve been operating in the red for more than a decade and have finally given up the ghost. Officials announced that the company has declared bankruptcy and will let a court sort out its affairs.

The persons responsible for the spill will admit to no wrongdoing and the company will probably escape without paying so much as a small fine let alone restitution for the damage it caused.

As for the residents who suffered the inconvenience of going without potable water for weeks: Tough shit.

Only in America.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/26/
freedom-industries-bankruptcy_n_4662073.html

.

A fellow was making a scene
About water containing benzene
It came from Elk River
Polluted his liver
And turned his poor spleen a blue-green.

***

Limerick Lunacy.

 A man was, alas, in the red
Spent his money on gals till he bled.
When at last he went broke
They said: “Sorry old bloke.
You’ll be cold and alone ‘neath the spread.
.
A woman who always wore red
Slinky nightgowns when going to bed.
Looked for all of the part
A sweet little tart
Which made hubby go heels over head.
.
A gal who was very well-read
For a while played a blockhead instead.
She soon found a dumb beau
Who knew not Thoreau.
But had heard that Shakespeare was long dead.
.
A fellow who liked to be seen
In a mirror would primp, fuss and preen.
To the ladies shocked sight.
His hair was a fright.
He looked like Marie the French queen.
.
A woman was making the scene
In a sailor’s bawdy canteen.
She worked up a big thirst
Then said who’ll be the first
To buy me a drink, I’m eighteen.
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