Hallelujah! He’s A Comin’
The Lord he’s returning to an earthly existence. You better believe it ’cause it’s in the Bible. Revelation to be exact.
He’s coming back and, by God, he’s a packin’ heat. An AR-15 in one hand and an AK-47 in the other. And their both just a blazin’ away.
John Patmos, the author of Revelation, knew nothing of AR-15s. Nevertheles he depicted a bloody retribution for all but the few faithful when the Son returned to reclaim the Earth from the sinful. (Painting by Matthias Gerung 1500-1570, Wikimedia).
So saith Lt. Gen. (Ret.) Jerry Boykin, now an executive vice president of the Family Research Council.
According to the former general, not only is the Bible the literal word of God. So is the Second Amendment.
Well, okay, maybe not the literal word of God. But the idea does literally come from Jesus Rambo Christ. Nevertheless, Jesus loves the right of the people to keep and bear arms, to say nothing of buying and selling them.
By the way, if you don’t have an AR-15, better go buy one. The Lord wants you to have it. And it’s an easy way to get yourself saved. Or born again, if you aren’t already. And while your waiting for the Coming, you can have some fun shootin’ up trees and stuff.
The latest Follyland rumors about Boykin pertain to the rejection of his nomination for the Putzie Award by the Nobella Prize Committee. A spokesman for the Committee maintained that nominees for the prize must possess at least some modicum of sanity. The general was disqualified on that basis.
Rush To Serve In Vietnam.
When some doctor gave Rush Limbaugh his draft physical and said bend over and spread ’em, Rush could hardly contain his joy. You see, he had a pimple on his tail bone for which he would receive a 1Y classification, later changed to 4F, and exempting him from serving in the armed forces due to a physical condition.
(Ian Marsden from Montpellier).
The pimple is called a pilonidal cyst or boil, a minor condition which can be relieved and cured by draining – a treatment Rush neglected to seek at the time of his physical which was conducted by a private physician on the basis of whose report, Rush received the exemption.
He says he didn’t even know it was there. But, save for the now infamous butt boil, Rush might have been able to serve his country in the Vietnam War and become a military hero – or coward which is the more likely scenario.
In any case, he eventually became the quintessential chickenhawk or someone with a yellow streak down his back who sought every means possible to avoid military service duing the Vietnam era and who is now harshly critical of persons who prefer peace before war.
Racism In Greenville. Again.
Would that be Greenville, South Carolina? Or maybe Greenville, North Carolina?
Nope. Wrong on both counts.
It’s Greenville, Michigan.
(Historic District, downtown Greenville, MI. By Andrew Jameson).
Seems some Republican in that woe begotten GOP ruled state exhaled.
And whenever a Repub exhales you get more than a blast of bad breath. You can usually count on at least one dumb remark. And it’s very often a racist one.
And that is exactly what issued from the mouth of this babe in – yes, Greenville, Michigan.
It seems that wherever there’s a Greenville there is at least one racist Repub and probably many more.
So this guy says it’s time to turn Detroit into an Indian reservation.
No. Really. He really said that. You can look it up.
Who was the guy? It was Republican County Director L. Brooks Patterson. And he wasn’t talking about a Native American reservation.
Anyway, this intellectually challenged Repub has nothing to fear since he no doubt lives in a safe district and will be reelected in a landslide. In Greenville. In Michigan. Hmmmmm.
In a related matter, the Nobella Prize Committee rejected Patterson’s nomination for the Putzie Award. The Committee cited a rule that requires a candidate to possess some semblance of sanity to be considered for the prize.
MSM Ignores News. That’s News???
Maybe it’s the fact that the news is occurring in North Carolina and the MSM has a soft spot in its heart for the state, so it’s turned off and tuned out to events in the tenth largest among the 50.
Or maybe it’s because the state is now ruled entirely by Republicans for the first time since Reconstruction.
But whatever the reason, the media has failed to report the ongoing and popular Moral Monday protests that have been organized and
conducted on a regular basis in the GOP entrenched red state.
There is also a mysterious silence on the Duke Energy coal ash dump into the Dan River.
Perhaps the media fears Republican retribution if it reports honestly on the protests and Duke dump which poured massive amounts of arsenic laden coal ash that settled in layers on the river bottom.
Perhaps the media was satisfied that the state Department of Environment ordered Duke not to do that anymore. Or that it fined the power company $100,000 for its carelessness –
Perhaps it has something to do with Gov. Pat McCrory’s 28 year tenure at the power company. Or the favorable treatment Duke receives throughout the state from Repubs and Democrats alike.
Whatever the reason, the media is keeping its hand off both the protest movement and the toxic coal ash dump.
College. A Raw Deal?
College is becoming an arena for the privileged only. The kids are being scammed by the banks, the loan servicers and the colleges themselves. Here’s a suggestion from Sen. Elizabeth Warren to help ease the heavy debt burden graduates are buried under when they finally reach the job market.
Dinosaurs In Paradise.
Researchers at the Sardo Archaeological Institute are disputing the claim by Creationists that male tyrannosaurs did not masturbate.
The reason given for their Onanistic shortcomings by fundamentalist theologians is that their arms were too short.
In the scientists’ report, however, they noted that dinosaurs had very long, you know, thingys.
The length has been estimated by nineteenth century biblical authorities to be between 1-3/4 to 2-1/2 giraffe necks based on interpretations of evidence found Genesis 51: 48-69.
Archaeologists noted that a thingy of this length could facilitate masturbatory activity.
No word in the Bible on how females relieved their pent up sex tensions.
Limerick Lunacy.A woman whose life was fast-paced Often her car keys misplaced. She frowned and she fretted Through sweater she sweated As often to the office she raced. . A woman whose life was fast-paced Was chaste though she often was chased. One night on a bender She’d finally surrender. Of the good life she’d had a foretaste. . The woman whose life was fast-paced Her old ways she’d finally displaced. She soon took to bedding Without ever fretting As guy after guy she replaced. . A fellow who frequently paced Was upset that he was replaced By a new guy in town And so he would frown “I’m in no mood now to be chaste.” . A fellow who frequently paced Soon found his life was debased For a girl he went shopping So he started bar hopping Got drunk and he stripped ‘neath the waist. . A fellow was working with paste That he knew to be rye whiskey laced. He’d baste beef while roasting Then tasting and toasting Till his brain he’d completely erased