NSA Bugs White House.
Documents leaked early yesterday reveal that the National Security Agency is intercepting White House communications.
Included in the leaked file was a transcript of a top secret conversation between President Barack Obama and Russian President Vladimir Putin.
According to the transcript the two heads of state had a personnel conversation that revealed the frustrations of each regarding recent developments.
Here is the leaked transcript in full.
Obie: Dobrie ootro my man, what’s happnin’ bro.
Pooty: Ну у меня было два красивых молодых женщин на на квартире прошлой ночью, и сказать вам правду я чувствую себя немного изношены.
Obie: What’s up with that roosky shit, man. You know I don’t dig that jive.
Pooty: Подождите, пока вы слышите это, мой человек. Эти две телки приехать и я просто получаю из душа, и они начинают сушки меня.
Вы все еще не понимаю по-русски?
Obie: I been practicin’. I been practicin’ But you guys got some funny shit alphabet over there. Now c’mon Pooty. Tell me about those two women you say your wit. You gotta be jivein’ me, man. Two, at the same time. C’mon’, my man.
Pooty: Нет, может человек. Это не джайв. Это правда. Два из них.
Блондин, голубые глаза, С чашки.
Obie: Blond, blue eyes, C-cup!!! Two of ’em. Aw, c’mon, bro. Now I know you’re jiving me.
Pooty: Нет, мой мужчина. Сначала я думал, что они были ЦРУ, но я попросил им nationaliy Екатерины Великой и когда они сказали, немецкий, я знал, что они были русскими. Выключите видеомагнитофон и слушать это.
Я дважды дозируется на Viagra.
Obie: Two. At the same time. No wonder you’re tired. Hey, have they got any sisters?
Pooty: Я спрошу. Не волнуйтесь. В следующий раз вы находитесь в городе я починю вас.
Obie: Oh, damn. In that case, I’ll send Biden. Pooty, listen up. Have I got a deal for you. I’ll give you Ukraine for two Afghanistans and an Iraq. You give me Libya and I’ll throw in Syria.
Pooty? Pooty? That’s all of Ukraine now. Not just Crimea, ya know. How’s that sound.
Hello, Pooty? Pooty,? Are you there?
Pooty? What’s goin’ on, my man? What’s happenin’, bro….
Must be a bad connection.
Nyet, nyet. Cheese, Vlad, cheese. You know vat means cheese?
(Phote: Russian Presidential Press and Information Office).
Minority Leader Gives Rousing Speech.
Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell tried to give a speech at the Conservative Political Action Committee. And he almost succeeded. As he read his words from a piece of paper the crowd burst into silence.
It could have been better. But, fortunately for McConnell, one of his aids thought of a warm up caper. To rile up the gun nuts among the right wingers, the corpse-faced senator first he had to get the gun nuts riled up.
Soooooo to get the gun nuts riled up, the Minority Leader carried a bogus rifle on stage after his introduction. The crowd went ballistic. Unfortunately for Mitch it was the last time the audience showed any emotion at all.
The rest of the performance fell flatter than a Denny’s pancake.
Here’s an example. Mitch said the president “treated the Constitution worse than a Denny’s placemat.” That is supposed to be an applause line. And a funny remark.
To be fair, a smattering of polite laughter did rise up from the floor to, well, somewhere below the rafters. Far below the rafters.
His next laugh line came after he accused the Democrats of being the party of too big to fail Wall Street banks as he accused the media of a Benghazi coverup for the benefit of Hillary Clinton uncampaign for the presidency.
Yes, again there was some embarrassed laughter for the hapless speaker.
Never however was there a threat that McConnell would bring down the house, even in super friendly CPAC territory.
Still has that same ole shit eatin’ grin.
Oh, I almost forgot. The crowd applauded when the senator left the stage. Not a moment too soon.
Next year, aides vowed, McConnell would pack some real heat and fire live rounds into the crowd.
That should liven things up.
Alien Life Form Discovered In Canada.
Scientists have discovered evidence of the existence of an alien life form that lived millions of years ago on the surface of the Earth.
Fossils still being unearthed at a dig site on an island in the northern Canadian province of Nunavut include samples of frozen DNA and skeletal structures of nearly whole spinal cords and skulls.
The creatures, according to reports, possessed a type of DNA with a distinctly different pattern from any previously known varieties. The strands, called the double helix, contain unidentified chromosomes and a heretofore unknown nucleotide which has yet to be named.
Scientists are speculating that the alien life form may have come to Earth during the Cambrian explosion and, during that period, evolved into numerous related species, some of which assumed a bipedal or human-like configuration.
Carbon dating showed that the earliest forms unearthed to date lived in the Jurassic jungles as a fungus. They migrated north assuming an abundance of adapting shapes while surviving several mass extinctions during the migratory phases.
However, many samples unearthed at upper layers of the dig site indicated that the growth, while morphing, developed endoskeletons during the early Cenozoic era.
Bio-archaeologists suspect that creatures with nearly identical DNA to the earliest types discovered to date continue to roam the planet and appear in numerous shapes.
Comparing the find with DNA samples submitted by laboratories from around the world, the researchers concluded that the fungus is still among us.
Studying fossils from the dig, morphologists have been able to sketch a likeness of the alien life form’s facial features.
The most prominent characteristics are sharp angular details of the ears, nose and chin.
Archaeologists have determined from the study of the fossil record that the creature was ill-tempered and possessed an aggressive personality. Scarred and disfigured bone fragments reveal its tempestuous nature.
Here are some examples of what the fungus-like creature might look like:
From Rick Cooley’s Blog.
Good reads on important matters.