Known Knowns From Chimpland.
Donald Rumsfeld, the unknown unknown from the Bush regime, believes a trained ape could perform better at executing foreign policy vis a vis Russia’s Vladimir Putin than the Obama Administration. And Rummy knows whereof he speaks. The Bush Administration, of which Rumsfeld was Secretary of Defense, appointed trained monkeys to vital leadership positions.
Funny thing. Those chimps proved a dismal failure, so much so that their policies and decisions are adversely impacting life in the United States and around the world five years after the failed administration past into the twilight of history.
And so it is clear, Rumsfeld doesn’t know the difference between success and failure-or chimps and apes for that matter.
ACA Foils GOP Attempts To Deflate It.
The Affordable Care Act provides coverage for penis pumps. Yes, really. It does. As the saying goes, any port in a storm, even if its just the inside of a pump. And now it’s insured.
Well, that’s a relief. Especially for men who can’t take Viagra for health reasons.
The science behind the device is seemingly foolproof, such being that by creating a vacuum blood will rush to the vessels of the limp organ and inflate it to the point where it will penetrate a, ya know, a woman’s thing.
Sorta the opposite of a blow job.
Not covered by the way,
They’ve been around for a while. Now they’re covered by insurance.
Pasta Fagioli, Italy.
March 30, 2014
In a surprise news release a short time ago, The Nobella Prize Committee announced the winner of its most recent MVP award.
State Sen. Richard Ross (R-MA) is the latest Republican to receive the prestigious prize. Ross won for his proposal to require women undergoing a divorce procedure to have a note from a judge before engaging in sexual relations.
The woman in question must present the note to her partner or partners before taking off her clothes as proof that she could be lawfully screwed any time day or night.
A note from her mommy was not required by the proposed legislation.
And so for his dimmed vision and blurred foresight in attempting to curtail a woman’s sexual freedom, the committee bestowed its Most Valuable Putz Award on the hapless state senator from Massachusetts.
In the presentation ceremony, the spokesman for the committee also praised Ross for capturing the Asshole Of The Day Award granted by the website assholeoftheday.us.
Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.
These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.
The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.
From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.
Limerick Lunacy.While shopping for fantasy wear Claire’s mind was caught in a snare. Costly clothes were all lewd She looked good in the nude. So the guys better like her bare pair. . She would never buy ready to wear. In hot embrace they’d easily tear. Though nude might be crude She didn’t need mood And Claire’s dude was ready for bear. My wife disappeared-don’t know where She went shopping to buy sexy wear She got lost in a mall A cavernous sprawl. Missing Persons gave up in despair. . . A woman appeared unaware Of a guy who sat in a chair He sat down beside her She thought woe betide her And agreed to a secret affair. Related articles