Archive for June 22nd, 2014

June 22, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 06/22/14

Eric Cantor – Multi-Millionaire.

The guy’s already knee deep in cash.  But who’s counting.

He’s now positioned to become very, very rich indeed, a true 1%-er.

Sure, he lost a primary and has very little chance of running again and winning.  So the Speaker of the House gig is out of the question.  But maybe the Senate someday.

Oh well, who needs that kind of hassle anyway.

cantor1

Virginia exchanges one devil for another.

He’s already racked up so many chits that losing and leaving the House is his highway to riches.

That’s because he will remain in Washington and use his influence as a lobbyist to earn millions. Or maybe become the president of a right wing think (oxymoron warning) tank – either one that currently exists or one that will be created especially for him.

It’s called the revolving door of course and it never breaks down, never fails. Like a battery, it just keeps going and going.

So for the moment Cantor has a little egg on his face. But he’s about to fill his pocket with payola.

And he’ll need every penny of it. He is apparently a steak lover. I mean, like, his campaign spent over $150,000 on meals in steakhouses.

He also sleeps well, judging from the booty spent on luxury hotel suites.

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McCain Muddies The Water.

Annapolis graduate, naval officer, navy pilot and courageous prisoner of war John McCain long ago left those distinctions behind.

As he muddies the waters over the insurgency in Iraq, he further beclouds his auspicious beginnings.

At the moment, he’s little more than an old pol who needs to be put out to pasture to graze with the other worn out horses. (Bill Clinton comes to mind).

mccain

McCain dishonored himself by criticizing Barack Obama for the Benghazi attack after skipping a security briefing that revealed details of the affair.

He ditched the “no soldier left behind” mantra of the US military after walking out of another briefing and dissed the president to the press about the Bowe Bergdahl prisoner exchange.

Most recently he dashed from an Iraq security meeting to a press conference where he told reporters that the insurgency in that tragic, worn torn nation was “the greatest threat since the Cold War.” Guess Soviet ICBM’s slipped his mind.

A spokesman for McCain hinted that the senator from the semi-great state of Arizona is considering a bid for the 2016 Republican nomination for president.

The spokesman also said that McCain already has a VP candidate in mind and that Michelle Bachmann expressed an interest in the senator’s offer.

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McCain Honored With Schmuckup Award.

The Nobella Prize committee announced today that Senator John McCain of Arizona is the latest recipient of the Schmuckup Prize.

McCain won due largely for his inane remarks about political affairs in the United States.

The senator recently held brief conferences with reporters in which he criticized President Barack Obama for mishandling the Bergdahl POW exchange and then for what he characterized as the president’s weak response to the Iraq insurgency.

A then, a scant year ago, McCain was whacking the president for his handling of the Benghazi riots that killed four embassy officials including the ambassador.

The comments of course smacked of pure politics having little to do with facts or reality.

Unfortunately for McCain his criticisms vanished in a cloud of political smoke.

The members of the Nobella Committee recognized the senator’s efforts however and expressed an awareness that he is positioning himself for a presidential bid in 2016.

So in recognition of his work as the nation’s preeminent warmonger, the committee bestowed upon Sen. John McCain the highly sought Schmuckup Prize.

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Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.”

The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

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To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t be an ordinary schmuckup. There are already thousands of those in the nation’s capital. No, you have to be an extraordinarily monumental schmuckup and we are proud to say the most recent winner fits that description.

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Grandsons Commemorate Birth of Nobella Prize Founder.

Aggitato, Sicily.

Don Alfredo Vito Nobella, the originator of the Nobella Prize, was born on this day in 1876. His grandsons noted the date by presenting the small Sicilian town of his birth with a commemorative statute sculpted in white marble. The town square, where the statue was unveiled, was filled with joyous townspeople celebrating the festive occasion. Speakers at the event praised the Don for establishing two awards now known as the Schmuckup Prize and the Putzie.

During the celebration, it was noted that in addition to establishing two of the world’s most respected prizes, Mr. Nobella was also the founder of the largest insurance organization in Sicily.

After the Italian government deregulated the industry in the late nineteenth century, Mr. Nobella, known to friends and close associates as Don Vito, began a program that revolutionized the buying and selling of insurance. Deregulation allowed for the creation of new ways to package insurance and Don Vito led the way in establishing innovative means to sell these ingenious contracts.

One of the Don’s most noteworthy innovations was a whole life policy whereby clients who paid their premiums got to live a little longer.

Another breakthrough credited to the Don was the creation of after-life insurance. Since an after-life contract was effective posthumously and guaranteed the passage into heaven after death, this type of policy was wildly popular among Italian widows who purchased the product for their deceased husbands as well as for themselves.

Don Vito then branched into property insurance – another innovation that rapidly gained in popularity. With such a policy, property was deemed safe from random hazards and it too was guaranteed.

Mr. Nobella’s insurance organization grew rapidly through the early decades of the twentieth century as the company’s unpublicized slogan – you buy or you’re never heard from again – became well known among customers and prospective clients alike. And because premiums were reasonable Mr. Nobella was treated with respect and it was said of Don Vito that he always made you an offer you couldn’t refuse.

In addition to founding an insurance business, Mr. Nobella began life as an importer of seafood. He was heavily invested in the seaport business and sold boat insurance to fisherman throughout Sicily. In place of cash for premium payments, the Don graciously accepted 20 percent of every catch which he then sold under contract to restaurants across the Italian peninsula.

Mr. Nobella was a very good salesman.

don vito

He is pictured near San Sabastion’s Basilica holding a pan containing lobsters prepared using his renowned recipe.

The Basilica of San Sebastian, where the birthday was commemorated with a High Mass, is the church where Don Vito was baptized. A devout Catholic, he often called upon San Sebastian to protect clients who purchased a policy. Known as the protector saint because he was said to have the power to safeguard the faithful against the Black Death, the Don so revered the saint that in the early days he referred to his enterprise as The San Sebastian Insurance Company.  

Sadly, Don Vito and many of his relatives were recently excommunicated by Pope Francis.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/21/pope-excommunicates-mafiosi_n_5517932.html

 

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Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow with many a vice
Out of life he took a big slice
He slept with the gals
And made them his pals
And always he went around twice.
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A fellow with many a vice
Out of life he took a big slice.
He slept with the gals
And made them his pals
They said, “You can only manage it twice?”
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A guy with many a vice
To his life he added some spice.
He doubled the pill
And with iron for will
He’d manage to go around thrice.
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A guy with many a vice
Was fast at tossing the dice.
Quick as a dash
He laid down his cash
But always he paid a big price.
.
A fellow was dating two Kays
Every week for at least two days
One had a tat “good show.”
The other “ahoy down below.”
And to each he gave praise with a rollicking raise.
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A fellow was dating two Kays
And each he would always amaze.
For them he would love
Below and above
But soon found more Kays to graze.
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A fellow was dating two Kays
But for him it never would faze
When playing hot games
He mixed up their names
Same names now he claims saved the days.
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