Archive for March, 2017

March 10, 2017

President Orders Climbing Rose Bushes

President Trump today ordered Secret Service agents to purchase tens of thousands of climbing rose bushes.

According to a White House spokesperson, Mr. Trump ordered the bushes for planting along segments of the wall currently in place at the U.S-Mexican border.

Citing reports that a Mexican lawmaker climbed the wall and sat on it in a display of contempt for the edifice, the spokesperson remarked that the president was infuriated and insisted on the planting of the rose bushes because the plant stems have thorns.

“That’ll show ‘em,” the president is quoted as saying, “He tries that stunt again and he’ll get an ass full of stickers.”


In a related development, UPW White House correspondent Mercy Popindick has learned that secret service agents have been ordered to hire the Trump affiliated firm Manuel Jose Javier Eduardo Riccardo Lawn Care and Rose Bush Planting Company to plant the bushes.

The firm was hired for the project because of its motto:  We work in dirt for dirt. 

The employees of the firm are all illegals including the owner Manuel Jose Javier Eduardo Ricardo. 

A spokesperson for the White House was overheard remarking that because they are illegal the laborers will be required to work exclusively on the Mexican side of the wall and will not be allowed re-entry into the United States thereby fulfilling President’s Trump campaign promise to deport illegal immigrants.

“As far as the wives and children of the deportees are concerned,” the spokesperson continued, “who cares.” 


Famous Mexican Americans

Antonio Rodolfo Quinn Oaxaca