Archive for ‘HUMOR’

October 20, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/20/12

Mitt Romney says government doesn’t create jobs. But when he becomes president, he promises to create twelve million jobs.  That of course is a contradiction if not an outright lie. But who notices. 

And last time I checked, “president” was a government job.

File:Volunteers of America Soup Kitchen WDC.gif

What a jobs program might look like under Mighty Mitt. “Brother, can you spare a dime?”

If you’re in the job-creating business, why stop at twelve. I can create fifteen million jobs. Better yet, make that twenty million.

OK, how?

How??? You wanna know how??? Nobody ever asked Mitt that question.

Actually, nobody had to ask Mitt. He sorta volunteered the information. Not the details, mind you. Just a little info.

As a government employee, Mighty Mitt says he will create jobs – a feat which he has said on numerous occasions gobmint can’t perform – by lowering taxes for supply-sided rich people and by deregulating regulations no one enforces anyway (remember the Gulf and mining disasters).

Ya just gotta love the Mittster.

***

Shhhhh. I have a secret. Don’t repeat this to a soul.

Dinesh D;Sousa is having an affair.

The president of The King’s College – a conservative Christian liberal arts school – has been observed cavorting, cavorting mind you, with a woman who is not his wife.

The Christian community is beside itself with scandal. After all, Christians just don’t behave in this manner. It’s worse than drinking and gambling (except for Bingo).

Dinesh shared a room with this woman who is not his wife and the two came down together in the morning.

Now let’s be fair here. It’s entirely possible nothing happened while they slept together in the same room   Doesn’t mean they shared the same bed does it? Maybe she made him sleep on the floor. Maybe they both remained fully clothed. Perhaps God sent an angel to act as chaperon and the angel kept them apart.

On the other hand, they could have been fucking their brains out all night.

There is a “however” here however.

However, Dinesh, an Indian American – no, not that kind of Indian, the other kind – did introduce the woman he may or may not have banged all night, as his fiance and he is divorcing his wife of 20 years.

We should probably give Dinesh the benefit of the doubt since no one actually witnessed the activities the couple may or may not have engaged in during the night. And keep in mind, cavorting with thy neighbor’s wife is not forbidden by the Ten Commandments. Only “coveting” is prohibited. So Dinesh, you get a pass on this one, even though as a result of your behavior, you felt compelled to resign as president of the conservative Christian liberal arts school, The King’s College.

We report. You decide.

***

Mitt Romney has been upside down, inside out and backwards on so many issues, he doesn’t know which way to turn.

His advisers have developed a new device that will help the candidate assume all positions at once.  It defies the natural laws of the universe by allowing Romney to go in two directions simultaneously. The contraption has been named “Romnesia.”

It has been patented by Bain Capital, will be manufactured in China and then marketed in the U.S. under the name Milk d’Romnesia.

The device will be implanted in the brain and people who suffer anxiety and confusion when pulled in two directions at once can now have it both ways. Just like Romney.

Actually, I made that stuff up. Not the part about Romney having it both ways. Just the part about the Romnesia machine.

The word was coined by President Obama this week and refers to Romney’s attempts to – what else – have everything both ways.

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Will the real Mitt Romney please invert himself?   (Photo by DonkeyHotey).

Mighty Mitt has a case of Romnesia

Which isn’t as bad as amnesia

But it clogs the brains

So truth it restrains

And it can’t be cured by Milk of Magnesia

***

Binder. A word recently popularized by Mitt Romney. It refers to this thing he had filled with women. OK,OK, the names of women. Sam Malone used to call it a little black book.

In any case, the word binder will never mean the same.

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Once had a binder kept in a nook

Used to call it my little black book

As I got old

The book grew mold

But its pages hold secrets of rides that I took.

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Mitt had a binder he frequently used

He recently got it completely confused

With another black binder

The real woman finder

Ah, those were the days he so sadly mused.

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Betcha Mitt still has that little black binder tucked away somewhere.

***

The election of 2012 raises two perplexing questions. The first is how the GOP could put up someone for president who so brazenly epitomizes the excesses of casino capitalism that have destroyed the economy and overwhelmed our democracy. The second is why the Democrats have failed to point this out. Robert Reich.

The mystery of the American psyche continues unabated. We have filled the history of the American presidency with characters who have repeatedly defiled the office. But none is as overtly perverse as Mitt Romney who stands at the doorstep of the White House and could well be its next occupant.

Why Democrats have failed to point out Romney’s perversity is less a mystery. For the Dems dwell in the same cash cesspool fertilized continuously by Wall Street and corporate payola and, they fear, any attempt to expose Romney as a vulture capitalist would drain all that green sludge from the tank.

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If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament – Gloria Steinem.

***

In the debate against Paul Ryan, Biden used the right word to describe the Romney/Ryan platform – malarkey.

I prefer twaddle myself.

Joe had a good laugh and we should all be laughing with him.

photo

Biden/Ryan by DonkeyHotey.

***

Teary eyed Republicans made themselves evident after the Biden/Ryan debate.

One Greta Van Susteren was especially weepy. She called Joe Biden rude. Can you imagine? Rude.

He wasn’t. He was simply aggressive. And if Biden had been polite and mannerly, the media would have declared him the loser with Susteren the first among them.

Let’s be honest. The debates are becoming theater. The debaters are performers. They rehearse their parts including answers to potential questions. True, as in beauty contests, the contestants don’t know the questions in advance. But they must act out their roles to satisfy media expectations and if rudeness and bullying win the day, this is the way media personalities want it.

Weeping when your guy gets blown away by the aggressive tactics of his opponent is sour grapes.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

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In debate Rep. Ryan took a hit

So Republicans went into a snit

They said Joe Biden was rude

As he laughed at their wonky dude

But a fire under Dems the Veep lit.

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Joe Biden left Ryan no escapes

And Republicans wept sour grapes

But their weeping was creepy

While Ryan looked sleepy

As Joe stole the house, kitchen sink and the drapes.

***

The Romney/Ryan tax plan is a sneak attack on the middle class.

Does anybody really believe that Romney will close loopholes that create cash for the rich who are the largest source of payola for the two parties?

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October 13, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/13/12

You gotta love Mitt Romney’s health care plan. He said nobody has to die in their apartment. You just go to the emergency room. Voila! The nation’s health care problem has just been solved. Why didn’t I think of that?

Healthcare Is A Human Right!

From DonkeyHotey

 

Mitt Romney says nobody dies

So enjoy a Big Mac and french fries

And if you get sick

You can take a trip quick

To an ER and avoid your demise.

***

Charlie Fuqua, a legislative candidate from Arkansas, called for the execution of disobedient children and sighted The Bible as justification for his belief.

Well, as you might expect, Charlie’s advocacy of a death sentence for bad kids does indeed receive support from The Bible. Yes, it’s right there in Leviticus 20:9.

“Anyone who curses his father or mother shall surely be put to death….”

Now there are lots of ways that sentence can be inflicted. Crucifixion would be a slow and excruciatingly painful way to teach the little bastards a lesson and I’m sure Charlie would approve. After all, that method is mentioned somewhere in The Bible as well, right. And with the right wing makeup of the Supreme Court, there wouldn’t be any Eighth Amendment hangups about “cruel and unusual punishment.” I mean, like, it is in The Bible, ya know.

The Romans favorite method of execution for rebellious slaves was crucifixion. It was a slow and excruciatingly painful way to die. Death resulted from asphyxiation and could take days The painting is by Russian artist Fedor Andreevich Bronnikov.

I have a better and slower and even crueler way to get rid of a bunch of little brats, one the Romans never thought of.  Now don’t get mad at me.  Killing them off is in The Bible, ya know.

How about forcing them to eat lunch in the school cafeteria.

A couple of meals there should do the trick. I had one once on a Dad’s Day. Damn near killed me. My son brought a sandwich from home. He learned the lesson the hard way. Fortunately, we both survived school lunches and are still alive today.

Oh, I almost forgot. These guys get nuttier all the time. Fuqua types, that is.

Oh, I almost forgot. The Bible also says:

“If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife, both the man and the woman shall be put to death.”

If put into practice, that verse should quell any and all adultery epidemics now and in the future. Or reduce the surplus population considerably.

Read the article about Fuqua at Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Have you heard? There was a debate this week. Yes, that’s right. It was between Smilin’ Joe Biden and Wonkie Paul Ryan. The rep. trom Wisconsin again reiterated the Republican sneak attack on the middle class. He of course called it the Romney tax plan. Biden riposted that the plan doesn’t make any sense. He should have said it can only work if the middle class deductions are decimated but Ryan refused to specify which deductions would hit the chopping block. Hence, the accusation that the plan is a sneak attack on the middle class is justified.

Joe Biden - Caricature 

Now come on, Joe, let’s see that famous smile.

***

Romney Campaign Aborts Abortion Turnabout.

The Romney campaign reversed Romney’s reversal on abortion proving once again it’s still possible to abort an abortion.

Uh, excuse me Mr. Lehrer, can I take that reversal back?”

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Romney once supported abortion rights. Then he opposed them. Then he said he opposed them but he wouldn’t pass legislation that would prevent a woman from getting an abortion. Does that mean he supports abortion? Nooooooo. It means he would promote legislation to protect life and therefore opposes abortion.

I think he said he wants to reverse his reversal but I can’t tell anymore which reversal he’s reversing.

Way to go, Mitt. That should keep ’em guessing.

Not to worry. Whatever reversal he reversed, I’m sure he’ll reverse it again tomorrow.

***

Romney’s erratic behavior has introduced a new word into the English lexicon: rereversal. The definition of rereversal is you can say anything you want, anytime you want and then contradict yourself and nobody in the mainstream media really gives a shit.

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Romney has reversed his statement about 47% of the people being government parasites. He now says he will be the president of 100% of the people – even if they’re whatcha call your takers.

A leaked memo to UPW News clarifies the Romney reversal.

He will work for 100% of the people but only 1% of the time. As for the other 99% of the time, he’ll devote that to the 1%.

***

There are makers and there are takers. There are producers and there are parasites. Mary Maitlin.

The problem with Republican ideology as expressed by Maitlin is that everyone who is not a producer is a parasite.

***

We have a bulletin from UPW News.

From Pasta Fagiola, Italy. October 13, 2012.

The Nobella Committee has announced the winners of its Most Valuable Putz award. The prize is shared by three Republicans who recently emerged from the cave.

Rep. Roger Rivard wins for his statement that “some girls rape easy.” He tried to explain what he meant to say. But no matter how you cut it, his remarks sound like “no” really means “yes.”

Also among the winners was Rep. Jon Hubbard of Arkansas for his claim that slavery was “a blessing in disguise” for African Americans. According to Aviva Shen of ThinkProgress, Hubbard stated that “If slavery were so God-awful , why didn’t Jesus or Paul condemn it, why was it in the Constitution and why wasn’t there a war before 1861.”

Hubbard is an example of another white GOP male using The Bible to justify a perverse belief. Now I can’t speak for Jesus or Paul, but I do know that for thousands of years before their brief appearance on this meager planet, numerous white males were routinely enslaved. As for wars, there was this guy named Spartacus who gave the Roman Empire fits in a war to free white men and women from enslavement. And while the US Constitution considered three-fifths of a slave for the purpose of representation in the House of Representatives, had the authors not done so, there might well have been a war before 1861.

In any case, Hubbard is a deserving winner of the Putzie.

And last but not least is the above mentioned Charlie Fuqua who supports a death sentence for bad kids.

So our hearty congratulations go out to these three winners who share the Nobella Committee’s Most Valuable Putz award.

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Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. .

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winners supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

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I wouldn’t be surprised if someday some enterprising scientist discovers a gene specific to the Republican DNA matrix that causes these unfortunate individuals to sputter stupid remarks.

There has to be a reason. I mean, nobody can be that stupid without an underlying cause. Can they?

 ***

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September 30, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 09/26/12

Committee Awards Prize.

From it’s hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, the Nobella Prize Committe announced the recipient of its most coveted award. Scott Brown, Republican Senator from Massachusetts, is the most recent winner of the Schmuckup Prize.

Brown won for his staff’s ridiculing the Cherokee heritage of Senate opponent Elizabeth Warren. The staff shouted war hoops and used the tomahawk chop in its demonstration against the Democratic candidate.

The Nobella Committee also learned that Brown and his staff prepared a celebration later in the day and invited the GOP Senate and House leadership to participate in the festivities.

A war dance was scheduled with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell playing the tom-tom.  Speaker John Boehner was expected to bring feather headdresses and tomahawks. The celebration had to be canceled, however, when McConnell suffered a bullshit stroke.  He realized the GOP message just isn’t working anymore.

Despite the cancellation, the Committee felt Brown was entitled to the prize and offered its hearty congratulations to the senator for his win.

File:BedfordMuseumTomTomDrum.JPG

A ceremonial tom tom.

Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

***

Here is a bulletin from the UPW newsroom!!!

BREAKING! BREAKING! BREAKING!

News outlets reported again that Fox News told the truth. At this point, UPW has no confirmation of the reports. But correspondents from UPW are following up and checking sources.

More on this story as details become available.

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After consulting with several fact checking organizations, UPW cannot confirm that the Republican Party propaganda organ, sometimes referred to as Fox News, did in fact tell the truth.

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Fashion designers have implemented a new feel-good size range for full-bodied women. The sizes are very tiny, tiny and small. OK, so they fudged a little. But you gotta admit it makes you feel good.

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The so-called Red States lead the nation in food stamp subsidies. Guess they’re sick and tired of people going hungry – and that includes themselves and their children.

So they accept the food stamps, eat and watch a NASCAR race, then vote to have their food stamps taken away. Just hard to figure some people out.

File:NASCAR practice.jpg

NASCAR: Watching cars go in circles really, really fast.  Then praying for a violent crash and hoping nobody gets killed.   

***

Hey, what’s wrong with a little starvation when it’s within your power to deny a woman her right to have an abortion or access to birth control? Ask most any media preacher. He’ll tell you. Starving’s OK when you’re doing the Lord’s work.

And be sure to keep those donations coming. After all, those TV preachers – almost entirely right wing conservatives –  are doing the Lord’s work too, don’t ya know.  Besides private jets and backyard runways cost a lot of money these days. And country club fees just keep going up.  

Donations don’t grow on trees, ya know.

***

A Republican senator blocked a bill in the Senate Veteran Affairs Committee that would grant a cost of living allowance for vets’ disability benefits.

This little piece of stupidity falls under the “you’ve got to be kidding me” category. Of course, we are talking Repubs here and no doubt they powwowed together, drew straws and picked the unlucky guy who’d screw the vets.

But it’s a secret so no harm done. Under one of the most ignorant legislative rules in the history of the body, a single senator can block a measure because of a unanimous consent requirement. And he doesn’t even have to reveal his name. That little piece of stupidity falls under the “you’ve got to be kidding me” category.

However, and only after heavy criticism and the fact that Repubs remembered that this is an election year, Sen. Richard Burr (R-NC) announced that the issue had been resolved and the bill would be released from committee.

The statement coming from Burr’s office raised suspicions that it was the cowardly senator from NC who blocked the bill in committee.

Republicans should not be discouraged however. They will now have an opportunity to vote against the legislation on the Senate floor. Their names will be recorded though so they will probably try to delay a floor vote until after the election when they can kill the bill with impunity.

Hypocrisy unbounded from the “support the troops” gang. People actually vote for these creatures.

Only in America.

***

That former wrestling mogul Linda McMahon is running for the Senate in Connecticut again. Some people you just can’t get rid of.

Well, she’s in the news because she proposed a sunset for Social Security. That is, you set a date and vote whether to continue or kill it. No doubt how McMahon would vote. Kill it for sure.

She also wants to raise the retirement age and means test to eliminate wealthy people like her who already detest the program and want desperately to destroy it. Means testing just gives the rich another excuse to get rid of it. Not that they really need an excuse.

***

According to Clare McCaskill (D-MO), her opponent in the Senate election Todd Akin is so wacko right wing he makes Michele Bachmann look like a hippie.

File:Multiple piercings and tattoos.jpg

You can pierce and tat just about anything anywhere.  (Wiros from Barcelona, Spain).  

A report from UPW News Senior Political Analyst Marcy Popindick indicates that Bachmann may have once been a hippie. There are persistent rumors that Bachmann has a tattoo and a piercing. The tattoo is on her ass. No word about the location of the piercing. Ouch!

***

The polls are going from bad to worse for Mitt Romney. But let’s not judge the guy too harshly. Just because he dissed 47% of the population of the entire nation is no reason not to vote for him – at least according to some unidentified woman known only as Ann.

Besides, nobody believes polls anyways. Right Ann???

***

According to polls, voters gave higher approval ratings to George W. Bush than they are giving to Mitt Romney.  

That factotum gives rise to speculation that stupid can only get just so stupid and then it stops. Hope really does spring eternal, Even stupidity has its limits.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t count on it. Better to go vote.

On the other hand, if you’re still wondering who to vote for, stay home. 

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***

Too soon to light up the stogie

Remember the wisdom of Yogi

It ain’t over till it’s over

There is no four leaf clover

Don’t vote and you’ll score a bogey.

***

So you still think the Republican deficit issue isn’t a hypocritical lie???  Check the chart.  The really, really big time spenders are – drum roll please – the Republicans.




Related articles

September 23, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 09/23/12

Let’s raise taxes on the wealthy. Let them eat caviar.  A generic brand, that is. The beluga sturgeon is an endangered species. Hate to make rich folks suffer like that but should the sturgeon become extinct aristocrats may never again experience the joy of feasting on beluga caviar.

File:Caviar spoon black.jpg

Beluga caviar – always served on a Mother of Pearl spoon so as not to disturb the subtle essence of this rare delicacy.  (Photo courtesy of THOR and Saibo).

***

Mitt’s campaign is in great disarray

Even Republicans are walking away

They’ve left Mitt behind

To watch him unwind

And refuse to join in the fray.

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Apparently for Mitt Romney’s campaign the shit has finally hit the fan. Solution: Get a new fan.

Same old shit.

***

If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there. Mitt Romney.

No, not Romney. Actually, Yogi Berra.

English: Yankees players (L-R:) , , in 1953.

English: Yankees players (L-R:) , , in 1953. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yogi Berra, left, with Yankee teammates Hank Bauer and Mickey Mantle (right).

Another Berra-ism we should all keep in mind: It ain’t over till it’s over.

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Mitt Romney says energy oughter

Stress solar, wind and water

But coal, gas and oil

Give cash to despoil.

So wind turbines will go to the slaughter.

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Mitt Romney sorta like maybe praised Adolph Hitler for his energy policy. Isn’t it strange how the right wing brain wanders aimlessly until it hits a Hitler note.

Birds of a feather.

Actually I’ve heard that Hitler did make the trains run on time. What a guy!!!!!

Actually Mussolini also made the trains run on time. But the passengers had to peddle really, really fast.

Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini in Munich, G...

Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini in Munich, Germany (Photo credit: Marion Doss)

That’s not an Italian joke; it’s a Mussolini joke, feeble as it may be.

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My paternal grandparents despised the pompous dictator and as a child I remember that when conversations arose about the evils Mussolini inflicted upon Italy and tempers began to flare, an uncle would always pipe up in a smartass tone: “But he made the trains run on time.” The second line never needed repeating, it was simply understood. And the laughter wafted through the large rooms of that grand old house.

Those discussions came up many times long after Mussolini’s dismembered corpse met its desecrated end.

It was years later that I came to understand that the seemingly innocent pun originated out of the contempt and bitterness Italian-Americans felt toward the foolish little man who envisioned the restoration of the Roman Empire.

However, not even Mussolini could get the trains to run on time during the summer. Italy closes in August.

That’s an Italian joke, feeble as it may be.

However, it’s not too far from the truth. Having dealt with Italian companies for many years now, I’ve found that service levels do indeed decline during the month named after the first Roman emperor. Many Italians vacation during August and some companies work only with skeleton crews.

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Speaking of empires, other than Roman that is, Obama seems to be deflating what many of our brethren have come to call the American Empire. He’s already pulled troops out of Iraq, although not entirely by choice. And now he’s drawing down troops committed to the conquest of Afghanistan. Could this mean our Empire is in retreat after only slightly more than a century of existence (assuming it began after the conquest of the Philippines following the Spanish-American War). We can only hope.

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We may be tucking tail and pulling some troops out of Afghanistan. But we’ll leave some behind though and a puppet government besides.

Afghanistan, as you probably know by now, is rich in rare elements.

Abandon three trillion dollars in natural resources and a pipeline to gas and oil in former Soviet Republics!!!!! That’ll be the day.

And so, as from the beginning of time, the ruling class today expects the small people to cater to their needs. The small people have been placed on this Earth to serve. If they must die in that service, oh well, that’s why God made the small people. Right Mitt and Ann.

We will maintain a presence in that poor, war torn country because Wall Street is salivating over the wealth that can be extracted from that mineral rich region; and the people of that exploited nation will get what the common man in Iraq got – squat.

***

The national debt is titanic

It’s making us all rather manic

But the crisis is a load

Since most money is owed

To ourselves so there’s really no panic

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The national debt is around $16 trillion give or take a couple hundred billion. We owe ourselves about $2.5 trillion for Social Security funds stashed in the safest investment in the world called US Treasuries – and, by the way, earning interest. After subtracting other government trusts, we owe about $12 trillion dollars to the public.

Most of that is owed to – drum roll please – ourselves. Yes, we owe us a lot of money, most of which is invested by wealthy Americans in mutual funds which in turn invest a portion of the money they receive in – drum roll please – US Treasuries.

We owe China about $1.2 trillion and the rest of the world slightly more – about $2.8 trillion.

So it’s no wonder rich Americans are worried about the debt. They own most of it and would like to get their money back some day. And they will, mostly because the level of debt we now owe as a percentage of GDP is quite manageable.

If, however, the right wing wackos decide that the US Government should default, the most efficient sequence would be to welsh on the debt we owe to rich Americans After all, wealthy people have scads of loot to fall back on.  And a default of that nature would mean we’re not paying ourselves what we owe us in the first place. We would, of course, instantly wipe out more than half of the debt. No problem.

***

Now let’s look at the national debt from a different perspective and compare it to household debt – uh, with a few minor changes.

Let’s say your spouse spends a thousand dollars a week every week. Not a good situation if you’re household income is only one hundred dollars a week.

Not to worry though. And here’s why. In your garage you have a machine, which you’ve named the Fed, that can print legal tender. So you go into the garage once a week and print nine hundred dollars. Voila, balanced budget.

But your spouse knows this and ups the ante and now spends two thousand dollars a week.

Not to worry. And here’s why. You have one thousand neighbors who will pay you ten dollars a week more than they are now paying just because you tell them they have to.

Now hold on here. Something is very wrong. 1000 x 10 = 10,000. You have an eight thousand dollar a week surplus and if that excess continues, you will soon have a recession to deal with because all that revenue you’re collecting is no longer available to your neighbors to buy things.  So, to avoid a sharp decline in demand, you must now tell your spouse that he/she must find a way to spend eight thousand dollars a week more.

A better way might be to tell your neighbors that they can now pay you nine dollars a week less. That will make them very happy. But your spouse might be sad because now he/she can only spend the original two thousand dollars and no more to keep the household budget in balance.

Well, as you might expect, your spouse refuses to cut expenses and continues to spend the whole ten thousand dollars every week.

Not to worry. And here’s why. You can sell bonds – call them Household Treasury Bonds – at the rate of eight thousand dollars a week to a central bank you created for just that purpose. The central bank- it’s the same one that owns the printing machine in the garage and which you’ve named the Fed – buys the bonds and you get the cash. Voila. Balanced budget.

There are hazards with the scenario no doubt. We mentioned one – recession. If excess funds collected from your neighbors – call them taxes – continue to mount you will soon find that some of your neighbors are losing their jobs. The other danger is inflation.  If you print too many dollars relative to your GDP, that is, the goods and services produced by those neighbors who so obligingly give you a portion of their paychecks every week,  your dollars will be worth less and you’ll need more of them to buy a loaf of bread.

However, your household system of managing the budget can be manipulated in such a way so as to avoid both hazards.

Oh, if we only had our own printing presses and a private Fed.

***

Paul Ryan is having a sad thought

The campaign is coming to naught.

Shoulda stayed in the House

As quiet as a mouse

Instead it’s with nightmares he’s fraught.

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Hello, Paul. Paul, it’s me, your mother. Call me. If you don’t call me I’m voting for Obama.”

***

Mitt Romney defined middle class

With numbers he pulled from his ass

Instead of a hero

He’s turned into a zero

In this game he gets no free pass.

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Mitt Romney defined “middle class” as persons earning something in the neighborhood of a quarter million dollars a year.

This is the group of people, and those earning more, for whom Romney intends to lower taxes. Of course, this dufus plan is just another installment of Randian, supply side silliness. But we are talking Republicans here.

The Romney/Ryan plan would cut taxes for everyone but balance the budget by eliminating deductions. The specifics are lacking; but only because the net result of cuts plus dropping deductions and credits would increase taxes for most lower and middle income Americans, that is, the vast majority of us.

The deductions most likely to vanish are the mortgage interest deduction, the employer expense deduction for medical benefits (you pay the difference), the child tax credit, the earned income credit, the education credit…. Well, you get the picture.

 

If deductions for upper income persons amounted to less than the cuts, the wealthy would benefit enormously. Shhhhh, that’s a secret.

As for the rest of us, if we don’t earn that kind of scratch, well, that’s just our fault isn’t it.

File:Ben Bernanke official portrait.jpg

Ben Bernanke – playing politics as chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank by ignoring the mandate of the Fed to help create jobs.

***

The American Jobs Act could have created 2,000,000 jobs. But Republicans couldn’t allow that to happen. If the GOP is to win the election, the American people must suffer.

The GOP voted down the Jobs for Vets legislation. Hey, just because they’re vets doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have to suffer too. Right GOP? Right.

***

A conservative Democrat failed to impose his right wing agenda to profitize a big city school system. Rahm Emanuel tried his best to put some school scratch into his Wall Street buddies’ pockets. But, alas, he failed.

Wall Street must be in tears now that their attempt to demonize teachers and their union has been thwarted – for three more years anyway.

Now there’s a method to this madness and it’s called profit.

According to studies, however, profit charter schools aren’t doing much better at educating children than some public schools. The charter schools do provide a handsome return for investors – which is really the movement’s primary function.

Charter schools are doing approximately 17% better than public schools according to the National Association of Secondary School Principals and most of that improvement comes in the better school districts.

Where savings are achieved they come largely at the expense of teacher salaries. Cut teacher salaries????? The perfect storm for failure.

A study from Stanford University, one from Rand Corporation and another from the Department of Education found improvements in profitized schools versus public to be mediocre at best and again mostly in the better school districts.

And bear in mind the charter system is a movement desperately trying to prove itself. Once advocates succeed in destroying public education, we’ll see the reality of this demented idea and it is likely to be nothing more than a profit monster for investors.

I’m sure there are many other studies and it may be too early for a verdict but evidence to date suggests that the charter school movement is on a path to failure.

Why? Simple really. The charter system isn’t a movement to improve the education of kids. It is another method of extracting taxpayer dollars to benefit investors by redistributing wealth upwards.

Blame teachers; profitize schools; cash dividend check; relax on yacht; deposit profits in Caymans.

Nice haul of taxpayer dollars if you can smoke enough voters.

This idea is getting stale.

***

Mitt Romney and that fella from Wisconsin he chose for his running mate are losing ground on the issue of health insurance for seniors – mostly because their plan is not Medicare.

It’s called Vouchercare, the anti-Medicare program.

Here’s how it works.

Blame “greedy geezers” for outrageous health care costs; profitize health insurance for seniors; cash dividend check; relax on yacht; deposit profits in Caymans.

Another nice haul of taxpayer dollars.

***

She’s baaaaaaack! Michele Bachmann is in the news. She must have been getting depressed from lack of media attention.  

She ridiculed Obama’s foreign policy by calling it “genius.”  She continued that the policy was responsible for the anti-American riots in Arab countries. 

Remember she gets migraines. Yes, they’re awful. So awful in fact they can interfere with performance.

Whether or not she had a headache when she made that statement isn’t really the point.; She gives everyone a headache every time she speaks.

I guess we all know by now that Michele is on the House Intelligence (sic) Committee. Irony compounded!!!!!

Only in America.

***

Obama seems to believe the Republicans will be more amenable to his agenda in a second term. Does he really think they will help elect Joe Biden in 2016???

Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether the president has a vision or is having visions.  

Even loyal supporter Nancy Pelosi disagrees.  She stated that Republican obstruction will continue if Obama is reelected.

Barack just doesn’t get any respect.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Eric Cantor admitted that cuts to government spending will eliminate jobs. That admission was GOP heresy of course even though it is truth so obvious you have to be economically ignorant to deny the fact

Actually, several Republicans made that public admission by fessing up to the fact that cuts to the war budget would cost jobs. Some of our most cynical officials – hello, Lindsey Graham, are you there – encouraged war contractors to fire employees before the cuts were enacted in a devious effort to head them off. Since the war budget is financed solely by taxpayer dollars, i.e., government spending, the GOPers who opposed the cuts admitted that the despised spending really, really does create jobs.

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September 15, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 09/15/12

Complete Defeat

Michele Whatshername (R-MN) managed to get her face back in the news.

File:Bachmann2011.jpg

Always thought she was a pretty little lady. Too bad she needs intensive anti-GOP therapy. Perhaps her husband could open a clinic.

According to Ms. Whatshername, the United States has suffered a “complete defeat” in Libya and Egypt.

The president of the United States has surrendered the entire armed forces of the nation to the rioting mobs in the Middle East. The surrender terms included turning over to the mobs all of the tanks and other weapons possessed by the Army, the entire fleet of the Navy and all Air Force aircraft.

That’s the bad news. The good news is the president managed to reduce the war budget down to zero in less than fifteen minutes.

In light of these sharp reductions, the White House announced that it expects to decrease the deficit by 3, 000, 000, 000, 000 dollars in less than four years.

Whatshername said she applauded the decision to reduce the deficit but all those zeros gave her a migraine.

***

Romney is desperately seeking a knockout blow – that one single issue that turns public opinion against the president and wins the election.

His desperation is becoming more apparent with each passing day as he continually grasps at straws. With this so called foreign policy issue he seems to have scraped the bottom of the barrel.

The media didn’t give him a free pass on the misstep as they have on many other occasions, his refusal to release tax returns is one example. That issue has gone quiet even though something rancid rots therein.

***

The Republican Party as we all once knew it passed into history decades ago.

File:GOP Presidential Debate June 13, 2011 in New Hampshire.jpg

Hard to believe but those faces pictured above represent the best the current GOP has to offer. Image by DonkeyHotey..

The party today is all about gaining power to pursue an extreme right wing agenda even if it means millions of Americans must suffer in the process.

The party now stoops to “assassinating” its own in primaries to squelch differences. Anyone who strays from the message is considered a heretic who must be removed from office. Dick Luger of Indiana learned that lesson the hard way when his own party turned against him in the primary because he refused to adhere to strict party discipline.

That’s today’s Republican party.: Discipline enforcers through threats and political assassination.

President of the United States Theodore Roosev...

***

Dwight D. Eisenhower photo portrait.

Members of a party that vanished a long, long time ago.

File:Abraham Lincoln head on shoulders photo portrait.jpg

***

Janet Granholm should have been the keynote speaker at the DNC. She was dynamite compared to the male firecrackers.

***

Rush Limbaugh declared the GOP dead is Obama wins the election. The Republican party has been dead for decades. It is now populated by a body of usurpers.

 ***

Republicans may think Mitt Romney’s campaign is lackluster. But what did they expect from a man whose greatest political assets are his hairstylist and his dentist?

.

Can a person be judged by his smile?

When it’s really meant to beguile.

Judgment is OK we’d say

If a smirk does truly display

A haughty contempt that we all find so vile.

***

Mitt Romney has been criticizing Obama and the DNC for not mentioning God in its platform.

The Democrats apologized for the omission and added the name of the Almighty thusly:

God, God, God, God,God, God, God, God. The name now appears more times in the Dem’s platform than in the Republican’s.

So there,” said a spokesman for the DNC.

***

If elected, Romney vows to place The Lord’s Prayer on the backside of quarters. The sample coin has already been minted.

The image of a soaring American eagle is located on the face of the coin as a tribute to the contributions Wall Street has recently made to the nation’s economy.

Unfortunately for Romney, the designer of the prototype mistakenly placed the image of an American black vulture on the coin and Mighty Mitt couldn’t tell the difference.

The American Black Vulture seeking its prey.  (Photo courtesy of Martien Brand from Mariënberg, The Netherlands).

So look for quarters with the Lord’s Prayer on one side and a black vulture on the other.

A tribute to Wall Street!!!  I guess it’s kind of fitting in a way.

***

Time for another ride on the GOP Wacky Wagon. Some Republican guy who has risen to a leadership position in the Kansas House has applied Psalm 109 to the current president. Speaker of the House Mike O’Neal called for the widowhood of Michelle Obama and prayed that the children be fatherless.

So you don’t have to look it up, here is the portion of Psalm 109 that the Wacky Wagon passenger wished upon Obama:

Let his days be few; and let another take his office. May his children be fatherless; and his wife a widow. May his children be wandering beggars; may they be driven from their ruined homes. May a creditor seize all he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor. May no one extend kindness to him or take pity on his fatherless children.

From what kind of brain can such mindlessness seep to the surface? A GOP brain of course.

File:Bob bell bozo roy brown cooky 1976.JPG

I Googled “Republicans in the Kansas State Legislature” and all I got was a bunch of clowns.

This episode occurred some time ago and to their credit some Christian pastors called for the Speaker’s resignation.

The guy is undoubtedly a racist. And from the racist brain this is the kind of stupidity that rises exponentially on a regular basis.

America’s decline has as much to do with racism and hatred as it does with GOP policies that favor the rich. In point of fact, the two go hand and hand. It’s the result of something called latent racism and often times it isn’t so latent. It is revealed only sub rosa and only to the most trusted fellow racists.

How did it ever come to this? The South and its heartless preachers are partly to blame, especially after 1964 and the passage of Lyndon Johnson’s civil rights legislation, when just enough Southern voters – largely low income white males and their compliant wives – turned against the progressive policies of the Democratic party and became part and parcel of Richard Nixon’s race baiting Southern strategy.

Sadly, the strategy and the people who embrace it do a great injustice to the many liberal Southerners who support progressive values and stand for “liberty and justice for all.”

***

Rumors are cropping up once again that Joe Scarborough will run for president in 2016. He is undoubtedly testing the waters. Gingerly at this point. And a bid will require a Romney defeat this year.

However, his candidacy shouldn’t be treated lightly. He is, after all, an entertainer with a nice hairdo. Both are excellent qualifications for the office of president.

We all know what happened the last time an entertainer with a nice hairdo ran for president. He won two terms and his policies are still in force and a major factor in the destruction of a middle class.

An entertainer with a nice hairdo in the White House!!!!!

Only in America.

***

The real unemployment rate is 23%.

The official unemployment rate includes people who have lost their jobs but counts only those who are out of work for the previous five weeks. The figure published by the BLS and accepted unwittingly by a majority of Americans was 8.1% for August. That number is purely for propaganda purposes. And it suits the purpose of government because most Americans simply believe it or just don’t care about it.

The propaganda figure excludes all persons who have not found work for 12 months; and also those who are marginally employed, that is, those forced into part time work because real jobs are not available.

That’s how the number at the top of the article comes from. It includes the unemployed regardless of how long they have been without a job and those who are marginally (working part time) employed.

Nearly one quarter of the American labor is unemployed.

U3-official figure 8.1%-always a fictitious number based only on the past five weeks.

U6-15%-includes those who the government assumes are not looking for work because they haven’t found a job in 12 months. Excludes all who have not worked for more than 12 months. Another fiction.

Real unemployment-23%-includes U3 and U6 plus workers forced into part time work.

.

Obama tried to do more. But his efforts were repeatedly blocked by Republican obstruction as the members of this obnoxious party erected a virtual blockade of Senate action.

Our top political priority over the next two years should be to deny President Obama a second term,” Republican Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell proclaimed to the world.

What evil lurks in the minds of men???

Left unsaid was the pervasive GOP attitude: “I don’t care a rat’s ass about how much Americans suffer. After all they are the small people and really don’t matter one bit.

McConnell will long be remembered in the annals of American history for the bold statement: “My donors, right or wrong.”

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September 8, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 09/09/12

Ready for another ride on the GOP Wacky Wagon.

An example of a GOP Wacky Wagon stuck in the mud. A member of the party is about to make a statement.

Rep. Roscoe Bartlett of Maryland equated student loans with a slippery slope that could lead to another Holocaust. I can’t conceive of the path a mind takes to get from student loans to the Holocaust. But some brains can make that incredible leap faster than it takes light to travel in a second.

Once he realized the stupidity of his remark he apologized. However, as a famous comedian once said: “You can’t fix stupid.”

OK, so he apologized. But like all statements from Republicans who bought a ticket on the Wacky Wagon, Bartlett’s remark offers a macabre view into the deep, dark recesses of the GOP brain. There’s just something wrong there and it’s scary.

***  

The GOP mind has done the impossible and broken the Einsteinian barrier in the process. The Republican brain can go from numb to stupid faster than the speed of light.

File:Relativity-formula.png

In accordance with its policy of denying scientific truths, the Republican party declared Einstein’s theory unconstitutional.

***

The Obama campaign suffered a setback this week as job figures indicated only 96,000 created. Most of those jobs were in the low paying service industry as manufacturing jobs declined. Overall, the figure was a disappointment for Obama.

The unemployment rate did however tick downward to 8.1%. Critics quickly pointed out that the drop was due largely to removing from the rolls all those unemployed who have been without work for so long they are considered no longer looking for employment.

Under the circumstances, the administration has ordered the Bureau of Labor Statistics to consider anyone who has been out of work for more than ten minutes as no longer looking for employment. The Obama campaign anticipates a precipitous drop in the unemployment rate for September.

***

In contrast to the BLS statistics, ADP reported 201,000 jobs created in August. Given the better ADP numbers, Obama ordered the Labor Department to disband the BLS and begin using numbers generated by the payroll firm.

***

Bill Clinton criticized Paul Ryan in the speech he made at the Democratic National Convention. During the spiel, he used the word “brass” to describe Ryan’s criticism of the cuts to Medicare mandated by the Affordable Care Act pointing out that the VP candidate’s own program called for the very same cuts.

Moreover Big Dog’s remark was a valid crack at Ryan’s confused approach toward spending and tax cuts in general

The inference was of course that Ryan is so hypocritical he has “brass balls” to think he can get away with his numbers legerdemain. The statement is truth personified. 

 

Courtesy DonkeyHotey

But I wonder if the former president was referring to another word that rhymes with brass. Ryan is, as we all know, the back half of the Romney ticket.

As for me, I would in no way ever infer that Ryan is an “elephant ass.” Even though an elephant has a very large posterior, it doesn’t seem quite large enough to describe Ryan and his budget antics. Whale’s ass, whale’s ass, whale’s ass. Hmmmm. We’re getting closer.

***

The “brass” word drew a reaction from Ryan. No matter. After all party conventions are little more than multimillion dollar pep rallies. So the expectation is that criticism of the opposition will ensue. .

Bill Clinton said Ryan has brass. 

But Paul speaks out of his ass

He took Federal funds

So much that it stuns.

Then prayed for a fail at each Mass.

.

He’s a hypocrite all the way through

He stands for cuts with the few .

We know he’s a fake

For cash he will take

And drag it back home by the slew.

***

Janet Granholm, former Michigan governor, gave a barn burner of a speech at the DNC. So much so that she made the guys look like a bunch of pussies. We shouldn’t be surprised though. I mean, let’s face it, they are Democrats.

***

A Republican appeals court declared unconstitutional a Minnesota law requiring corporations to make disclosures about their campaign advertising. In a lot of words, the GOP members of the court said the disclosure law represented an infringement of free speech.

The question I have always asked is that if speech is supposedly “free” why does it cost so much to advertise it on TV, and radio that only the rich elite can afford to pay for it. The public, after all, owns the airwaves over which speech is transmitted. And those airwaves should be available to all responsible parties to get their points of view across to the public and the should be, well, free.

Given the outlandishly high cost of advertising and the fact that the most effective method of putting views before the public is through electronic means, speech in America is no longer “free” at all. You need a bundle of cash to pay for it.

***

Greedy geezer Alan Simpson can’t seem to keep his name out of the news. Here is a man who sucked at the government teat for most of his life and is still sucking at a government pension; who was appointed to the Cat Food Commission by a president determined to make cuts to the social safety net; a man who co-chaired a committee that failed utterly to achieve a consensus report; this man’s name and his disastrous recommendations are still out there for consideration.

photo

Greedy geezer Alan Simpson has sucked at the government teat for most of his life, first as a senator and now collecting an extravagant government pension. On his back is co-chair of the failed Cat Food Commission, the aristocrat Erskine Bowles. (Courtesy DonkeyHotey).

Even the once avid Democratic defender of Social Security and Medicare, Nancy Pelosi, embraced the repudiated Simpson-Bowles calamity,

But the corpse keeps rising from the grave like some supernatural movie monster. Now called the “grand bargain”, it is still being touted by a so-called Democratic president who foolishly supports it even at the peril of his presidency.

Pelosi, by the way, was almost certainly strong armed by Obama into supporting the president’s cat food proposals by threats to her leadership position. If she were bumped from the top spot, the right wing “Democrat” Steny Hoyer would become the next Speaker of the House should his party win back that branch.

So the repudiated report of the Cat Food Commission, rejected by the committee members themselves, lives on with the name of the nasty Simpson still associated with it.

But let’s not forget that it lives only because a Democratic president continually breathes life into it.

***

Are we better off today than we were during the Bush years? Of course we are, despite the fact that we have a president frightened of right wing criticism at the helm.

The economy has stabilized and the fear of collapse has receded. The president’s policies, half-way measures at best, did indeed prevent an even greater disaster than the one we face today. .

Yes, we’re better off now.

The prez deserves a bow.

Yet it hasn’t been fun

Left a big job undone.

Now bipartisanship he must disavow. .

.

Yes, we are better off now.

But Keynes the prez must avow.

His deficit coddling

With GOP throttling

Caused pain we should never allow. .

.

Yes, we are better off now.

But the prez must continue to plow

Through a Senate blockade.

Despite efforts he made

He could not dissuade

The Tea Party from the plans they endow.

.

Yes we are better off now

Though supply side’s the sacred cow.

But stimulus he’ll pursue

While deficit he’ll eschew

And to no one again will he ever kowtow.

.

Are we better off now?  Yes, we are.

The market is soaring afar.

But we cannot desert

The people who hurt

So reach he must for a star.

.

Are we better off now? Yes, we are.

Though we still can’t go to a bar.

Our town is dry

So a drink we can’t buy

For libation we travel too far.

***

As a liberal, this election presents a choice as poor as any since Clinton-Dole in 1996. The options in November are between the dangerous duo, Romney-Ryan and a Wall Street sugar daddy in Barack Obama.

Yes, a Wall Street sugar daddy. From the very beginning, his appointments reflected a strong bent toward his benefactors from the banks and investment firms.

The patsy Tim Geithner and avid deregulationist Larry Summers sent the message to the Street that it had nothing to fear from an Obama administration. His Justice Department refused to prosecute, he lent luke warm support to pretend financial regulation and rejected effective support to homeowners facing foreclosure.

And where did this kowtowing to the Big Money Boys on the Street get him?  Apparently, he hurt their feelings for not rejecting outright any and all forms of regulation.  And because of the mere appearance Dodd-Frank lent to the idea that they somehow may have been responsible for the near collapse of the world economy, they’ve forsaken the president.

While he left many of his supporters in the lurch, Obama simply could not do enough to earn once again the payoff money lavished upon him by Wall Street fraudsters in 2008. They’re now supporting Romney.

I guess it’s true. What goes around comes around. Obama learned too late that the President of the United States is a servant, not of the people, but of the monied elite. And Mitt Romney is their boy in 2012.

***

Mitt Romney has an image problem. He appears to many voters as a straight laced, starched collar, investment bank fraudster.

I wonder why.

His wife’s speech before the Republican National Convention was intended to dispel that notion that he’s an uncaring automaton.

Well, the effort failed.

The mention that when Romney has a muffin for breakfast he eats the top and discards the rest was supposed to reveal a human touch of the man. Go figure. His whole aura just seems to get worse. He’s robot man.

.

In order to boost Mitt’s appeal

He started his own brand new deal.

A muffin a day

Throw the bottom away

To reveal not conceal a robotic schlemiel.

***

According to Andy Borowitz, the presidential race is close among viewers with no TV sets. UPW polling numbers differ somewhat. The worldwide news outlet reports that viewers with no TV sets preferred Obama by 66-2/3 % versus Romney’s 33-1/3%.

All three viewers said they planned to buy at least one TV in the coming weeks – adding significantly to the rise in the consumer confidence index of 17% reported by Gallup.

When asked by a reporter from a competing news organization how someone without a TV set could be described as a viewer, UPW Senior Correspondent Marcy Popindick flipped him a bird.

This report comes to you from Unreliable Press Worldwide, surpassing the mainstream media in bringing you worthlessly useless news the world over.

You can read the real report by the most astute political observer in America today by clicking the link below:

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2012/09/poll-race-close-among-voters-with-no-television.html

***

I mentioned above that the 1996 choice between Clinton-Dole was one of the worst I had ever faced during a presidential election.

I voted for Clinton holding my nose as the saying goes.

Clinton, after all, signed off on NAFTA, a really crummy deal crafted during the administration of Bush I. Bush of course was too slick a politician to sign off on the pact during his first term.  That act would almost certainly have lost the election. So he left the dirty deed for his second term.

Ross Perot’s entry into the race changed the calculus in 1992 so the notorious deed was left to Clinton.

That trade agreement is still causing incalculable damage to the economy of the United States and has had a disastrous effect on the lives of millions of people in Mexico. According to some economists, NAFTA is partly responsible for the wave of starving immigrants rushing into the U.S.

Add to that Clinton’s perfectly awful second term – deregulation, the big corporate mergers that hastened economic oligarchy (telecommunications, Exxon-Mobil, the banks), his attempt to privatize Social Security in a deal with Newt Gingrich and much more – and you have arguably one of the worst presidents of the twentieth century.

 

Democrats give him a 69% favorability rating. Think we’ve been smoked?  No doubt about it.  And remember, up from Clinton’s ashes grew Barack Obama whose attack on the safety net is unparalleled for a so-called Democratic president.

So there you have it. Once again one of the worst options in recent American elections. The choice between the dangerous duo of Romney-Ryan or the less dangerous Obama.

Only in America.

September 3, 2012

GOP Proposes Senior Diet

GOP Diet Plan for seniors.

The basic diet consists of dry cat food, generic brand (it’s cheaper). Eat a small bowl for breakfast every day. Water may be added if utility bill payments are up to date.

Cat food for sale at an Istanbul animal market

Cat food for sale at an Istanbul animal market (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Seniors will be gratified to know that the variety of cat foods is almost inexhaustible. Comparison shopping is essential however and generic brands are always cheaper.

Join together in groups of five and buy a fifty pound bag of dry cat food. Always buy off brand. Can’t be too cost conscious when living on a starvation budget. Then divide the contents equally. Buying in bulk always saves money.

Eat dry or, if your teeth are bothering you from lack of dental care, mix with water and wait for the vittles to soften.

If seniors save their money, at Thanksgiving and Christmas they can buy a tin of canned cat food. Or, for a real treat, dog food, which when water is added, produces a savory gravy.

Heat on the stove if the electicity hasn’t been turned off due to late payments.

And, by the way, don’t count on the kids for help. They’ll likely be moving in before long if they’re not alreay there

***

Paul Ryan’s habitual lyin’

Has poor momma soulfully cryin’

To heaven this critter will never arrive

He’ll be headin’ straight south his last day alive

.

For Ryan it’s just too late

St. Peter will shut the gate

About this there’s no denyin’

In Hades his toes will be fryin’.

.

Of course it won’t keep him from tryin’

To land in the White House before diein’

He is for sure a good talker

At heart though just a squawker

.

His Vouchercare he’ll hawk

But mostly it’s empty talk

Yet truth reveal he’ll not dare.

For it will surely doom his Vouchercare.

.

Increase it will insurance stock

While care the plan will certainly block

As patients suffer round the clock.

And leave a nation in total shock.

.

How could they fall for blatant lyin’

Too many have there’s no denyin’

New laws for seniors he’ll be applyin’

By sleight of hand that’s slick Paul Ryan.

***

You just gotta love the way the pretend media in this country treats the seriously serious budget of seriously serious Paul “Lyin” Ryan.

These media imposters call him courageous. I haven’t quite figured out exactly what is so courageous about cutting taxes for rich people or wasting more money on war spending.

I guess these pundit posers believe it’s “courageous” too starve the poor and elderly, deny medical care to tens of millions (including little children) and cheat hard working Americans out of their earned Social Security benefit.

Ryan is nothing short of a fiscal phony. Yet in these United States, such vile behaviour on the part of Paul Ryan is considered “courageous” by a media as phony as the phony they’re protecting.

***

Whatcha call your “Defense” Department has suspended training of a police force in Afghanistan until trainees are screened for possible ties to the Taliban.

It’s absolutely flabbergasting that the most powerful empire ever to exist on this raped planet can’t train a police force – a goddam police force fer chrissakes – in ten years of occupation.

We’ve had generals with four feathers in their caps, all kinds of shiny, metal thingies on their shoulders and piles of bird shit on the visors of their caps in charge of that exploited country for a decade and they can’t train a police force!!!!!

What an empire??? Is it any wonder the country is in such dreadful condition?

Trillions wasted for war making capability; then they go chintsy for treatment for wounded men and women, deducting millions from the paychecks of maimed soldiers for food they receive in military hospitals while recovering from the wounds of war.

These acts are no doubt decisions made by those generals with the bird shit on their caps I mentioned a few sentences ago.

Those guys have been at the military game for decades and they’re still trying to win a war. Problem is, they’ll never stop trying. We need to find a country they can invade and conquer and then let them pound their chests in victory. Like maybe Eritrea; or Haiti after a hurricane. Then we keep our fingers crossed so that they don’t fuck it up.

Losing all these wars is getting discouraging for the subjects of the empire. Trillions spent and the Einsteins at the top can’t train a police force let alone win a freaking war.

***

You’ve seen these numbers before but they’re worth repeating. Below are the clowns (aka presidents of the U.S.) who are most responsible for the modest debt the nation now carries. Yes, the debt is both modest and manageable despite the phony hysterics drummed up by the rich whose sole purpose is to destroy Social Security and Medicare so they can get their hands on the money.

The clown responsible for the largest increase and the president beatified by the Republican Party is none other than small government guru Ronald Reagan. He is followed by the president who caused more damage to the country than all other presidents, the one, the only George W. Bush. This guy is followed by his daddy. The two Democratic presidents during this era created less debt combined than George’s daddy alone.

***

Courtsey of Bartcop, here is a comment by Maureen Dowd, columnist for the New York Times, revealing the phony nature of the man just named VP candidate for the GOP.

September 2, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 09/02/12

Republicans held their pep rally in Tampa this week. The bonfire had to be cancelled due to inclement weather.

Attendees were asked to check the bulletin board for hospitality suite locations. Those who weren’t already too drunk to read showed up in record numbers at these frat party clones and partied through the night.

At the convention itself, the delegation that threw the most stuff at an African-American camera woman won a prize.

***

I tried to read Chris Christie’s autobiographical outline (aka keynote speech) twice. It seems he had really great parents. So what happened?

Christie was supposed to jump up and down kicking his legs high into the air while leading the cheer for Romney. Workman, however, feared the reinforced platform would not support the New Jersey governor. .

Did Christie mention more tax cuts for rich people or did I miss that part?

Paralyzed by the need for love,” gov. I’ve never heard it referred to as that before. Take an extra Viagra.

Have you tried masturbation? .

Maybe he should go on a cat food diet.  Losing weight can improve sex life.   And Chris, dry is healthier than canned. Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Speaking of diets here is the GOP Diet Plan for seniors who live on the average Social ­-­Security check: Dry cat food for breakfast, skip lunch, then a beef flavored doggie bone for dinner.

When Medicare is destroyed and seniors are forced onto Ryan’s Vouchercare, the GOP Diet Plan calls for the elderly to break the dinner doggie bone in half.

***

My sources in the Obama campaign are telling me that Joe Biden’s mouth has been duct taped. The action was forced upon Obama’s advisers because of Biden’s statement guaranteeing that Social Security would not be touched. And the next time his says something that the majority of Americans agree with, he’ll be serving a tour in Gitmo.

***

Here is a doozie uttered by the right wing extremeist Paul Ryan:  “The method of conception does not change the definition of life.”

The statement occurred in the context of a discussion of rape.  And some people seem to think Ryan was merely repeating scientific truths.

OK, then. Here’s some scientific truth for Ryan to ponder: The method of murder doesn’t change the definition death. And since we all have to die someday, I guess the “method” of death is of no consequence.  Huh!!!

In any case, I cannot imagine a woman who becomes pregnant as the result of a rape considering the act a “method” of conception.

While a pregnancy may occur as a result of this brutal act, considering brutality another “method” for a woman to conceive is, well, inconceivable.

Ryan’s statement is another view into the deep, dark recesses of the Republican mind and another striking example of the GOP’s war on women. This right wing extremeist of course got a free pass from what pretends to be the media in this country.

***

 Ann Romney has always been a stay at home mom. And the kids never wanted for life’s goodies. The servants made the chocolate chip cookies. They also popped the pop corn. Ann never could get that right. Like, ya know, all those buttons on the microwave and everything.

***

Republicans don’t have a problem with women provided the ladies follow Scripture and obey their husbands in all matters. Oh, and at all times walk five paces behind their spouses as a show of respect for male dominance. Other than that, no problem.

***

Romney had a visitation from Jesus in 2008. Jesus told him if he ran for president he would win. Well, Jesus was wrong. Mighty Mitt didn’t even get the nomination.

This time Romney bypassed Jesus and went straight to the Big Guy, God Himself. God told him the same thing. “A few more lies, Mitt, and you should wrap this whole thing up.”

One thing you should know about the Almighty. Before he became God, he was a Catholic bishop.

Religious Alert: The pevious sentence is a reference to child molestion practiced by Catholic priests and covered up by many bishops – the so-called defenders of the faith. They flat out lied and got away with it. Perhaps Romney is living by the example the bishops set. And for these people at least, God approves of lying.  Or so you would think by their actions.  

***

NASA’s Wide-field Infrared Survey (WISE) telescope discovered a huge number of supermassive black holes last week. The black holes were previously unknown to exist. NASA engineers focused the device on the Tampa Bay Times Forum, host to the Republican National Convention. The telescope also discovered a number celestial objects known as Hot Dogs for hot, dust-obscured goofballs. These objects, referred to as “goofies”, were also observed in profusion at the RNC.

Read the real article at Huffington Post.  Black Holes: Millions Revealed By NASA’s WISE Space Telescope  

August 26, 2012

Jack and Jill Charged With Theft

Children Injured in Fall While Stealing Water.

Jack and Jill (nursery rhyme)

Jack and Jill (nursery rhyme) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is Marcy Popindick reporting from Hades Hill which you see behind me and where two children named Jack and Jill allegedly went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. According to eyewitnesses, Jack fell down and broke his crown. Again according witnesses, Jill, attempting to help Jack, came tumbling after.

Both children have been seriously injured although their condition is not immediately available. We do know that they have been rushed by emergency responders to Lucifer Memorial Hospital.

Hades Hill and the water well atop it are owned by WACD – the Water Allotment Control Division of Wall Street investment firm Drain Capital.

Our sources are telling us that the voucher provided by the government program, which gives assistance to all citizens who cannot afford to pay for water, was insufficient and the kids could not cover the additional cost of the precious liquid they needed. The children then proceeded up the hill to fetch the pail of water.

According to a company official we spoke with, stealing water from WACD (pronounced WHACKED) is a felony offense and the children will be charged.

File:Allenwood River Bridge.jpg

Before too long the water rights to rivers across the country may belong to investment firms such as Drain Capital.

It is unclear at this time whether the children slipped and fell accidently while attempting to steal the water or if armed guards employed by WACD threw them down the hill.

Our correspondent Chalkalatta Chippie is now on the scene at Lucifer Memorial. Chalkalatta are any details available on the condition of the two children?

Good evening. This is Chalkalatta Chippie reporting from Lucifer Memorial Hospital. We have just learned that both children who we know only as Jack and Jill have been admitted to Lucifer for evaluation. The condition of both has been listed as critical and surgeons are reportedly rushing to the hospital in an attempt to save the lives of both kids.

Police are withholding the last names of the children until parents are notified.

We have an update. A spokesman for Lucifer Memorial has just informed us that the hosipital is withholding treatment from the children because they do not qualify for Medicaid assistance under the newly enacted rules for the program. The children, who received government vouchers under the new law now called VoucherCare, could not afford to pay the difference between the voucher and the cost of profitized health insurance. The kids have no other means to pay for the cost of medical care that the hospital is now denying them.

We have also learned that police are charging the two juveniles with felony criminal trespass and felony theft of water. According to witnesses this isn’t the first time Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. The kids have apparently done so on numerous occasions, usually late at night.

The wells on the top of the hill as you know are owned and operated by a corporation that owns leases to the regions underground water supplies. The leases granted by the Federal Government to the corporation also cover such above ground sources as rivers and streams. Several corporations are now owners of the water supply across the entire country.

In addition to the government vouchers all residents residents must purchase coupons from the profitized companies who own the leases. Jack and Jill to anyone’s knowledge did not have coupons and are now suspected by police of felony water theft.

Spokesmen for WACD declined to comment on the charges being brought against Jack and Jill.

We have just received word from an unreliable source that Chief of Police Buford Barford Bifford has arrived on the scene riding on a pony.

Police chief arrives riding on a pony.

The chief has issued a warrant for the arrest of the kids and charged the two juveniles with water theft. He will read them their rights as soon as they are removed from Lucifer Memorial which we expect will happen momentarily. That is if they survive their ordeal at all. According to the chief he has eyewitness evidence that the two little thieves have been stealing water from WACD for weeks and that the system will not tolerate such criminal behavior. The kids will be dealt with to the full extent of the law. 

Meanwhile, we have just learned that a girl named Mary, had a little lamb, who just moments ago died of thirst. Mary’s government voucher didn’t cover enough of the cost of water and the girl could not afford to buy a company coupon to pay the difference and her little lamb has just died.

We are now reporting from a large empy parking lot at Lucifer Memorial where a group of Christian pastors has assembled to make an announcement. The pastors fully supported the right of the hospital to deny treatment to the children declaring in a previously released statement that not having a profit health insurance plan was irresponsible and the community of churches would not condone such negligent behavior.

However, the pastors vowed to hold barbecue chicken dinners to raise funds to help defray the cost of treatment for the kids.

A spokesman for Lucifer said that if the hospital received the proceeds of 10,000 barbecue chicken dinners within six months, the institution would treat the clildren and not charge any interest on the debt.

After voting all of their lives to deny health care to both adults and children the Christian congregations were joyful at the prospect of selling and buying poultry platters to contribute to the cost of medical care for the two little kids. Oh, how joyful they all were.

Here is another update. We just learned moments ago that Jack has died. According to unreliable sources, Jack was pronounced dead shortly after hosipital officials denied treatment to the child because he did not have health insurance to pay for the costs.

This is Chalkalatta Chippie reporting from Lucifer Memorial Hospital.

Privatizing the water supply:  Did you know it’s already happening.  Would you trust Goldman-Sachs, Citicorp or Bain Capital to provide a secure, safe and inexpensive source of water?  Either would I.

http://www.citizen.org/documents/Top10-ReasonsToOpposeWaterPrivatization.pdf

http://www.statesman.com/news/statesman-investigates/growth-of-large-private-water-companies-brings-higher-2038684.html

August 19, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 08/18/12

Ryan Knows Where The Nose Goes.

Paul Ryan’s classmates voted him the school brown noser. Since graduation he’s gone on to perfect his technique.

He’s spent a lifetime perfecting the technique.

And that boys and girls is how he acquired that shit eating grin.

Paul Ryan Voted “Biggest-brown Noser” by His Senior Class: Nothing’s Changed

By Mark Karlin at Buzzflash.

.

Paul Ryan who was voted brown noser

Went on to become a slick  poser.

His mates took him down

They knew him a clown.

And now he’s the Medicare disposer.

.

His plan should be called VoucherCare.

To dispute it the pundits don’t dare.

They’ll idolize Ryan

Who’ll have seniors cryin’

By leaving their cupboards all bare.

.

His plan will take Medicare down.

Leaving us all with a frown

But profits will soar

As he laughs with a roar

While with cronies his nose remains brown.

.

What Democratic Congress critters call congeniality, Ryan’s classmates recognized as brown nosing.

He’s just sharpening the knife.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

It’s should be obvious by now that this guy is a purely political animal tainted by vast amounts of hypocrisy.

His VoucherCare, for example, will further impoverish seniors (which all of us will be one day). The issue was one he dared not mess with during a Republican presidency.

By the way, Paul, is dry cat food healthier than canned?

Sure, just add water. Then, skip lunch and have a beef flavored doggie bone for dinner.

Thanks, Paulie.

***

Romney Supports Ryan’s VoucherCare.

This Dangerous Duo’s VoucherCare will doom us all to a sick, painful and shortened retirement. That’s a by product of the plan.

Shhhhhh. ‘Cause it’s a secret. Don’t repeat it to a soul.

Sadly, enough people may do just that.

In any case, here’s hoping each and every one of you become seniors some day and can live your younger years knowing that the covenant between the generations will be honored by our government and that you are comforted by the fact the benefit you have been paying for all of your working life will be there for you when you need it during retirement.

Incidently, Medicare, just like Social Security, is not an “entitlement”. It’s a benefit you paid for. You earned it. It’s yours. And you must not allow some greedy government bureaucrats in Congress and the White House to cheat you out of it.

***

Post Calls Romney “Tax Plan” Garbage.

 

That’s two for two for the Dangerous Duo: Ryan’s VoucherCare and Romney’s Tax Scare. Both are frightening and rightly called “garbage.”

That’s how the Washington Post referred to Romney’s tax mythology.

It’s becoming more apparent every day that the GOP is depending for victory on the vote from those whom they refer to as the “greedy geezers.” These are the folks the Dangerous Duo believe their ideas coincide as in “I got mine; screw everybody else.”

File:Duchovní cvičení.jpg

 Greedy geezers??? The GOP thinks so. Are the seniors across the U.S. aware of this fact. If they are not and vote for the Dangerous Duo they will be heaping on to their children and grandchildren an enormous amount of suffering.

I simply can’t believe the GOP’s “greedy geezers” could be as cruel and insensitive as Republicans seem to think they are.

***

You’ve heard, I’m sure, that egg yolks are bad for your health. Those little bubbles of jiggling yellow contain excessive amounts of artery clogging cholesterol. Block an artery with enough of that stuff and you can suffer a myocardial infarction or cerebral ischemia.

Now if that doesn’t scare the shit out of you how about an arteriosclerotic aneurysm.

And all that just from eating a couple of goddam eggs a week.

But the good news is, I’m starting a campaign among friends, neighbors and relatives urging them to send a dozen eggs to each of their Congress critters.

That’s one sure way of getting them out of office. Certainly a lot quicker than elections.

.

So smoking’s as bad as egg yolks

Especially for elderly folks

Now be a good fellow

And stick all that yellow

In the trash and avoid all those strokes.

3 egg yolks

3 egg yolks (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

By the way, oral sex lowers bad cholesterol.  My LDL has always been great.  So stop eating those nasty ole egg yolks.

Thank God beer is still OK. And wine. And Scotch.  Or, if you prefer, tequila.

I’ve heard that downing a couple of alcoholic beverages every night is good for your heart.

So, if you have twice as many drinks could you still eat egg yolks? Probably not, but you wouldn’t care as much for sure. In any case, na zdorovye.

***

A tattoo on the anus.  This practice could give the expression “kiss my ass” a whole new meaning.

Maria Louise Del Rosario.

Uh, careful around the tattoo please.”

Gives me an idea for a Christmas gift.

.

Rumor has it that this young lady had her boyfriend’s name tattoed in that very private place. His name: Alessandro Baldasarre Piazzalugga.

Two things come to mine: Either a very talented tattoo artist or a huge….

.

I once knew a girl named Louise

Whose skirt flew up in a breeze

When to my surprise

Before my shocked eyes

Her tat read “free lunch but I’m really a tease.”

.

A girl who had a tattoo

Completely hidden from view

Would show her sweet prize

To all of her guys

Then winked and left them to stew.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Take your adviser’s advice Mr. Ryan: Don’t campaign on specifics. But especially when you don’t know what they are.

Ryan faulted President Obama for closing a GM plant in Janesville, WI. The plant actually shut down during the Bush administration.  So who knew?

The episode raises a question however: Is Ryan just plain dumb; or was he lying?

What did he know and when did he know it???

Personally, I’m convinced of the former. Anyone who could concoct a budget as full of balderdash as that Ryan catastrophe has to be short a zero on the IQ scale.

Message for Paul Ryan:  “How do you like your eggs, sir.”

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

August 5, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 8/05/12

Politics in Follyland, DC.

Put up or shut up”.

No. You put up or shut up”.

No. You put up or shut up”.

Only in America.

Mitt Romney - Caricature

The first plank in the GOP platform: Put up or shut up.

And I suppose Romney believes he did it all by his little ole self.

OK, then “put up or shut up.”

Reid has latched on to a valid issue.

The mystery: Where are all the other Democrats who should be shouting from the rooftops for Romney to release his tax returns? Slithering under a rock no doubt like the frightened little insects they are.

 

***

Farmers whose cornfields have perished in the drought are appealing to the huge agricultural corporations to stop processing corn crops into ethanol.

Big Agri companies responded that ethanol can be used as a substitute for corn syrup in food products. Just add sugar.

Probably healthier too.

***

According to the Tax Policy Center Mighty Mitt’s tax plan would raise taxes for the middle and lower classes and cut them for the rich and super rich – a plan straight out of the Ronald Reagan trickle down playbook.

Tax

Tax (Photo credit: 401(K) 2012)

Brought to you by Mitt Romney and the GOP. The 1% are excused.

And so, as you would expect from the ignorant among the American voting public, lotsa poor and soon to be poor folks cheer for the plan and for Romney himself. They just love our rich people and are earer to hand their meager possessions to the wealthy who are all to eager to seize it.

Oh, and if you happen to have something less than a million dollars in assets, you can consider yourself to be among the soon to be poor. Yours is the money they’re coming after and they will get it.

A vote for Romney is a vote to strip from the 99% whatever wealth they may still own, regardless of how little it may be.

And you can take that to the bank.

http://taxpolicycenter.org/taxtopics/romney-plan.cfm

***

According to a report from Truthout, you Mr. and Mrs. Taxpayer are paying private profit making prisons as much as $166 a night to incarcerate inmates, many of whom are illegal immigrants who committed relatively minor offenses.

And no microwaves, TVs or internet in the cells; not even a heated swimming pool. Brrrrrrr.

Come to think of it, I had to pay extra for all of those amenities at a Marriott.

***

I really have to admit

Calling Romney a twit

Is a bit unfair

When au contraire

A better name to wit

Is the loveable Mighty Mitt.

***

From The Raw Story comes the story that former porn star extraordinaire Jenna Jameson supports Mitt Romney for president. When you’re rich, she supposedly said, you have to support Republicans.

I guess you have to call her what Romney would consider an entrepreneur. She made millions in the only business where laying on your back is considered work.

If you’re not too prudish, you can read in Wikipedia about this pretty lady’s sad childhood and extraordinary rise to fame and fortune.

Well, maybe not the only business. I can think of at least one other. But no one in the “oldest profession” ever made millions.

***

The Fed is still sitting with its collective thumb up its ass. The Board once again refused to take action to fulfill its mandate to pursue full employment. The members are leaning on the feeble excuse that its primary mandate is to control inflation. 15% real unemployment and these hacks are worried about inflation that barely exists.

Ben Bernanke is a Republican party loyalist who refuses take any action for fear it might effect the outcome of the election in Obama’s favor.

He was of course reappointed to the post by President Obama, a move that remains a mystery, and is just one more in a long list of tragic mistakes by the president – one that may yet doom his reelection chances.

One thing in Obama’s favor: Mitt Romney.

***

Mitt had tussles with the folks in Brussels

Exercising his foreign policy muscles

But the more he talked

The more folks balked

His words they knew were high class hustles.

Oh wait. It wasn’t in Brussels

Where he played his many hustles

It was the land of the queen

Where he made a scene

A land once famed for Bertrand Russells

.

Actually, Mighty Mitt didn’t go to Brussels, but only because his GPS broke and he couldn’t find Belgium.

A campaign spokesman said the candidate has heard of the place, he just can’t find it on a map.

According to my sources, the above information isn’t bullshit. That comes from Romney.

***

According to an adviser in McCain’s 2008 campaign, Mitt Romney wasn’t eliminated from consideration for the VP slot because of flawed tax returns.

The reason Romney lost the race and McCain selected Sarah Palin instead is that the former Alaska governor won the evening gown and swimsuit competitions leaving Romney trailing far behind in the voting.

***

When the Supeme Court declared corporations are persons, NASA at last discovered life on Earth. The space agency just distributed hundreds of millions of dollars in contract to defense cororations.

If we can ever get our foolish War Department budget cut, the funds NASA is spending on a new shuttle program will be devoted to something worthwhile like space exploration – and without loss of jobs.

By reducing the War Department funds and devoting the money to the civilian sector, many more jobs would be created than lost. And the money would be spent on useful projects.

File:Atlas missile launch.jpg

Weapons contractors are among the most inefficient in the entire world. Cost overruns – an outrage to begin with – are simply a way of doing business for these wasteful corporations.

Add to the extravagance of these taxpayer money vultures, the inefficiencies of the health insurance industry and the greed of the banking, oil and pharmaceutical industries and it becomes hard to understand how government receives the blame for waste and incompetence rather than free market, free enterprise companies where the fault truly rests.

Hopefully, the corporations that have been awarded the shuttle contracts can deliver the product without cost overruns and the waste of taxpayer dollars normally associated with these projects.

***

Kinda gets under the skin when business owners brag that they built it all by themselves. That attitude is symptomatic of the rankest arrogance – pomposity beyond the pale. Sorta like Mitt Romney, come to think of it.

There are so many ways business owners receive help it would take a volume to list them all.

Most egregious was the attitude on display by a group of owners who placed a sign with the words “We did build it” and took a photo of themselves holding the sign in front of their store.

Such unmitigated nonsense has to leave you speechless.

Here are just a few of the means by which these sleazes receive assistance from the government.

They did it all no doubt by paying poverty wages for their help. Oh, sorry. They had no help. I guess you call them wage slavers nowadays. So government is forced to distribute food stamps so wage slavers and their kids receive proper nourishment.

Do these business geniuses pay for employees’ medical benefits? Or do cheerfully allow the help – oh, sorry again, they have no help – fall back on the taxpayer who provides medical care through Medicaid?

These programs – food stamps and Medicaid – are subsidies for small businesses as much as they are for the employees who are forced to work for poverty wages. Without the programs, many businesses could not exist despite the owners insistence they did it by themselves.

Besides these programs there are taxpayer supported schools, roads, police and fire protection; zoning laws and building codes; safety inspections of restaurants and meat processors. All of which keep the public safe from hazards and diseases and make businesses possible in the first place.

So built it by yourself, huh? Well, here’s a word for you that applies a hundred fold: Baloney!!!

Now I have no problem with success. Successful people deserve a pat on the back. But bragging that you did it by your lonesome is pompous and downright sleazy.

July 29, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 07/29/12

OK, let’s stop making fun of Mitt Romney.

From all reports, Mighty Mitt did very well in grade school. In fact, he finished first in his class in the ABCs.

Got all the way up to Z without missing a single letter.

Romney won contests in fifth grade and retroactively won in fourth, third, second and first grade.

However, he refuses to release the Certificates he received for memorizing the alphabet for any of those grades.

To show you what a determined guy this candidate is, at this very moment, he’s brushing up on his ABCs just in case a question about it comes up during the debates.

Remember Mitt, P comes before Q. That was always one of the hard ones.

photo

Image courtesy of DONKEYHOTEY.

***

Committee Announces Award

From its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, the Nobella Prize Committee announced a second award in as many weeks.

Michelle Bachmann is the most recent winner of the MVP prize. The representative from Minnesota won the award for her remarks that the Statement Department is infiltrated by the Muslim Brotherhood.

Ms. Bachmann directed her attack at Huma Abedin, an assistant to Secretary of State Hilary Clinton, charging that Ms. Abedin’s association with the Muslim organization represents a security threat to the United States.

In McCarthy like fashion, Bachmann called for investigation into the matter of Muslim infiltration of the government and would support termination of any member suspected of association with the Muslim Brotherhood.

For her hatching of a 21st century form of McCarthyism, the Committee believes the Minnesota congresswoman deserves its Most Valuable Putz award.

.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. .

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie the statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

File:God's Children (Michelle Bachmann and Rick Santorum).jpg

Birds of a feather – Michelle Bachmann and Rick Santorum by Boris Rasin (Boris Rasin).

***

Eric Cantor seems to believe he could not practice his religion anywhere else in the world as freely as he can in the United States.

I wonder how countries like England, France, Belgium, Germany, Italy, Switzerland, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland and many others would interpret such a statement, to say nothing of Israel.

Of course, he could be a Pastafarian. In which case I’m not certain which countries allow freedom to practice those beliefs.

Taking his remarks about the right to practice religion freely in the U S more as a statement of American exceptionalism rather than one of limitations on religious practices in other countries, Eric Cantor’s statement does not quite ring true.

I wonder how countries like England, France, Belgium, Germany, Italy, Switzerland, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland and many others would interpret such a statement, to say nothing of Israel.

While many laws do restrict specific religious practices, the intent is not always to prevent free worship. The law in Sweden, for example, regarding the slaughter of chickens is an issue that addresses cruelty to animals. The law, while it seems silly on the surface, actually prohibits the kosher killing of the birds by Orthodox Jews. It seems likely, however, that the concerns of animal rights activists and Jewish practices can be reconciled.

File:Roast chicken.jpg

Does it really matter how it’s killed. (Photo by H. Padlecklas).

The same applies to recent developments in Europe banning circumcision. From all appearances, that issue should be resolved permitting the religious ritual, although the practice may be limited to clerics. In any case, initiating the ban in the first place does seem suspect – if not antisemitic then anti-Muslim and a reaction to what many Europeans consider an immigration problem.

The religious clothing ban in France, sadly, could be a safety issue rather than a blatant attempt to restrict religious freedom as many Muslims believe.

Nevertheless, dress can represent a public expression of religion and be an imposition on others. And while laws do impact more on certain religions, they apply to members of all religions and, therefore, should not be considered a restriction of religious freedom.

Yes, Israel is a special case. However, none of the religious ceremonies are actually denied even though they are restricted to Orthodox rabbis. They must simply be performed in a manner prescribed by law. And, as I recall, many Israeli citizens are not Orthodox and can practice or not as they see fit with only a few exceptions.

So if by “freedom of religion,” we mean the unfettered right to practice religious rituals, even those others may consider harmful, I don’t believe that right exists anywhere. Therefore Eric Cantor is, as any law abiding citizen, free to practice or not as he sees fit in many countries. But the right is not absolute.

***

Other laws prevent religious practices in public even in the United States. Here, for example, prayer in public schools is prohibited because it represents an attempt to impose a religious practice on others. The law does not in any way limit freedom of religion. Any person can say a prayer in a public school, a public building or even a courtroom simply by bowing his head and praying silently.

What I find odd is that no one ever goes to a courtroom to pray. Courts of law generally begin sessions at 9 AM and anyone is permitted to enter, sit quietly on a bench and say a prayer. I personally know of no one who practices this ritual on a regular basis or, for that matter, who has done so even once. But we are all free to pray anytime, anywhere.

What a person cannot do is to get up in front of the court and force everyone present to pray in a manner which he dictates. This restriction applies to everyone regardless of religious persuasion.

The best policy is, as always, to keep religion where it belongs – in church.

***

Speaking of killing chickens, that Swedish law mentioned a couple of paragraphs above does seem rather silly.

I say “silly” because I remember my parents taking us kids with them to a poultry farm to buy chickens for dinner. The farmer grabbed a fear stricken bird by the legs, yanked it from a wooden cage, jammed it into a funnel like device with its head sticking out of the hole on the bottom. He then slit the chickens throat, let it bleed out, removed it and chopped off its head. He put the dead bird into a vat of steaming water for a few minutes and next removed its feathers by holding it against a large spinning wheel whose tines stripped the bird clean.

That practice would today violate the Swedish law.

File:Albertus Verhoesen Chickens and park vase.jpg

A source of food and not much else. Painting by Albertus Verhoesen.

However, we always enjoyed a fine dinner thanks to the farmer and his bird.

Although I witnessed this procedure many times, I never thought of it as being cruel to animals – anymore than the actions of a mother lion hunting and killing a zebra to feed her pride.

Animal rights activists might consider the slaughter of chickens cruel and that a more humane method should be used because, after all, we humans are civilized. And, while that is so, referring to ourselves as “civilized” may be hubris more than truth. We might recall that we humans over the millennia have massacred billions of our own kind. Keeping that slaughter in mind, the manner in which chickens are processed to furnish food for survival seems a token issue at best. 

***

So did Walmart become one of the biggest corporations in the world all by its little ole self.

Hardly.

I’ve noticed that Walmart locates many of its stores near interstates or on or near busy state highways.

It’s huge fleet of tractor trailers make daily use of these convenient roadways, all built with taxpayer dollars.

The local roads that carry millions of customers to Walmart stores were also built with taxpayer money.

I wonder what kind of corporation Walmart would be without the support contributed in so many ways by the American taxpayer. Roads, schools, police, fire protection, etc, benefit us all. Yes, even Walmart.

Sorry, Sam. You didn’t do it all by yourself. Even I contributed to your success. And you’re business would still be selling sundries in Arkansas without my help, and the help of many others.

***

 

This Bloke Is A Joke

Photo courtesy of DONDEYHOTEY.

You mean elephant riding isn’t an Olympic sport. Since when?

 Image courtesy of DONKEYHOTEY.

 

Mighty Mitt, what a critter

Left the Brits feeling bitter.

His written statement he misplaced

So his remarks then soon disgraced

A city proud in Olympian glitter.

.

In London the Mittster was no smash

Headlines read “It Was a Crash.”

He left the queen in a dither

And from it all he tried to slither

To the airport in a baffled dash.

.

Oh Mitt, poor Mitt, what a twit

Got the British in a snit

Opened his mouth and spoke and spoke.

And the Brits replied “this bloke’s a joke.”

Oh Mitt, poor Mitt, is he really legit.

 

 

 Related articles

July 22, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 07/22/12

Nobella Prize Committee Announces Latest Award

From its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, The Nobella Prize Committee announced today the name of the latest recipient of its MVP award.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Ed Gillespie, senior adviser to the Romney campaign, received the prize for his claim that the GOP presidential nominee “retired retroactively” from Bain Capital, the company Romney owned until 1999, 2000, 2001 or 2002 or all of the above.

Now that “retroactive retirement” has become a reality in the United States, all persons who are eligible for retirement in 2012 can now retire retroactively to 1962 and receive 50 years worth of Social Security checks.

Thanks, Ed. You have proven yourself worthy of the Most Valuable Putz award.

.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. 

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie the statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

***

Right Wingers Defend LIBOR.

Contend Ordinary People Benefited.

Well, what did you expect?

The point here, however, has to be that a small group of banks can manipulate what has been called a “benchmark rate” at any time and only to favor themselves.

Even artificially lower rates can deceive investors into believing a bank or an investment is safer than it actually is. Cha ching banks.

Therefore rigging an interest rate will always benefit banks even if perchance some lucky borrower happens to receive a lower rate on a mortgage or car loan.

If you believe banks manipulate interest rates to benefit their customers you are badly mistaken. At best, such outlandish behavior is a clear sign of mischief in another area. And if you don’t want to get scammed out of some big bucks you better know which area if you ever want to trust a “too big to fail” bank again.

***

The NRA doesn’t care one bit about anybody’s “right” to bear arms. Their sole reason for existence is the protect everybody’s “right” to buy arms. It is a gun sellers organization and it exists to maximize profits for gun sellers.

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AK-47 with high capacity magazine – a weapon that can give a deranged individual a powerful feeling of control over life and death.

***

When you have to pack heat to go see a movie, something’s wrong.

However, nothing will come of this latest mass murder other than everyone will be urged to buy a gun for protection.

So if you don’t already own one, it’s time to buy a firearm and begin practicing your fast draw.

Only in America.  

***

Ron Johnson: High-Capacity Magazines Are A Constitutional Right

Shameless pandering.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Guns don’t kill, people do.

Does liquor get drunk?

Of course, not. People do. Yet we have strong regulation of the sale of spirits. Why? Because people who get drunk can be dangerous and cause great harm. And so it is with people who buy arms.

***

This entire campaign payola affair is sick and disgusting. No better example of the selling of America exists than buying a president.

Romney, Republicans Fundraising Beat Obama, Democrats In June

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

The “small people” exist to serve in Romneyworld.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

George W. Bush refused an invitation to attend the Republican convention in Tampa, FL. Good politics. Nothing more.

However, according to our sources at UPW News, the invitation was accompanied by a black rose.

***

According to the Barack Obama Truthteam:

  1. Mitt Romney refused to release multiple years of tax returns ignoring decades of precedent.
  2. He won’t disclose his “bundlers,” the people raising millions for his campaign.
  3. He is sole owner of a questionable shell corporation in Bermuda.
  4. Until recently Romney kept cash in a Swiss bank account.
  5. According to the Boston Globe, he hasn’t been honest about when he was running Bain Capital, even though legal documents refute his claim.
  6. He may be guilty of a felony.

Picky, picky, picky.

(Number 6 is my own).

***

Is Romney a whim? So it seems.

With teeth so white his smile gleams

Yet tax returns his image tarnish

He desperately needs a coat of varnish

To polish a portrait of one who schemes.

***

I just learned the House of Representative has an “intelligence” committee.

Yes. That’s right. They have an “intelligence committee.” And nobody’s on it.

I propose an Ignorance Committee – with Michelle Bachmann as Chairthingy.

***

If at first you don’t succeed you’re probably a fuckup – and a member of the United States Congress.

***

We have strong regulations regarding the sale of alcoholic beverages. However, it is not liquor we are regulating. It is the behavior of people who abuse alcohol that is controlled because a drunk can cause great harm.

And while guns don’t kill, people who use them also cause untold harm. It is not guns that we regulate when we speak of gun control. It is really the behavior of people who abuse these weapons and use them to kill.

It has always seemed to me that if we framed the argument of gun control as a means of preventing the sale to dangerous people (and we can never know who they are) it makes more sense than simply arguing that we must prevent the sale of guns.

The most sensible way to control this dangerous behavior is to strictly regulate the purchase of guns by people.

While people regulation may seem anathema, governments do it all the time. Go for a drive in your car, for example. The moment you leave your driveway, you are immediately regulated. It is not your car, but you who must observe the lane restrictions created by the white line in the middle of the road; and speed limits; and stop signs, etc.

But let’s be clear about the issue of gun control, however. It is not a matter of rights.

To repeat, the NRA doesn’t care one bit about anybody’s “right” to bear arms. Their sole reason for existence is the protection of everybody’s “right” to buy arms. It is a gun sellers organization and it exists to maximize profits for gun sellers.

July 15, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 07/15/12

If the fish rots from the head, Romney’s political carcass lies wasting in Massachusetts.

File:DEAD FISH WASHED ASHORE AT SANDY POINT STATE PARK - NARA - 546842.jpg

In due time, the entire body rots to the very core.

Romney is a dead fish reborn – of cynicism, hypocrisy and unprincipled opportunism

It is only by virtue of one of the most shocking flip-flops in recent history that he was able to seize the nomination from a gaggle of GOP candidates as effete as any put forth by a political party in decades.

Can he win the presidency? It is astonishing that such an eventuality is even a possibility.

Only in America.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Student debt is approaching one trillion dollars and may have already exceeded that amount. Many kids won’t be able to repay their loans because there are too few good jobs available and too many receive educations that are inadequate. Some profit mongering schools, in fact, are little more than government loan depositories.

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Time to invest in profit making prisons. Wall Street will soon demand that deadbeat college grads land behind bars – at taxpayer expense of course and profits for the Street. (Photo Jackie Finn-Irwin from Elizabeth, NJ, USA).

So what can we do about this intolerable situation. Simple. Throw the kids in jail. That’s right – debtors prison. Now that we’ve profitized the prison system students who default on government loans represent a limitless jailbird population for Wall Street investment firms who support and cash in on profit prisons. The situation is tailor made for the big banks. Incarcerate the students who can’t pay and charge the taxpayer for the incarceration. Why we could even make parents pay support toward their jailbird college kids.

So I’m appealing to McConnell, Boehner and the skinny guy with the glasses to get the ball rolling. Wall Street is salivating for enabling legislation. Investors could earn billions off this scam. You call yourselves Republicans??? You ought to be ashamed. Let’s get these damn deadbeats where they belong: In the profit making prison system at taxpayer expense.

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Skinny guy with glasses. Also known as Rep. Eric Cantor.

***

The so-called Red States lead the nation in food stamp subsidies. Guess their sick and tired of people not starving – and that includes themselves and their children. Just hard to figure some people out.

What’s the matter with people in the Red States? Far too many are hopeless victims of latent racism. Yes, many are good Christians who attend church regularly. However, this group votes endlessly against its own economic interests because they believe they are being victimized by black people who want a free ride.  (Read the article linked below about Mighty Mitt’s “free stuff” comment).

Mitt Romney Says He Got Booed Because Black People Just Want Free Stuff | The New Civil Rights Movement

The racism rises to the surface only among their trusted brethren. But it can be detected in circumspect statements as they try to feel you out to determine if you are among them; or in conversations overheard during a careless moment; or, most notable, in “joking” around. One revealing remark is the resentment and anger that so many black people who never voted before went to the polls in 2008 to cast their ballots for Obama.

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I sometimes think that the racism of slavery has come full circle. For it now enslaves too many racists to a life of abject poverty – a life they vote to sustain time and time again.  

We should add of course that racism isn’t the exclusive domain of the Red States..

***

Mitt Romney has more foreign bank accounts than John McCain has houses. And neither knows how many or where they are.

That’s what it means to be rich in America.

***

Condoleeza Rice said President Obama’s foreign policy is lacking. Guess he hasn’t started enough wars to suit her taste. Ah, for the good old days, right Condi.  

Rice is reportedly in the running for the vice presidential slot on the Romney ticket despite her firm denials of interest.

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And the next vice president of the United States is…. May I have the envelope please.

It seems to me she opens up too many festering wounds.  But who knows?

Only in America..

***

Iran and Iraq are becoming strong allies. And Iran is now in a position to transfer knowledge of weapons of mass destruction to Iraq.

How’s that for being ungrateful. We started a war to set them free; killed hundreds of thousands; deracinated millions and they go and join our enemy. Sometimes it’s just hard to understand people.

Not a problem, though. We can always invade again.

***

We built numerous military bases in Iraq with huge landing strips and impregnable fortifications at a cost of billions of dollars. Looks like we’ll have to abandon them. But not a word about all those McDonald’s restaurants spread among the forts. Where else can you get a Big Mac in Iraq? C’mon folks. Doesn’t anybody think of these things?

***

Mitt Romney got booed when he gave a speech before the NAACP for saying he would repeal Robamneycare if elected president.

Then at a fund raiser Mighty Mitt told reporters he was booed because black people just wanted free stuff.

Well, I for one had no idea black people had or wanted tax free bank accounts in the Caymans, Bermuda and Switzerland.

The Mittster also said that nothing is really free except his tax free bank accounts in the Caymans, Bermuda and Switzerland.

Uh, except for one minor detail the above statement is true. That detail: Romney omitted any reference to tax free offshore accounts.

***

Gee, who would have thought banksters would cheat people on interest rates? And not just some people. But quite possibly everyone on the planet whoever borrowed a dime from them.

LIBOR sounds like an X-Box video game replete with evil monsters who lie, cheat and steal. So evil, in fact, that the harm these creatures inflict belabors the imagination.

As you probably know by now, LIBOR isn’t an X-Box video game. It is the London Interbank Offered Rate – so who knew – a figure that dominates the rates charged by banks across the breadth of the entire planet and it can impact rates on mortgages, car loans, credit cards, loans to businesses and just about every other type of loan imaginable. So you think you got scammed by the S&L flim-flam and the dot.com and housing bubbles? Well, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. The amounts skimmed off the top by the banksters in this latest act of deception could rise into the gazillions.

Under the circumstances, LIBOR should give some enterprising soul an idea for a video game filled with evil monsters of every description – wearing handmade Italian suits and Ferragamo shoes and silk undies to show off to their thousand dollar a night ladies in waiting .

In order to be true to life, however, in this game the evil monsters win.

***

Oberstandartenfuhrer, I mean governor, Paul LePage of Maine went Nazi once again as so many Republicans are wont to do. It’s hard to know, however, whether his rant calling the IRS the Gestapo was a stupid remark by a Republican or a remark by a stupid Republican. Although the two do seem to go hand and hand.

You may recall another of LePage’s many blunders. Below is a youtube video about the governor’s removal from the Maine Department of Labor of a mural honoring American working men and women. 

LePage critic creates video sendup of mural decision | The Kennebec Journal, Augusta, ME

***

According to Senior National Affairs Correspondent Marcy Popindick of UPW News, the Republican party is implementing a new plan they call Conservatives Helping Older People. The idea is to bring families together by eliminating Social Security and Medicare so children can bring parents and grandparents into their homes and furnish the loving care that seniors long for. As part of the plan, Republicans will implement Paul Ryan’s program to once and for all destroy Medicare and profitize health insurance for the elderly.

A second goal of the Republican CHOP program will be the profitization of Social Security.

Once these CHOP ideas are implemented seniors will be gratified at the prospect of moving into the homes of their children and will be able to enjoy family life with their grandkids, recently graduated from college, who have also moved in with their parents.

The benefits of CHOP, everyone will soon realize, are boundless.