Archive for ‘RELIGION’

April 21, 2012

Random Musings

Oh, no!  Heeee’s baaaaaaack!

Dick Cheney called the Obama presidency a disaster.

And that from the “master of disaster”, the chief architect of the worst administration in US history.

Coming from the designer of unmitigated disasters, the statement is more than a bit ironic.  The Bush-Cheney regime was worst ever bar none.  The Republicans would do well to keep this guy isolated in the mountains of Wyoming, deep in the winter snows and, if they’re really lucky, maybe buried under an avalanche.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

During the presentation portion of the challenge to the Affordable Care Act, Justice Antonin Scalia expressed particular interest in the power of the Federal government to force a citizen to purchase a health insurance policy from private insurance companies.

photograph of the justices, cropped to show Ju...

Scalia reasoned that if the government could force a person to purchase health insurance what would prevent it from forcing its citizens to eat broccoli.

The answer of course is that if broccoli cured a fatal contagious disease, the government would be obligated to force the entire population of the country to eat the vegetable in order to prevent a deadly epidemic. I daresay Scalia would be among the very first to stuff his mouth with the green stuff.

 Come to think of it, that’s not a bad idea.  And, who can tell, a mouth full of broccoli might even improve his appearance.  It would certainly prevent him from asking inane questions during oral arguments.

Moreover, while the spread of a fatal disease is a matter of life and death to many, lack of health insurance presents the same choice for millions who can’t afford expensive and inadequate profit  policies.

***

A man was recounting his woes

But discovered he hadn’t enough toes.

His fingers joined the count

As his woes began to mount

From courting ten women trouble flows.

.

A gal was recounting her woes

She invested in stock that soon froze

It soared with the bubble

Then crumbled to rubble

So that’s how the market wind blows.

.

A guy was recounting his woes

To a barmaid with runs in her hose

She said, honey, I’ve heard all the tales

And listened to so many wails

But still can’t buy clothes for my toes.

***

Unemployment Ahead for Many Doctors

Scientists believe they have discovered a vaccine that will help the immune system detect and destroy many types of cancer cells.

According to Richard Gray of The Telegraph, researchers at Tel Aviv University in conjunction with a company called Vaxil Biotheraputics discovered a molecule called MUC1 which is a component of cells both cancerous and healthy.  Cancer cells contain high levels of the molecules which exist at much lower levels in healthy cells.

File:Basal cell carcinoma.jpg

A cancer cell.  A protein called MUC1 coats the surfaces of all cells.  It reproduces rapidly in cancer cells.  The new vaccine would “teach” the human immune system to attack the MUC1 protein in malignant tumors.

Scientists believe the new vaccine can “teach” the immune system to attack and destroy the large quantities of the molecule produced by cancerous tumors.

The development looks promising but raises the question of what type of work oncologists will pursue once the vaccine proves effective in treating and curing many cancers.

In response to the employment crisis that may arise among doctors currently practicing oncology, the Sardo Institute of Higher Learning has developed a specialty course designed to teach former doctors how to sell used cars for fun and profit.  As in the medical profession, doctors will be permitted to set their own fees regardless of the ability of buyers to pay for  them.

***

According to an article published in Science Daily, a noted research scientist believes that intelligent life exists on other planets but may well be in the form of dinosaurs.  Dr. Ronald Breslow theorizes that the correct combination of D-amino acids and L-sugars could give rise to intelligent life on any planet suitable for life to exist.

On earth mammalian life came to dominate the landscape only because a huge meteor wiped out the dinosaurs.  Without these voracious predators to determine the survival of the fittest, mammalian life proliferated and soon evolved into the most violent and predacious creature known to man.  Yes, that’s right.  It’s the human being – that rapaciously destructive creature who hubristically refers to himself as homo sapiens sapiens or wise, wise man.  A better moniker might be homo tyranno-simian or man the terrible monkey.

Well, I guess we’re at least wise enough to theorize that on other planets, where mammals became extinct because no meteor impacted the planet, dinosaurs became the dominant life form.  So much for homo sapiens sapiens.

Such an eventually, however, gives rise to certain questions, for example, do tyrannosaurs on a planet far, far away worship a god?  Is it the same God we worship?  Does the God have a chosen group of dinosaurs?  Was there a T-Rex named Abraham?  Who had a son named Issac?  Did the chosen dinosaurs escape from bondage?  Did they have a promised land?  And a messiah?  Was the messiah crucified?  How do you crucify a T-Rex?

This could go on forever.  But you get my drift.

***

Scientists at the Sardo Institute of Higher Learning have discovered exactly what it was that Eve ate in the Garden of Eden to piss off God so much that He expelled her and Adam from paradise.

File:Man's Sin, and God's Promise (Bible Card).jpg

The plants at the base of the tree are believed to be hemp.  Scientists found traces of tetrahydrocannabinol, an ingredient of the plant, in an olive jar at the dig site.

It was not a fruit at all but a plant called hemp that grew at the base of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Archeologists at the dig in the delta where the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers join discovered a Zippo lighter in the area believed to be the location of the Garden.  The lighter has been carbon dated to approximately 5000 BCE, the time when Adam and Eve lived in the area.

According to a text discovered in another olive oil jar uncovered at the site and written by an ancient monk named Rasaphram, the story of the temptation by a serpent is now considered to be historical fact.  A member of a Middle Eastern tribe called the Rasaphrites, Rasaphram writes that Satan, a snake, who at the time walked on two feet, appeared to Eve and said to her that the hemp growing beneath the tree would make her a goddess.  Before the snake could stop her, Eve put a handful of the hemp in her mouth and began to chew it.  She soon spit it out because the plant had an extremely bitter taste even for a weed.

Rasaphram next writes that Satan said to Eve:  “You don’t eat it, asshole, you roll it up and smoke it.”

The snake then flicked his Zippo.

Since it was some really good stuff, she gave Adam a couple of puffs.  Soon, while Eve was scooping up after all of the dinosaurs (yes ladies, there was housework in the Garden of Eden and Eve did it all), Adam was riding around on his T-Rex all day smoking hemp.

When God discovered that the two creatures he had recently made from dust had stolen his best stuff, he became enraged and expelled the thieves from the Garden.

And now every time they had sex, Adam had to use a condom or Eve would get pregnant, throw up and have all kinds of pain whenever she delivered a baby.

And that, boys and girls, is the true story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Just one more thing.  Adam stole some of God’s plants and was able to grow his own stuff.

Related articles

April 14, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

Congressman Poe and Governor Mitt Romney

Congressman Poe and Governor Mitt Romney (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Two of Mitt Romney’s greatest political assets are his hair stylist and his dentist.

***

A Republican judge on the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals sent an ultimatum to the US Department of Justice demanding a clarification within three days of President Obama’s statement that if the Supreme Court overturns the Affordable Care Act, the decision would represent an extraordinary step of judicial activism.

This guy, some judge named Jerry Smith (isn’t he a comedian;  or am I thinking of the circus clown) sent a letter demanding an explanation within three days of the president’s statement and whether Attorney General Eric Holder believes Federal courts can declare laws unconstitutional.

Frightened as they have always been of the slightest criticism from Fox News and Republican growling in general, the AG responded to the ultimatum presumably with a three page, single spaced letter by noon Thursday as the judge stipulated.

According to UPW News White House Senior Correspondent Marcy Popindick, the letter to this right wing judge began with the words “bafangool, asshole, it’s none of your goddamn business what the president thinks about anything.”

Later in the day Ms. Popindick withdrew her earlier report when she learned that the letter represented the usual White House suck up to Republican demands.

The reality here is that the judge himself violated the Constitution by encroaching on the document’s “separation of powers” imperative.

Moreover, the fact is that no Federal court has the Constitutional authority to overturn any law whatsoever.  That power is at best extra-Constitutional, if not itself unconstitutional.

The power of judicial review devolves from a decision of the Court headed by Chief Justice John Marshall, who declared an act of Congress unconstitutional in the now famous case of Marbury v. Madison.  At best, that power is based on precedent and tradition.  Given the penchant of right wing justices toward judicial activism and their rush to overturn precedent, there is no legal reason an activist president could not reject the Court’s activist decision since the Court has no Constitutional authority to interfere with the powers and obligations a president derives from the Constitution nor to undue the powers of Congress to pass legislation by declaring acts unconstitutional.

William MarburyWilliam Marbury (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

William Marbury (Photo credit: Wikipedia). This is a painting of the famous Marbury whose case before John Marshall’s Supreme Court gave to the Court the enormous and extra-constitutional power to declare acts of Congress unconstitutional.

Moreover, the men who drew up the Constitution were well of aware of the concept of judicial review.  Several state legislatures included that power in their documents.  It can be inferred then that the men, knowing the power existed, deliberately omitted it from the Federal Constitution.

***

Numerous religious groups have wanted Christian prayer restored in public schools for decades.  Now they insisting that The Bible be read in the classroom.

The goal of course has always been to force Christian beliefs on persons who prefer not to partake of the ideas and myths of Christianity.

Can Christians pray in public schools?  Yes, absolutely.  A student can simply bow his head and pray privately at the beginning of every class if he so desires.

Christian students can pray on a school bus in the same manner.

If they are driven to school by parents, they can pray continuously during the drive.

By rising an hour earlier, Christians can go to church and pray every day.  Get up an hour earlier to go pray!!!!!  Are you shittin’ me!!!

By the way, Christians can go to any courtroom in the land and pray.  They can simply take a seat on a bench in the back of the court and bow their heads in prayer.  How many Christians avail themselves of that practice?  I would venture to say none.

The reason of course is that the purpose of the Christian is to stand in front of a group and to force people to pray in the way the Christian commands them to.  Nothing less will suffice.

So, given the power of the pulpit, we might all just as well put on our prayer shoes and learn the Christian way of praying.

As a matter of fact, you might want to purchase a rosary for yourself and every member of your family since projections indicate that a majority of Christians will soon be adherents of Catholicism.

File:Rosari 2.jpg

Ancient Catholic rosary beads.

***

Alan We-est has a brain
EE eye ee eye oh
And from that brain escaped a thought
EE eye ee eye oh
‘Bout a commie commie here
And a commie commie there
Here a commie there a commie
Everywhere a commie commie
Alan We-est had a brain
EE eye ee eye oh.

Now the foregoing may be pretty simpleminded.  But it’s a better idea than West ever had.

***

Baboons have reading skills.  So says Jonathan Grainger, the scientist in charge of the research project.  The animals can distinguish actual words from random letter forms.

According to UPW Senior Science Reporter Chocolotta Chippie, the baboons don’t like Shakespeare or poetry.  They also vote Republican.  In fact, GOP operatives have a massive campaign underway to register baboons before the November elections.

April 2, 2012

Sex Laws of Holy Book Church

UPW News Senior Reporter Marcy Popindick interviewed Dr. Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe, a resident scholar at the Sardo Institute of Religious Studies, Anthropology, Genealogy, Sociology, Archeology, Gynecology, Eschatology, Proctology and Cake Baking and Decorating.

Dr. Bacciagalupe is also a bishop in the Church of the Holy Book in Pasta Fagioli, Italy. The Church is an adjunct of the Sardo Institute and Dr. Bacciagalupe is Eminent Confessor at the Church. He is the author of the New York Times best-selling nonfiction book Osservare in Camera Da Letto or To Look in the Bedroom.

File:Death Valley Junction, old buildings.jpg

The Church of the Holy Book located on the campus of The Sardo Institute in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  (Photo courtesy of Rick Cooper.)

In his book, Dr. Bacciagalupe contends that it is the duty of the apostles of the Church of the Holy Book to observe the activities of married couples in their bedrooms to ensure that the faithful are obeying sexual mandates and avoiding prohibitions outlined in the Church’s commandments.

Ms. Popindick: Dr. Bacciagalupe you contend in your book that it is not enough for the Church to trust that the faithful are adhering to the sexual practices permitted by the laws of the Church; that the Church must place hidden cameras in the bedrooms of the faithful so apostles can observe the activities and declare the faithful to be living in accordance with the laws of the Church. Is that a fair characterization of your views?

Dr. Bacciagalupe: Of a course. You can a never trust a da dese people. They take off a da clothes and dey go crazy. Do all kinds a crazy tings a ya know. You gotta watch a dese people.

Popindick: Doctor can you outline for our readers some the sexual laws of the Church that the faithful are required to follow.

Bacciagalupe: Why sure, it’s a very simple. The woman, you know, gotta lay on her back. She can a do that as much as she wants. But she gotta make a da babies. Dere’s a no other way.

Warning:  For adults only.  The following photo depicts a male and a female engaging in sexual relations.  As you can plainly see, the two are violating the precept of the Holy Book Church that the female lay on her back.  

File:Cynictis penicillata mating1 cropped.jpg

P: So your church, like the Catholic church, forbids the use of birth control.

B: Yes. Sex is a for making da babies. No babies; no sex.

P: Can you tell us how many adherents are obeying the laws of the church?

B: So far, nobody. But we can a change a dat.

P: You were born and raised in Sicily. How did you get the name Mangiapasta?

B: Well, for a long time, I thought my name was a Jesus Christ. I was a very skinny as a young boy. And momma, God rest her soul, always say “Jesus Christ, mangia you pasta already.” Momma, God rest her soul, always call a me Jesus Christ. So I didn’t know my real name until I was a fifteen years old. But den I getta da nickame Mangie boy. Atsa what a my friends call a me.

P: Can you tell our readers what city in Sicily you were born in?

B: It’s a no city really. It’s a Bacciagalupe Mountain. I come from a big a family. And all a da kids, dey help with a da family business on a top of da mountain.

P: Tell us something about the business.

B: Why sure a? We make a da spaghetti. All a da kids, we pitch in. Momma, God rest her soul, she always had a da big a belly, so she no can a help. Poppa, God rest his soul, no help a too much either. He always busy with momma. So one of the kids mix a da flour, another make a da dough, then you put a through da machine and spaghetti comes out the other end. You put in a box, lick a both ends and you take a to market.

P: I understand the family was also in the olive oil business.

B: Yes. We have a da olive garden. We pick a da olives, crush them to make a da oil. Then we collect old Coke a bottles, rinse them out, put in a da olive oil, then a cork, stick on a label and you sell. Sometimes we add a lilla sugar, a lilla caffeine and some bubbles. We call it an energy drink and we sell to Americans. Dey so stupid dey buy any ting from anybody anywhere. All a dey can a do is start a da wars dey can a never win.

P: A TV show was made about your family life on the mountain some years ago. Can you tell us about that?

B: Yes. They call it The Bacciagalupes. We make a some money off a dat deal, let me tell you. No more collecting old Coke a bottles.

P: I’ve heard you vacation frequently on an island in the Caribbean. Is that true?

B: I go dere only to pray for those a poor people. Only to pray. It’s a very sad. You know you can a get any ting you want over dere. Lilla boys, lilla girls. Every ting.

P: You were apprehended by Customs officials for possession of a large quantity of Viagra without a prescription. Can you explain that?

B: Oh, no. Not a true. Not a me. You confuse a me with somebody else. You know, Viagra it’s a every where. You can a get on da street. Very cheap. It’s a like Congress. You grease a few palms and you getta whatever you want.

P: The Sardo Institute of Veterinary Medicine and Animal Husbandry has developed a porkless pig meat. Tell us how that was done.

B: Oh, ats a big a secret. All I can a tell is we modify a the DNA of a the fetus. Then we take a transvaginal ultrasound and take a sample of a da lilla piglet’s tissue to make a sure the meat is porkless. But, and dis is a very important, we no make a da momma pig look at da pictures. Ats a too cruel.

P: Why is it so important to have porkless pig meat?

B: Well, as you know, when you commit a sin you get a punished by God. So many, many years ago, God sends a da Assyrians to conquer Israel. Den he sends a da Babylonians. Next comes da Greeks and den a da Romans. Everybody conquers Israel just a because one day someone ate a pepperoni pizza. Ats a fact. So God no like what happens and he punishes the whole a country. But now everybody can enjoy a pepperoni pizza and you no have to worry about a da Babylonians anymore.

P: That concludes our interview, Bishop Bacciagalupe. Thank you, Your Excellency.

B: So what a you think now. How about a you come up to may place and we have a cup a coffee. I show you my etchings.

P: Why, I’d like that very much.

File:Waltons 1972.JPG

The Bacciagalupe family in a photo taken while on vacation in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  Atsa Momma, atsa Poppa and atsa me.

From Unreliable Press Worldwide: UPW, surpassing the mainstream media in bringing you worthlessly useless news the world over.

 

 

February 23, 2012

Hearings on Religious Freedom

Committee Chairman Says Hearings Are on Freedom of Religion And Not Birth Control for Women.


File:Congressman Darrell Issa.jpg

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) Chairman of the House Oversight Committee.

The House Committee on Oversight held a hearing this week on the mandate in Obama’s Affordable Care Act that employers provide birth control coverage to women free of charge. Testifying before the committee was the Rt. Rev. William E. Lori who protested the mandate, claiming that it violated the First Amendment’s guarantee of freedom of religion.

He likened the requirement to forcing all restaurants that serve food to offer pork on the menu, including Kosher delis.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for Olive Garden, speaking under conditions of anonymity, told UPW reporter Marcy Popindick that, in order to avoid criticism that freedom of religion is violated by the current menu and to accommodate devoutly religious Jews, the restaurant chain would begin serving gefilte fish in all of its establishments. Another menu item under consideration is bagels and lox.
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So that’s what an olive garden looks like.

English: English: Barack Obama signing the Pat...

President Obama signing the Affordable Care Act that requires employers to provide birth control to women free of charge.

The owner of a Jewish delicatessen across the street from an Olive Garden restaurant complained that the chain would now be engaging in unfair competition with small privately owned establishments.

However, the deli owner noted that scientists at the Sardo Institute of Veterinary Medicine and Animal Husbandry have developed a hormone that renders pig meat porkless and that he may begin serving that delicacy in his delicatessen.

The hormone, a synthetic chemical developed at the Institute, genetically modifies the fetus of a pregnant hog so that the newborn produces porkless meat.

Scientists at the Sardo Veterinary School have also invented a sound wave emitting probe which, when inserted into the pregnant pig’s vagina, determines that the genetic modification has actually taken place. The pregnant pig, according to the scientists, will not be forced to view the resulting sonogram.

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Scientists at the Sardo Institute have described these pigs as providing porktless meat.

Observant Jews will be gratified to know that they can now enjoy a BLT or a pepperoni pizza without violating dietary laws. The new porkless pig meat, however, causes stomach cancer in humans.

According to the spokesman for Olive Garden the new menu will begin to appear in the restaurants in the near future.

From the UPW newsroom, surpassing the mainstream media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

December 10, 2011

Random Musings

In the midst of an obesity epidemic, a restaurant chain has taken on the name “Fats.” Actually, it’s been around for a while. I often wonder if investors are beginning to regret the choice of name. Would they consider changing it to “Slim’s” or “Skinny’s”? Not sure I’d want to eat at a restaurant with that kind of moniker.

Anyway, food’s pretty good at FATS. And you can get a drink too.

Full disclosure. I don’t own a nickel’s worth of stock in FATS.

***

I’ve always been something of a smart ass. Not a bad ass smart ass. Just a, you know, smart ass.

Went to a diner once with some of my dorm mates. They knew what was coming when I ordered a half rack of rhino ribs with Congo sauce. A few snickers followed.

Without batting an eye, the waitress said: “Sorry, we’re out of rhino but you can have the Congo sauce on a giraffe dick.

Huge laughter all around. The waitress no doubt had been smart assed for years. After all, I’m not the only one in the world. But I learned then and there never to smart ass a waitress who worked in a college town.

***

Warning! The following article has graphic images and sexual content. So you won’t want to miss it.

If a fly got on a plane in New York that landed in Denver, what would the fly’s reaction be when it deplaned?

What the fuuuuuck?

What would the fly’s chances be of getting on a flight back to New York? I mean he’s only got a couple of weeks before he dies.

He’d do better to find a female Musca Domestica and start his own tribe. And that shouldn’t be a problem. Although females copulate only once, they’re really quite eager for male companionship.

English: Houseflies Musca domestica mating. Pi...

Image via Wikipedia

Two flies screwing around.  

(Photo by Muhammad Mahdi Karim).*


Well, I guess you can’t get much more graphic than that photo.

***

I have an idea for a new curriculum for athletes who just want to get the hell out of college and sign on to that big pro contract.

I call it Cake Baking. Now I don’t mean your ordinary Betty Crocker type cake – even though that’s part of the curriculum. I’m talkin’ big event kinda cakes. Like for birthdays and weddings and stuff.

The courses would consist of the following:

Bake-pan Cakes 101 – 3 credits

Two-Layer Cakes 102 – 3 credits

Three-Layer Cakes 103 – 3 credits (Prerequisite 102)

Frosting 104 – 3 credits

Decorating 105 – 5 credits (Includes Laboratory)

Thesis (Two semesters) – 6 credits (Minimum ten paragraphs. Tutoring available).

***

If the Indians had an opportunity to do so, would they really want to take back the country?

***

We’ve all seen bumper stickers displayed by proud parents proclaiming a child’s accomplishments in school.

But how about the kids who aren’t doing so well. I think they deserve a sticker once in a while too. So why not something like the following:

.

My son is a royal fuck up at Lincoln Middle School.

My daughter is an honor student in the boys’ locker room at Mortimer McTurd High School.

My son won the pot smoking contest at Murph the Surfs Charter School for Misfits.

.

You may already have some of your very own favorites.

***

I was in a movie theater once that was evacuated because of a bomb scare. The screen went dark, the lights came up and an announcement came over the speaker system: “Please leave the theater quickly and quietly.”

Police and firemen arrived with sirens blaring. They searched the theater for maybe ten, fifteen minutes, found nothing and declared the place safe to occupy and resume the movie. Sheepishly, everybody went back in.

Afterward, I thought, sure, the squads didn’t find a bomb. But that didn’t mean there wasn’t one there.

On the other hand, if someone wanted to blow up a theater, why would they phone in an advance warning. So a phoned in threat is almost always a prank. Almost.

***

The Bible tells us that the Israelites escaped bondage in Egypt by crossing the Red Sea over a path created by divinely parted waters. So far so good.

There were about a million of them, give or take, and they wandered in the desert for forty years – a situation that would normally give rise to a problem in logistics.

Not to worry. We’re talking God here and he had this whole adventure planned way in advance.

How do you feed a million people lost in a desert for forty years? Manna, that’s how.

Now manna probably isn’t what you thought it was. Actually it’s bird droppings. We’ve all seen bird droppings on a windshield. You may have even witnessed the actual splat from time to time. Not something to look forward to for dinner by any means.

However, to feed a million people with manna would require tens of millions of birds – enough to darken even the desert sky at noon – relieving themselves in a virtual perfect storm.

And this is the diet the Israelites gorged themselves on 24 – 7 – 365, breakfast, lunch and dinner, for forty years.

It always seemed to me that at some time early on Moses should have had a conversation with God about providing a little variety in the diet.

You know, like maybe roast chicken on the Sabbath once in a while. Or London broil, medium rare, seared around the edges.

In any case, stop with the bird shit already.

File:NSRW Quail.png

A quail, the bird that provided manna to the Israelites.

***

I once did a report on Revelation. Not on the writing itself. But on the controversy that surrounded its inclusion in The Bible. Many clerics believed the writings to be sacred and should be included in Holy Scripture. Others thought it was the bat shit crazy work of a tormented soul imprisoned by the Romans on a desolate island in the Aegean Sea.

As we all know the Holy Scripture bishops had their way and Revelation became sacred writings. In my report I sided with the Holy Scripture bishops only out of fear of being burned at the stake if I claimed the writings were indeed the bat shit crazy work of an angry rebel.

File:Burgkmair whore babylon color.jpg

The Whore of Babylon from the writings of John of Patmos as depicted by Hans Burgkmair (1473-1531). Scholars believe John intended the Whore to represent Rome.

I have since come to a greater appreciation of the work of John, the persecuted prisoner on Patmos. With the advent of computer animation and now 3-D, I’ve thought for some time Revelation would make a great movie. And now I wonder: Why didn’t I think of that? I coulda been rich.

*As always click the photo for the URL and full attribution.

Tags:
November 26, 2011

Biblical Oddities

Biblical oddities offer surprise, provoke wonder and stimulate thought. Even if you don’t believe there are enough items of interest in this best seller of all time to make perusal a fascinating journey.

Here’s one everyone should like. It is somewhat sexual in nature and involves a place called Gilgal.

After the Israelites escaped from bondage in Egypt the practice of circumcising young males ended. When the tribes crossed the Jordan River, Joshua revived the practice.  At a place named “The Hill of the Foreskins” all males, young and old, underwent the minor surgical procedure and by doing so renewed the covenant made between God and Abraham. (Joshua 5)

***

The Prophet Balaam and the Ass, by Rembrandt v...

The prophet Balaam by Rembrandt. Image via Wikipedia

One of my favorites is the tale of the talking donkey. No, this was not a case of Dr. Doolittle talking to the animals.

It’s the story of one Balaam who became angry at a stubborn donkey. The animal saw the angel of God blocking the road and refused to move. Balaam beat the donkey repeatedly until God had it speak.

What have I done that deserves your beating me three times,” the animal said.

Without wonder or amazement at the talking donkey Balaam replied: “Because you have made me look like a fool.” (Numbers 22: 21-34).

***

A tale in Exodus that has some modern day application, implies that the fetus has an inferior status to a person.

The story tells of a law that punishes two men who are fighting and who injure a woman during the altercation. If the woman dies the man who causes the injury shall be executed. If, however, the woman is pregnant and suffers a miscarriage, the man shall only be fined.  Recent attempts to pass laws affording full person status to the fetus would seem to contradict the Bible.  (Exodus 21: 22-23).

***

The Ten Commandments are listed in Exodus 20. Although Avarice is counted among the Seven Deadly Sins, the sin of Greed is not listed among the prohibitions of the commandments. Proverbs 15:27 however carries this warning: “He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house….”

***

This proverb made me think of Washington, DC. “If a man enjoys folly, something is wrong.” Proverb 15:21 was certainly a harbinger of the follyland that our nation’s capital has become.

***

Saul – a nonbeliever and perhaps even a persecutor of Jesus – converted to belief after suffering what scholars believe may have been a stroke during a journey to Syria. After imagining a conversation with God he underwent a conversion to become a believer. When friends nursed him back to health he pursued the life of a proselytizer. In fact, Saul, who is referred to as Paul in the New Testament, is credited with more converts to the religion than is Jesus himself.

The religion, however, was not Christianity as we know it today. That religion did not exist. Paul actually preached a form of Judaism with Jesus at the core. And he was a successful fisher of men only because he insisted that Old Testament laws should not be applied to converts.

Christianity, of course, evolved over the centuries after many violent clashes among the clerics, to assume its present form. However Paul, along with Jesus, has been adopted by Christians as a founder.

***

Jesus is considered by scholars such as Weber ...

Some scholars consider Jesus a charismatic leader. Others believe he was a rebel. There may be some truth to both ideas. Image via Wikipedia

Some scholars consider Jesus to be the leader of a rebellious movement. Hence his crucifixion, a punishment the Romans usually reserved for dissidents.

***

It was Paul who wrote the words that man could be saved by faith alone, that is, belief in Jesus Christ as God. Good works as preached by the Church were not essential for salvation. Ironically, it was these words that helped Martin Luther overcome his struggle with the religion as it existed in his day and resulted in the greatest schism in religious history.

Issue of faith versus works did not end with this debate. For in James 2:20, the apostle insists that “Faith that does not result in good deeds is not real faith.”

Nonetheless, while there were numerous causes for the Reformation, Luther’s “justification by faith alone” numbers among them.

***

The Bible does not answer the ultimate question about the existence of God: Why do we suffer?”

***

Scholars refer to the first three books of the New Testament as the Synoptic Gospels. Because of the many similarities between Matthew, Mark and Luke, it is thought the books are derived from a single unknown source. That silent document is called “Q” from the German word “Quelle” meaning source.

***

Remember. You don’t have to believe to take the journey. Happy traveling.

May 30, 2011

GOD MAKES THE SUN STAND STILL

Not too many people have heard of the battle of Gibeon. Probably because nobody ever wrote a song about it. Like, ya know, the battle of Jericho and the walls came a tumblin’ down.  But maybe someday though, who can tell.

File:Poussin Nicolas - The Victory of Joshua over the Amalekites copy.jpg

Joshua wins another one. But look who he has on his side.

Gibeon is the battle where God made the sun stand still to provide extra daylight so Joshua could kill lots more people.

You’ve probably heard stories about this ancient fight. Well, as you might have guessed, those stories are not exactly true. Here is how it really happened as translated from the Greek into the Rasaphramian language by Rasaphram, a three-eyed monk from the ancient tribe of the Rasaphrites. A scholar in ancient languages who resides at The Sardo Institute translated from Rasaphramian into English. The translation below is the true story of this ancient battle.  

Of course, Joshua screwed up again.  It was in his nature.  There he was on the day of the battle, curled up in bed, passed out from drinking all that good wine and smoking that stuff from Egypt that he never paid for. And women, all over the place, you wouldn’t believe how many.

God was fit to be tied and fed up.  But He knew He had placed all His eggs in one basket (another modern phrase whose origin we can trace back to the Old Testament) and that He was stuck with this schmuck.  

So what was He to do?  He woke him up, shook him violently back and forth and up and down and forced some coffee down his throat.

And then God said, “Wake up asshole, you got a battle to fight today.”

So an hour later, Joshua could stand up by himself.  He called for his horse and wagon and ordered pillows and blankets so he could lie down while the battle was going on. After all he’s a general and he has privileges.

Joshua went outside and looked around, saw the sun was setting and decided it was too late to start a fight and besides he wasn’t feeling too good so he went back into his tent for a smoke.  Ya know, the good stuff.

Not enough daylight left,” he said to God.  “Fuggetaboutit.  It can wait.  And besides I can’t attack Gibeon because I signed a peace treaty with them.”

You signed a peace treaty?  Who told you to sign a peace treaty?

They tricked me.  I signed a peace treaty.”

You’re an idiot,” God said.

So I screwed up.  It’s too late now.  What are you gonna do, fire me.  But don’t worry about it.  I made them all slaves and their happy.  I coulda killed them, ya know.  Look, it’s late, the sun’s going down, it’s getting dark, go take a nap.  You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Such a jerk.” Then He told Joshua that there are huge armies coming to Gibeon led by King Adoni-zedek and King Hoham and a few others with such names not even God could pronounce.

Don’t be an idiot, do what I say. Get the army together and you’ll have enough daylight, I promise.”

And just how are you gonna do that, Smart Guy.”

Oh, so you’re still a wise guy.  I’ll tell you how I’m gonna do that, I’m gonna stop the sun in the sky, that’s how.”

You can do that?”

Of course, I can do that, I’m God.  The sun will stand still, you’ll have enough daylight.  You can kill everybody.  Not a problem.”

Now God told Joshua that the enemy had 50,000 troops and 10,000 chariots. He said, “You take 1000 of your very best men and lead them against the armies of those kings with the daffy names.”

Joshua looked up at God through his bloodshot eyes and said, “Are you shittin’me?”

Joshua, you’re gonna win.  Trust me this one time and you’ll become one of the greatest generals in history.”

I prayed for this day, ya know,”  Joshua said.

I know, I know.  Don’t screw it up.”

Now here’s a very important lesson to remember.  Back in those ancient days, even God didn’t know that the sun already stood still in the sky and that the earth moved around the sun.  He didn’t know because Galileo and Copernicus and all those other smart guys with the funny names weren’t born yet.

But somehow God made the day longer, how it doesn’t matter, just so Joshua had enough daylight so he could win the battle over all the armies that came to Gibeon.  And when the armies ran away so that not even Joshua could catch them, God sent a hailstorm and killed them all.  Then Joshua captured all the cities in the land of milk and honey and everybody lived happily ever after except for all those people who lived in the cities Joshua conquered. They got killed.

And that’s the true story of Joshua and the battle of Gibeon as translated from the Greek by Rasaphram the three-eyed monk from the ancient tribe of the Rasaphrites. A scholar from The Sardo Institute who wishes to remain anonymous translated from ancient Rasaphramian into English.

I think it loses a little something in the translation though.

May 14, 2011

JOSHUA VICTORIOUS AT JERICHO

We’ve all read or heard about the story of Joshua and the battle of Jericho.  But the story you know isn’t the real story.  The verses below are translated from ancient Rasaphrat, a little known language that existed among some Neanderthal tribes.  The language was handed down from generation to generation but died out when the last tribe of Rasaphrites became extinct after a violent Diaspora that occurred circa AD 300.

File:Jean Fouquet 001.jpg

The Israelites before Jericho obeying the orders of their god whom they are carrying in the sacred ark. By Jean Fouquet 1420-1480.   

The Bible was translated from the ancient Greek by a Rasaphrite monk who, sad to say, had three eyes.  It is his translation that survives and his work has become known as the New Rasaphramian Version (NRV).  An unknown scholar has translated this diligent scribe’s painstaking efforts into English.  Read and ye shall know the truth.  Here are the sacred words of Rasaphram the Three-Eyed Monk as translated into English by one of the few remaining specialists in Rasaphram.


JOSHUA AND THE BATTLE OF JERICHO

One day God came to visit Joshua on the day the battle of Jericho wa supposed to begin.  And guess what.  Joshua was sound asleep.

What am I gonna do with this guy,” God says aloud.  Then he shouts, “Joshua get your dead ass out of bed.  I arranged for a fight today.”

Joshua woke up, opened his eyes and everything was a blur.  “What’s with all the yelling,” he says.  “Can’t I get a little peace and quiet around here?”

Then God said “Josh, it’s almost noon.  The battle should have started hours ago.  You’re messing up my whole plan.”

What’s the big deal,” said Joshua, “So I over slept.  Do I look like I have a Rolex?  Not even a Timex you couldn’t give me?”

Forget it,” God says.  “I’ll change plans already.  But what the hell have you been doing.  The night before a battle you have a party?”

Well, you know, a little wine, a few women, things got outta hand.  Could happen to anyone.”

A few women.  You had six.  Three’s not enough.”

Hey, it’s a once in a lifetime thing.  Cut me some slack already.” 

OK, OK, pull yourself together.  Must have been some pretty good wine though.  Not that cheap watered done Roman stuff.  Oh, sorry, wrong century.  Where do you get that kinda wine?  You got a sommelier or somethin’?  And what was that stuff you were smoking?  You looked like you were trying to fly.”

That was some very good stuff,” Joshua said.  “Comes from Egypt.  Got it off a caravan.  Such a high you wouldn’t believe.  You should try it.  It’ll do you good.”

 “Let me think about it,” God said.  “How much does it cost?”

Cost?  What cost?  Who pays?  I own the bazaars, I own the markets, I even own the government.  Bought and paid for.  I’ve got all the power.  They’ve got nothing.  I take what I want.”

I see,” said God.  “I think you just invented free market capitalism.”

So now Joshua is a little disgusted.  “What’s this new plan you’ve got cooked up.  You gonna tell me about it or what.”

And God said, “Wait till you hear this one.  I can’t believe it myself, it’s so good.  First you gotta get some trumpets.”

Oh, God, I knew there was a catch.  Always a catch with You,” Joshua says.  “Do I look like a musician?  Forget with the trumpets already.”

So I’ll make it ram’s horns.  Doesn’t matter.  Now Joshua here’s what you do and you gotta do this right or the whole plan falls apart.  You give the horns to the priests and they blow them for six days while their walking around the walls of Jericho.  On the seventh day everybody walks around the walls seven times and when the priests blow the horns everybody yells.  And the walls come a tumblin’ down.”

You believe this Guy,” Joshua said.  “You gotta be kidding me.  That’s the dumbest plan I ever heard.  And it’s gotta be seven days.  You couldn’t make it five.  I busy on weekends, you know.”

I know already, I know.  Listen, jerk, it’s a good plan “said God.  “You do it right and the walls will come a tumblin’ down.  People will write songs.  I promise.  Then you send the soldiers in, you kill everybody, even the little kids and the battle is over.  But don’t screw it up for me this time.  Good plans don’t grow on trees.”

So Joshua did exactly what God told him and the walls did come a tumblin’ down and somebody wrote a song about it just like God said and everybody lived happily ever after except for all those people who lived in Jericho and got killed.

And that’s the true story of Joshua and the battle of Jericho as translated from the Greek into Rasaphramian by Rasaphram, the three-eyed monk of the ancient tribe of the Rasaphrites.

An unknown scholar translated from Rasaphramian into English. Although I think it may have lost something in the translation. 

May 9, 2011

ADAM AND EVE REVISITED

We’ve all read or heard the story of Adam and Eve.  But the story you know isn’t the real story.  The verses below are translated from ancient Rasaphrat, a little known language that existed among some Neanderthal tribes.  The language was handed down from generation to generation but died out when the last tribe of Rasaphrites became extinct after a violent Diaspora that occurred around AD 300.   

The Bible was translated from the ancient Greek by a Rasaphrite monk who, sad to say, had three eyes.  It is his translation that survives and his work has become known as the New Rasaphramian Version (NRV).  Read and ye shall know the truth.  Here are the sacred words of Rasaphram the Monk as translated into English by, uh, some unknown scholar.

 File:The Fall of Man-1616-Hendrik Goltzius.jpg

The first First Family screwing up royally. Or if you prefer The Fall of Man by Hendrik Goltzius.

One day God created Adam out of dust or dirt or clay or maybe something else, it doesn’t matter, nobody really cares anyway.  All that matters is that one day there was this guy and God called him Adam which in Rasaphram means first man.

Adam woke up from a stupor and he doesn’t know from nothin’. That’s because he was not too bright but that’s the way God wanted it.  He looked around and he saw God and he said, “Who the hell are you?”

And God said “I’m God, who do you think I am.”

Then Adam ssid, “That’s supposed to mean something?”

Now God got upset.  He looked up at the sky:  “I think I made a mistake.  It must have been in the dirt.  I shoulda maybe used a little water.”

So who am I and where am I and what am I doing here?”  Adam asked.

Impatient and curious.  I guess I can live with that,” God said. 

You’re Adam and you’re the first man.  Satisfied?”

So what is this place I’m in, with the trees and the leaves and the plants, I could get allergies ya know.  And all these little animals staring at me?  I gotta put up with this?”

Oh, so you do know something.  The brain works after all.  I was a little worried about that.  This place you’re in, it’s the Garden of Eden. Everything is perfect here.  Enjoy.  Look, kid, I gotta go.  I’m busy.  I’ve got things to do.  Take a look around.  Ya like what ya see, stick around.  It’s yours.”

So Adam stuck around, got himself a pet poodle, played with the dinosaurs and observed everything he could in the Garden of Eden. (Rasaphram’s translation proves one and for all that dinosaurs co-existed with humans).  And believe me, there were some very strange goings on he observed.

Some of those strange goings he didn’t quite understand.  But he knew he wasn’t able to join in with those very strange goings on.

Just then a pterodactyl took a shit and it landed on Adam’s head. (Adam got really pissed because God told him that everything was perfect in the Garden and some really big birds shitting up the place wasn’t Adam’s idea of perfect. However, the incident proves once again that dinosaurs co-existed with humans).

But anyway one day Adam couldn’t stand not being able to have some of his very own strange goings on.  He called God.

Where the hell ya been, I’ve been looking for ya.”

You shouldn’t curse in the presence of God,” the Creator admonished.

OK, OK, no cursing. Besides I need a favor already.  I’m a little lonely.  Everybody in here has a friend.  I’ve got a poodle and a couple of dinosaurs.  You couldn’t give me a friend?”

You’re sure you want a friend?  It could change things a little.  And there’s no turning back,” God warned him.

Yes, yes.  I’m sure.  Get on with it.”

All right already.  Don’t be such a grouch.  You want a friend I’ll give you a friend.  But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

So God put Adam to sleep and he took his gall bladder so he should never get stones and he made woman.  And he called the woman Eve (which in the ancient language of Rasaphram translates into first woman), who very soon was to become the mother of all people.  (But that’s another story).

Well, let me tell you it didn’t take those two very long to learn about all those very strange goings on.

Every day, day in and day out, morning, noon and night.  Such goings on.  It was a scandal.

Then, one day God went for a walk in the Garden.  And right there behind a bush, there they were.  On the ground, one with the knees bent up, the other pumping up and down, up and down.  Right there, in front of God no less.

So God said, “I can’t leave you two alone.  I turn my back for a minute and you do this.  You’ll pay for this.  Mark my words.  Now you can never eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.  I’m warning you.”

Who cares,” Eve said.  “I can’t even say it.  Cut us some slack already.  This is the Garden of Eden.  You gave it to us, remember.  Whose fault is that?”

God walked away shaking his head and said “Bitch.”

Eve often strolled through the Garden picking leaves from plants and enjoying their fragrance. Then one day she lit up the leaves and smoked them. She enjoyed the fragrance even more.

Frequently on her leisurely walks she would pass the forbidden tree and stare at it, day after day.  Looked pretty good to her.  But she never took a piece of the fruit.  Some say it was an apple, coulda been a peach.  Doesn’t matter.

Then one day, after smoking a bushel full of leaves, she stumbled in front of the tree and there before her eyes was a low hanging piece of fruit.

Slithering along a branch, a snake suddenly appeared.  Nobody knows how it got there.  Coulda walked, coulda flew, doesn’t matter.

But this snake was different.  This snake talked.  Yep, that’s right a talking snake and it tells Eve to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge and she’ll become God.  Not to be picky or anything, but it sounded like a pretty good deal.  So she picked a pear from the tree (coulda been a pear, who knows) and takes a bite.  Nothing happened and she got mad. 

God saw it all, told the snake he has to crawl on his belly from now on and He became livid at Eve. And it was at this time that God created Hell. So the snake slithered away (no more walking or flying) and Eve ran like a bat outta hell to find Adam. (According to Rasaphram, this is another of the many modern expressions that comes from the Bible).

Adam, I ate the fruit and now I’m God,” she said.  “Take a bite and you’ll be God too.”

But Adam hesitated.  He really didn’t want to eat the forbidden fruit because, let’s face it, he didn’t know what the hell it was either.

Let me think about this for a while,” he said.

Then Eve got really mad and said “How the hell long do you have to think about it. Are you dumb or something? If you know what’s good for you, you’ll eat this goddamned thing or I’ll shove it down your throat.”

So Adam ate because he knew what was good for him.  God saw it and threw them out of the Garden.

Now they have to put on some clothes because they know their naked. But first they gotta kill something to get skins to make the clothes and then they’re on their own. 

Now Adam has to get up every morning, go to work, pay the bills and Eve has all those kids she has to take care of.  All because of some lousy piece of fruit that nobody even knows what it was.

But don’t feel too sorry for Adam.  Look on the bright side.  Eve put pockets in his clothes and now he has a place to keep his hanky.

  File:Zampieri - Adam et Ève (détail).jpg

So you couldn’t cut us a little slack maybe. It’s not our fault. It all happened because of that damned weed we were smokin’.  (Adam and Eve by Zampieri).

And that’s the real story of Adam and Eve as translated from the Greek by a three-eyed monk from the ancient tribe of the Rasaphrites.

An unknown scholar translated into English. 

I’ve always wondered if the story doesn’t lose a little something in the translation. 

April 2, 2011

NICE BOOBIES!

I’m not much into religious paintings but I couldn’t resist this one. The real title is noted below.

The Toilette of Esther

Artist Théodore Chassériau
Year 1841
Type oil on canvas
Dimensions 45.5 cm × 35.5 cm (17.9 in × 14.0 in)
Location Musée du Louvre, Paris
January 4, 2011

Adam and Eve-The Real Story

We’ve all read or heard the story of Adam and Eve. But the story you know isn’t the real story. The verses below are translated from the ancient Rasaphrat which was translated from the ancient Greek by a Rasaphrite monk who, sad to say, had three eyes. It is his translation that survives and his work has become known as the New Rasaphramian Version (NRV) of The Bible. I have translated this diligent scribe’s painstaking efforts into English. Read and ye shall know the truth. Here are the sacred words of Rasaphram the Monk as translated into English by the Chirping Shrimp.

One day God created Adam out of dust or dirt or clay or maybe something else, it doesn’t matter, who cares anyway. All that matters is that one day there was this guy and God called him Adam.

Adam wakes up from a stupor and he doesn’t know from anything. He looks around and he sees God and he says, “Who the hell are you?”

So God says “I’m God, who do you think I am.”

Then Adam says “That’s supposed to mean something?

Now God gets upset. He looks up at the sky and says “I think I made a mistake. It must have been in the dirt. I shoulda used maybe a little water.”

So who am I and where am I and what am I doing here?” Adam asked.

Impatient and curious. I guess I can live with that,” God said. “You’re Adam and you’re the first man. Satisfied?”

So what is this place I’m in, with the trees and the leaves and the plants, I could get allergies ya know. And all these little animals staring at me? I gotta put up with this?”

Oh, so you do know something. The brain works after all. I was a little worried about that. This place you’re in, it’s the Garden of Eden. Enjoy. Look, kid, I gotta go. I’m busy. I’ve got things to do. Take a look around. Ya like what ya see, stick around.  It’s yours.”

So Adam stuck around, got himself a pet poodle, played with the dinosaurs and observed everything he could in the Garden of Eden. And believe me, there were some very strange goings on he observed.

Some of those strange goings he didn’t quite understand. But he knew he wasn’t able to join in with those very strange goings on.

And one day Adam couldn’t stand not being able to have some of his very own strange goings on. He called God.

Where the hell ya been,” Adam said. “I’ve been looking for ya.”

You shouldn’t curse in the presence of God,” God admonished.

OK, OK, no cursing,” Adam said. “I need a favor already. I’m a little lonely. Everybody in here has a friend. I’ve got a poodle and a couple of dinosaurs. You couldn’t give me a friend?”

You’re sure you want a friend? It could change things a little. And there’s no turning back,” God warned him.

Yes, yes. I’m sure. Get on with it.”

All right already. Don’t be such a grouch. You want a friend I’ll give you a friend. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

So God put Adam to sleep and he took his gall bladder so he should never get stones and he made woman. And he called the woman Eve, who very soon was to become the mother of all people. Figure that one out. But that’s another story.

Well, let me tell you it didn’t take those two very long to learn about all those very strange goings on.

Every day, day in and day out, morning, noon and night. Such goings on. It was a scandal.

Then, one day God went for a walk in the Garden of Eden. And right there behind a bush, there they were. On the ground, one with the knees bent up, the other pumping up and down, up and down. Right there, in front of God no less.

So God says, “I can’t leave you two alone. I turn my back for a minute and you do this. You’ll pay for this. Mark my words. Now you can never eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. I’m warning you.”

Who cares,” Eve says. “I can’t even say it. Cut us some slack already. This is the Garden of Eden. You gave it to us, remember. Whose fault is that?”

So God walked away shaking his head and muttered “Bitch.”

Now Eve goes to the tree and stares at it, day after day. Looks pretty good to her. But she never took a piece of the fruit. Some say it was an apple, coulda been a peach. Doesn’t matter.

Then this snake comes. Nobody knows how it got there. Coulda walked, coulda flew, doesn’t matter.

But this snake is different. This snake talks. Yep, that’s right a talking snake and it tells Eve to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge and she’ll become God. Not to be picky or anything, but it sounds like a pretty good deal. So she picks a pear from the tree (coulda been a pear, who knows) and takes a bite. Nothing happens and she gets mad. God sees it all, tells the snake he has to crawl on his belly from now on He and gets mad at Eve. So the snake slithers away (no more walking or flying) and Eve runs like a bat outta hell to find Adam.

Adam, Adam, I ate the fruit and now I’m God,” she says. “Take a bite and you’ll be God too.”

But Adam hesitated. He really didn’t want to eat the forbidden fruit because, let’s face it, he didn’t know what the hell it was either.

Let me think about this for a while,” he said.

Then Eve got really mad and said “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll eat this goddamned thing before I shove it down your throat.”

So Adam ate because he knew what was good for him. God sees it, throws them out of the Garden; they have to put on some clothes because now they know their naked, but first they gotta kill something to get skins to make the clothes and then their on their own. Now Adam has to get up every morning, go to work, pay the bills and Eve has all those kids she has to take care of. All because of some lousy piece of fruit that nobody even knows what it was.

But don’t feel too sorry for Adam. Look on the bright side. Eve put pockets in his clothes and now he has a place to keep his hanky.

And that’s the real story of Adam and Eve as translated from the Greek by a three-eyed monk from the ancient tribe of the Rasaphrites.

Oh, yeah. I translated into English from ancient Rasaphramian, a language prominent among a lost Middle Eastern tribe called the Rasaphrites whose descendants traced their lineage to the last of the Neanderthal clans.

I’ve always wondered if it didn’t lose a little something in the translation.


Expulsion from the Garden of Eden

File:Natoire - Adam et Eve chassés du Paradis terrestre.jpg

Artist
Charles-Joseph Natoire (1700–1777) Link back to Creator infobox template
Title
Français : Adam et Ève chassés du Paradis terrestre
Date 1740
Medium Oil on canvas
Museum Metropolitan Museum of Art, NY


December 26, 2010

Hope and Change in the Bible

Hope and Change are ancient desires seldom fulfilled.  Western Civilization has been in existence for thousands of years but we have to wait for the next election.

www.smirkingchimp.com

December 26, 2010

God Makes a Mistake

40 Percent Of Americans Still Believe In Creationism

God should have quit while he was ahead and stopped at the monkeys. But, no, He had to keep screwing around. 

Now look at the mess we’re in.

Moreover the monkey community has been gripped by fear and hysteria ever since they learned they could evolve into Sarah Palin-like creatures. 

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

December 21, 2010

Vanilla Bean Frappuccino

One of St. Paul’s favorite treats was a vanilla bean frappuccino made from a recipe he stole from a Thessalonian coffee shop. It’s in the Bible.