Archive for ‘SCHMUCKUP PRIZE’

September 30, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 09/26/12

Committee Awards Prize.

From it’s hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, the Nobella Prize Committe announced the recipient of its most coveted award. Scott Brown, Republican Senator from Massachusetts, is the most recent winner of the Schmuckup Prize.

Brown won for his staff’s ridiculing the Cherokee heritage of Senate opponent Elizabeth Warren. The staff shouted war hoops and used the tomahawk chop in its demonstration against the Democratic candidate.

The Nobella Committee also learned that Brown and his staff prepared a celebration later in the day and invited the GOP Senate and House leadership to participate in the festivities.

A war dance was scheduled with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell playing the tom-tom.  Speaker John Boehner was expected to bring feather headdresses and tomahawks. The celebration had to be canceled, however, when McConnell suffered a bullshit stroke.  He realized the GOP message just isn’t working anymore.

Despite the cancellation, the Committee felt Brown was entitled to the prize and offered its hearty congratulations to the senator for his win.

File:BedfordMuseumTomTomDrum.JPG

A ceremonial tom tom.

Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

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Here is a bulletin from the UPW newsroom!!!

BREAKING! BREAKING! BREAKING!

News outlets reported again that Fox News told the truth. At this point, UPW has no confirmation of the reports. But correspondents from UPW are following up and checking sources.

More on this story as details become available.

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After consulting with several fact checking organizations, UPW cannot confirm that the Republican Party propaganda organ, sometimes referred to as Fox News, did in fact tell the truth.

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Fashion designers have implemented a new feel-good size range for full-bodied women. The sizes are very tiny, tiny and small. OK, so they fudged a little. But you gotta admit it makes you feel good.

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The so-called Red States lead the nation in food stamp subsidies. Guess they’re sick and tired of people going hungry – and that includes themselves and their children.

So they accept the food stamps, eat and watch a NASCAR race, then vote to have their food stamps taken away. Just hard to figure some people out.

File:NASCAR practice.jpg

NASCAR: Watching cars go in circles really, really fast.  Then praying for a violent crash and hoping nobody gets killed.   

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Hey, what’s wrong with a little starvation when it’s within your power to deny a woman her right to have an abortion or access to birth control? Ask most any media preacher. He’ll tell you. Starving’s OK when you’re doing the Lord’s work.

And be sure to keep those donations coming. After all, those TV preachers – almost entirely right wing conservatives –  are doing the Lord’s work too, don’t ya know.  Besides private jets and backyard runways cost a lot of money these days. And country club fees just keep going up.  

Donations don’t grow on trees, ya know.

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A Republican senator blocked a bill in the Senate Veteran Affairs Committee that would grant a cost of living allowance for vets’ disability benefits.

This little piece of stupidity falls under the “you’ve got to be kidding me” category. Of course, we are talking Repubs here and no doubt they powwowed together, drew straws and picked the unlucky guy who’d screw the vets.

But it’s a secret so no harm done. Under one of the most ignorant legislative rules in the history of the body, a single senator can block a measure because of a unanimous consent requirement. And he doesn’t even have to reveal his name. That little piece of stupidity falls under the “you’ve got to be kidding me” category.

However, and only after heavy criticism and the fact that Repubs remembered that this is an election year, Sen. Richard Burr (R-NC) announced that the issue had been resolved and the bill would be released from committee.

The statement coming from Burr’s office raised suspicions that it was the cowardly senator from NC who blocked the bill in committee.

Republicans should not be discouraged however. They will now have an opportunity to vote against the legislation on the Senate floor. Their names will be recorded though so they will probably try to delay a floor vote until after the election when they can kill the bill with impunity.

Hypocrisy unbounded from the “support the troops” gang. People actually vote for these creatures.

Only in America.

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That former wrestling mogul Linda McMahon is running for the Senate in Connecticut again. Some people you just can’t get rid of.

Well, she’s in the news because she proposed a sunset for Social Security. That is, you set a date and vote whether to continue or kill it. No doubt how McMahon would vote. Kill it for sure.

She also wants to raise the retirement age and means test to eliminate wealthy people like her who already detest the program and want desperately to destroy it. Means testing just gives the rich another excuse to get rid of it. Not that they really need an excuse.

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According to Clare McCaskill (D-MO), her opponent in the Senate election Todd Akin is so wacko right wing he makes Michele Bachmann look like a hippie.

File:Multiple piercings and tattoos.jpg

You can pierce and tat just about anything anywhere.  (Wiros from Barcelona, Spain).  

A report from UPW News Senior Political Analyst Marcy Popindick indicates that Bachmann may have once been a hippie. There are persistent rumors that Bachmann has a tattoo and a piercing. The tattoo is on her ass. No word about the location of the piercing. Ouch!

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The polls are going from bad to worse for Mitt Romney. But let’s not judge the guy too harshly. Just because he dissed 47% of the population of the entire nation is no reason not to vote for him – at least according to some unidentified woman known only as Ann.

Besides, nobody believes polls anyways. Right Ann???

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According to polls, voters gave higher approval ratings to George W. Bush than they are giving to Mitt Romney.  

That factotum gives rise to speculation that stupid can only get just so stupid and then it stops. Hope really does spring eternal, Even stupidity has its limits.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t count on it. Better to go vote.

On the other hand, if you’re still wondering who to vote for, stay home. 

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***

Too soon to light up the stogie

Remember the wisdom of Yogi

It ain’t over till it’s over

There is no four leaf clover

Don’t vote and you’ll score a bogey.

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So you still think the Republican deficit issue isn’t a hypocritical lie???  Check the chart.  The really, really big time spenders are – drum roll please – the Republicans.




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February 26, 2012

Committee Announces Awards

Pasta Fagioli, Italy

From its hideout deep the Italian Alps, the Nobella Prize Committee today announced two awards. The members of the committee granted the MVP award to the male members of the Virginia legislature for sponsoring and passing legislation that would force newly pregnant women who sought an abortion to undergo a procedure called a transvaginal probe. The device would be inserted into the woman’s vagina to determine the age of a zygote recently implanted in a womb.

File:Scheme female reproductive system-cs.svg

Page from a pamphlet used to instruct the Virginia Legislature about the female reproductive system. Initially, instructors used a pamphlet printed in the English language. But that didn’t help much either. 

Involuntary, forced insertion of an object into a woman’s vagina is defined as rape by many law enforcement agencies.

However, the members of the legislature were not deterred by the definition of rape. They proceeded to pass the law that would force women to permit the involuntary insertion of the probe into their vaginas. Her doctor would be compelled to perform the procedure as well.

The purpose of the law and the transvaginal probe were attempts by the male members of the Virginia legislature to convince women to forgo abortions.

After an uproar from the women across the nation, the governor of Virginia decided not to sign the bill into law after indicating that he would do so.

Nevertheless, the Committee awarded the Most Valuable Putz prize to the male members who voted in favor of penetration of a woman’s vagina without her consent.  

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. 

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar engraved with the words “putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winners supplies just ran out.

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Committee Awards Second Prize

The Nobella Prize Committee of Pasta Fagioli, Italy announced the winner of a second award.

The members awarded The Schmuckup Prize to Gov. Bob McDonnell for his support of legislation that would force a pregnant woman seeking an abortion to undergo a transvaginal probe, that is, an involuntary insertion of an ultrasound device into the woman’s vagina. The probe determines the age of a recently implanted zygote and is intended to convince the woman not to have an abortion.

McDonnell, who hopes to be appointed as vice president on the Republican’s 2012 ticket, reversed course after, but only after, the bill caused an uproar among many women voters.

 File:US Navy 100111-N-9095H-064 aster Chief Navy Diver Ross Garcia speaks with Virginia Governor-Elect Bob McDonnell at the USO of Hampton Roads at Joint Expeditionary Base Little Creek-Fort Story.jpg

McDonnell wooing the military vote.

Explaining the turnabout, a spokesman said the governor didn’t know that the law required sticking a long, hard thing up a woman’s woowoo for it to work.

As the winner of The Schmuckup Award, McDonnell receives a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

October 30, 2011

Nobella Committee Awards Prize

The Nobella Prize Committee Announces Winner in Duplicity Category.  Recipient Said to be Elated.

The Nobella Prize Committee today awarded the Schmuckup Prize in Duplicity to former US Speaker of the House and current GOP presidential candidate Newt Gingrich.  According to the committee, the former speaker has not only shown an extraordinary capacity for fornication; he also excels at prevarication.

Gingrich's official portrait as Speaker

Latest winner of the Schmuckup Prize, Newton Leroy Gingrich. Image via Wikipedia

Yes, indeed he’s an expert. One momentous example should suffice to expose Newton Leroy’s expertise in the Duplicity category. As a representative from Georgia, the Newtster voted numerous times for huge defense outlays that expanded the Federal deficit while presently decrying the deficit to which he and his Republican party cohorts were humongous contributors.

The committee decided to point out a second reason for awarding Newton Leroy the prize for Duplicity. It was just too juicy a tale to pass up.

File:Schweif eines Friesen.JPG.

Newt Gingrich is considered a “dark horse” candidate for the GOP presidential nomination. The photo is of an actual dark horse not to be confused with the former Speaker. (Photo courtesy of 4028mdk09).*


As Speaker of the House the portly pol giddily supported the impeachment of President Bill Clinton for his indiscretions while as speaker he remained quietly in the background during the proceedings. Largely due to his own blazing marital offenses and after his transgression were exposed, his in flagrante delicto behavior became scandal sheet headlines.  Being caught with his own pants down forced the Newster to keep his mighty mouth shut, a painful condition for this tongued gusher.  Under the circumstances the spicy speaker had little choice but to curl up in a corner with a blanket over his head during the entire impeachment debacle. He nevertheless secretly cheered his holier than thou GOP prosecutors on and on.  That kind on behavior, the committed noted, is Duplicity beyond the pale and another excellent reason for Newton Leroy being awarded the prize.


The Schmuckup Prize consists of a statuette called the Little Schmuckie. It is made of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard and is awarded while supplies last. Unfortunately for Newt Gingrich supplies just ran out.

Don Alfredo Vito Nobella established the Schmuckup Prize to recognize the achievements of liars, cheaters, crooks and thieves in the fields of finance, insurance and government. Over the years hundreds of thousands of members in these fields have been presented as nominees. The committee noted that tens of thousands in Washington, DC and on Wall Street qualified in 2010 alone.

Don Nobella wished to share with miscreants throughout the world some of the notoriety he earned in his insurance business. The Don still holds the record as the world’s best insurance salesmen. It was said of the Don he could close a sale with a simple knock on the door. The Don’s motto became famous across the length and breadth of Sicily: “You buy or you’re never heard from again.”

*As always, click the photo for link.