Archive for ‘VENTURE CAPITAL’

November 24, 2011

Romney Receives Award

Pasta Fagioli, Italy

Committee Releases Name of Winner

The Nobella Prize Committee today announced the winner of its  recent Most Valualbe Putz award.

Congressman Poe and Governor Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney is all smiles at the news he has just won the MVP award. Image via Wikipedia

Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts and current GOP candidate for president, received the Putzie today for his statement “I’m not looking to put money into people’s pockets.”

The statement was superfluous because everyone knew that anyway. But what Romney really received the award for – and it’s something most people don’t know yet – is that Romney was once the CEO of a company that excelled at taking money out of people’s pockets.

The firm the Mittster once headed up practiced a mean scam on working people called the leveraged buyout. The practice involved buying a company, often profitable, and firing loyal, hardworking employees, not only to get rid of higher paid workers, but reducing benefits and destroying pensions. The firm than resold the ravaged company for a hefty profit, nice bonuses for Romney and his big time buddies and joyful investor returns.  Yes, everyday was Thanksgiving day for these con men.

With Romney now trailing Newt Gingrich in some polls for the Republican nomination, a campaign spokesman lauded the Committee’s decision to award the prize to their candidate.

Way to go, Mittster. 

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the prize as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar engraved with the words “putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie the statuette is made of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

October 18, 2011

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/18/11

Third Way is a right wing Clintonista organization pretending to be “centrist.” Its greatest claim to fame is that it helped move the Democratic party in the direction of the big time money. If the Dems take the advice of Third Way and other right wing Dem organizations they’ll get clobbered.

Like the Republicans, the Dems have placed their faith in the cash and abandoned the voters. After all, according to the Rahm Doctrine, where else can they go. Guess we’ll find out soon enough.

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Ever notice that whenever the millionaires who anchor MSM news shows they always refer to right wing Democrats as “centrists” or even worse “moderates.” I wonder if they get treated to dinner and a fine wine at an elegant DC restaurant for being so kind to these right wingers. Probably so. After all it’s on the taxpayer’s tab.

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The Korean Trade Agreement will dramatically increase the export of U.S. orange juice to that Asian manufacturing powerhouse. In exchange for lowering tariffs for OJ, Korea can import thousands upon thousands more autos into this country.

Sounds great, right? That means lower car prices for consumers. Uh, not exactly. Actually lower tariffs will more likely increase profits for investors.

So let me get this straight. In exchange for increasing OJ exports to Korea, US consumers get to pay as much as the market will bear for new autos from Asia and investors get to pocket the difference.

Sound like a good deal to you? Uh, not exactly. Especially if you’re an auto worker who loses a job because of increased Kia and Hyundai imports.

OK, so let’s stop being naysayers about rigged trade agreements. All is not gloom and doom. Let’s look on the bright side.

The agreement will create at least a dozen or so excellent job opportunities for unemployed Korean speaking orange juice salesman.

The pact also represents a job opportunity for skilled orange squeezers who reside in Michigan and who have lost work due to competition from the Brazilian OJ industry. Pickers in Michigan orange groves will also experience an uptick in job openings.

Experience is required.

New avenues of investment are also opening up for venture capitalists.  Bio-tech companies in depression strapped Flint and Detroit are developing genetically modified oranges that grow in frigid weather. Skips a whole step in the production process.  OJ is usually served cold.

Orange juice is usually served cold.

Image via Wikipedia

Why should Brazil get all the orange juice business in Korea? This pact proves once again that your government is at work for you.

Sooooo. Rush right down to your local community college and be the first in your neighborhood to enroll in a Korean language course.

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Queen: Milord, the people in the streets are not happy.

King: Fret not, Marie. It will all end soon.


Queen Marie Antoinette of France, daughter of ...

Image via Wikipedia

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Iowa has just announced a sex caucus date of Jan. 3, 2012. It will coincide with the political caucuses set for the same day.

Actually, that’s not true so don’t go rushing off to Iowa on Jan. 3 in your skivvies. You got that, Anthony Weiner.

One thing’s for certain though. A sex caucus is bound to arouse more interest in Iowa than a political caucus. Maybe they should give it some thought.

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Well, that all from Follyland, DC for today. Now back to sports.

October 10, 2011

Investment Opportunities: Too Good To Be True

Wall Street Venture Capital Rushing Toward Innovative Products. Individuals Encouraged to Invest Retirement Funds for High Immediate Returns.

File:CarMorph.jpg

Watch as CD changes your 10 year old Chevy into a 2012 Lamborghini. Some assembly may be required. Ground floor opportunity available before IPO. Contact a Wall Street broker today.  

Here are just a few of the new products drawing heavy investment cash:

Fold Up Rocket Propelled Grenade Launcher. Fits neatly into travel bag or briefcase. Huge market potential forecast for Middle Eastern countries. Grenades sold separately.

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Counter Top Water Maker. Makes up to 100 gallons of water a day. Store water in existing tank or add a tank with large storage capacity (sold separately). Never pay another water bill. Simply add hydrogen and oxygen. Includes huge book with hundreds of water recipes. WARNING: Hydrogen gas is an unstable element that can explode if exposed to spark or flame. Always handle with extreme caution.

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Home Electrolysis Unit. Separates hydrogen and oxygen into basic elements for use in Counter Top Water Maker. Just add water.

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Campaign Contribution Software. Never need the services of a lobbyist again. Automatically transfers cash from your account directly to your favorite candidate’s PAC. Delivers the latest in account security. Encodes identities of sender and recipient. Permits use of hundreds of aliases and allows for unlimited donations.

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TV Preacher’s Kit. Own your own Christian TV show. Follow the Five Simple steps to gain the rewards Jesus has set aside especially for you and at the same time spread the gospel of the Lord in Jesus’s very own words. Also included: How to Establish a Christian Mega Church. Invite thousands of faithful to join in your calling and worship in personal fellowship with the Lord. Have adherents flocking to your pulpit and teach how, through faith alone, the Lord will reward the devout with salvation and a new car and a nice big house and a CEO size bonus to pay for it all. Become an ordained minister in the Church of Christian Gifting. Comes with easy to understand instruction booklet. Deluxe kit includes private Learjet.  Investment required. Venture capital available for those who qualify.

Better hurry. Lotsa people waiting to get in on these ground floor opportunities. Call a Wall Street broker today.