March 2, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 03/02/14

Committee Presents Awards.

The Nobella Prize Committee announced its long-awaited list of whacked out nominees for the Most Valuable Putz award. The prize, symbolized by a statuette called The Putzie, is given to political or media wackos in categories for Best Republican Wactor in a Leading Role and Best Republican Wactress in a Leading Role.

putsie 1

The coveted statuette known throughout the world as The Putzie.

For Best Republican Wactor in a Leading Role the nominees are

Mitch McConnell for his role in Denying Veterans – about voting against an increase in benefits which includes a vote against a jobs program in 2012.

Dick Cheney for his role in Accusing the President – concerning a former vice president who criticizes President Obama for preferring to feed the hungry while reducing military troop levels. The plot involves a VP who said he would rather the president shoot the hungry and increase the number of troops.

Ted Cruz for his role in Shutting Down – about a scheme by a senator to shut down government and then blame his unscrupulous actions on President Obama.

Ted Nugent for his role in Smearing the President – about a washed up singer making outrageously racist remarks and with a penchant for hooking up with young girls.

Greg Abbott, current GOP candidate for governor of the semi-great state of Texas, for Wallowing – in the support from pedophile racist Ted Nugent.

Candidates who received honorable mention were John Boehner, Eric Cantor, Rick Perry, Darrell Issa, Bill Kristol. Sean Hannity, Rush Limboo, Jon Kyl, John McCain, Bob Corker Lindsey Graham , Orrin Hatch. Louie Gohmert, Lawrence Lockman, Steve Martin, Chris Christie, Paul Lepage, Bobby Jindal, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, etc., etc., etc.

For Best Republican Wactress in a Leading Role the nominees are,

Sarah Palin for her role in Sucking Up – about a washed up former VP candidate praising an extremist Ted Nugent and her support for Texas gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott (Abbott was also nominated for Best Supporting Wactor in Sucking Up).

Ann Coulter for her eponymous role as Ann Coulter.

Michelle Bachmann for her role in Anti-Gay in Arizona – about a washed up politician encouraging Gov. Jan Brewer to sign anti-gay legislation in the Grand Canyon State.

Nimrata Nikki Randhawa Haley who stars as the governor of South Carolina in Unions Aren’t Welcome Here – about a Southern governor dissing labor unions and gay unions and all other unions not approved by the Union of Fundamentalist Christian Churches.

Jan Brewer for Sticking Her Finger – in the face of the President of the United States.

The names of the winners are kept in a waterproof lockbox located in a sunken pirate ship 150 feet below the surface of the Gulf of Mexico 10 miles east of the Yucatan Peninsula guarded by a detachment of the last remaining veterans of the invasion of Iwo Jima.

The winners of the Most Valuable Putz Award will be announced Sunday, March 3rd or 4th which ever comes first.

***

Help Wanted.

The Korean Free Trade Agreement (better known as 한국어 자유 무역 협정) has created a need for an experienced Orange Juice Salesman (오렌지 주스 세일즈맨).

Company exporting breakfast beverages to Asia is experiencing an increase in demand.

Qualified person must be familiar with pulp and non-pulp varieties and concentrated and pure squeezed juices. Thorough knowledge of water diluted products required.

Must be willing to travel.  (여행을 기꺼이해야합니다).

Fluency in Korean is essential.  (한국어 실력이 필수적이다).

Company offers Obamacare voucher.  (회사는 Obamacare의 쿠폰을 제공합니다).

Selected individual must own or buy a recent model Hyundai or Kia.  (선정 된 개인이 소유하거나 최근 모델 현대 나 기아 자동차를 구입해야합니다).

To be considered for this once in a lifetime opportunity send resume with salary requirement to:

오렌지 주스 수출 부문
플로리다 OJ 음료 주식 회사
우편 사서함 666
서울 한국 555 55 55

***

Institute Offers Language Training Program.

The Sardo Institue of Foreign Language Training is offering a speed course in learning to speak, read and write the Korean Language.

The Sardo Institute of Foreign Language Training uses the world famous the Think Method” of learning a foreign language.

Developed by language professors at the Sardo Institute and experts in the science of Thinkology, the Think Method is guaranteed to have you speaking the Korean language in two short weeks.

Yes, in just two short weeks you can be speaking Korean as fluently as a citizen of that rapidly developing Asian country.

Persons who speak Korean are in high demand in today’s tight job market. So anyone who speaks this remarkably easy to learn language using the Think Method developed by The Sardo Institute is guaranteed to find long term employment.

And if you enroll in The Sardo Institute’s Think Method of Learning a Foreign Language right now you will receive a certificate toward learning a second foreign language absolutely free.

Yes, that’s right. Two languages for the price of one.

Better hurry though! This offer won’t last long.

Simply note the languages of choice on your order and send $299.99 plus $5.95 shipping and handling to:

The Sardo Institute of Foreign Language Training
P.O. 666
Pasta Fagioli, Italy 555 5555
Cash only please.

***

Tony Dinks Deng.

Talk about a drop shot heard ’round the world, former British Prime Minister Tony Blair is rumored to have had an affair with social gadfly Wendi Deng.

And exactly who is Wendi Deng?

She is the former wife of media mogul Rupert Murdoch and she fell head over butt for those blue British eyes.  While she was married.  To Rupert Murdoch.

The two are now amicably divorced.

No word on how “amicable” her affair de Blair remains.

BLAIR

The devil is in Tony Blair’s ole blue eyes.

.

Wendi went head over butt
For a guy with a famed British strut.
He was Minister Prime
Who had a great time
Taking Deng from a rut, so tut tut.
.
It was all lovey dovey for sure
For Wendi the Brit had the cure.
They rolled in the hay
On many a day
With allure she gave Tony the tour.
.
Her body of such fine design
Gave the Brit a jolly old time.
He was great in the bed
So she took him and said
I’ll unwed for a time so sublime.
.
With Murdoch she could not endure
A life so starkly obscure.
To Tony she went
Told Rupert get bent
I’m having a marriage detour.
 
https://www.tytnetwork.com/2014/03/02/tony-blair-banged-rupert-murdochs-wife/
 
***
Winners Revealed.
 
breaking
 
We go now to Pasta Fagioli, Italy where a spokesperson for the Nobella Prize Committee is about to announce the winners of the Most Valuable Putz Award.
 
Here is Professor Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe with the winners:
 
“May I have the dumbbell, please”
 
(Professor Bacciagalupe is now unscrewing the top of the dumbbell containing the name of the first winner).
 
And the winner of the Putzie for Best Republican Wactor in a Leading Role is,

Dick Cheney for his part in Accusing the President.”

“The former vice president was unable to attend today’s ceremonies due to the fact that he doesn’t give two shits about anything anymore except maybe starting another war somewhere.”

cheney 2

.

“And now for the next award….May I have the dumbbell please.”

“The winner of the Putzie for the Best Republican Wactress in a Leading Role is

Ann Coulter for her role in Ann Coulter.”

“Ms. Coulter was unable to attend today’s ceremonies due to a previous contractual commitment to make an outrageous statement on Fox News.”

COULTER

.

Losers and honorable mentions receive the Nobella Committee’s Sorta Good Citizen Prize.

the finger

The Sorta Good Citizen Prize.

.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winners supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

***

Limerick Lunacy.

A woman worked hard to design
A plan for a guy she’d entwine
In matrimonial bliss
So she gave him a kiss
Then soon on a bed she’d recline.
.
A man who taught graphic design 
Once took a smart student to dine. 
He showed her his work
She thought “such a jerk”
But she had a good time on Rhine wine.
.
Stayed up till three playing cards
Had far fewer wins than discards
Enjoyed a good drink
While I stayed in the pink
So late in the morn’ here’s regards.
.
The drink you’ve guessed was not punch
After a few came the crunch
You may think it was Hell
But I slept real well 
Now I’m ready for breakfast and lunch.
 
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February 23, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 02/23/14

Hallelujah! He’s A Comin’

The Lord he’s returning to an earthly existence. You better believe it ’cause it’s in the Bible. Revelation to be exact.

He’s coming back and, by God, he’s a packin’ heat. An AR-15 in one hand and an AK-47 in the other. And their both just a blazin’ away.

revelation

John Patmos, the author of Revelation, knew nothing of AR-15s. Nevertheles he depicted a bloody retribution for all but the few faithful when the Son returned to reclaim the Earth from the sinful. (Painting by Matthias Gerung 1500-1570, Wikimedia).

So saith Lt. Gen. (Ret.) Jerry Boykin, now an executive vice president of the Family Research Council.

According to the former general, not only is the Bible the literal word of God. So is the Second Amendment.

Well, okay, maybe not the literal word of God. But the idea does literally come from Jesus Rambo Christ. Nevertheless, Jesus loves the right of the people to keep and bear arms, to say nothing of buying and selling them.

By the way, if you don’t have an AR-15, better go buy one. The Lord wants you to have it. And it’s an easy way to get yourself saved. Or born again, if you aren’t already. And while your waiting for the Coming, you can have some fun shootin’ up trees and stuff.

The latest Follyland rumors about Boykin pertain to the rejection of his nomination for the Putzie Award by the Nobella Prize Committee. A spokesman for the Committee maintained that nominees for the prize must possess at least some modicum of sanity. The general was disqualified on that basis.

http://gawker.com/ex-u-s-general-jesus-is-returning-to-earth-with-an-ar-1526260312

***

Rush To Serve In Vietnam.

Not likely.

When some doctor gave Rush Limbaugh his draft physical and said bend over and spread ’em, Rush could hardly contain his joy. You see, he had a pimple on his tail bone for which he would receive a 1Y classification, later changed to 4F, and exempting him from serving in the armed forces due to a physical condition.

limbaugh

(Ian Marsden from Montpellier).

The pimple is called a pilonidal cyst or boil, a minor condition which can be relieved and cured by draining – a treatment Rush neglected to seek at the time of his physical which was conducted by a private physician on the basis of whose report, Rush received the exemption.

He says he didn’t even know it was there. But, save for the now infamous butt boil, Rush might have been able to serve his country in the Vietnam War and become a military hero – or coward which is the more likely scenario.

In any case, he eventually became the quintessential chickenhawk or someone with a yellow streak down his back who sought every means possible to avoid military service duing the Vietnam era and who is now harshly critical of persons who prefer peace before war.

http://www.examiner.com/article/rush-limbaugh-dodged-vietnam-draft-due-to-a-boil-on-his-rear-end

http://www.snopes.com/military/limbaugh.asp

***

Racism In Greenville. Again.

Would that be Greenville, South Carolina? Or maybe Greenville, North Carolina?

Nope. Wrong on both counts.

It’s Greenville, Michigan.

green mi

(Historic District, downtown Greenville, MI. By Andrew Jameson).

Seems some Republican in that woe begotten GOP ruled state exhaled.

And whenever a Repub exhales you get more than a blast of bad breath. You can usually count on at least one dumb remark. And it’s very often a racist one.

And that is exactly what issued from the mouth of this babe in – yes, Greenville, Michigan.

It seems that wherever there’s a Greenville there is at least one racist Repub and probably many more.

So this guy says it’s time to turn Detroit into an Indian reservation.

No. Really. He really said that. You can look it up.

Who was the guy? It was Republican County Director L. Brooks Patterson. And he wasn’t talking about a Native American reservation.

Anyway, this intellectually challenged Repub has nothing to fear since he no doubt lives in a safe district and will be reelected in a landslide. In Greenville. In Michigan. Hmmmmm.

In a related matter, the Nobella Prize Committee rejected Patterson’s nomination for the Putzie Award. The Committee cited a rule that requires a candidate to possess some semblance of sanity to be considered for the prize.

http://www.greenvillegazette.com/disgusting-republican-says-most-racist-thing-weve-ever-heard/

***

MSM Ignores News. That’s News???

Maybe it’s the fact that the news is occurring in North Carolina and the MSM has a soft spot in its heart for the state, so it’s turned off and tuned out to events in the tenth largest among the 50.

Or maybe it’s because the state is now ruled entirely by Republicans for the first time since Reconstruction.

But whatever the reason, the media has failed to report the ongoing and popular Moral Monday protests that have been organized and

conducted on a regular basis in the GOP entrenched red state.

There is also a mysterious silence on the Duke Energy coal ash dump into the Dan River.

Perhaps the media fears Republican retribution if it reports honestly on the protests and Duke dump which poured massive amounts of arsenic laden coal ash that settled in layers on the river bottom.

Perhaps the media was satisfied that the state Department of Environment ordered Duke not to do that anymore. Or that it fined the power company $100,000 for its carelessness –

Perhaps it has something to do with Gov. Pat McCrory’s 28 year tenure at the power company. Or the favorable treatment Duke receives throughout the state from Repubs and Democrats alike.

Whatever the reason, the media is keeping its hand off both the protest movement and the toxic coal ash dump.

http://mediamatters.org/research/2014/02/20/report-network-news-ignoring-toxic-coal-ash-spi/198149

***

College. A Raw Deal?

College is becoming an arena for the privileged only. The kids are being scammed by the banks, the loan servicers and the colleges themselves.  Here’s a suggestion from Sen. Elizabeth Warren to help ease the heavy debt burden graduates are buried under when they finally reach the job market.

http://www.salon.com/2014/02/22/

just_say_no_to_college_why_its_the_worst_

decision_a_young_american_can_make/

***

Dinosaurs In Paradise.

dino

https://www.facebook.com/Antitheists

Researchers at the Sardo Archaeological Institute are disputing the claim by Creationists that male tyrannosaurs did not masturbate.

The reason given for their Onanistic shortcomings by fundamentalist theologians is that their arms were too short.  

In the scientists’ report, however, they  noted that dinosaurs had very long, you know, thingys.

The length has been estimated by nineteenth century biblical authorities to be between 1-3/4 to 2-1/2 giraffe necks based on interpretations of evidence found Genesis 51: 48-69.

Archaeologists noted that a thingy of this length could facilitate masturbatory activity. 

No word in the Bible on how females relieved their pent up sex tensions. 

 ***

Limerick Lunacy.

A woman whose life was fast-paced
Often her car keys misplaced.
She frowned and she fretted
Through sweater she sweated
As often to the office she raced.
.
A woman whose life was fast-paced
Was chaste though she often was chased.
One night on a bender
She’d finally surrender.
Of the good life she’d had a foretaste.
.
The woman whose life was fast-paced
 Her old ways she’d finally displaced.
 She soon took to bedding
 Without ever fretting
 As guy after guy she replaced.
 .
 A fellow who frequently paced
 Was upset that he was replaced
 By a new guy in town
 And so he would frown
 “I’m in no mood now to be chaste.”
 .
 A fellow who frequently paced
 Soon found his life was debased
 For a girl he went shopping
 So he started bar hopping
 Got drunk and he stripped ‘neath the waist.
 .
 A fellow was working with paste
 That he knew to be rye whiskey laced.
 He’d baste beef while roasting
 Then tasting and toasting
 Till his brain he’d completely erased

 

 Related articles

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February 16, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 02/16/14

Committee Awards Prize.

In this season of awards, the Nobella Prize Committee has announced the winner of the Schmuckup Prize.

The victor was selected from among a list of thousands of nominees and the committee is proud to announce that its unanimous choice is none other than the esteemed governor of the semi-great state of New Jersey, Chris Christie.

christie high

christie sign

(Original photo by Luigi Novi).

The governor won the prize largely because he faked out just about everybody who attended the news conference where he stated he knew nothing of the plot hatched by his staff to close lanes to the George Washington Bridge in order to perform whatcha call your “traffic study.” The resulting closure caused massive traffic tie ups in Fort Lee, NJ and was said to be an act of retaliation for the town mayor’s refusal to endorse Christie‘s reelection to the governorship.

The endorsement of Democratic Party officials was an important factor in the campaign because the gov was seeking a landslide election, one that would propel him to the nomination as the Republican presidential candidate in 2016.  Christie however insisted he would never launch a retaliatory strike against a political adversary just ’cause the guy didn’t green light his reelection.

Because Christie had no knowledge of the caper, he was unable to prevent the incident, which he would have done if only he had known about it which he didn’t. The governor was kept in the dark despite a purported email that informed him of the dirty deed. But as luck would have it, the governor didn’t find time to read his emails that day or any other day whenever it’s convenient for him to say that he didn’t read them.

And besides, he relied on a staff member to advise him of any important matters contained in emails and the staff member relied on a staff member to inform him and some how the matter of a traffic jam at the Fort Lee access route to the GWB seemed rather trivial and the entire affair fell through the cracks.

So for his stubborn failure to read his own emails, Gov. Chris Christie of the semi-great state of New Jersey becomes the proud recipient of The Schmuckup Award.

.

Winners of The Schmuckup Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t be an ordinary schmuckup. There are already tens of thousands of those in the nation’s capital and capitals throughout the country. No, you have to be an extraordinarily monumental schmuckup and we are proud to say the most recent winner fits that description.                                                                                                                            

chris curseconnie


Fort Lee, New Jersey; looking west from Center...

Fort Lee, New Jersey; looking west from Center Avenue overpass at toll station for the George Washington Bridge in Fort Lee (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

In a related matter, Chris Christie is invoking executive privilege.

He informed the committees investigating bridgegate that members of his administration are exempt from testifying before the legislature under the doctrine known as, well, executive privilege. That just means people who are in the know can’t rat on him in front of people who don’t know but want to.

Another definition of executive privilege is “a device used by someone who has something to hide.” In Christie’s case, those skeletons in the closet are starting to rattle and he’ll pull every trick in the book to keep the door shut.

Can he do that? Does it matter? Chances are he’ll get away with whatever he does. But his future looks bleak even as he insists he is innocent.

His actions, however, just do not pass the smell test. Mostly because Christie’s maneuverings are beginning to stink like a dead fish, as are the ploys of the members of his staff who pulled off the bridge caper.

(The pretty young lady pictured above is 1950s rock ‘n roll diva Connie Francis.  Born and raised in Newark, NJ, the singer’s breakout hit was Who’s Sorry Now). Give a listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vql_1pO9FZw

***

You Scratch My Back….

Did Christie cut a deal with Democratic mayors promising to grease the way to the Senate for Democrat Cory Booker in exchange for mayoral support in the reelection campaign?

Nah! Christie would never do such a thing? That sorta stuff would be playing politics. And in New Jersey no less! Where politics is as clean as an ocean full of dead fish.

The Christie Factor

dead fish

Can you find Chris Christie?

***

Dems Fail???

Liberals and recovering Democrats have to wonder about mainstream media coverage of the nearly decade long Republican blockade of the Senate.

Is everybody in the media a Repub? Must be.

Otherwise, truthful reporting would prevail and shout out: Republican filibuster; Tea Party intransigence; payola rules!

Instead we read in the headlines: Democrats fail to pass “whatever it is the Repubs are obstructing.”

news 3

There is perhaps one exception to media support for the GOP. And that desertion applies only to the debt ceiling issue.

Why? Quite simple. A debt ceiling default by the U.S. government would directly impact the earnings of corporations, investors and Wall Street.

Not even the GOP can deflect media advocacy for the fat cats.

But Repubs can gleefully stick it to the unemployed by filibustering an extension of benefits and then depend on the right wing controlled media to stick it to the Dems who “failed” to pass the extension.

***

Roaring Silence.

You heard about the rally in Raleigh, right?

No!!!

There’s no real reason why you should have. That’s because the mainstream media went into off mode on the subject.

Nonetheless, nearly 80,000 showed up for “moral Monday” in North Carolina’s capital to protest the extreme right wing policies of the Republican legislature and its similarly right wing governor, Pat McCrory.

monpat

Events such as Moral Mondays can really piss off a governor.

The Repubs in that doleful red state have slashed unemployment benefits, refused the Medicaid expansion and enacted one of the nation’s most restrictive voter ID laws.

The legislature’s program, enacted by one of the most regressive GOP gangs in the state’s recent history, further subjugates working people to the needs and demands of the ruling class.

Unexpectedly however the McCrory agenda’s malicious intent spurred the protests that became known as Moral Monday.

And if you haven’t heard about this latest public challenge to destructive government policies, that’s because the media is deliberately and obediently keeping the movement under wraps.

http://www.thenation.com/blog/178291/north-carolinas-moral-monday-movement-kicks-2014-massive-rally-raleigh

***

Palin Knocks Christie.

She’s done it before so it really isn’t much news. And she’s at it again. Let’s face it she never liked the guy in the first place and her dislike stems from the fact that he’s so fat. The word she applied to Christie wasextremeand she didn’t mean his politics.

sarah2

Her latest knock is that a capable administrator would know what his staff was up to at all times. So even if he was in the dark about the antics at the GWB, he was the responsible adult and should have been aware.

Of course, Christie said as much during his prolonged mea culpa before the press.

My guess is that the former governor of Alaska just can’t wrap her head around the possibly soon to be former governor of New Jersey’s weight problem. He’s too fat for her. And that condition is one of the reasons that she refused to join the clamor for a Christie dark horse bid for the White House in 2012.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/

sarah-palin-chris-christie-knew-article-1.1611073

***

Pension Betrayal.

Here’s a new take on an old saw. They came for labor union pensions and nobody cared. They came for state pensions and nobody cared. They came for city pensions and nobody cared. Then they came for your pension. And nobody cared.

By the time they came for military pensions, they had already perfected a time worn military tactic: Divide and conquer. Pick them off one at a time. That ruse still works perfectly today.

And just who is the “they?” Why it’s the 1% of course.

Sure, they need you to work for them at cheap wages and no benefits. Better for them to prosper. But deep down, they despise you and resent even the scant wages they pay for your services. You are unworthy of their notice.  

And that brings us to the latest pension betrayal. It’s orchestrated by PBS, yes that PBS, the “liberal” bastion of the air waves.

They’ve been seduced by money, $3.5 million to be exact, from one John Arnold, a former Enron trader, who hates pensions for working people.

A series PBS is producing and airing for a period of two years on hundreds of its stations is entitled The Pension Peril and it will brazenly advocate for cuts to public pensions.

vulture

Hello, Big Bird. Is that you?

I use the word “brazenly” because it was PBS officials who presented the project to the Laura and John Arnold (anti-public pension) Foundation hoping no doubt to cash in on the deal. And they succeeded big time.

{Here’s an update as of February 14. Now that they have been smoked out, PBS officials announced they will return the cash, as much as it pains them to do so).

Incidentally, the Pew Foundation, a contributor to PBS and NPR, also advocates for dismantling public pensions.

http://pando.com/2014/02/12/the-wolf-of-sesame-street-revealing-the-secret-corruption-inside-pbss-news-division/

http://ourfuture.org/20140214/is-pbs-being-paid-to-join-the-plot-against-pensions

***

Limerick Lunacy.

A gal heard a rather loud knock
She was sleeping and woke up in shock.
The guy at the door
Was drunk wanting more
As he stumbled around the wrong block.
.
A fellow would frequently knock
On doors on any old block
The neighbors all knew
He banged right on cue.
As he binged day and night round the clock.
.
The fellow who’d frequently knock
Found a suite in the local cell block.
He stayed there till morn
As neighbors would scorn.
And when sober his actions they’d mock.
.
The guy heard a rather loud knock
On the bars of his private cell block.
It woke him in fright
To the cops great delight.
The latch on the block they refused to unlock.
.
So the guy who would frequently knock.
Sat alone in his block round the clock.
Till he sobered on day
And thought with dismay
I’ve been acting for years like a schlock.
.
But the guy in the block decided to stock
A stash ‘neath the bed in his private cell block.
He applied mighty torque
Till up popped the cork
Then said as for me I’ll never dry dock.
.
The tale of the guy who’d frequently knock
Ends sadly for him on a far off dock
He washed up one day
In a place far away
On the shores of the city Bangkok.
.
The guy who would frequently knock
Woke in shock not wearing his frock.
He was naked you see
Only cloaked in debris
So he hid in a tree with no smock.
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February 10, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 02/09/14

Cure For Nation’s Ills Discovered.

breaking

President Barack Obama has discovered a cure for his country’s problems: Make a speech, hold a media event and leave the rest up to business leaders.

On the Friday after Obama’s tepid State of the Union Speech — a speech in which he pledged his concern for the long-term unemployed and low-wage workers — the Administration brought members of the corporate and financial elite to the White House to discuss strategies for addressing the plight of the long-term unemployed.  Not surprisingly since this meeting was nothing more than one of many events planned as part of the Democrats’ media strategy to better position the party for the mid-term elections, the only thing that emerged from this gathering was photo-ops and diversionary rhetoric.* 

Wow! Why didn’t he think of that before?

Anything else?

Nope.

Oh, just one more thing. The Democrats will do whatever it takes to hold on to power. That’s their sole mission in politics and it’s looking more and more like a mission impossible. They will never learn. You can’t out Republican a Republican.

The message from the Party leaders will always be:  “You can’t do anything until you win.”  

Then you can do nothing.

*http://www.commondreams.org/view/

***

Robert Reich, Up To His Old Tricks.

Fighting For The Little Guy.

The guy just won’t quit. No doubt firmly ensconced among the 1%, why should he care about the rest of us.

That’s a question that’s hard to answer. But we can all be grateful that he does – care.

ROBERT TEICH

Robert Reich. He cares. (Photo: Policy Network).

And maybe the answer is that simple: He cares.

http://front.moveon.org/war_on_the_poor_

http://freakoutnation.com/2014/02/07/watch-robert-reich-explains-gop-war-plan/

***

Pay Up Or No Water.

The West Virginia American Water Company will bill customers as usual for the spill contaminated water they may or may not consume. Doesn’t matter if the stuff is poison. Pay up or you get nothing at all.

And besides, the water is whatchacall your “suitable for consumption” variety.

Once you get past the smell, it’s like any other water. Oh, maybe, just a bit licoricey to the taste. But don’t you pay no never mind. It’s safe, uh, suitable for consumption.

And some folks are saying it’s better’n moonshine.

http://thinkprogress.org/climate/2014/02/09/3196981/chemical-spill-timeline/

***

SNAP Snipped. Again.

For some, the most recent cuts in food stamps will amount to $100.00 per month. Quite a chunk out of the cat food allotment.

In Michigan to praise the most recent welfare legislation for agricultural conglomerates, President Obama happily cheered the bill as an example of the kind of bipartisanship the country needs.

On hand to congratulate the president on the signing of the legislation into law were, oh let’s see now, oh yeah, some mayor of the city where Obama made his speech.

Where was John Boehner, Speaker of the House? And Chairman of the House Ag Committee Frank Lucas (R-OK)? And the Republican governor of the state?  Guess they had better things to do than to listen to another Obama speech fest.

BOEHNER

Not anoterr Obama speessh. 

Thankfully a handful of Democrats were on hand to cheer on the president as was the mayor of Lansing, MI, also a Dem.

As for the Republicans, they had better sense than to show up for a speech about welfare for the wealthy and cuts to food for the hungry.

http://freakoutnation.com/2014/02/07/mia-not-one-of-the-two-dozen-republicans-obama-invited-joined-him-in-michigan-not-one/

***

Obama Voltefaccia.

Yes, the Affordable Care Act accomplished some good. Here are some of the more notable health insurance improvements brought about by Obamacare.

First, persons with pre-existing conditions can’t be turned away. And there is no upper limit to the amount of insurance a person received during a lifetime. And young adults can be covered under a parent’s plan until they reach the age of 26. And policies must cover preventive care.

The drawbacks however are glaring. For example, the position of the health insurance industry, an entirely unnecessary middle man, is now unassailable. Obamacare has made health insurance corporations the centerpiece of the health care industry never to be removed from their position of dominance.

The public option, or Medicare for all, is doomed for all time. Republicans won’t hear of it and the Democrats will defend Obamacare to the death.

Will Obamacare succeed? After all of the haggling and squabbling over a piece of insurmountable and unnecessary complexity, that question remains unanswered.

After all is said and done, the result of the signature piece of the Obama presidency is little more than a huge government handout to insurance carriers, their executives and investors.

Barack Obama proclaimed support for a public option in numerous speeches on the 2008 campaign trail and, once in office, turned his back on the people who gave him their votes.

barryreverse

Voltafaccia, a turnabout. More like a betrayal.

We can only dream what might have been. And envy those nations, such as Mexico, that have realized the dream.

http://www.salon.com/2014/02/08//jon_stewart

http://www.demonews.org/watch-americans-living-in-mexico-praise-its-universal-health-care-seguro-popular/

***

Hamming It Up.

Ken Ham, God’s gift to ignorance, said in the debate with science guy Bill Nye, that “a light-year is a measure of distance. A million light-years doesn’t mean that it took a star’s light that many years to reach us.”

Pay no attention. The preacher, known to his hipster followers as the Hamster, not only loves stuff that is made up. Cool cat that he is, he really, really loves making up his own stuff.

Not only did he make up the the part about the light-year. He also created out of no evidence whatsoever, an entire Creation museum, proving once and for all that something can be made out of nothing.

Like maybe even a universe.

But the Hamster also believes that the Bible is the inerrant word of God.

Not so, of course. You can accept as gospel that Christians modified biblical texts repeatedly over the centuries by inserting and removing words, mis-translating the Greek and Hebrew languages and expunging objectionable material – all in a misguided effort to make the mother of all books coincide with evolving beliefs.

Take for example the story of Adam and Eve. Everyone believes that the happy couple committed an unforgivable sin when they ate the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, an act expressly forbidden by none other than God himself.

That’s the altered version. The real story tells of a weed growing beneath the tree that God told them not to smoke. So what did they do? They huffed and they puffed, got high and started fornicating all over the Garden of Eden.

weed

A medieval monk who believed smoking marijuana was a mortal sin, made up the story about the apple. In reality, it was a weed that did in the happy couple. Fortunately, Adam had the good sense to steal a few plants and cultivate them for the greater glory of God and mankind.

They humped and they pumped and when God finally heard the moans and the groans through the listening devices he had planted throughout Paradise, he got pissed.

God then kicked the giggly pair out of the Garden and sent them into the deserts of Mesopotamia.

But first He made them cover up their fornicating apparatus with fig leaves.

And believe it or not, there’s an addition to the story no one has ever heard of. That’s because the words were expunged and remained a secret until archaeologists discovered ancient scrolls stored in a sealed urn in a wine cellar of a pair of medieval merchants who owned a small job creating business named Sid and Saul’s Kosher Bar and Grill located on E34th Street in Thessalonia.

Here’s the rest of the story. Shortly after the expulsion from the Garden, Eve invented the first thong and whenever she wore the thing and twerked, it drove Adam wild. That’s why they had so many kids.

adam and eve

Expulsion of Adam and Eve (Alexandre Cabanel). Note the thongs made by Eve from fig leaves both were forced to wear.

A few thousand years later a saintly nun named Victoria of Vichy, who happened to have studied the original biblical text, stole Eve’s idea and sold her sexy undies in convents and monasteries throughout the declining Roman Empire.

Early in the 6th century, the wearing of thongs (from the Greek Θovkς) and twerking (Greek: Θηρκινγ) were prohibited by Pope Nero II (AD 521-523) under pain of excommunication. The use of the words themselves was banned in both spoken and written forms in all languages then in use until the garment and the dance were rediscovered two thousand years later in the ruins of Sid and Saul’s establishment.

thong

An example of St. Victoria’s design improvement on Eve’s fig leaf thong.

You can believe the story because it’s all contained in the original unmodified version of the Bible, the only text that is the inerrant word of God. Sadly, no manuscripts survived beyond circa AD 500 and today we have only an anecdotal record, the written reminiscences of St. Victoria and the few scraps of scrolls which when pieced together reveal a smattering of the true nature the book that came to be called the Bible.

Anyways, the upshot is that because of a few puffs on one little weed, we’re all living in a turd bowl and, worse, we could go to Hell.

In modern times, most biblical scholars are convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that the Bible as it exists today cannot be the unimpeachable word of God because the Book has been modified countless times over the centuries. Now, when you read Genesis 3 again, you can be assured you’re reading a radically altered version of the best selling book of all time.

.

Okay, okay. So I made up the part about Victoria’s secret. But the rest of the story is absolutely true. And you can take God’s word for it.

***

Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow whose collar was frayed
Upbraided a careless housemaid.
She said “that’s enough
Or your collar I’ll stuff
Down your throat till you need first aid.”
.
A fellow appeared unafraid
Of a woman whose nerves were frayed.
At him she would screech
I’ve a lesson to teach
You’ll regret that you foolishly strayed.
.
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Was dismayed by a mate unafraid.
She said don’t you sneer
You will soon come to fear
The wrath of a woman betrayed.
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February 2, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 02/02/14

Women Warned Against Tight Fitting Clothing.

That’s right ladies, throw out those tight-fitting dresses, skirts, shirts and designer jeans.

‘Cause if you wear ’em, you ain’t gonna go to heaven.

Doesn’t matter if weight gain caused the tightness. Your evil ways will surely condemn your immortal soul to the everlasting fires of Hell.

SEXY GIRL

A debate is now raging in the inner circles of fundamentalist Christian groups: Is the above garb considered too tight?  We expect the entire issue to sort out in a century or two.  In the meantime, bless you, my child, bless you.

You think your husband is a pain in the ass. Wait ’til you meet Satan. He’s no pussycat either and he sportin’ a torch with your name on it.

But have no fear, those of you of modest attire.  For I say unto you, fear of the flames of perdition will surely save the faithful from the fiery abode of the dead and turn true believers from their sinful ways.  Abide by Christian dress codes and yea verily will you be saved.

 Praise the Lord.

Anyways, that’s what this pastor who owns a Baptist church with a congregation of 11,000 devout adherents believes.

Praise the Lord.

Pastor Paul Washer, founder of HeartCry Missionary Society, admonishes women to get rid of that tight-fitting sweater, throw away the tank tops, and the blasphemous bathing suit, burn your breeches and get thou some holy clothes.

Praise the Lord.

Yes, modesty must prevail for women in all matters of apparel.  That is exactly how his wife dresses. No sexy attire in her wardrobe.

Praise the Lord.

There’s a big however here however. Many noticed that Pastor Paul’s sermonizing about modest clothing for women doesn’t include a single word regarding nudity. So, I guess, ladies you can get naked as much as you want.

Praise the Lord.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/01/28
/virginia-pastor-women-are-sinners-if-
clothes-outline-body-to-make-it-noticed/

Asked for her opinion of the pastor’s pulpit pounding sermonizing, here’s one young lady’s response:

 

middle finger

***

The Devil’s Playground.

Need an exorcism.

Well, you’re in luck.

Reverend Bob Larsen is offering a special this week and this week only.

Yes, for the unbelievably low, low price of only $295, Pastor Bob will cast out the demon from your body, your heart and your mind. And for an additional $95, he will expel Satan from your soul; and send him cascading straight down to Hell (or maybe into someone else’s body, who knows).

Better hurry though! When this price goes away, it won’t come back.

breaking

Word has just come in from a quiet little village in the Italian Alps that a member of the faculty of the Sardo Institute of the Religious Paranormal is offering yet another exorcism bargain.

Not to be outdone by Pastor Bob’s special sale, Monsignor Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe, DD, PhD, LLD, MD, INC and Pastor of the Church of the Blessed Toe located in the Pasta Fagioli, Italy is offering a twofer.

Yes, that’s right. For the unbelievably low price of only $249.95, you will receive one exorcism guaranteed to cure your devilish demeanor and a second exorcism for the person of your choice absolutely free.

That’s two exorcisms for the price of one.

Monsignor Bacciagalupe’s world-renowned secret method of metatarsal manipulation combined with ancient incantations composed by a medieval monk who possessed the wooden block to which the feet of Our Lord and Savior were nailed is guaranteed to remove all vestiges of demonic possession or your money back.

But you must act now! This special offer is for a limited time only.

Send your donation of $249.95 for your two individually tailored exorcisms to:

The Church of the Blessed Toe
C/O The Sardo Institutue of the Religious Paranormal
PO Box 666
Pasta Fagioli, Italy 55555 5555

Cash Only Please.

Donations are tax-deductible. Airfare and hotel accommodations not included.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/01/29/
arizona-pastor-offering-tax-deductible
exorcisms-over-skype-for-295-each/

***

Students Warned Against Masturbation.

A short documentary produced by BYU and narrated by its president has warned students against masturbating too much.

That raises a question. How much is too much? Once a day, twice a day?

The mini-movie directs its message to males addicted to pornography who masturbate due to their viewing habits .

It also encourages fellow students who don’t masturbate (too much) and who are not addicted to porn to come to the aid of their porn-addicted brethren.

The film says nothing about female masturbation, however, an activity which exists along with the male variety.

There are solutions to the problem of excessive masturbation, of course, both male and female.

Here’s one problem solver. Have authorities thought about encouraging oral sex? It used to be that’s what the back seat of cars were made for. Now they make coed dormitories for that sort of thing.

I have a feeling it will be a long time before school officials embrace the idea of students going down on each other – even if the student’s attitudes about sex are advanced well beyond those of their elders.

Watch the short film if you like.

Warning: No explicit sex.

***

Short A Training Mission.

Former Navy Seal and Tea Party baby doll Ryan Zinke is running for Congress from the great oil state of Montana.

The Big Sky Country Republican drew a huge standing room only crowd of thirty right-wing extremists to his fund-raiser in Big Fork.

Although there are many more extremists in Big Fork, population 4270, not counting roaming buffalo, the candidate blamed the huge turn out on his staff who, a member claimed, couldn’t find Big Fork on a GPS.

Anyways, Zinke anointed potential Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton the new “anti-Christ,” calling her “the real enemy” and stripping President Obama of the title even before his term ends.

The GOP hopeful also railed against big government to the delight of the wildly cheering throng.

Making a veiled reference to overthrowing the government by invoking Second Amendment rights, Zinke shouted: “Who trusts the U.S. No one in this room….In the military the last option is to send in the Seals.”

At the end of the meeting the candidate handed out 50 caliber ammunition to the men who sponsored the event.

Zinke’s fundraising success and his appeal to religious zealots, gun rights advocates and anti-government enthusiasts suggests Montana may send in the clowns rather than the Seals.

I guess one more clown in Follyland won’t matter much. But the current candidate is definitely short a training mission.

clown 1

One more clown in the House won’t matter a bit.

http://www.politicususa.com/2014/01/31/
gop-candidate-calls-hillary-anti-christ-
passes-bullets-event.html

***

Don’t Go Near The Water.

If you live in West Virginia anyway.

A company hypocritically named Freedom Industries has been accused of dumping 10,000 gallons of a deadly chemical into the Elk River.

That spill poisoned the drinking and bathing water of some 300,000 residents who lived in the vicinity of the mishap.

The chemical 4-methylcyclohexanemethanol for short, has been known to cause cancer in living organism and also people.

But I’m not talking about just the first spill. You’ve already heard about that one.

tank trio

Leak? What leak? I don’t see any leak!

I’m speaking of the second spill.

The incident occurred when a contractor rammed an underground pipeline with an excavator, bursting it and unleashing more of that chemical I mentioned above, sending it gushing to the surface.

Not to worry though. A containment area constructed to trap the spill prevented the chemical from reaching the river.

If you’re concerned about Freedom Industries, you can put your mind to rest. They’ve been operating in the red for more than a decade and have finally given up the ghost. Officials announced that the company has declared bankruptcy and will let a court sort out its affairs.

The persons responsible for the spill will admit to no wrongdoing and the company will probably escape without paying so much as a small fine let alone restitution for the damage it caused.

As for the residents who suffered the inconvenience of going without potable water for weeks: Tough shit.

Only in America.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/26/
freedom-industries-bankruptcy_n_4662073.html

.

A fellow was making a scene
About water containing benzene
It came from Elk River
Polluted his liver
And turned his poor spleen a blue-green.

***

Limerick Lunacy.

 A man was, alas, in the red
Spent his money on gals till he bled.
When at last he went broke
They said: “Sorry old bloke.
You’ll be cold and alone ‘neath the spread.
.
A woman who always wore red
Slinky nightgowns when going to bed.
Looked for all of the part
A sweet little tart
Which made hubby go heels over head.
.
A gal who was very well-read
For a while played a blockhead instead.
She soon found a dumb beau
Who knew not Thoreau.
But had heard that Shakespeare was long dead.
.
A fellow who liked to be seen
In a mirror would primp, fuss and preen.
To the ladies shocked sight.
His hair was a fright.
He looked like Marie the French queen.
.
A woman was making the scene
In a sailor’s bawdy canteen.
She worked up a big thirst
Then said who’ll be the first
To buy me a drink, I’m eighteen.
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January 26, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 01/26/14

Papal Missive Misfires.

According to the latest reports emanating from the Vatican resort Castel Gandolfo, an ecclesiastical letter issued by Pope Francis in which he declares that “all religions are created equal”, is not a forgery as previously believed.

st peter's

St. Peter’s Square, Vatican City, where thousands often gather to receive the blessing of the Pope. (Photo courtesy Staselnik).

In the letter, the Pontiff also stated that the story of Adam and Eve is a myth and the idea of Hell a metaphor.

The words of Francis have been doubted by many Catholics. However, according to a papal nuncio attending the conference of Church hierarchy at which the letter was read, the statement is authentic. Also accurate are numerous reports of the document from various news sources despite errant references to a Third Vatican Council.

Criticism from Catholic groups, including many wealthy donors, has quickly reached an unexpected crescendo. Many devout adherents of the faith are demanding that the Pope retract his words.

Reports are now filtering through to numerous news organizations from an anonymous source believed to be affiliated with L’Observatore Romano, the Vatican equivalent of the NSA, that once the Pope realized the inflammatory nature of his statement and read the accompanying denunciations it had elicited, he concluded that his position as Vicar of Christ had been compromised and he promptly excommunicated himself.

Cardinals throughout the world are at this very moment being called into an emergency conclave to elect a new pope.

In a peroration to the weeping faithful slowly gathering in St. Peter’s Square, Francis ended his short resignation speech with the words: “La dolce vita e finita.”

http://www.naijaurban.com/no-hell-fire-adam-eve-not-real-pope-francis-exposes/

***

Committee Announces Award.

breaking

Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Jan. 25, 2014.

The Nobella Prize Committee announced from its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy that it had awarded it latest MVP Prize to former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabbee for his beliefs that Democrats are “telling women they cannot control their libido.”

In a speech during lunch before a Republican Convention, Huckabbeee claimed that Democrats had become a sugar daddy to women who gained contraceptive prescription coverage through Obamacare.

huckabee

The road to the White House is filled with bumps. Huckabee adds a few of his own in a speech before a gathering of influential Republicans.

Democrats, he said, want women to think they’re helpless unless Uncle Sugar provided free birth control because they can’t control their libido without government help.

A member for the committee, who spoke under conditions of anonymity, said he had no problem with women whose libidos were out of control, he just regrets he never met one.

Anyways, for his libidinous statement, Mike Huckabebee was awarded the Most Valuable Putz Prize.

.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

***

Conservative Defends MVP Award.

Conservative CNN Crossfire co-host S.E Cupp claimed to be shocked by the reaction to former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee’s statement declaring that Democrats authorized free birth control prescriptions through Obamacare because women can’t control their libidos.

Referring to criticism of the former governor, Cupp said she had never seen “a lazier, more intellectually dishonest analysis..” Huckabee, she continued, was referring to an attitude on the part of Democrats and not to his own beliefs, an interpretation which many pundits ascribed to the remarks.

By nature of her defense of his luncheon speech, Cupp would most certainly agree that Huckabee is a deserving winner of the Nobella MVP award.

***

Obama Gains Among Fundie Christians.

President Barack Obama has been improving his position among fundamentalist Christians.

Yesterday he was the anti-Christ; today he’s merely paving the way for the devilish dervish. For Christians in the know, that change in position represents a huge gain for the president among the Fundies.

Robert Jeffress, fundamentalist pastor of an 11,000 member Baptist church, appeared on Bill O’Reilly’s reality show The O’reilly Factor to sell his new book, Perfect Ending. In which he writes that through implementation of Obama’s policies, people are being conditioned to accept governmental overreach, a condition necessary for the coming of a global world leader, that is, the anti-Christ.

antichrist

Lucky for Obama he’s no longer considered to be the guy in the painting. (Satan as the anti-Christ by an unknown artist).

Jeffress based his conclusions on the Affordable Care Act and the president’s embrace of abortion and related these policies to the coming of the Apocalypse predicted in the Book of Daniel and Revelation.

Well, the end of the world may lie somewhere in the not too distant future. But the Apocalypse probably has more to do with global warming than biblical forecasts.

In either case, Obama must be greatly relieved that he won’t be the doer of that evil deed.

***

New Logo For Bayer.

In keeping with a statement by company CEO Marijn Dekkers that Bayer produces drugs only for those who can pay up, the pharmaceutical giant introduced a new logo.

The new logo was designed by an advertising firm in New York at a cost of $7,000,000.00.

According to a spokesperson, the company must limit distribution to wealthy nations in order to earn the huge profits on its investments demanded by stockholders. Consisting largely of the !%, investors insist on perpetually increasing annual dividends or they’ll threaten to take their money elsewhere.

The spokesperson continued that the company’s hands are tied in this matter even though it means signing the death warrants of tens of thousands of victims of a deadly form of cancer.

Bayer is charging nearly $70,000.00 a year for the medication which is used to treat liver and kidney malignancies.

 skull

The attitude of pharmaceutical giants like Bayer proves once again that the 1% put profit above human life and dignity.

A court in India recently granted a license to produce a generic form of the drug that will cost about $180.00.

Bayer intends to fight the decision to the death – of tens of thousands of helpless victims.

http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/01/26/3205861/pharmaceutical-ceo-cancer-drug-westerners-afford/

***

A Bright Star.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren, (D-MA), a bright star in an otherwise dim constellation of Democratic hopefuls for the party’s presidential nomination, spoke to a gathering in St. Peter’s Church in Manhattan recently.

warren

She was joined by New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman who spoke at length about the need for campaign finance reform.

Schneiderman has also been at odds with right wing New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, a self-proclaimed Democrat, over how to divide $613 million in fines paid by JPMorgan Chase in restitution for its mortgage derivatives caper.

Income inequality was also addressed by the speakers which did not include the conservative governor who, it was noted, did not mention in his State of the State report the huge income disparity that has beset the nation’s economy for decades.

cuomo

Right wing NY Democratic Governor Andrew Cuomo got his nose bent out of shape by a gathering of rising liberals at St. Peter’s Church in NYC. The group of speakers, by largely remaining silent on the governor’s policies, obliquely criticized his agenda.

Cuomo is a pillar of the right wing establishment of the Democratic Party whose agenda includes lowering taxes for the wealthy and austerity inducing balanced budgets.

http://readersupportednews.org/opinion2/277-75/21700-elizabeth-warren-got-political-in-new-york-city-last-night

***

Second Thoughts.

gwb c

January 21, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 01/19/14

A Really Bad Week.

Ever lose two court decisions in one week. Well, if you have, you are no longer alone.

Right wing Republican governments in the United States just accomplished that dubious distinction.

A Federal judge declared unconstitutional a NC law requiring women seeking an abortion to undergo an ultrasound exam.

In its opinion, the Court ruled that promoting an “ideological message” through a medical procedure violated a woman’s rights.

Therefore, a woman could not be forced by the North Carolina government to view an ultrasound image nor could it force a provider to describe the features nor offer a chance to listen to the heartbeat.

mccrory

Gov. Pat McCrory and his comrades in the antideluvian NC legislature took one on he chin.

.

Not to be outdone by the Tar Heelers, right wing Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett and his legislative troglodytes took a hit in state court when a judge ruled a restrictive voter ID law unconstitutional.

The intent of the law, and all similar laws passed by Republican governors in several other states, is to disenfranchise Democratic voters. Enough said.

 

***

O, O, O Obama.

Like Obama do you? Maybe even love him? Well, if so, it may be because you’re a tribal Democrat and would vote for Satan if he declared himself a member of that once great party.

Or maybe you don’t like Obama, but voted for him anyway because there was no way you could vote for the two schmucks who ran against him.

Or maybe you voted for him because on the campaign trail in 2008 he lied like a tart in confession in speech after speech and you fell for it.

Well, regardless of the reason for your vote, you’ve been hornswoggled by the greatest snake oil salesman in recent history.

How? Here’s how.

First we had Obamacare, corporate control of health insurance, ACA. The Affordable Care Act entrenches corporate involvement in the health care industry for generations. ACA was the wrong way and Obama charged down that path when he reneged on the public option after extolling it in numerous speeches.

Next we’ll get Obamatrade, corporate control of trade, TPP. This bogus trade agreement will allow corporations to overturn national laws by a mere appeal to a tribunal rigged to abide by corporate will.

Soon we’ll have Obamanet, corporate control of the Internet. Obama’s FCC sided squarely with the telecommunications industry when it voted to classify telecoms as information providers rather than a service. That decision removed Internet control from the FCC and now allows telecoms the freedom to charge for net use as they see fit.

Reclassifying broadband access as a service should have been done at the very beginning of the Obama regime. Instead, his commissioners steadfastly defended te notion that telecoms were information sources. They could hardly do otherwise in an Obama administration. To classify as a service would have removed the profit motive from the telecom equation. And how would that play on Wall Street!

Were Obama’s FCC commissioners incompetent? Or were they complicit?

Complicit, no doubt.

Now that’s the change we should have believed in regardless of what the great smoke blowing machine told us during the 2008 campaign.

***

Dethinking Inequality.

If anybody can dethink, it’s David Brooks, columnist for the New York Times.

First, let us describe “dethinking,” for it is what Brooks does best.

It’s knowing that what you think is wrong, but being forced to prove it correct by resorting to a variety of creative devices to demonstrate from a conservative perspective that what is patently wrong is really right.

So Brooks, in his most recent column, latched on to the subject of inequality and using right wing logic (oxymoron alert) managed to dethink the issue.

No, no, no, he seems to be saying. We’ve got it all wrong. It’s not inequality that causing an abrupt increase in poverty. It’s the “interrelated social problems of the poor” that at the heart of the issue.

It’s a whole new take on the old right wing theme that poor people are the cause of poverty.

Here is another example of right wing dethinking: Blaming homeowners for being cheated by banks and mortgage originators; and blaming government for forcing banks to create bogus mortgages.

thinker

Some people think better upside down. Of course, the ideas come out that way as well. (The Thinker by Auguste Rodin, photo: Cham (Christian Amet).

So according to this nefarious form of dethinking, homeowners who were scammed into bogus mortgages were responsible for the housing crisis; and government must share the blame because it forced bankers to make exorbitant profits from the scheme. As always in conservative logic, the victims are guilty of corporate crime while the corporate criminals go free.

Oh, well. Some things never change except for the words used to describe tired, worn out ideas.

Read Robert Reich’s take on David Brooks. He does a far better job of hitting the nail on the head than I ever could.

***

Tiptoeing Through The Tulips.

Who might that be, you say? Why it’s Chris Christie, the nimble footed, jack-be-quick governor of the semi-great state of New Jersey. The gov, it seems, has stuck a teensy weensy toe ever so delicately into another great big bowl of jam.

And it has nothing to do with bridgegate. This time yet another member of his administration has been accused by the Mayor of Hoboken (yes, Virginia, there really is a town called Hoboken), one Dawn Zimmer of attempting to influence the selection of a contractor to do work in, oh well, Hoboken or else….

Or else the governor would withhold Federal relief funds intended to repair the damage done by Storm Sandy.

christie kin

Christie and Dawn Zimmer.

The governor’s lieutenant governor, that would be Kim Guagagno, threatened to withhold the Federal freebie if Zimmer refused to select the governor’s favorite contractor, The Rockefeller Group,to do some construction work in Hoboken.

Nothing will ever come of this affair since it’s really a matter of she said, she said. But the episode makes for some juicy newsy gossip.

As for me, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. So the governor maybe put in a good word for a contractor with connections. I mean, what are friends for?

And besides, it’s the American way.

***

Just One More Story About a GOP Gov. Just One.

This one is about a governor whose about to be carried back to ole Virginny to face Federal corruption charges.

Seems former Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell some gifts from a supporter with connections in the gov’s government, ya know, little things like a Rolex watch for himself and designer gowns for his wife. And a few other things like a fifty grand loan, shopping sprees worth as much as $15,000, sets of golf clubs, hot tubs and cash for his two daughters’ wedding.

All of that in exchange for putting in a good word with the Virginia Department of Health about his chum’s dietary supplement which the FDA said was worthless.

 bob m

Just tryin’ ta hep a friend. What’s wrong with that!!!  So sayeth the former gov. of Virginia.

So? Seems like a good deal to me. But not to Federal prosecutors who are bringing the charges against the former gov. who says he innocent.  What else???

All things considered, 2014 is shaping up to be a bad year for Republican governors. And it’s still January.

January 12, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 01/12/14

So We Didn’t Know It Before???

Okay, so maybe some people ignored it, turned a blind, cut the guy some slack. But now it’s official. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is a bullshitter. Not an ordinary bullshitter, mind you. But a monumental bullshitter.

The NJ gov., as you may have heard by now, blamed the traffic jams that occurred on the George Washington Bridge shortly before Election Day on staffers who orchestrated the backup with the connivance Christie supporters at the Port Authority.

Well, the gov took the blame, said he was the honcho in charge of stuff in the Garden State and looked for all the world his meek and humble self.   But then did a turnabout, said he was lied to by staff members who hatched the diabolical plot and then fired those responsible for the dirty deed.

That’s the bullshit part.

It now appears that Christie’s Chief Legal Council and longtime associate Charles McKenna not only knew about the traffic jam conspiracy but actually congratulated conspirators on their successful efforts. “Charlie said you did GREAT” reads a smoking email.

Here’s yet another twist unraveling. Christie said he appointed McKenna to investigate the matter and report back to him with the names of the evildoers.

We shouldn’t jump to conclusions of course. But, what the hell, let’s jump. It’s believable that McKenna could have reported all the names of those invovled in the caper save one – his own. But it’s more likely that Christie knew what was going down in the first place and the whole investigation thing is a cover up.

The Mother Jones take on the most recent revelations is, well, revealing:

http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2014/01/chris-christie-fort-lee-charlie-mckenna-text-message

christe lasagne

Christie, G. W. Bush and a guy with a real job, Medal of Honer winner Sgt. First Class Leroy Petry.  (Orig: The U.S. Army).

Here’s the real story – as told by a disenchanted Christie staffer to Unreliable Press Worldwide’s Super Senior New Jersey Public Affairs Correspondent Marcy Popindick. And don’t repeat this to a soul ’cause it’s a secret.

It seems the portly governor enjoyed taking casual strolls on the George Washington Bridge, long about rush hour. And while doing so, he managed to block two lanes of traffic – for days.

So far, very believable.

It wasn’t a revenge thing, mind you, implemented just because some Democratic mayor from the town of Fort Lee, which just happens to merge into the GWB, refused to give his support to a Repub governor during the recent election cycle.

No, the governor just like to skip along the bridge during the busiest hour of the day.

And the massive traffic tie ups caused by the gov’s hippity hoppiting down the lanes were merely a by-product of the strolls he took such a liking to.

Now for the rest of the story. Also a by-product of the gov’s fancy was the observation by numerous commuters that the bridge seemed slightly bent out of shape.

When engineers were alerted to a potentially dangerous condition, they immediately began inspecting the bridge for structural damage. They became gravely concerned when they discovered a distinct rightward tilt of the upper tier of the two level span.

It seems the NJ honcho liked to hippity hop in only one direction and that habit caused the bridge to lean to the right.

Engineers were reportedly busy developing a plan to correct the pronounced rightward shift.

Now that’s a story you can believe. Certainly better than the bullshit Christie was throwing around at his news conference.

Here’s the one thing you can count on about the gov’s jam: You’ll never hear the truth from him.

chris gwb

New Yorker’s Chris Christie Cover Is Perfect

***

Eliminate Crime Forever.

One way to eliminate criminal behavior on the part of bankers is deregulate the banks. Now that we’ve deregulated the banks we can all see the benefits, no laws, no crimes.

Now why didn’t we think of that before. It’s an idea that opens whole vistas of possibilities.

Why, we can return to the days of old, to very beginnings of civilization and learn how crime can be reduced and even eliminated entirely simply by doing away with a few laws.

But let’s not go back that far. Let’s start with the pirates. No, not the Wall Street bankers. I mean the Blackbeard kind.

pirate

(Credit: mwanasimba from La Réunion).

Society passed all kinds of laws trying to prevent those guys with the serious dental problems from robbing and killing on the high seas.

Why?

Nobody really cared except a few rich people who needed laws to make the oceans safe for commerce. And with the laws came the need to track down and jail the one eyed miscreants.

Now look at what happens next. If you gotta track ’em down, you gotta have a navy. And that’s means spending billions of dollars. And recruiting men who don’t want to be sailors to become sailors. That means something called impressment – on land and on the seas. And that’s really bad ’cause it can get folks riled up and lead to war and just one of those wing dings causes more destruction and killing than the pirates ever did since the invention of boats.

So if the laws against piracy were eliminated there would be no pirates and while there still would be recruiting, there would be no impressment and folks wouldn’t get riled up and there would be no destruction and killing caused by massive uniformed gangs blowing each other up on a battlefield.

At least piracy wouldn’t be the cause.

Anyways, laws can be a very bad thing. Which is what the Wall Street bankers discovered when they paid government officials in Congress and the White House to deregulate banks, i.e., kill the laws.

Unfortunately for the pirates there was no Bill Clinton back in the day to sign off on piracy deregulation like he did for the banks.

And, unlike bankers, pirates were not politically savvy. They didn’t realize they could turn stolen booty into campaign payola. Like the bankers did.

So just because they couldn’t get government to overturn a few laws, pirates who were captured were summarily hanged.  (See photo above to understand the fate of pirates who were too honest to corrupt government officials).

Ironically, these bandits of the high seas had far greater entrepreneurial skills than any Wall Street CEO ever dreamed of. Let’s face it, it takes a lot more business acumen to be a pirate; not so much to be a banker.

.

There once was a pirate named Jamie.
Who practiced an art quite gamey.
He would rob and pillage
From city to village
And claim, “There’s no law so don’t blame me.”

***

God Screws Up.

If you think God is perfect and can’t make mistakes think again.

Well, He sent Louie Gohmert to Congress, didn’t he. And if that isn’t bad enough, He can’t remember why in God’s name he ever did that.

Not to worry, though God. Louie knows why.

You see, God, you inspired your loyal servant and with that solemn inspiration reverberating in his brain, Louie ran for office and won a seat in the House of Representatives where he intends to fulfill the promise of your Son to keep a bunch of damn single moms from getting any more welfare checks.

You don’t remember that? How could you forget?

You sent Louie to that God forsaken place to be the perfect example of “compassionate conservatism.” And he just gave what amounts to an historic Sermon on the Hill. No, not the mount. The Hill, Capitol Hill.

louie

Heeeeeeere’s Louie. 

Your servant – that’s Louie – was inspired by You to get into politics and he got elected, and on his first try no less. So You must have greased the way for him and now he’s ever so grateful and giving thanks by demeaning what former President Lyndon Johnson did 50 years ago when he declared a War on Poverty.

The former president’s program lifted millions of people out of poverty through education, job training and living assistance. The War was a great success as far as it went. If it failed it was because later presidents failed the program and reduced the Great Society experiment to a state of stagnant “benign neglect.” Nevertheless, millions benefited from the effort and went on to enjoy successful middle class living standards.

But Your faithful servant believes that single moms and their kids would benefit more from inadequate housing, deficient education and going hungry than from a sustained government effort of assistance to uplift poor people.

Well, that’s Louie for ya.

***

Your Are About To Be TPP’d.

The magnificent Follyland Smoke Machine was at his best once again.

You perhaps heard about or maybe even read the transcript of the president’s speech on economic mobility and income inequality. No need to say he did a great job because he always does.

Of blowing smoke, that is. Just in case you were wondering where he stands here’s the scoop: He supports the former and decries the latter.

Yes, the president proclaimed in stentorian tones that Teddy Roosevelt fought for the eight hour workday and got. FDR fought for Social Security and got it. LBJ fought for Medicare and he got it.

So what is Barack Obama fighting for. Income inequality, what else!

two face

The two faces of Barack Obama.

The speech was typical Obama smoke and mirrors as in say one thing and do exactly the opposite.

For the president is fighting for the Trans Pacific Partnership, a so called “free trade” deal that has little to do with trade and a whole lot to do with corporate domination of the economies and legal structures of every nation that signs on to this perverted pact.

Remember NAFTA, the Clinton administration fiasco that cost the American middle class more than a million jobs and three million Mexican farmers and small businessmen their livelihoods while fattening the portfolios of the richest of the rich?

Well, Obama’s TPP promises to do even more for the fat cats who paid for his passage into the Oval Office. This trade deal that isn’t a trade deal will drive the final nail into the middle class coffin.

Let’s give just one ugly detail about this nefarious package. If a corporation believes that a law of any nation inhibits its ability to maximize profits, it can bring suit before a tribunal and challenge the law. If it wins the suit, a likely foregone conclusion, the law is overturned.

Well, guess what. Corporations in the United States are required by law to contribute to Social Security and unemployment compensation funds.

Talk about a sneak attack on the social safety net.

But it gets worse. Employee benefits, what remains of them, could easily vanish along with the minimum wage laws, many of which have yet to be adopted, and of course all hourly pay would be under attack as well. And this march back to the 19th century is being brought to you by none other than Barack Obama himself, the ultimate smoke blowing machine.

And it only gets worse. You see, the entire sordid affair is supposed to be a secret. You are not supposed to know about the back stabbing terms of the evil pact. The plan calls for the terms to be sprung upon you after the fact, a virtual fait accompli.  Save for a handful of leaks, the negotiations would be shrouded in an impenetrable cloud of secrecy.

Think it can’t get any worse?  Well, it just did.  The corporate communications giants will be permitted to take control of the Internet and monitor content in much the same way the NSA scans conversations and email traffic across the entire planet.  You won’t be able to voice a protest without your message being scanned.  And Facebook, Google, etc. will be tasked with the obligation to scour the web for undesirable content.

internet

The Internet, a thorn in the side of the 1%.

Obama has been sneaking around behind the backs of the American people in this manner for his entire term in office. (His voltefaccia on the public option is just one other example). I smell another sneak attack.

So much for the transparency president.

See below:  Bill Moyers, Yves Smith and Dean Baker on the TPP threat to democracy; Youtube short on Internet control; and the transcript of the presidents speech on inequality.

Bill Moyers: Trans-Pacific trade pact is death for democracy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3KlrfjcjV4

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2013/12/04/remarks-president-economic-mobility

.

And here’s the latest news for this bummer of a deal for working people in the Western nations whose leaders are behind the plot to finally kill off the middle class.

Enemy of the people Thomas Donohue of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce said: “We are within striking distance of concluding an agreement….”

The rest of his statement is pure corporate bullshit. See the link for the bullshit.

TPP deal in ‘striking distance’: Donohue | The Japan Times

***

Wonders Never Cease.

Here’s what we’ve all been waiting for. Obama cheerleader and House Minority Honcho Nancy Pelosi said: “We want transparency.”

The representative who should have left her heart high on a hill in San Francisco, was referring to President Obama’s Trans Pacific Partnership.

The Bogus Trade Agreement is a secret and the entire Congress and you and me and just about everybody else who isn’t a corporate flack have been kept in the dark about the terms.  Whatever has been revealed about the shrouded deal squeezed through the barriers on the lips of a leaker.  (Thanks yet again Wikileaks).

So Nancy’s upset ’cause Obama is keeping secrets from her.  She warned the president that her caucus will not support his TPP and is prepared to slap Obama with a huge political embarrassment if he doesn’t start whispering in her ear.

Chris Van Hollen (D-MD), echoing Pelosi’s words, remarked: “There is inadequate engagement on the substance” of the bogus pact.

Well, here’s the real story. The Dems aren’t angered by the prospect that the TPP will cause further rot to the working class of developed countries.

Nope. They’re pissed off because el presidente snubbed them and they’re embarrassed by his actions.

nancy2

Nancy Pelosi, after plastic surgery.

The president, of course, doesn’t need his hypocritical Dems anyways. With the exception of the votes of a handful of Senate comrades who he already has in his back pocket, he can muster enough Republican support to get the TPP fast tracked and then passed into law.

So to avoid an embarrassing situation all around, look for a White House staffer to sneak into the Capitol late one night and clue in the Democratic leadership about the evil agreement. Once Obama makes nice nice with his party’s Congressional honchos he will be able to count on their full support.

Did you ever doubt the outcome?

Why House Democrats Might Kill Obama’s Big Trade Deal

(Fat chance).

***

More Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow was warned in advance
But decided to still take a chance
He hit on a gal
In a seedy locale.
Sister Agnes looked at him askance.
.
A woman refused an advance
From a guy at a neighborhood dance.
That’d be the day
I ever will pay
Attention to a suave fancy pants.”
.
A gal got a tiny advance
From a boss who then took a chance.
If to my place you will come
I will pay a fine sum.
For a night of thrilling romance.”
.
The gal with the tiny advance.
Told her boss to shove his romance
The money is spent
So you can get bent.
And I have a new job in finance.”

Originally posted to:

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/

2014/01/05/limerick-outing-limerick-off-monday/

 

January 6, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 01/05/14

Putz Of The Year Named.

bulletin

breaking news

From the Unreliable Press Worldwide newsroom.

December 06, 2014, Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

The Nobella Prize Committee has just announced its Putz Of The Year award. The honor goes to Ken Langone, Home Depot co-founder and heavy contributor to Catholic causes.

Langone won for his criticism of Pope Francis I, whose statements warning of the dangers of unfettered capitalism, angered the former executive of the hardware store giant.

The angry Langone went straight to the top of the Catholic hierarchy in America when he complained publicly to Timothy Dolan, the cardinal in charge of the archdiocese of New York where St. Patrick’s Cathedral is located.

Dolan is in the midst of a campaign to raise $180 million for the restoration of St. Pat’s and Langone is head honcho of the drive.

Last week, Langone boldly threatened the Pope by declaring that he and other rich Catholics would withhold funds from Catholic charities if the Francis didn’t come around to seeing things Langone’s way.

For his part, Dolan meekly explained that the box store founder misunderstood what Francis meant when the Holy Father invoked the words of Jesus Christ, another founder of sorts whom Langone seems to have forgotten about.

The Committee also noted that Langone’s bid for the naming rights to the NYC church won that honor hands down and for the next ten years St. Pat’s will be known as Home Depot Cathedral.

HOME DEPOT 

And so for his fearless attempt at blackmailing Pope Francis and the entire Catholic church, Langone was named Putz Of The Year.

.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

***

Bill Sticks Red Nose In.

Does It Belong? We’ll See.

Bill DeBlasio was sworn as mayor of New York by none other than former President Bill Clinton.

DeBlasio worked in the Clinton Housing Department under then secretary Andrew Cuomo.

The new mayor has called for a new direction for the city. He has outlined an unabashedly liberal approach to correcting the problem of surging inequality, a problem that has bedeviled the entire nation as well as NYC.

He seeks to adjust upward income redistribution by increasing taxes on the wealthiest New Yorkers by about three dollars a day and setting a $10.50 an hour minimum wage for workers on city financed projects.

Nice start.

However, during his swearing ceremony he surrounded himself with right wing Democrats. Bill Clinton, for example, signed off on policies that did as much as anyone to decimate the working class. And Cuomo, the consummate pol, has opposed tax increases on the wealthy, many of whom are his most generous payoff money pals.

It remains to be seen if DeBlasio is sincere about implementing a liberal agenda or, like President Obama, simply made pretty campaign speeches and when in office, does an Obama like turnabout.

Hillary was there too, cheering with the rest at the populism advocated by the new mayor.

Ironically, the former First Lady has already pronounced herself a “safe” presidential candidate for the 1% during highly paid appearances before Wall Street millionaires and conservative think tanks.

Are there real changes in the wind? Or are right wing Democrats just blowing smoke? “Triangulation” was the word of the day during the Clinton years. That is, tell them what they want to hear and then do what the money commands.

***

Get Ready For SS Cuts.

Both Bill Clinton and Barack Obama have supported reducing benefits for the working class by cutting Social Security and Medicare.

In fact, Obama has been out front and vocal about changing the COLA for SS to a “chained” CPI which is DC smoke talk for cuts.

Obama’s excuse, and one that many his supporters mirror, is that the Repubs are such stubborn meanies that the only way a Democratic president can get a budget passed or the debt ceiling increased is by succumbing to GOP demands for safety net reductions.

Excuses.  Excuses.  Excuses.

Since there’s no way to drum Barack Obama or Bill Clinton (or Hillary for that matter) out of the Democratic Party (although they should be for their renunciation of two pillars of the Party’s legacy)let’s hope Obama goes down to another hapless defeat on the safety net issue.

It is, however, unlikely that populist momentum can overturn payoff money control of leading Democrats.

Optimistic Thought for the New Year: The Looming Battle for Real Social Security Can Spawn a New Progressive Movement | The Smirking Chimp

***

Tireless Fighter For The Little Guy.

Despite the odds, Robert Reich has no “give up” in his soul when it comes to sticking up for working class people.

Rock a billy Bob tells it like it is, clink the link below.

robert reich

A working person’s best friend, the indefatigable Robert Reich.

(Photo: Policy Network).  

A New Year’s Message | Robert Reich

***

Obamacare Boondoggle.

Yogi says “It ain’t over till it’s over” as the Affordable Care Act makes a strong comeback.

Even with the momentum on its side, however,the act gets a failing grade in the area most vital to access to health care: COST.

Obamacare does little to address the rising costs patients must share when they need medical care.

An overnight stay in a hospital to treat a potentially fatal bee sting can cost around $12,000. While health insurance may cough up enough cash to pay for a large portion of the bill, with co-pays and deductibles, a patient could easily get stuck paying $4000 or $5000 thousand dollars of the total. And that’s after premiums for so-called “insurance” are paid and only for one night.  Stay for two nights and you’ll need an attorney.

Although the act relies heavily on competition to reduce health insurance costs, that goal is little more than wishful thinking for the moment.

bo

The ACA, most notably, does pick on Medicare to achieve cost reduction and does so by slashing payments providers, a feature that will save billions over a decade. It remains to be seen how well that overused device will work.  Other than that cut, Obamacare depends entirely on a rigged marketplace to control costs.

Another feature of the act is one that is supposed to encourage health care seekers to “shop around” for the best price. Ya know, like you do for TVs and stereos and cell phones and pick up trucks.

Yeah, right.

It’s becoming increasingly clear that a Medicare for All fix was the answer to the health care crisis in the first place. And, despite Obama excuse makers, the expansion of Medicare to everyone was doable given the reconciliation process in the Senate where only 51 votes was required for passage. It was the Obama White House that squashed that option.

Below is an article that exposes the myth of doctor and hospital price shopping.

http://mag.newsweek.com/2014/01/03/myth-health-cares-free-market.html

***

Biff. Bam. Boom.

No, not a speech balloon from a Batman comic strip. It’s the sound effects from a wife beating perpetrated by a GOP candidate for Senate from the snowy state of Maine.

colerick

Bennett, left and Susan Collins. (Orig. IIdar Sagdejev, Spedous).

One Erick Bennett claims after being convicted of wife beating that he was unjustly convicted of beating his wife.

The Maine Supreme Court decided that the “exclusion of irrelevant evidence” was insufficient grounds to overturn the conviction which was supported by ample evidence.

So Erick decided to challenge Sen. Susan Collins in the primary elections instead.

Well, whatdaya expect. He’s a Republican.

Here’s a statement from Bennett according to Addicting Info: “If I go to DC, I’m going to have that same integrity in doing what I say and saying what I do when it comes to protecting peoples rights as well as their pocketbooks.” Biff. Bam. Boom.

.

A fellow who’d just come to blows
Gave his wife a mean bloody nose.
He’s a terrible lout
A GOPer no doubt
Whose running for Senate in Maine snows.

Erick Bennett Brags That Hitting Wife Proves Guts To Be A Senator

***

More Birth Control Follies.

A nursing home for the elderly run by an order of Catholic nuns appealed to the Supreme Court to exempt it from the Obamacare mandate requiring non-religious institutions to provide contraceptive coverage for employees.

Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor heard the appeal and issued a temporary restraining order. She will decide at a later date whether to bring the case before the full Court.

The Little Sisters for the Poor Home for the Aged claimed that they are insured by a church plan which is self-insured and under those circumstances are exempt from the Obamacare mandate.

Government lawyers argued the Sisters had no basis for the claim since they are already exempt under a 1974 law that predates the ACA and exempts religious institutions.

However, since the process of providing contraceptive coverage requires the Sisters to sign a document permitting such coverage, even though actual distribution of birth control products would not be required, the nuns claimed the signing of the document itself violated their religious protections.

Well, at least they’re not declaring a war over the issue. Not yet anyway.

.

In a related development, His Eminence Mangiapasta Cardinal Bacciagalupe, bishop of the Archdiocese of Pasta Fagioli, Italy announced that the Supreme Patriarch of the Church will declare all female Adherents of the Faith who continue to use contraception excommunicated as of the eleventh day of the first month in the year of Our Lord 2014.

The Order of Excommunication applies to all women of the faith including those who engage in sexual relations without benefit of matrimony.

As a member of the organization of Guardian of the Holy Faith, the cardinal stated “Better they should get pregnant and give birth out of wedlock than violate the Lord’s command to increase and multiply.”

In his statement, the Patriarch demanded that all hypocrisy over the use of contraception be brought to an end.

Cardinal Bacciagalupe pointed out, however, that many in the clergy are disappointed by Order since nearly all women of child bearing age who are members of the Church use contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy, Should they be excommunicated, the membership of the Church would decline by at least one half and donations would plummet similarly.

At last report, the Patriarch was reconsidering his Order and may revise the date for implementation to the year of Our Lord 2214, giving women at least 200 years to comply.

December 29, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/29/13

Toyland Buyout.

North Pole, December 29, 2013.

Developing story.

Santa’s Toyland Workshop was acquired in a hostile takeover today by Bain Capital Management.

The equity group quickly created a new entity and named it Toyland Import Group, Inc.

Executives appointed to manage the corporation formed by the takeover immediately fired more than 2000 Santa’s helpers before filing for bankruptcy.

santa

Santa sent packing; evicted from Toyland after hostile takeover.

Attorneys for the new corporation claimed in bankruptcy papers filed in DC District Court that the salaries of overpaid workers were unsustainable given the heavy debt load transferred to the new company by Bain Capital to complete the takeover transaction.

An appeal filed by a group representing Santa’s helpers asked the Court to delay the proceedings until attorneys could present evidence of wrongdoing involving the takeover. The appeal was denied by the Court.

The Court also ruled that Toyland Import Group could eliminate both funded and unfunded pension obligations and use the money to pay down the loans acquired from Bain and Wall Street banks.

Attorneys for the company indicated that once relieved of the expenses of high salaried employees and the costs of pension obligations and bank loans, Toyland Import could emerge from bankruptcy and resume normal operations.

.

Santa Jailed.

In a related story, Santa Claus was arrested, handcuffed, fined and given a thirty day jail sentence when he protested the Court’s ruling regarding a hostile takeover.

Santa was particularly angered by the Court’s decision in favor of Toyland Import Group agreeing that the new company should retain sole rights to Santa’s traditional red garments and that Mr. Claus must surrender his claim to the garments and forswear wearing the uniform in the future.

Mrs. Claus was also enjoined to give up wearing all of her traditional garments.

As the Court read its decision, Santa was heard to exclaim “That’s bullshit!” It was then that the judge issued his contempt sentence.

Attorneys for Mr. Claus appealed the decision and Santa was released from prison pending the appeal.

.

Toyland Import Sold.

In a story still developing, Bain Capital Management announced today that it has sold its remaining interest in Toyland Import Group to a consortium of wealthy investors.

The price of the transaction was not immediately revealed but sources believe it to be above $6 billion dollars.

Another source told UPW Super Senior Legal Correspondent Marcy Popindick that Bain Capital acquired the company on borrowings of $3 billion and, after a series of management decisions that reduced expenses, sold its interest at the higher price thereby realizing a profit of at least $6 billion after the transfer of loans to the new entity.

Most of the money loaned to Bain Capital by Wall Street banks and transferred to Toyland Imports was paid to executives who engineered the hostile takeover and who managed the company prior to its sale to the investment group.

Bank loans were repaid with funds obtained by reducing salary expenses and assets realized after eliminating pension obligations.

The reorganization of Santa’s Toyland Workshop into Toyland Imports enhanced the value of the new company by several billion dollars according to the source. However a liquidity shortfall forced the sale to the investment consortium.

***

Get Out and Stay Out.

Multimillionaire John Hagee implored atheists to take a Walkman and “stuff it in your ears or just leave the country.”

Sources close to the owner of Cornerstone Church and CEO of Global Evangelism Television said the rich evangelist has detested the movement of atheists to erase Christ from Christmas for many years and finally made his feelings known when he bellowed during a sermon that “this country was not built by atheists for atheists…We don’t want you and we won’t miss you”. So there.

hagee

(Original photo: Christians United for Israel).

Hagee is also the pastor of the Christian church.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/27/john-hagee-atheists_n_4509397.html

***

Who? Sarah Palin. That’s Who.

Some of her best friends are, ya know, gay.

So saith the longest lady in waiting since, maybe, Hillary Clinton.

Still keeping her face in the news still hoping to be president, former Alaska governor and former vice presidential candidate and former beauty contest winner Sarah Palin defended the foolish words of the guy from Duck Dynasty, a millionaire named Phil Robertson, even though she said she didn’t read what he said.

This is what he said…. Oh, fuggetaboutit. Everybody knows what he said and anyways he’s back on television after his suspension was suspended by A&E.

Such a fuss. All A&E had to do was issue a disclaimer disclaiming the comments by claiming that the comments do not represent the views of A&E, its management or its cleaning people.

But then that wouldn’t have gotten all the publicity the comments got and the show’s ratings would have been stuck in the astronomical figures its now enjoying and the ratings wouldn’t have been boosted to yet another record breaking level.

So here’s a thought. Was the whole episode orchestrated for publicity purposes? Was GQ exploited as a ratings guinea pig?

Who can tell? But such are the workings of the minds of TV management geniuses that diabolical plots are not solely the dwellers of TV murder mysteries. “Say, Phil, here’s an idea. How ’bout you have an interview with GQ magazine and you say something really nasty about….

.

Oh yeah. Right. Back to whatshername.

sarah

Struttin’ her stuff.

She said what he said was okay. I mean, like, we all have First Amendment rights. Right? I mean like yelling fire in a crowded theater and starting a deadly stampede. Right?

Anyways, if she said what he said was a right and what she said is right, she could be nominated for president on the Republican party ticket. Right?

I mean, like, stranger things have happened. Look at Mitt Romney.

Right?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/27/

sarah-palin-gay-friend-duck-dynasty_n_4501113.html?ncid=txtlnkushpmg00000037&ir=Politics

***

 I’m A Liberal.

“If by a ‘Liberal’ they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people – their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties – someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a ‘Liberal,’ then I’m proud to say I’m a ‘Liberal.'” John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

***

Does He? Or Doesn’t He?

Drink I mean, like alcoholic beverages.

Some say yes. Some say no.

Oh, okay, maybe a tinsy winsy bit of wine before breakfast. And a little after breakfast. And some during the morning hours and maybe just a touch before lunch and s’more after lunch and something a little harder during afternoon break and before dinner and after dinner and before bedtime and….

But not a drop more.

BOEHNER

A spokesman for the Speaker said he doesn’t drink anymore.

A colleague was overheard to say: “He doesn’t drink any less.”

(Old Dean Martin joke. Sorry about that).

http://www.capitolhillblue.com/node/49470

***

Still Running!

How can you tell when Paul Ryan is running for president?

When the Randian Repub representative from Wisconsin says he wants to help the poor and feed hungry people.

Yes, he will implement conservative ideas to eliminate poverty.

Aaaaah, compassionate conservatism. Just pull that old idea out of the dust bin of political history and put it in speeches, op-eds and repeat ad nauseum during TV appearances. Conservatives really do want to help the infirm, heal the sick, feed the hungry. Hmmmm. Where have we heard that bullshit before?

The compassionate conservative viper is about to raise its ugly head and strike once again. And why not? Works every time.

http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/

champion-the-poor

ryan val

Such a nice boy.

Paul Ryan is helping the poor
By giving to them once more
A GOP hosing
By simply proposing
A phony agenda for sure.
.
His Path To Prosperity bull
Will surely keep rich pockets full.
With deals he will ax
From a rich man’s tax
While wool over eyes he will pull.
.
The bull he’s still throwing at us.
And no one is raising a fuss.
With outlandish acclaim
He achieves right wing fame
With plans he won’t fully discuss.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/13/paul-ryan-path-to-prosperity_n_1773623.html

***

toilet paper

A or B? The eternal question.

A” is the only way if you have a cat. A cat can unravel “B” but not “A”. He can scratch “A” to smithereens but he can’t unravel it. Use the former and your frustrated feline will be saying: “Oh shit, “A” again.”

(Credit: Nancy Lloyd shared Art Jonak‘s photo.)

***

Real Trouble At The North Pole.

Santa’s factory is troubled at the North Pole.
A new economic model at last has taken a toll.
The old fellow finally has the temerity to confess,
even in Red states his elves couldn’t make less.

.

No incentive, no merriment, an absence of wages,
slave labor has replaced good will for all of the ages.
As Santa is forlorn, and the elves are all broke,
he has been acquired by the brothers Koch.

.

They employ their economic model as the cruelest one,
and believe they can sell it as unions are done.
Santa is changing his route and what he delivers
in a way that should give most children shivers.
His sleigh piled with rubies, diamonds and gold,
there’s only a 1% delivery list this year,
loaded with real estate stolen not sold.

.

As it is sure to disappoint many a child and waif,
precautions will be taken to keep Santa safe.
As TV follows Santa’s trek through the skies,
war planes will escort him wherever he flies.

NORAD has said that it will do just that, 
blasting away any nasty revenge seeking 99% brat. 
Indeed, the teary-eyed tykes will hear as he flies out of sight: 
“A miserly Christmas to most, alas, we’re blitzin’ far right.”  

VAN TOBIN FOR BUZZFLASH AT TRUTHOUT

December 22, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/22/13

Right Wing Dems. A Burgeoning Wing.

The disastrous Clinton Administration can be summed up in three words: NAFTA, deregulation and bubble.

The Clinton years were easily the most conservative in recent party history, making Bill Clinton hands down the worst Democratic president ever.

two peas

Two peas in a Wall Street pod.

Barack Obama is giving Wild Willy a run for his money though and will surely be designated “worst ever” Democrat if his administration continues on its current path. Obama has two years to reverse course. But if he persists in his plunge over the right wing cliff, he will usurp that infamous crown from the likes of Clinton.

Here a few of Obama’s tragic missteps:

Saved the big banks, yes.

Saved the crooked bankers, yes.

Turned his back on homeowners, yes.

Abandoned labor union members, yes.

Supported meek stimulus, yes.

Embraced austerity economics, yes.

Pursues destructive trade agreements, yes.

Pursues cuts to Social Security, yes.

Pursues cuts to Medicare, yes.

Signed Obamacare to profit insurance companies, yes.

Double-crossed U.S. on public option, yes.

Cowers before GOP, yes.

Continues Bush wars, yes.

Launches murderous drone attacks, yes.

Supports spying on Americans, yes.

Openly admires Ronald Reagan, yes.

rob

Birds of a feather.

And what about Hillary? Will she follow in the steps of these two tragic Democratic presidents and support the policies that are dismembering the middle class? Why, yes! Of course.

Two peas in a pod.

***

Little Ricky On His Rocking Horse.

Little Ricky Santorum, former Senator from Pennsylvania and former GOP presidential candidate, is back in the news splainin stuff to us.

This time it’s about Obamacare. Ya see, Ocare is sposed to provide heath insurance so sick people can get health care.

rick1

Santorum (at the Reagan Ranch for a Young Republican’s pow wow, rode into town wearing his finest Reagan get up and shouting a hearty “giddyup horsey”) said that if gubmint is responsible for health care, it controls who lives and who dies. “Cause if the gubmint withholds health care from people, those people die and can’t vote. Against you. Or anybody else for that matter. Of course, they can’t vote for you either.

People are making fun of Little Ricky’s convoluted explanation of gubmint health care. But maybe he has a point. Would a Republican president attempt to withhold care from working class people who tend to vote Democratic so they die and can’t vote? Tis a question to ponder.

Santorum, we think (who can tell???) was apparently attempting to link Obamacare,which is health insurance, to gubmint health care, which Ocare is not.

Not to belabor the point but nearly half the country is on government health insurance and has been for decades (Medicare, Medicaid) and it works far better than the money gouging, limited care profit variety.  In both cases, private and government, the insurances rely on a private model delivery system.

rocking horse

Little Ricky rides again. Giddyup horsey.

Rick Santorum Drops Strange, Death-Filled Description Of Nationalized Health Care

***

Good Bye, Rudolph.

A fellow who frequently blows
His very large reindeer nose
Took a plug from his pocket
Stuck it into a socket.
Now his nose red as Rudolph’s it glows.
.
A fellow who’d just come to blows
With a reindeer famed for his nose
Left Rudolph quite stricken
As Santa was picken’.
A new nose from the pack soon arose.
 
rudolph
.
His nose Rudolph frequently blows
As huge tears from his eyes soon arose.
His bags he must pack.
Santa cut him no slack.
It was Rudolph’s the new nose would depose.
.
Now poor Rudolph frequently blows
His nose till it’s red as a rose.
His nose he kept lickin’
Said “it’s better than pickin’.
A new song someone needs to compose.”
 
rudolph
 
 
 

Tricky, Tricky, Tricky.

The Washington Post is up to its old tricks. The paper has declared Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) a compassionate conservative. Yes, you read that right. Far, far, faaaaaaaaaar right wing Paul Ryan is just dying to help the poor. What a magnanimous change of heart!  Wouldn’t have anything to do with 2016 now, would it?

Actually, it has everything to do with 2016 and nothing else.  No doubt, many of the poor will die waiting for Ryan’s help.

So now seriously serious Ryan, who is contemplating a run for the presidency, plans to implement far, far right wing policies to what-chya-call “combat poverty.” Kill food stamps for the hungry, kill the minimum wage for the exploited, cut Medicare and Medicaid for the sick and Social Security for poverty stricken seniors, kill middle class jobs and, presto!!!, poverty will end.

ryan1

In summary, if you believe in bullshit, Ryan’s your man for president.  This lost in space fake is desperately attempting to soften his harsh right wing position on the issues to grease what purports to be a seriously serious, if somewhat slimy, run for the grand prize in 2016.

Ryan Poverty Plan

1. Cut spending on the poor, cut taxes on the wealthy
2. Shred safety net through block granting federal programs
3. Encourage entrepreneurism, sprinkle around some vouchers and tax credits

4. ???

5. Poverty falls

And as for the Post. Well, that right wing sycophantic rag has its own brand of bullshit to toss around.

‘Champion of the poor’? | MSNBC

Paul Ryan’s ‘Path To Prosperity’ Hurts Americans In These 10 Ways

 

December 15, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/15/13

Sign Up Here For Bad Deals.

Want to pay higher taxes for bad service?

Join the millions of Americans who have voted for privatization of public services.

Here is your chance to pay more for parking meters, toll roads, water and a whole host of services formally provided efficiently and at a reasonable price by your government.

Better hurry. Time is running out.

Here are just a few examples of the perfectly dreadful service you can pay higher taxes for through privatization.

These free enterprise companies operating in a competitive free market offer the privilege of paying an exorbitant price for service that ranges from substandard to just plain awful.

Let’s start with the obvious. The Obamacare rollout, a monumental website mess brought to you by, you guessed it, a free enterprise company operating in the competitive free market.

BUT, as we are all too well aware: GUBMINT IS THE PROBLEM.

rahm

Rahm Emanuel, mayor of Chicago and purveyor of privatization, is going after schools, the water system, public health and transportation. Want to go to a park in Chicago. Better have plenty of dollar bills to feed to the turn stiles. And all of this destruction of the public welfare comes after former Mayor Bill Daley privatized parking meters in a sweetheart deal that saw meter fees soar.  

.

What about defense contractors. Ya gotta love defense contractors. They’ve evolved the perfect scam, extorting billions of taxpayer dollars in the shell game known as the COST OVERRUN.

It works like this,

First, bid low on a new weapons system and win the contract.

Then run into delays. Technical problems, don’t cha know, like planes that don’t fly right.

Next, and this is a very important detail, never have a technical problem until you’ve suckered the taxpayer for billions of dollars, making the weapon too expensive to cancel.

Now you’ve got ’em by the balls and can overcharge anything you want.

BUT, as we are all too well aware: GUBMINT IS THE PROBLEM.

.

Here is one of my personal favorites. The privatized parking meter. Wanna pay five dollars a half an hour to park downtown? You got it. Privatize the damn meters. You use it, you pay for it.

Ah, but here’s the perfect flim flam. If you don’t use it, you pay for it anyway. That’s right. The contract privatizing the meters contains an under-utilization clause. So if nobody ever parks at a parking meter again, the company providing the service is guaranteed to make a profit, compliments of the taxpayer, who shells out cash for services not used..

BUT, as we all know, GUBMINT IS THE PROBLEM.

: Parking meter

: Parking meter (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A parking meter, the old-fashioned kind. Still a hassle any way you cut it.

Of course, government isn’t, and has never been, the problem. Corrupt government officials operating in collusion with corrupt corporate executives are the problem; and one so large that deceitful connivance between officials and executives represents a grave threat to democratic rule in America.

And let’s finally be honest with ourselves. The corruption and collusion start with the lowliest local official and rise to the highest office in the land.

(If you want to read more about blunders of free market companies click the following links in The Fiscal Times and The Nation).

***

Dems Bed Ryan.

It took longer than expected, but the Democrats finally got in bed with budget butthead and media darling, the seriously serious Paul Ryan, House Austerity Committee chair from Wisconsin.

Patty Murray (D-WA), Senate Budget Committee chair, hammered out an agreement with seriously serious Ryan that delayed sequestration cuts for two years and increased Federal spending by $45 billion in 2014.

The compact also delays any cuts to Social Security and Medicare, although the original deal did extend payment cuts to Medicare providers by two years, a provision that may be removed from the final budget if the House agrees.

The cuts to safety net benefits however still remain on the table and could be addressed in separate legislation if President Obama gets his way.

The deal also squashed any hope of increasing benefits to the millions of unemployed across the nation. If Republicans continue to rule in Congress extended benefits are gone forever.

Tax increases were never seriously considered as seriously serious Ryan squelched that proposal at the outset.

Bad news for pension benefits for Federal workers: They’ll have to contribute more, in effect cutting the benefit and this after a salary freeze and furloughs during the shutdown fiasco.

The seriously serious Ryan however found another way to avoid tax increases: Screw a vet. Veterans will take cuts as the COLA in military pensions will be reduced for all non-disabled retirees under the age of 62 thereby slashing the benefit for some by tens of thousands of dollars over the lifetime payout.

RYAN VULCAN

The seriously serious Paul Ryan, whose budgets originate in outer space, is waaaaay out dere.

Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI), chair of the Senate Armed Services Committee, promises to review the military cuts. He’s just blowing smoke however since the House has adjourned for the year and no amendments can be offered if the budget is to pass before the holiday hiatus.

So the Dems took a fall and got a budget and nothing else and the seriously serious Ryan and his GOP cohorts offered only delays in the harsh austerity measures that are crushing working Americans.

As the economy continues to tank, the chances of the Obama legacy looking anything but Hooverian are growing dimmer by the day.

***

Tanking Economy.

The Ryan-Murray austerity budget holds the promise of choking off the frail economic recovery.

BUT, is there a “recovery” at all. And if so, for whom? Wall Street? Yes indeed. Stocks are reaching all time highs.

Corporations and their CEOs? Yes, of course. Profits and compensation are exploding.

Is the American worker partaking of this so-called “recovery”? Not the millions of unemployed nor the millions more who are under-employed. Nor those infamously designated as “discouraged” workers and no longer counted among the millions and millions of unemployed.

Do you think those numbers are an exaggeration? The fact is nobody knows the real figure when you consider the unemployed, the “discouraged” and the under-employed.

According to John Williams at shadowstats.com, the real unemployment rate is above 20%, a nightmarish figure for President Obama. Shades of Herbert Hoover.

.

The BLS claimed a jobs increase of 203,000 for November. Nice number, but it’s as bogus as its rigged unemployment rate of 7.0%. The real numbers must have Obama pulling his hair out.

Here’s a breakdown of the figures reported by Paul Craig Roberts, former Assistant Treasurer in the Reagan Administration, at counterpunch.

Briefly, more than half the jobs were of the low wage retail and hospitality variety. Others were in low wage home health care and warehousing. If you’re interested in the grim details, click the link above. And if you’re an Obama fan, you may have to suck up to the realization that this president’s legacy is headed straight to Hooverville.

***

upw

Here are the latest headlines from the Unreliable Press Worldwide wires – UPW, surpassing the mainstream media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

.

Debbie Does Dems.

Debbie Stabenow (D-MI), the chairwoman of the Senate Corporate Agriculture Committee and ostensibly a liberal, agreed with the obnoxious right wing Ralph Lucas, the Republican from Oklahoma who chairs the House Corporate Agriculture Committee, to cut food stamps (SNAP) by another $8 to $9 billion.

According to Unreliable News Worldwide Super Senior Congressional Correspondent Marcy Popindick, who is really, really cozy with a lot of Congressional staff members, the two Congress critters were elated with the cuts and enumerated the benefits associated with diminishing food stamp allotments in a top secret policy statement.

Leaked by a staff associate late one night, Popindick learned from the secret memo that members of the committee believed:

The new policy will go a long way in helping to reduce obesity among little kids in America.”

It will also teach kids not to waste their food nor to complain about the slop served during school lunch periods.”

Going hungry two or three times a week can be an inducement for kids to clean their plates when they do have food and especially eating up all of their vegetables. “

And as we all know, starvation builds character.”

debbie1

Debbie Stabenow, building character among the hungry.

The cuts will only affect about 47 million poor people and who needs a bunch of poor people anyways.,” the secret statement continued.

After the unauthorized release of the Agriculture Committee top secret palavering, Stabenow notified the FBI, the CIA and the Homeland Security Department of the infraction and demanded a full investigation of the matter.

When I find out who is responsible for this notorious leak, I’m gonna kick some ass” said the Senator from Michigan.

.

And what about the corporate Democrats? What did they have to say about yet another cut to SNAP, the program that benefits much of the Dem base?

If you listen very closely, you can hear their protests.

Are you listening?

Can you hear the silence?

If you can, then you’ve heard everything the Dems had to say on the issue.

.

There once was a gal on committee
Who on children she took no pity.
If food they were craving.
They should money be saving.
Or stealing some food from the kitty.
.
The kitty was looking quite skinny.
Its purring was sounding right tinny.
For sure it must starve.
There’s no turkey to carve.
For to spare we don’t have a guinea.

***

Duh!

President Obama said in a speech last week that income inequality is responsible for declining mobility and a shrinking middle class.

According to Unreliable Press Worldwide Super Senior White House Correspondent Marcy Popindick, who is really, really, really cozy with the White House staff, phone calls went out from high level staff members to CEOs of banks and corporations forewarning of the Obama speech and advising that they not pay too much attention to his words. He was just trolling for votes and nothing more would come of the speech was the message left on CEO voice mails.

During the gush of outgoing calls, the White House switchboard was virtually smoking and some cell phone circuit boards melted.

And since the president abhors leaks, the message also contained a warning to CEOs to drop their phones immediately because the devices would self-destruct in ten seconds.

Not to worry though. Replacing the phones is a tax deductible offense, just like mega million dollar bonuses.

.

The president hates White House leaks
That seem to occur when he speaks.
He blows up just like fission
Cause they mess up his mission.
And send gray through his hair in wide streaks.
 
 ***

The Finest Health Care In The World.

Went to the doctor the other day. After waiting in a small room for twenty minutes after waiting in a large room for twenty minutes, a corporate employee walked in.

He wore a white coat and carried a laptop.  Looked like a doctor.

He stared at the laptop and asked name, date of birth, etc. Wanted to make sure he was in the right room.

Next he said “patient complaint.”

I said “I have a constricted anus.”

He stared at the laptop for a long time.  Then said “Don’t have that one. Pick something else.”

I said “That must be a common complaint since Obamacare became law. It’s gotta be there.”

He stared at the laptop.  “Nope. Not there. Pick something else or I’ll have to send you to a specialist. They have bigger keyboards.”

I said “So what choices do I have?”

He stared at the laptop; read a list from the keyboard. Finally he came to UPPER RESPIRATORY INFECTION.

That sounds good. Let’s do that.”

He said “That’ll be $192.00.”

I said “Don’t I get a pill.”

He pulled a small hand-held electronic device from his pocket. Looked like an iphone with a prescription app. He scrolled for a few minutes, tapped the pad and said “Pick it up at the front desk. That’ll be $225.00.”

.

If you live in America and haven’t had an experience similar to the one described above – you will!!!

.

DOCTOR, DOCTOR, DOCTOR, IT HURTS WHEN I DO THIS!

Don’t do that. That’ll be $192.00 – unless you want a prescription.”

***

Typing For Doctors.

In keeping with the new skill set required of physicians, The Sardo Institute of Modern Health Care is offering a typing course especially designed for heart surgeons, brain surgeons and foot doctors.

In fact, if you’re a clumsy physician in any medical practice and you’re having a problem navigating laptop keyboards designed for your specialty, The Sardo Institute of Modern Health Care has the answer for you.

For the first time, The Sardo Institute of Modern Health Care is offering an entry level Typing Course for Medical Providers for busy professionals just like yourself. When you have completed this amazing course your fingers are guaranteed to fly across any keyboard with the speed and agility of little girls in freshman high school typing classes. And you are guaranteed to learn these skills in just ten short weeks.

And now, for the very first time, The Sardo Institute of Modern Health Care is offering this specially designed Typing Course for Medical Providers in an online version so you can enjoy the benefits of this amazing training in the comfort of your very own home and all for the low, low price of just $29.95. 

The Sardo Institute is also offering an extended course for slow learners that allows medical professionals to acquire the special set of skills now demanded of the modern provider in just twenty short weeks for the amazingly low, low price of just $39.95.

Included in the price of this amazing course is the cost of The Typing Certification Test which normally costs $9.95.

And if you act right now we will include the cost of a second Typing Certification Test absolutely free just in case you fuck up the first one.

So don’t delay. Go online right now to register for this amazing training at:http//thesardo.instituteof.modern.health.care/

/po.box.555//pasta.fagioli..italy..//.//

55555./.5555.//..

Or if you prefer, you can call 1-555-555-5555 where our highly trained professional staff located in Mumbai, India are waiting to assist you with your registration.

Better hurry. Offer ends soon.

***
 
Limerick Lunacy.
 
A woman was running around
With a guy who refused to be bound
By a ring on his finger.
So with others he’d linger
Till the woman a new guy she found.
.
A rumor was going around
‘Bout a gal whose assets astound.
She played with full vigor
Soon the guys would all dig her.
They admired her talents profound.
.
A woman was running around
With a really big hunting hound
The dog it would drag her
To a pound where she’d stagger.
As the hounds from the pound came unwound.
.
A rumor was going around
‘Bout a woman whose boat ran aground.
She waved to the guys
Who stared with wide eyes.
As she steered the boat toward a sand mound.
.
The rumor kept going around
‘Bout the gal now stuck on a mound.
She downed some hard liquor.
Her eyes would soon flicker.
On the mound in the sound her head would soon pound.
.
The rumor kept going around
‘Bout the woman now stuck in the sound.
She drank too much grog.
And was bound in a fog.
It took days for her head to rebound.
.
The rumor kept going around
‘Bout a gal who had a huge hound.
He jumped in the water.
On the mound he soon caught her.
And pulled her ashore fore she drowned.
.
.
A gal on a hunt for a sale
Went shopping each day without fail.
She found sales galore
But soon came to abhor
A habit she could not curtail.
.
A gal on a hunt for a sale.
Got a deal on a horse with no tail.
A horse I can’t use
But a buy can’t refuse
I’m just glad it wasn’t a whale.”
.
A gal on a hunt for a sale
Went to buy her horse a new tail.
She looked here and there
No avail to her mare.
Till she met a guy out for a sail.
.
A fellow went out for a sail
Saw a horse who was lacking tail.
It swam for his boat
With the poor gal in tote.
Whom he rescued and plied with strong ale.
.
So the gal on a hunt for a sale.
Did the guy who went out for a sail.
Though the horse had no tail.
To the gal’s he’d avail
And happily they lived in this tall horse’s tale.
December 1, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/01/13

A Bear For Dinner.

As governor of Alaska, former defeated GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin was set to pardon some turkeys at Thanksgiving when an unidentified aide whispered in her ear that all turkeys were Democrats. She discontinued the practice immediately because she never knowingly pardoned a member of the opposing party.

When she was informed that all Republican politicians are turkeys Palin peremptorily pardoned all fowl.  She then went into the wilds, shot an Alaskan brown bear, stuffed it and served it for Thanksgiving dinner.

sarah and bear

Sarah and the bear dissing Piers Morgan. (From Facebook).

Remember When Sarah Palin Thought This Interview In Front Of A Turkey Massacre Would Be Smart?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/25/sarah-palin-bear-piers-morgan_n_4164062.html

***

A Sick Country.

If we started in 1960 and we said that as productivity goes up…then the minimum wage is going to go up the same, the minimum wage today would be about $22 an hour. With the minimum of $7.25 an hour, what happened to the other$14. It certainly didn’t go to the workers.” Sen. Elizabeth Warren.

There is a sickness upon the land. It is called greed and corruption.

*** 

No Shave November.

The 11th month of the year is a time when you can stop shaving for thirty days.  Yes, it’s really OK.  And not just for men.

Many people think shaving is a burden borne only by men since most scrape their faces with sharp stainless steel blades every morning.

The ritual is however practiced by women who routinely shave several of their body parts while bathing or in the shower.

So if they participate in the no shave month they will grow hair in places that have not seen it in years and also take a brief respite from the daily chore.

Alas, with the arrival of December comes not only the eager anticipation of Santa and his eight tiny reindeer, but also the return to that noisome task of shaving every day.

In keeping with the tradition of “taking it off” in the month known for shopping frenzy, the Sardo Institute has declared December World Shave Month.

In honor of the occasion, Professor Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe, Poet Laureate Emeritus Summa Cumma Louder, will deliver an ode to mark the festivities.

Below is a transcript of the Professor’s contribution:

(Warning: Persons offended by sexually explicit material should skip the following entry. You must be over the age of 18 to continue reading the post. That’s because it gets really, really dirty).

A woman did it on a dare.
Shaved off all her pubic hair.
Here’s a story not oft’ told.
Soon she caught an awful cold.
‘Cause now it gets real chilly there.
.
If you think this story dumb
‘Bout the gal shaved ‘neath her bum.
It’s true I say in total sum.
For now she’ll sneeze instead of cum.
.
‘Cause ‘tween her legs strange noise emits
Whenever atop a man she sits.
What was that,” the guys would shout.
Something’s odd down there no doubt.”
.
I shaved it off because it pleases.”
Now poor thing it always sneezes.”
Beware, true words we shall not flout.
As stranger things soon came about.
.
Her shaved bottom had no match..
The cold it caught all could catch.
The guys she slept with were made fools.
For all a cold had gripped their tools
Which sneezed and sneezed while in her snatch.
.
This story’s true, you can believe.
It’s not my purpose to deceive.
So now you know you must beware
That when you shave your pubic hair
You cannot know what you’ll receive.
.
So now please take this sound advice.
Keep it trim and looking nice.
For if you shave it smooth as ice,
You then must pay a frightful price.
.
A cold down there can really bite.
You’ll have to hide, stay out of site.
So if your tempted, best think twice.
A little hair can well entice.
.
A cold no drug can ever cure.
A cold down there you must endure.
So don’t expose it to a breeze
That’s when it will likely sneeze.
So stay you must behind closed door.
.
When at last you do come out
Do not shake it all about.
For friends will no doubt quickly shun you.
They’ll fear a cold be catching from you.
And think of you an awful lout.

.

three in one

Three in One, sculpture by Paul Richer (1849-1933).  Do they or don’t they?  Kinda looks like they do.

Well, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

***

Running Scared.

He’s scared. He’s real scared. In fact, he running scared.

The Tea Party is backing a candidate in the Republican race for the Senate and they’re are going after Mitch McConnell.

You would think the Tea Party money bags would be satisfied with McConnell’s performance. After all, he’s the man most responsible for the blockade of that one august body. He’s the man who make of it a laughingstock. He may well be the most extremist GOP leader in the Senate’s history.

mich

Damn, those suckers are squeezin’ hard.

Yet the Tea Party is out to get him and McConnell is running scared.

Mitch will win the primary. And more than likely retain his Senate seat. But the challenge is a warning to all others: Do what the big money tells you to do or else.

***

Sarah Palin: Career Change.

Sarah Palin has changed careers from politician telling jokes to comedian telling politician jokes.

In an interview on Today, the perennial TV talk show guest described her version of an alternative to Obamacare.

Here is what Lady Sarah had to say:

The plan is to allow those things that had been proposed over many years to reform a health-care system in America that certainly does need more help so that there’s more competition, there’s less tort reform threat, there’s less trajectory of the cost increases, and those plans have been proposed over and over again.”

Sounds to me like she’s describing the right wing Heritage Foundation’s idea of a health care plan, otherwise better known as Obamacare.

She then babbled:

And what thwarts those plans?  It’s the far left.  It’s President Obama and his supporters who will not allow the Republicans to usher in free market, patient-centered, doctor-patient relationship links to reform health care.”

Now that’s a statement straight from Planet Palin, an orb known to exist in the farthest reaches of the universe. And that’s really “out ‘dere.”

Hello, Sarah? Sarah, are you there? Come in Sarah.

Houston, we have a problem. Sarah Palin is lost in space.

missing sarah

Missing Sarah.

Forward Progressives — Train Wreck: Watch Sarah Palin Embarrassingly Try to Explain Her Alternative to “Obamacare”

***

Something’s Wrong with Pope Francis.

There must be something wrong with Pope Francis. He’s acting like a Christian. Not even popes can be accused of taking such an out of character step as Francis just did.

In his first major publication, the Holy Father decried what is more commonly called vulture capitalism, that is, the unfettered brand that cruelly places profit, profit and more profit ahead of the welfare of mankind.

A headline in The Guardian read: “Pope Francis understands economics better than most politicians.”

That statement of course is exactly wrong about politicians. They understand. They know all too well. The Pope is merely speaking the truth. As for politicians, they’re too involved in the payola chase to admit that the Pontiff is speaking truth to power.

And the right wing is already up in arms. The conservative Accuracy in Media director Cliff Kincaid has criticized the Pontiff for releasing Evangilii Godium or Joy of the Gospel, a document in which the Pope called trickle-down economics “a naive theory that has never been confirmed by the facts.”

Unfairly and by inference, Kincaid tainted the Pope’s writing by associating it with Marxism. Nothing really new in that attack though. The right has always made it a point to call a “communist” anyone who disagrees with their way of life.

pope francis

To the right wing, he’s a Marxist; for the rest of us, a populist Christian.

Francis’ statement however is absolutely true.

The term “trickle-down economics” is nothing more than a right wing propaganda contrivance intended to convince the working class that the upward distribution of wealth benefits all who work for a living. That of course is nonsense.

The same can be said of the phrase “a rising tide lifts all boats.” To benefit from a rising tide, you first need a boat. For a rising tide can drown all who are left to die on the shoals of economic life.

The Pontiff’s advocacy of economic justice is not a call to Marxism despite the fact that right wing propagandists are hard at work demeaning the Pontiffs statement as influenced by the nineteenth economic philosopher.

The new world economic order that Kincaid accuses Francis of advocating for is not the order that is already well established on this woe begotten planet

The new reality that infests the global economy is one that the conservative spokesperson turns a blind eye to.  Right wing corporate pirates and their accessories to the crime have gone to great lengths to make the world economy a source of unimaginable wealth for themselves and one of misery, and even death, for billions of human beings.

Somebody got to the Pope,” writes Muslim scholar Reza Aslan. “It was Jesus. Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin would call Jesus a Marxist.”

If the Pope does not desist from his message of economic justice, the titans of vulture capitalism will be out to get him and by any means necessary. First will come the typical right wing propaganda barrage. Next who knows. Possibly an attempted assassination, first as a warning shot, and then the real thing.

No reasonable person can doubt that the monsters on Wall Street and the masterminds of global corporations will let anything or anyone stand in their way.

After all, they’ve already got the president of the United States in their back pocket.

Conservative activist: Pope Francis exposed the ‘Marxist problem’ inside the Catholic Church | The Raw Story

Muslim scholar Reza Aslan: Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin would call Jesus a ‘Marxist’ | The Raw Story

***

Plans After The White House.

What to do? What to do? ‘Tis a puzzlement.

What does a president do after leaving the White House besides getting filthy rich?

Apparently one of the First Daughters will have a say in the matter.

Will Sasha choose to stay in DC or move back to Chicago? Stay tuned. The gaggle of media reporters is hot on the story.

comic obama

The leader of the pack: Obama, Obama, Obama and Obama, LLP.

Either way, as a former prez, Obama can rent offices on K Street and establish a lobbying firm and call it Obama and Obama as he teams up with the First Lady.

Both would make superlative lobbyists-to say nothing of millions of bucks-appealing to Democratic Congressional critters to pass legislation favorable to Republican clients.

Later, as the daughters graduate from law school, the firm would change its name to Obama, Obama and Obama; then to Obama, Obama, Obama and Obama.

Wait till the grand kids start joining the firm.

Only in America.

***

Paul Richer was a French anatomist, physiologist and teacher as well as a sculptor. The backside of his sculpture above is below.

three in one rev

November 24, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 11/24/13

Gouge Granny Campaign.

Also known as Fix the Debt, the Gouge Granny Group (GGG) is at the forefront of a diabolical campaign to slash social safety net benefits for grandmas, grandpas, the poor and the sick.

finger

A holiday gift to grandma from the Granny Gougers.

The devils in the GGG are multi millionaires and billionaires who are beside themselves with envy over the paid-for benefits American workers receive when they retire. The goals the Granny Gougers are seeking are an increase in the retirement age to 70 years and means testing for Medicare which could mean persons having incomes over the poverty level would receive a reduced benefit or be disqualified entirely.

So deep is their hatred for Social Security and Medicare that they formed the Gouge Granny Group solely as an organization to lobby Congress to cut benefits to American workers during retirement.

Here are the names of just a few of the Granny Gougers: Baron Alan von Simpson and Baron Erskine von Bowles, the co-founders. Prince Peter G.Peterson, the former Blackstone Group CEO and daddy bucks behind the GGGers. Also, Prince David Cote (Honeywell), Prince Larry Merlo (CVS), Prince Jeffrey Immelt (GE) and many, many more.

These Granny Gougers, so diabolically eager to cheat retired workers out a few measly bucks a month, will themselves retire with funds reaching into the high five and low six figures annually and could well receive more in one month than granny takes home in an entire year.

Smug, pompous and niggardly, these aristocrats deeply resent having to return a small portion of their astronomical wealth to the nation that gave them the largesse they are now reaping, much of which is the result of unconscionable tax breaks granted through corrupt government tax policy.

Their motto: Less For You; More For Me.

Is this what right wingers mean when they refer to “compassionate conservatism?”

OUR REAL RULERS

A few members of the Gouge Granny Group.

CEOs Against Grandmas | Common Dreams

***

Jobs Slasher To Jobs Czar.

Gouge Granny Group member Prince Jeffrey Immelt, GE CEO, is arguably the greatest jobs exporter in American history. He has a lot of competition for the honor, no doubt, but he’s certainly up there at the top of the list.

Guess who’s the czar of Obama’s jobs thingy? If you guessed Prince Jeffrey and you’re an employee of GE you win a voucher to your pension benefits. Hold on to that voucher. It may be worth something someday when you retire, that is if Prince Jeffrey ever catches up the $32 billion GE owes to your pension fund.

immelt

Jeffrey Immelt, who gained super wealth status destroying the livelihoods of tens of thousands of working people, proves you don’t have to be a genius to get rich. Just cruel.  (Original photo by SarekOfVulcan).

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Did I mention that Prince Jeffrey is a massive jobs exporter? The jobs czar has exported thousands upon thousands of GE jobs. So if you’re a GE employee and you just received a voucher, you might as well hang on to it. Just in case it’s ever worth something. Ya never know.

In any case, Prince Jeffrey may be, at this very moment, sneaking behind your back conspiring to move your job elsewhere and force you into retirement with an empty pension voucher all the while hatching plots to cut your Social Security benefit.

Which brings us back to Obama’s jobs thingy. I believe it’s called the Council on Jobs and Competitiveness. Prince Jeffrey the Czar is gonna create a whole lotta jobs as the head of the commission.

Really?

And just where might that be?

If you guessed Asia and you’re an employee of GE, you win a voucher to a pension plan that’s mega billion dollars in arrears.

By the way, the jobs part of Obama’s jobs thingy got a lot of rousing press attention. The “competitiveness” part is the typical Obama backhanded slap in the face to workers and that portion was largely ignored by whatchacall your mainstream media. Could “competitiveness” mean dollar an hour wages without benefits for American workers? If so, Prince Jeffrey the Czar is the right man for the job.

***

More Software Issues.

In heaven the gates had a line.
A woman waiting started to whine.
I’ve been good all my life.
Don’t deserve all this strife.”
Said St. Pete, “We do it online.”
.
In heaven the software is slow.
God contracted a firm far below.
He accepted the blame
For what was a shame.
The free market has lost all its glow.

.

You’re not gonna believe this, but it’s absolutely true. According to a heavenly source who spoke under conditions of anonymity, God contracted with a software firm to provide a website that would quickly process entrants through the Pearly Gates. After the rollout, the lines became so long God had to start feeding the starving souls. Luckily, He has this guy who can multiply loaves and fishes.

As you might have guessed by now, God foolishly trusted the same firm that Obama used to develop the site for his health care thingy. And He is one pissed off deity.

The execs at the troubled firm are said to be really scared about their celestial fiasco. It’s OK to screw a president of the United States, said one. He’s just another sap to take advantage of. But fucking around with God!!! Holy shit!!!

.

God was pissed to the rafter
About his new website drafter
When they get up to Me
He said righteously
From heaven there’ll be no laughter.”
god

When God Gets Pissed, Run For Cover by Bonifacio de Pitati. Actually, God The Father Over the Piazza San Marco by Pitati (1487-1553).

***
In line was a gal from New Bern
Who waited so long for her turn
That she grew a mustache
Then said with panache
The longer I wait the less I will burn.”
.
The gal from New Bern heard the chime.
It was time to face up to her crime.
You’ve been a bad girl,” said St. Pete.
On your husband you often did cheat.”
But come up and see me some time.

***

Texas School Board Set To Drop 2 Rs.

The Texas Board of Education plans to drop Algebra II as a requirement for high school graduation.

A spokesman for the board said: “If it ain’t in The Bible don’t nobody in these here parts give a damn?”

A member of the board also noted that Jesus couldn’t read and write and that plans are being drawn up to eliminate those two Rs from the school curriculum. Math is being retained, however, because it is widely believed that Jesus could count – especially the donations his movement received from the poor.

Also under consideration was the inclusion of Aramaic, the language that Jesus spoke, as a requirement for graduation.

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(Don’t be too shocked, but the Lord did accept donations. The need for charity to pursue his mission is mentioned in The Bible and it is often used as an excuse by TV preachers to justify collections from the needy. The plea for bucks is accompanied by the promise that the more you donate, the faster you’ll receive the Lord’s reward-usually a monetary gift and you get it in this life.  Get it?).

Texas Board Of Ed Votes To Drop Algebra II Mandate

***

Detonation Politics; Alibi Politics.

Well, Harry finally did it. Reid, that is. He, as you may, know is the Senate Majority Leader and what he finally did was to trigger the “nuclear option” and end the filibuster in that once illustrious and now lugubrious legislative body.

Well, he didn’t really end the filibuster. He just discontinued the exploitative practice for presidential nominees for the executive and judicial branches. Not for the Supreme Court, though. Or for any legislation. Senators can still abuse that anti-democratic and extra-constitutional rule by invoking it to forestall all legislation and high court nominees that come before that enfeebled body.

But at least it’s a start. And it’s worth considering that Reid was forced to take the action largely due to the intransigence of Republicans and the woeful behavior of Minority Leader Mitch McConnell who repeatedly reneged on agreements with Reid to limit the use of obstructive tactics against presidential nominees.

mitch5

The bedeviled McConnell took a hit to the chin and one to the nose when Harry Reid dropped a bomb. The Minority Leader earned the snub by his unparallelled display of duplicity welshing repeatedly on agreements with Reid.

The filibuster was introduced into Senate affairs as a means of protecting the rights of the minority. It was intended to be used only in the direst of circumstances. As practiced by the GOP, however, the filibuster was employed routinely and became an obstructive tactic that quickly morphed into rule by the minority.

Democrats opposed the rule change largely because on many issues they were able to use the filibuster umbrella for cover and ofter hid under its shadow.

For example, secure in the knowledge that progressive legislation would die when trapped by the GOP blockade, Democrats could feign support for laws their liberal base embraced.

President Obama himself often used Republican obstruction as an excuse for backing away from his supporters by simply invoking the lame excuse that a policy could not pass the legislative process.

The president has now lost his alibi for not placing in nomination the candidates supported by the liberals still in the Democratic family.

***

I Told You So.

Yes, Obamacare is a swamp. The only swamp worse is the swamp we have been living with for most of our lives.

Some say we should not be gloating over the Obama Obamacare predicament. But we should all be gloating precisely for and because of the president’s public option double cross. Obama could have had single payer; it was within his grasp. But he spurned it. He has no one to blame for his mess but himself.

In the past, we have had precious little to gloat over given the president’s cavalier behavior. If Obamacare was his only misguided policy, the misstep might be forgivable.

But, given his campaign populism, he has had too many policy flip-flops to elicit sympathy at this point.

To name just a few of the prominent ones,

  • His administration is negotiating rigged trade deals in deep secrecy.
  • He turned his back of the suffering of foreclosed homeowners.
  • He gave the backhand to labor unions by refusing to support the Wisconsin protesters.
  • He abandoned the unemployed when he embraced austerity.
  • He stubbornly supports cuts to the safety net in exchange for a perverse “grand bargain.”

Given his Wall Street anointed policies, could there be any doubt that this president is firmly ensconced among the 1 % and perhaps within a few years will join the elite one tenth. He’s certainly on the path to untold wealth.

Single-Payer Advocates: It Hurts To Say I Told You So

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