Posts tagged ‘Bain Capital’

December 29, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/29/13

Toyland Buyout.

North Pole, December 29, 2013.

Developing story.

Santa’s Toyland Workshop was acquired in a hostile takeover today by Bain Capital Management.

The equity group quickly created a new entity and named it Toyland Import Group, Inc.

Executives appointed to manage the corporation formed by the takeover immediately fired more than 2000 Santa’s helpers before filing for bankruptcy.


Santa sent packing; evicted from Toyland after hostile takeover.

Attorneys for the new corporation claimed in bankruptcy papers filed in DC District Court that the salaries of overpaid workers were unsustainable given the heavy debt load transferred to the new company by Bain Capital to complete the takeover transaction.

An appeal filed by a group representing Santa’s helpers asked the Court to delay the proceedings until attorneys could present evidence of wrongdoing involving the takeover. The appeal was denied by the Court.

The Court also ruled that Toyland Import Group could eliminate both funded and unfunded pension obligations and use the money to pay down the loans acquired from Bain and Wall Street banks.

Attorneys for the company indicated that once relieved of the expenses of high salaried employees and the costs of pension obligations and bank loans, Toyland Import could emerge from bankruptcy and resume normal operations.


Santa Jailed.

In a related story, Santa Claus was arrested, handcuffed, fined and given a thirty day jail sentence when he protested the Court’s ruling regarding a hostile takeover.

Santa was particularly angered by the Court’s decision in favor of Toyland Import Group agreeing that the new company should retain sole rights to Santa’s traditional red garments and that Mr. Claus must surrender his claim to the garments and forswear wearing the uniform in the future.

Mrs. Claus was also enjoined to give up wearing all of her traditional garments.

As the Court read its decision, Santa was heard to exclaim “That’s bullshit!” It was then that the judge issued his contempt sentence.

Attorneys for Mr. Claus appealed the decision and Santa was released from prison pending the appeal.


Toyland Import Sold.

In a story still developing, Bain Capital Management announced today that it has sold its remaining interest in Toyland Import Group to a consortium of wealthy investors.

The price of the transaction was not immediately revealed but sources believe it to be above $6 billion dollars.

Another source told UPW Super Senior Legal Correspondent Marcy Popindick that Bain Capital acquired the company on borrowings of $3 billion and, after a series of management decisions that reduced expenses, sold its interest at the higher price thereby realizing a profit of at least $6 billion after the transfer of loans to the new entity.

Most of the money loaned to Bain Capital by Wall Street banks and transferred to Toyland Imports was paid to executives who engineered the hostile takeover and who managed the company prior to its sale to the investment group.

Bank loans were repaid with funds obtained by reducing salary expenses and assets realized after eliminating pension obligations.

The reorganization of Santa’s Toyland Workshop into Toyland Imports enhanced the value of the new company by several billion dollars according to the source. However a liquidity shortfall forced the sale to the investment consortium.


Get Out and Stay Out.

Multimillionaire John Hagee implored atheists to take a Walkman and “stuff it in your ears or just leave the country.”

Sources close to the owner of Cornerstone Church and CEO of Global Evangelism Television said the rich evangelist has detested the movement of atheists to erase Christ from Christmas for many years and finally made his feelings known when he bellowed during a sermon that “this country was not built by atheists for atheists…We don’t want you and we won’t miss you”. So there.


(Original photo: Christians United for Israel).

Hagee is also the pastor of the Christian church.


Who? Sarah Palin. That’s Who.

Some of her best friends are, ya know, gay.

So saith the longest lady in waiting since, maybe, Hillary Clinton.

Still keeping her face in the news still hoping to be president, former Alaska governor and former vice presidential candidate and former beauty contest winner Sarah Palin defended the foolish words of the guy from Duck Dynasty, a millionaire named Phil Robertson, even though she said she didn’t read what he said.

This is what he said…. Oh, fuggetaboutit. Everybody knows what he said and anyways he’s back on television after his suspension was suspended by A&E.

Such a fuss. All A&E had to do was issue a disclaimer disclaiming the comments by claiming that the comments do not represent the views of A&E, its management or its cleaning people.

But then that wouldn’t have gotten all the publicity the comments got and the show’s ratings would have been stuck in the astronomical figures its now enjoying and the ratings wouldn’t have been boosted to yet another record breaking level.

So here’s a thought. Was the whole episode orchestrated for publicity purposes? Was GQ exploited as a ratings guinea pig?

Who can tell? But such are the workings of the minds of TV management geniuses that diabolical plots are not solely the dwellers of TV murder mysteries. “Say, Phil, here’s an idea. How ’bout you have an interview with GQ magazine and you say something really nasty about….


Oh yeah. Right. Back to whatshername.


Struttin’ her stuff.

She said what he said was okay. I mean, like, we all have First Amendment rights. Right? I mean like yelling fire in a crowded theater and starting a deadly stampede. Right?

Anyways, if she said what he said was a right and what she said is right, she could be nominated for president on the Republican party ticket. Right?

I mean, like, stranger things have happened. Look at Mitt Romney.




 I’m A Liberal.

“If by a ‘Liberal’ they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people – their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties – someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a ‘Liberal,’ then I’m proud to say I’m a ‘Liberal.'” John Fitzgerald Kennedy.


Does He? Or Doesn’t He?

Drink I mean, like alcoholic beverages.

Some say yes. Some say no.

Oh, okay, maybe a tinsy winsy bit of wine before breakfast. And a little after breakfast. And some during the morning hours and maybe just a touch before lunch and s’more after lunch and something a little harder during afternoon break and before dinner and after dinner and before bedtime and….

But not a drop more.


A spokesman for the Speaker said he doesn’t drink anymore.

A colleague was overheard to say: “He doesn’t drink any less.”

(Old Dean Martin joke. Sorry about that).


Still Running!

How can you tell when Paul Ryan is running for president?

When the Randian Repub representative from Wisconsin says he wants to help the poor and feed hungry people.

Yes, he will implement conservative ideas to eliminate poverty.

Aaaaah, compassionate conservatism. Just pull that old idea out of the dust bin of political history and put it in speeches, op-eds and repeat ad nauseum during TV appearances. Conservatives really do want to help the infirm, heal the sick, feed the hungry. Hmmmm. Where have we heard that bullshit before?

The compassionate conservative viper is about to raise its ugly head and strike once again. And why not? Works every time.


ryan val

Such a nice boy.

Paul Ryan is helping the poor
By giving to them once more
A GOP hosing
By simply proposing
A phony agenda for sure.
His Path To Prosperity bull
Will surely keep rich pockets full.
With deals he will ax
From a rich man’s tax
While wool over eyes he will pull.
The bull he’s still throwing at us.
And no one is raising a fuss.
With outlandish acclaim
He achieves right wing fame
With plans he won’t fully discuss.


toilet paper

A or B? The eternal question.

A” is the only way if you have a cat. A cat can unravel “B” but not “A”. He can scratch “A” to smithereens but he can’t unravel it. Use the former and your frustrated feline will be saying: “Oh shit, “A” again.”

(Credit: Nancy Lloyd shared Art Jonak‘s photo.)


Real Trouble At The North Pole.

Santa’s factory is troubled at the North Pole.
A new economic model at last has taken a toll.
The old fellow finally has the temerity to confess,
even in Red states his elves couldn’t make less.


No incentive, no merriment, an absence of wages,
slave labor has replaced good will for all of the ages.
As Santa is forlorn, and the elves are all broke,
he has been acquired by the brothers Koch.


They employ their economic model as the cruelest one,
and believe they can sell it as unions are done.
Santa is changing his route and what he delivers
in a way that should give most children shivers.
His sleigh piled with rubies, diamonds and gold,
there’s only a 1% delivery list this year,
loaded with real estate stolen not sold.


As it is sure to disappoint many a child and waif,
precautions will be taken to keep Santa safe.
As TV follows Santa’s trek through the skies,
war planes will escort him wherever he flies.

NORAD has said that it will do just that, 
blasting away any nasty revenge seeking 99% brat. 
Indeed, the teary-eyed tykes will hear as he flies out of sight: 
“A miserly Christmas to most, alas, we’re blitzin’ far right.”  


October 20, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/20/12

Mitt Romney says government doesn’t create jobs. But when he becomes president, he promises to create twelve million jobs.  That of course is a contradiction if not an outright lie. But who notices. 

And last time I checked, “president” was a government job.

File:Volunteers of America Soup Kitchen WDC.gif

What a jobs program might look like under Mighty Mitt. “Brother, can you spare a dime?”

If you’re in the job-creating business, why stop at twelve. I can create fifteen million jobs. Better yet, make that twenty million.

OK, how?

How??? You wanna know how??? Nobody ever asked Mitt that question.

Actually, nobody had to ask Mitt. He sorta volunteered the information. Not the details, mind you. Just a little info.

As a government employee, Mighty Mitt says he will create jobs – a feat which he has said on numerous occasions gobmint can’t perform – by lowering taxes for supply-sided rich people and by deregulating regulations no one enforces anyway (remember the Gulf and mining disasters).

Ya just gotta love the Mittster.


Shhhhh. I have a secret. Don’t repeat this to a soul.

Dinesh D;Sousa is having an affair.

The president of The King’s College – a conservative Christian liberal arts school – has been observed cavorting, cavorting mind you, with a woman who is not his wife.

The Christian community is beside itself with scandal. After all, Christians just don’t behave in this manner. It’s worse than drinking and gambling (except for Bingo).

Dinesh shared a room with this woman who is not his wife and the two came down together in the morning.

Now let’s be fair here. It’s entirely possible nothing happened while they slept together in the same room   Doesn’t mean they shared the same bed does it? Maybe she made him sleep on the floor. Maybe they both remained fully clothed. Perhaps God sent an angel to act as chaperon and the angel kept them apart.

On the other hand, they could have been fucking their brains out all night.

There is a “however” here however.

However, Dinesh, an Indian American – no, not that kind of Indian, the other kind – did introduce the woman he may or may not have banged all night, as his fiance and he is divorcing his wife of 20 years.

We should probably give Dinesh the benefit of the doubt since no one actually witnessed the activities the couple may or may not have engaged in during the night. And keep in mind, cavorting with thy neighbor’s wife is not forbidden by the Ten Commandments. Only “coveting” is prohibited. So Dinesh, you get a pass on this one, even though as a result of your behavior, you felt compelled to resign as president of the conservative Christian liberal arts school, The King’s College.

We report. You decide.


Mitt Romney has been upside down, inside out and backwards on so many issues, he doesn’t know which way to turn.

His advisers have developed a new device that will help the candidate assume all positions at once.  It defies the natural laws of the universe by allowing Romney to go in two directions simultaneously. The contraption has been named “Romnesia.”

It has been patented by Bain Capital, will be manufactured in China and then marketed in the U.S. under the name Milk d’Romnesia.

The device will be implanted in the brain and people who suffer anxiety and confusion when pulled in two directions at once can now have it both ways. Just like Romney.

Actually, I made that stuff up. Not the part about Romney having it both ways. Just the part about the Romnesia machine.

The word was coined by President Obama this week and refers to Romney’s attempts to – what else – have everything both ways.


Will the real Mitt Romney please invert himself?   (Photo by DonkeyHotey).

Mighty Mitt has a case of Romnesia

Which isn’t as bad as amnesia

But it clogs the brains

So truth it restrains

And it can’t be cured by Milk of Magnesia


Binder. A word recently popularized by Mitt Romney. It refers to this thing he had filled with women. OK,OK, the names of women. Sam Malone used to call it a little black book.

In any case, the word binder will never mean the same.


Once had a binder kept in a nook

Used to call it my little black book

As I got old

The book grew mold

But its pages hold secrets of rides that I took.


Mitt had a binder he frequently used

He recently got it completely confused

With another black binder

The real woman finder

Ah, those were the days he so sadly mused.


Betcha Mitt still has that little black binder tucked away somewhere.


The election of 2012 raises two perplexing questions. The first is how the GOP could put up someone for president who so brazenly epitomizes the excesses of casino capitalism that have destroyed the economy and overwhelmed our democracy. The second is why the Democrats have failed to point this out. Robert Reich.

The mystery of the American psyche continues unabated. We have filled the history of the American presidency with characters who have repeatedly defiled the office. But none is as overtly perverse as Mitt Romney who stands at the doorstep of the White House and could well be its next occupant.

Why Democrats have failed to point out Romney’s perversity is less a mystery. For the Dems dwell in the same cash cesspool fertilized continuously by Wall Street and corporate payola and, they fear, any attempt to expose Romney as a vulture capitalist would drain all that green sludge from the tank.


If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament – Gloria Steinem.


In the debate against Paul Ryan, Biden used the right word to describe the Romney/Ryan platform – malarkey.

I prefer twaddle myself.

Joe had a good laugh and we should all be laughing with him.


Biden/Ryan by DonkeyHotey.


Teary eyed Republicans made themselves evident after the Biden/Ryan debate.

One Greta Van Susteren was especially weepy. She called Joe Biden rude. Can you imagine? Rude.

He wasn’t. He was simply aggressive. And if Biden had been polite and mannerly, the media would have declared him the loser with Susteren the first among them.

Let’s be honest. The debates are becoming theater. The debaters are performers. They rehearse their parts including answers to potential questions. True, as in beauty contests, the contestants don’t know the questions in advance. But they must act out their roles to satisfy media expectations and if rudeness and bullying win the day, this is the way media personalities want it.

Weeping when your guy gets blown away by the aggressive tactics of his opponent is sour grapes.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost


In debate Rep. Ryan took a hit

So Republicans went into a snit

They said Joe Biden was rude

As he laughed at their wonky dude

But a fire under Dems the Veep lit.


Joe Biden left Ryan no escapes

And Republicans wept sour grapes

But their weeping was creepy

While Ryan looked sleepy

As Joe stole the house, kitchen sink and the drapes.


The Romney/Ryan tax plan is a sneak attack on the middle class.

Does anybody really believe that Romney will close loopholes that create cash for the rich who are the largest source of payola for the two parties?

June 10, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 06-10-12

President Obama once again failed to show up in Wisconsin to support the recall of Gov. Scott Walker.

He was a no-show last year as well during the protests in Madison.

So, again, the hollow echos of the promise the prez made during the 2008 campaign reverberate, to wit: “If American workers are being denied their right to organize when I’m in the White House, I will put on a comfortable pair of shoes and I will walk on that picket line with you as President of the United States.”

There. Now you just read it again.

But what we all forget about the president is that he suffers from an excruciating medical condition referred to as BTBS. This malady – known to physicians as Big Toe Blister Syndrome – recurs whenever union members form a picket line or a protest rally and it is really this condition that prevents the president from fulfilling his promise to walk the line.

File:Hot feet.jpeg

Nice feet. Healthy too. You can’t walk on sand when suffering from BTBS, the painful condition that afflicts the president whenever a union picket line forms.  (Photo courtesy of Misternicktheprick).  

Fortunately for the president, when the protests subside, the condition, mysteriously, goes into remission and the chief executive is able to walk without pain and resume the duties of office.


The old horse cantered out of the stable this week. That’s what happens when you leave the barn door open.

Bill Clinton traveled to Wisconsin to support the labor union recall effort and the Democratic candidate whats his name. Oh, you know that Milwaukee mayor guy whose now two for two going up against Walker. In the loss column, that is.

File:Bill Clinton, Yitzhak Rabin, Yasser Arafat at the White House 1993-09-13.jpg

A photo depicting one of the more worthwhile efforts of an otherwise failed presidency.

Good job, Willy. As we all know Walker is now two for two running against that Milwaukee mayor guy. In the win column, that is. The winner and still governor won by what is know in politics as a “blowout” with a 53-46 majority. Well, OK. So maybe it was only a landslide.

But wait. That’s not all Willy accomplished the past few days. He called Mitt Romney’s performance at Bain Capital “sterling”.

But wait. That’s not all Willy did this week. He actually called for an extension of all the Bush tax cuts in direct contravention to President Obama’s irreversible stand (oxymoron alert!) that the cuts for the wealthy need to be ended and only the cuts for the middle class retained.

Quick. Somebody get Willy a copy of the New York Times. The “newspaper of record” has declared time and again that Mitt Romney has won the Republican nomination for president and will be running in the November election against Barack Obama.

So the “Democrat of record” says on TV – not at a glitzy cocktail party fer crissakes but right there on freakin’ TV – that Mitt’s performance at Bain is “sterling”. That statement puts one of the Dems sterling campaign issues to bed. As a once famous sportscaster used to say “Holy Cow!!!”

With friends like Willy, Obama could wrap up his reelection campaign tomorrow and save himself a lot of trouble. And money. A lot of money.

If you want to know how companies such as Bain operate you can google Stella D’oro Biscuit Company or the private equity firm Brynwood Partners. You’ll discover a sad chronicle of for-profit only tactics. And there are many more stories that follow the same pattern – too numerous to mention.

Those methods range from sleazy to perhaps sterling. However, I would think the scale leans heavily toward the former.

Let’s sum up the former prez’s week long bag of fails. Wisconsin blows him off (figuratively speaking); he calls the opposition candidate “sterling”; and then stridently contravenes the president of the United States on extending the Bush tax cuts.

Oh, he said he was sorry. About the tax cut statement. That makes all the difference.

Nevertheless, it was a blunder so monumental that Republicans are calling him “buddy.” He might even appear in GOP propaganda ads criticizing Obama’s performance. You gotta hand it to Wild Willy though. There are actually days when he can trump Trump.

In any case, he’s still the darling of Democrats who call themselves loyal with something like a 66% favorable rating. Go figure.

Willy’s real problem, however, is that the number of truly loyal Democrats is diminishing.

The devoted Democrat – and if you are one you will agree – is one who still revers FDR and his New Deal. The current party establishment has dumped those loyalists over the side. And Bill Clinton is the worst offender.

The Dem establishment, however, still doesn’t want to stuff the ever pompous Clinton into the stable and lock the barn door. Too many like this apostate. But at the rate Willy’s going…. Well, as a famous sportscaster once said: Going, going, gone.

File:Mel Allen NYWTS.jpg

Mel Allen, one time “Voice of the Yankees”.


Did I mention Bill Clinton?

Anyways, as a famous TV detective once said: “Just one more thing.”

File:Peter Falk Columbo.JPG

Peter Falk as Columbo, part of Our American Heritage.

There are at least two other people on this rapidly overheating planet who have grown to dislike the policies of the former prez.

One is the eminent economist Dean Baker who realized long ago that “the seeds of the current disaster were put in place by the policies of the Clinton administration.” Deregulation, one of Clinton’s signature policies sent an economic snowball down a decades long hill where it is still rolling.

Baker also accuses the former president of doing nothing to contain the tech stock bubble that occurred and then burst during Clinton’s tenure in the Oval Office.

It was that bubble that brought about the budget surpluses and not tax increases and budget cuts.

The Clintonistas must also bear some responsibility for the “huge trade deficits the economy now faces with its engineering of the bailout of the East Asian financial crisis.” The terms were so sever that the bailed out countries were forced to accumulate enormous dollar reserves, an action that artificially placed a high value on the U S currency and made American exports prohibitively expensive.

Read the article at Beat the Press, Baker’s blog.

If Clinton’s Economic Record Is Viewed Positively, Then It Speaks to the Horrible State of Economic Reporting | Beat the Press

The second person who is forthright about Clinton’s (and Obama’s) dismal performance in office is Professor David Michael Green.

Green entertains with brutally honest critiques of the Clinton, Bush and Obama regimes. Here is a quote from his latest post.

And, despite the fact Bill Clinton deserves to rot in hell for the damage he did in exchange for his personal joyride in the White House, we were nevertheless forced to watch in horror the relentless and destructive lunacy of the president’s impeachment for the high crime of lying about a blow-job.

You can read Green’s assessments at his blog The RegressiveAntidote

His posts should be required reading for all Democrats, especially those who handed out a 66% favorable rating to the phoney Democrat.

Broken Shards Of The Heart | The Smirking Chimp


As a teenager and once practicing Catholic, I would often step into a dimly lit booth and on bended knee before a dark screen and small door wait anxiously for the door to slide open while a priest listened to another Catholic in a similar booth rattle off his sins.

When my turn came and in order to make a “good confession”, I would have to tell the priest whenever I got laid because getting laid was a mortal sin, even though I really liked it.

I had bragged to any number of other human beings about my activities, but didn’t want to admit them to a priest. I was forced to, however, because if I didn’t I would make what was called a “bad confession” and none of my other sins – like when I cursed – would be forgiven. The downside was that I would receive a heavier penance – something like saying fifteen Our Fathers and fifteen Hail Marys instead of the usual five.

Sometimes that could be a problem – since I usually went to confession early Saturday evening and was in a hurry because I was hoping to get laid later that night which – praise the Lord – occasionally happened.

Now I was never what used to be called a “hair man” (not sure of the etymology there) so I didn’t get laid often and this predicament didn’t occur frequently. But when confessing, you had to vow never to commit the sin again. Otherwise the confession didn’t count.

Today I wonder how many bad confessions I made since, while doing penance, I was hoping to get laid in just a few hours.

Now that brings us to one Mr. Dolan, Cardinal Timothy, a man who holds the second highest rank in the hierarchy of the Catholic church. The guy is accused of giving payola, as much as $20,000, to pedophile priests to facilitate whatcha call your “return to the laity” for “unassignable priests”.

That raises the question of what did the former archbishop of Milwaukee know and when did he know it? Also does the cardinal consider payola a sin? If so did he confess it? Did he receive as penance at least fifteen Our Fathers and fifteen Hail Marys? Or did he make numerous bad confessions and hence have none of his sins forgiven?

File:Kardinaal de Richelieu.jpg

Another cardinal noted for his intrigues, this one infamous Cardinal Richelieu.

My guess is that Dolan gets to decide what’s a sin and what isn’t and payola isn’t.

Hey, he is, like, a cardinal, ya know.

Cardinal Timothy Dolan Allegedly Paid Suspected Pedophile Priests To Leave Ministry While Head Of Archdiocese Of Milwaukee