Posts tagged ‘Birth Control’

March 17, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

The Bible doesn’t deny people the right to earn money. The idea that “money is the root of all evil” is usually misstated.

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Worshiping the “Golden Calf”, practiced by too many in the modern world.

The actual phrase from the Bible is “Love of money is the root of all evil.” There’s no doubt that the 1% are consumed by such lust. Lusting for riches is the sin and the wealthy are obsessed and possessed by this evil.

The obsession of the church is less understandable and unforgivable since it uses all manner of deception in its quest for the so-called tithe.

 File:PRICE ALLEN, THE PEANUT MAN, WHO SELLS HIS PRODUCT AND TALKS ABOUT THE BIBLE TO CUSTOMERS ON CHICAGO'S SOUTH SIDE.... - NARA - 556210.jpg

Price Allen, The Peanut Man, who earned a living selling peanuts in Chicago, while preaching The Bible to his customers.

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A billionaire named Ken Griffin said in an interview with the Chicago Tribune that the ultra-wealthy in this country don’t have enough influence over government.

They already own the government lock, stock and barrel. That, of course, isn’t enough. Only the vast majority of Washington officialdom suck up to the rich. But the rich will never be satisfied until they transform every member of government into a suck up.

Shouldn’t take much longer either.

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So Mitt Romney, y’all, said that students who want to go on to college should “shop around” for the cheapest one they can find in order to avoid the catastrophic accumulation of debt that most students are currently burdened with.

Or else join the military. And if he’s elected and you’re not killed in a Romneywar, you might just, as Mitt would now say, “git you a loan from the gubmint” to pay for some of the extravagant cost of a college education.

Romney’s plan would increase the amount of the loan depending on how many people a soldier killed. Innocent people count as well.

Actually, I just made that last part up.

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Romney lost the cornpone election as his campaign went down to defeat in Alabama and Mississippi. I guess you could say he failed to “git ‘er done.”

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Taking a cue from Republicans in Congress and the ubiquitous right wing effort to control a woman’s uterus, the commissioners in a North Carolina county said they refuse to help women who can’t keep from spreading their legs. So they turned down a state family planning grant, that is, free money for a birth control program, to assist these women. Men however are still free to open their zippers whenever they feel like it.

The commission has five members – all male.

According to the Star-News of Wilmington, NC, the statement from Chairman Ted Davis was something to the effect that if young women didn’t have sex in the first place, we wouldn’t have this problem.

Sounds like a man suffering from a severe case of anal constriction. He should seek immediate medical attention.

Jonathan Barfield, a Democrat on the commission, said he regretted his vote after his wife “explained” to him the error of his ways. I hope she sews up all his zippers. Would serve him right.

These men are trying to do something every society has failed to accomplish since the birth of civilization in the fertile crescent – inhibit mankind’s sexual nature.- while turning a blind eye to the fact that for every woman who parts her knees, a man pulls down his pants.

The undeniable fact is that men really do want women to spread their legs.

Now some measure of control is desirable, of course, and I would call that “birth” control.

Absent that, I would respectfully suggest to the commissioners that they forbid men from having sex with women.

And good luck with that one.

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A photo taken by Caroline Culler of a view in Chapel Hill, NC, home of one of the finest educational institutions in all of Western Civilization, the University of North Carolina. The citizens of the state, whose views were politically moderate, seem to be taking a sharp turn to the right.

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The word “slut” has re-entered our vocabulary once again thanks to right wing radio extremist Rush Limbaugh. It was, as it always has been, applied to a woman.

It seems to me the word “slut” lost any meaning way back in the sixties when the birth of the sexual revolution – a truly historic event largely made possible by the invention of the pill – freed women to have sex purely for pleasure. To apply that vile word to a woman since then, however, is a symptom of deeply rooted misogyny.

If “slut” has any useful meaning today, it should be applied to the “hit and run” dad. Now there’s a crud if ever there was one.

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Rick Santorum took his campaign to Puerto Rico where he told its Spanish speaking citizens to learn to speak English if they wanted the island to become a state. That statement assumes that the majority of Puerto Ricans want statehood in the first place. There are a few advantages to remaining a commonwealth. For example, the citizens of the island are exempt from paying Federal income taxes – at least one good reason not to join the Union.

Santorum also ignored the fact that English as a second language is taught in all schools through the 12th grade. So citizens have some knowledge of the English language.

Also ignored was the fact that Puerto Ricans cannot vote in presidential elections even though they are citizens of the US and are represented by delegates at the Democratic and Republican conventions.

So why would a citizen of the island care one twit about whose running for president if they can’t vote in the general election? Well, they probably don’t care. And a candidate who campaigns there is revealing a desperate attempt to collect – what else – delegate votes for the convention.

If they want to vote for Santorum, however, they better learn to speak English first. Right, Rick. 

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February 18, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

Judge Andrew Napolitano, yet another Fox News rocket scientist, said that the contraception mandate in the Obama Affordable Care Act requiring employers to pay for birth control for women was like forcing “forcing Jewish girls to eat pork.”

Fox Business

Judge Andrew Napolitano, Canceled Fox Host, Tells His Fans To Stop Angry Emails

I was wondering: Does that mean Jewish girls could become pregnant if they eat pizza with sausage on top?

I do know that Christian girls don’t. And I’m grateful. God knows how many kids I have by now.

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Vatican Announces College of Cardinals to Accept Student Loans

Will the College of Cardinals accept student loans? Sounds like a real opportunit­y for kids if it does.. And unemployed people too.  The only requirement is that you have to be at least 60 years old. OK for older folks who can’t find work.  But for the young, what the hell, give it try.  Ya never know.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

College of Cardinals

College of Cardinals (Photo credit: MattBritt00)

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We all heard of Foster Friess’s preferred method of birth control. That is, the gals should hold an aspirin between their knees. But what are the gals who are allergic to acetylsalicylic acid to do. Suppose one absorbed a tiny bit and fell ill afterword. Would her health insurance cover such a eventually?

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Mitch McConnell is trying his damnedest to turn the requirement under the Affordable Care Act that employers provide free birth control to employees into an issue of religious freedom.

It’s actually an issue of religious discrimination against non-Catholic women employed by Catholic institutions and an attempt to force these women to abide by Catholic doctrine or fend for themselves.

According to polls, the issue is turning into a big loser for the GOP.

That smirk you see on McConnell’s face was gone by mid-week.

Maybe, just maybe, he’s beginning to wish his mother held the aspirin between her knees a little more tightly.

 

Unfortunately for us all, this guy’s mother dropped the aspirin.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

February 4, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

Senior UPW staff reporter, Ms. Marcy Popindick reported today that unnamed Democrats are delighted with the filibuster arrangement as it exists in the Senate. It allows Republicans to overrule any legislation that benefits the 99% – thereby doing the dirty work for the Dems, most of whom would rather see the legislation killed anyway. So Democrats can then cash in on the big time corporate money through their complicity with the filibuster pretending to their base that the meanies in the GOP keep obstructing their policies.

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Anything for a buck. Right. Even little Johnny’s allowance.

Hey, what’s the use of being a Democrat if you can’t stab your supporters in the back every once in a while.

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The UPW news wire is reporting that investigators have located more than $1 billion dollars of the funds missing from MP Global operations.

The funds were found in an executive’s briefcase.

According to a statement from the executive’s attorney: “Hey, just because he owns the briefcase doesn’t mean he’s the one who stole the money.”

Case dismissed.

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According to many Republicans, globing warming comes only once a year, usually in the summer.

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UPW news reporter Chocalatta Chippie has obtained a copy of the speech Mitt Romney originally intended to give after his endorsement by Donald Trump.

English: This photo depicts Donald Trump's sta...

Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Image via Wikipedia

The portions of the speech included high praise for Trump and a statement that when he was growing up he’d always dreamed of being endorsed for president of the United States by Trump. The speech continues: “Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. For today, my lifelong dream has come true.”

Romney advisers shit-canned the speech saying it was a bunch of poppycock and who gives a shit about Donald Trump anyway.

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Biologists at the Sardo Institute have begun testing groups of mammals for sterility. Animals found to be sterile, the scientists said, will be culled from herds to prevent unwarranted and sinful copulation with fertile animals.

According to Dr. Monsignor Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe, a professor in Christian doctrine and the author of Osservare in Camera Da Letto, infertile animals, along with sterile human beings, must be separated from the group and denied conjugal rights in accordance with the laws handed down to the church by the Supreme Being. According to doctrine advocated by some Christian congregations the primary purpose of sexual relations is propagation of the species and, as such, sterile members are incapable of fulfilling the demands of divine law. It is imperative, therefore, that they be removed from the healthy group to prevent sinful copulation.

Monsignor Bacciagalupe stated that marriage between sterile and fertile humans is a sinful union because such a joining is incapable of producing offspring. Bacciagalupe reminded the faithful that pleasure is a by-product of sexual relations and not an end in itself. “It’s a OK to fucka you brains out, but you gotta make a da babies,” he said.

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The complex of buildings housing the Science Department at the Sardo Institute of Higher Learning. (Photo courtesy of Hugh Chevallier).

In related news, Monsignor Bacciagalupe also decried the decision of the Susan G. Komen for Cure institute to restore funding for breast cancer screenings to Planned Parenthood. Bacciagalupe stated that Planned Parenthood issues birth control devices to the public. Catholic doctrine forbids the use of birth control even though a vast majority of Catholic women practice some form of it in order to prevent pregnancy. Many devout Catholic women, according to Bacciagalupe, support the Church’s position on birth control. However, most are widows over the age of 80.

The monsignor continued that he much preferred that men undergo a vasectomy. “It’s a not a too bad,” he said. “And it a happens a so fast. Before you know it, it’s a finished. And a you never have to worry again.“

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Mitt Romney said today that he doesn’t care about poor people because nobody really gives a shit about them anyway and besides there’s this safety net thing.

And he doesn’t care about rich people because they already own half the damn planet.

But he does care about the middle class because that’s where most of the votes come from.

A spokesman for the Romney campaign said the candidate intends to pilfer as much money as he can from the poor and give it to the middle class and hopes that will win him the election.