Posts tagged ‘Chuck Schumer’

August 4, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 08-04/13

Game Or Reality.

There’s been lots of fuss lately about the new banker’s version of Monopoly. The game will eliminate the “get out of jail free” card but will include a “bribe your Congress critters” card so you don’t have to go to jail in the first place.

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bulletin 

The approval rating of Congress has just dipped below that of genital herpes.

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Holy God!!!

Justice Antonin Scalia agreed with Pope Francis’s announcement that he would not judge gay priests. Scalia’s statement that judging gays only makes things worse places him in a position at the right hand of the pope where he now sitteth. The justice however sadly admitted that his new seat was a demotion since previously, so he claimed,  he sat at the right hand of God.

One of the most activist justices in Supreme Court history lost his position next to the Supreme Being after he displeased the Deity when he made a statement declaring the Holocaust was brought on by judicial activism. We all know the justice’s reasoning is upside down, inside out and backwards yet not necessarily hair-brained. It seems Scalia made the statement after God told him not to. His actions mark the first time the judge disobeyed God’s instructions.

scalia

Who is God to tell Scalia what to think anyway?

In his own defense, the judge said he misunderstood the words his Heavenly Father spoke to him.

According to a spokesperson, the justice made a good confession asking forgiveness.

The penitential plea went unheeded, however, because God was out drinking the day before and was unavailable for comment for at least 24 hours.

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The Bells Are Ringing For….

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) offered today to officiate at the nuptials of Sens. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and John McCain (R-AZ).

According to a spokesperson, the Kentucky senator believes that his two colleagues are getting along so well that they should consider joining together in holy matrimony.

cupid

The Matchmaker.

The Senate was expected to pass a resolution today giving its blessing to the union. However, a squabble erupted between the happy couple when they couldn’t come to an agreement about who should assume the role of the bride during the ceremony.

The Republican caucus issued a statement indicating that it would filibuster the ceremony if Sen. McCain was not granted the bride’s part during the nuptials.

The Schumer camp was said to be studying the latest proposal submitted by the Republicans. To date, a solution of the matter has eluded both parties.

A spokesman for McCain said the senator will reach across the aisle in an attempt to achieve a workable compromise. One such offer proposed a two ceremony event with the participants reversing roles during the exchange of vows.

The Democrats are now in caucus and reports from the meeting indicate that Harry Reid has the votes to override a Republican filibuster. He would, however, be forced to resort to the so-called “nuclear option” that requires only a simple majority for a resolution to pass.

mcsch

The Happy Couple.

Democrats opposed to the nuclear option are delaying a vote which, if a few remaining details can be ironed out, could come as early as tomorrow morning.

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breaking news

breaking news

A vote on the McCain/Schumer nuptials could be delayed further as a new dispute unexpectedly arose between the two parties. Republicans insisted that identical wedding gowns be worn by the blessed couple during the two ceremonies..

Sen. McCain chose a striking satin, organza strapless ensemble with a roched bodice, corset back and bustled skirt.

Schumer retorted that a gown of the type the GOP wanted made him look fat. He offered to wear a form fitted satin affair with a trailing lace train.

Representatives of both camps were scheduled to meet in a hastily scheduled conference committee to iron out differences.

However, Democrats were said to be outraged by leaks apparently emanating from Republican staff members. The leaks described in detail the types of gowns selected by the two brides before an agreement was reached. Schumer was depicted as being particularly distressed by the leaks.

The senator from New York raged that nothing is sacred in Washington anymore: “First the Manning leaks, then Snowden and now this tragic offense against national security.”

Word is expected shortly from conference committee members regarding a compromise deal that would allow the weddings to proceed.

A McConnell staffer said the committee was working under deadline pressure since the wedding had to take place as originally scheduled or the Kentucky senator would be forced to back out of his officiating commitment due to schedule conflicts.

If agreement could not be reached by tomorrow afternoon at the latest, the wedding would be delayed indefinitely.

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God Save The Senate.

Everybody else has given up.

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A Cake Of A Different Cheese.

Another Cheesecake Day has come and gone. Here’s a paean to those golden, olden days.

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Carry me back to the days of cheesecake
The gals showed enough, you knew they weren’t fake.
A little thigh here
Some shoulder there.
Carry me back for a short retake.
nat
 

Natalie Wood as Gypsy from the movie of the same name.

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Recall the movie of Gypsy Rose Lee
I will still watch it occasionally.
She came to town to perform once live.
I couldn’t get in, I was only five.
It was cheesecake for sure, she showed barely a knee.
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Only the sheriff’s admission was free.
He’d make certain not much you’d see.
No fig leafs over parts of glory.
That’s for another time and story.
They’d cover with raiments from an old silk tree.
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The scarves about would flow and float.
Showing glimpses of bodies on stages remote.
The drums would beat with a rhythm jive.
But alas I was only five.
I recall her photos in a furry coat.
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And when I grew cheesecake was lost.
You now see all for a modest cost.
Gone are the days of the simple tease.
When gals would gyrate and pleasantly please.
Those days are lost like old movies tossed.

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Well, it’s praise for the wrong cheesecake for sure. The day celebrates the edible variety.

cheese

Blueberry Cheesecake.

Thanks to MadKane for the alert.

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/category/

limerick-offs/

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Larry The Blunder Guy.

You have to wonder how men who are brilliant and who ride their brilliance to riches can be so naive and sometimes just plain dumb. Enter Larry “don’t rock the boat” Summers.

SUMMERS

Of all of the tragic blunders committed by this economics genius, among the worst is his underestimation of the depth and duration of the Great Recession.

Woefully, he advocated for a tragically anemic stimulus that proved to be inadequate to deal with the prolonged downturn. His blatant mistake, destined to fail and pointed out repeatedly by numerous economists, is largely responsible for the despair his policy inflicted on a once prosperous middle class.

The bad advice he brazenly offered to President Obama and his deregulation mania, an aberration that resulted in the collapse of Enron and eventually a near total destruction of the world’s economy, now qualify him to be Chairman of the Federal Reserve, at least according to the president.

Only in America.

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Do You Say it Right?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/31/

common-mispronunciations-video_n_3683218.html

Disirregardless of all pedanticism aside, the word is chawklate and not chockolate. Then there’s vanella, melk, arange, Long Giland, Noo Yawk, Joisey, 5th Avnya and Terdy Terd Street. And if you ain’t bin ta da Bronx you ain’t bin nowheres, pal.  

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June 24, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 06/24/12

Here is another in the galaxy of witless statements that emanate on a regular basis from the deep, dark recesses of the confused mind of Mitt Romney.

Mighty Mitt said – and this is true – “I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s an America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I believe in.”

I believe that’s the only thing he believes in, believe or not. And it’s the most accurate statement he’s made in years. Unfortunately, nobody knows what he’s talking about and that includes Romney himself. But not to worry for Mighty Mitt. The less sense he makes, the more people seem to like him.

Holy bat shit, Batman. Mighty Mitt is running for president. Unbelieveable!!!

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Monica Lewinsky turns 39 in a few days. Few realize it, but the nation owes her a debt of gratitude. This talented young miss got then president Bill Clinton embroiled in a zipper scandel that resulted in his impeachment and trial before the Senate. He beat the wrap, of course, but the Oval Office activity should become known as the blow job that changed the course of history.

English: Monica Lewinsky, from her government ...

Whatever she did or does is nobody’s damn business but her own.  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Little did we know that the ex-prez and his aristocratic chief of staff Erskine Bowles were conspiring with then Speaker Newton Leroy Gingrich to slash Social Security benefits – behind our backs.

Monica, it turns out, was the heroine that derailed the presidential stab in the back. All hail Monica Lewinsky. And you thought Joe DiMaggio was the last hero.

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Sen. Chuck Schumer had a patty-cake exchange with J P Morgan Chase pal (and CEO) Jamie Dimon during the Senate Banking Committee hearings.

Jamie Dimon - Caricature

Jamie Dimon – Caricature (Photo credit: DonkeyHotey)

According to Senior UPW national affairs correspondent Marcy Popindick, the version of the hearings released to the public were prerecorded and what was viewed was actually an edited tape of the proceedings.

Here is a transcript of the actual exchange between Schumer and Dimon as recorded by Ms. Popindick.

Schumer: Is you wife still a member of the New York Bankers Country Club, Mr. Dimon?

Dimon: Yeah, what of it.

Schumer: Is your wife still taking golf lessons from a professional golfer at the club?

Dimon: That’s nobody’s damn business but her own.

Schumer: I’ve heard through the grapevine that your wife recently broke 100 for the first time at the club’s 18 hole golf course. Is that true?

Dimon: Yeah, it’s true. So what.

Schumer: Well, I hope you’ll pass along my congratulations to your wife. That’s a truly fine accomplishment.

Dimon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Schumer: Perhaps we can all get together and do lunch down at the club some time. My treat.

Dimon: I’ll check with my secretary. She’ll get back to you.

Schumer: Well, as you know Mr. Dimon questioning is limited to five minutes and my time has expired. But I want to thank you for your extraordinary cooperation today.

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  Minimum government mandated vacation days around the world:

Nation Vacation Days
United Kingdom

28

France

25

Greece

25

Germany

20

Japan

20

Mexico

16

China

10

United States

0

China!!! You’re shittin’ me. No, I’m not. China. At least according to Mercer’s 2011 Worldwide Benefit and Employment Guidelines.

And the good ole US of A is zero???

Yes, that’s right, zero.

Something we can all be very proud of. Only in America.

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Many years ago a writer named Harry Golden wrote a book entitled Only in America.

Only in America (1958) paperback

1958: Only in America. (World Publishing Co.) Republished 1972 by World Publishing CoOnly in America (1958) paperback (Photo credit: Wikipedia).  Probably out of print.  But may still be available in libraries.  My tattered copy has long since vanished.

Intrigued by the title, I bought a tattered copy of the book at a garage sale for a nickel. I remember nothing from the book other than the title and that the essays contained therein were not only thought provoking but contained a large heaping of inconvenient truth.

I vaguely recall that little best seller because of similarities in our backgrounds: Harry’s parents immigrated from the Ukraine as did my maternal grandparents. Harry lived and wrote in Charlotte, NC, not far from where I now live. But most of all, I remember using the title of his book over and over again and, sadly, always in a derisive sense. And, again sadly, because it so often seems appropriate. Only in America, Harry, only in America.

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Canadian officials have reported tar sands oil spills in Alberta province amounting to more than 9,000 barrels in the last thirty days.

The spills have raised environmental issues about the Keystone Pipeline, slated to cross the U S Midwest and terminate at refineries in Houston, Texas.

However, the National Institutes of Health, in conjuction with major oil refiners, issued a statement declaring environmental concerns non-existent since tar sands oil is low in cholesterol and, once you get past the gritty taste, the oil makes an excellent salad dressing.

It’s free too, if you can beat the rush to the spill sites.

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House minority leader Nancy Pelosi criticized the House Oversight Committee vote to hold in contempt Attorney General Eric Holder for refusing to turn over documents related to the “fast and furious” gun selling operation. The sting was supposed to aid in the capture of members of the Mexican drug cartel through weapons traceability. The program has been an on-going sting for some time and quite possibly originated in 2006 during the Bush administration.

The entire affair seems to be another one of those holdovers from the previous administration that President Obama stepped into and Republicans are attempting to use yet another Bush policy to sting Obama. The GOP will stop at nothing to destroy the current president, this most recent thrust in the name of the utterly unscrupulous Darrell Issa.

The Issa parry will undoubtedly go nowhere and Issa knows it. But no Republican ever gave up a chance to smear a Democratic president.

Only in America.

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A mind numbingly stupid Republican named (fill in the blank__________________) today called Nancy Pelosi “mind numbingly stupid.” This mind numbingly stupid Republican from South Carolina (where else! If not everywhere) ranted about Pelosi because she said the House Republican’s witch hunt against Eric Holder had to do with his effort to rid the country of the Republican voter suppression campaign and not with the Bush “fast and furious” debacle.

Oh, well. I can’t hold back any longer. This mind numblingly stupid Republican is Troy Gowdy from the semi-great state of – you guessed it – South Carolina.

File:Trey Gowdy, Official Portrait, 112th Congress.jpg

The sinister look of Trey Gowdy. It’s all in the eyes. The menacing stare forebodes ill for all who cross him.

He even looks mind numblingly stupid. That, however, is the easiest way to get elected in SC.

Gowdy upchucked his dufus rant on Fox News, the cable propaganda organ that not only enables but encourages these dufus diatribes. Unfortunately for the nation, the propanganda that originates with Fox  appeals to ever growing numbers of the class known as the Ignorantsia.

Perhaps even more mind numbingly stupid than Gowdy’s remarks are the Democrats. Thus far not a single one has come forward to defend Pelosi, the victim of this outrageously ignorant comment.

I guess that’s to be expected. Cowardice and Democrat are becoming synonymous.

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Here is a true story about Attila the Hun. The barbarian built a temple to the love god Eros. It was a magnificent sructure but sometime during the late Dark Ages the temple was abandoned and fell into disrepair.

A few hundreds years later the building was taken over by an order of nuns who rid the temple of every last vestige of Eros and turned it into a convent.

Recently, the last of the nuns, while lying on her death bed, appealed to the bishop of the diocese to issue a writ declaring the order of which she was the last member be officially ended and the convent dedicated as a religious holy site.

The bishop refused to issue the writ and the last nun passed on to her final reward.

And that’s the end of the story: No nuns, no writs, no Eros.

I hate myself for doing that to you. But I really like the story. And, while you may be skeptical, it’s true. At least as true as anything you’ve ever heard on Fox News.

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Is this what candidate Obama meant when he promised he would renegotiate NAFTA:

The Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) deal has been negotiated in secret (except for 600 corporate advisors). The TPP would:

–reward outsourcing of jobs to lower-wage countries;
–give foreign corporations immunity from U.S. laws;
–allow foreign corporations to challenge U.S. laws in foreign (secret) tribunals; and
–wipe out national protections for workers or the environment.

Presumably, foreign corporations operating in the United States could ignore minimum wage laws. Americans, now being strangled for jobs, would be required for work for ever modest wages – a couple of bucks an hour – and no benefits.

That’ll teach us to fuck with the aristocracy.

And thanks a lot, Barry. You’ve given us something we can all be very proud. A big, sharp, barbed shaft right up the ole culo. Only in America.

http://act.rootsaction.org/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=6218