November 24, 2011
Pasta Fagioli, Italy
Committee Releases Name of Winner
The Nobella Prize Committee today announced the winner of its recent Most Valualbe Putz award.
Mitt Romney is all smiles at the news he has just won the MVP award. Image via Wikipedia
Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts and current GOP candidate for president, received the Putzie today for his statement “I’m not looking to put money into people’s pockets.”
The statement was superfluous because everyone knew that anyway. But what Romney really received the award for – and it’s something most people don’t know yet – is that Romney was once the CEO of a company that excelled at taking money out of people’s pockets.
The firm the Mittster once headed up practiced a mean scam on working people called the leveraged buyout. The practice involved buying a company, often profitable, and firing loyal, hardworking employees, not only to get rid of higher paid workers, but reducing benefits and destroying pensions. The firm than resold the ravaged company for a hefty profit, nice bonuses for Romney and his big time buddies and joyful investor returns. Yes, everyday was Thanksgiving day for these con men.
With Romney now trailing Newt Gingrich in some polls for the Republican nomination, a campaign spokesman lauded the Committee’s decision to award the prize to their candidate.
Way to go, Mittster.
Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the prize as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.
These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar engraved with the words “putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie the statuette is made of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.
October 30, 2011
The Nobella Prize Committee Announces Winner in Duplicity Category. Recipient Said to be Elated.
The Nobella Prize Committee today awarded the Schmuckup Prize in Duplicity to former US Speaker of the House and current GOP presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. According to the committee, the former speaker has not only shown an extraordinary capacity for fornication; he also excels at prevarication.
Latest winner of the Schmuckup Prize, Newton Leroy Gingrich. Image via Wikipedia
Yes, indeed he’s an expert. One momentous example should suffice to expose Newton Leroy’s expertise in the Duplicity category. As a representative from Georgia, the Newtster voted numerous times for huge defense outlays that expanded the Federal deficit while presently decrying the deficit to which he and his Republican party cohorts were humongous contributors.
The committee decided to point out a second reason for awarding Newton Leroy the prize for Duplicity. It was just too juicy a tale to pass up.
Newt Gingrich is considered a “dark horse” candidate for the GOP presidential nomination. The photo is of an actual dark horse not to be confused with the former Speaker. (Photo courtesy of 4028mdk09).*
As Speaker of the House the portly pol giddily supported the impeachment of President Bill Clinton for his indiscretions while as speaker he remained quietly in the background during the proceedings. Largely due to his own blazing marital offenses and after his transgression were exposed, his in flagrante delicto behavior became scandal sheet headlines. Being caught with his own pants down forced the Newster to keep his mighty mouth shut, a painful condition for this tongued gusher. Under the circumstances the spicy speaker had little choice but to curl up in a corner with a blanket over his head during the entire impeachment debacle. He nevertheless secretly cheered his holier than thou GOP prosecutors on and on. That kind on behavior, the committed noted, is Duplicity beyond the pale and another excellent reason for Newton Leroy being awarded the prize.
The Schmuckup Prize consists of a statuette called the Little Schmuckie. It is made of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard and is awarded while supplies last. Unfortunately for Newt Gingrich supplies just ran out.
Don Alfredo Vito Nobella established the Schmuckup Prize to recognize the achievements of liars, cheaters, crooks and thieves in the fields of finance, insurance and government. Over the years hundreds of thousands of members in these fields have been presented as nominees. The committee noted that tens of thousands in Washington, DC and on Wall Street qualified in 2010 alone.
Don Nobella wished to share with miscreants throughout the world some of the notoriety he earned in his insurance business. The Don still holds the record as the world’s best insurance salesmen. It was said of the Don he could close a sale with a simple knock on the door. The Don’s motto became famous across the length and breadth of Sicily: “You buy or you’re never heard from again.”
*As always, click the photo for link.