Posts tagged ‘Harry Reid’

October 27, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/27/13

Ouch!

Sarah Palin shot herself in the foot this week. The accident marks the 42nd time the former governor has done so.

 sarah2

Sarah Palin’s Horrifying Message For Piers Morgan

This time she took aim at Piers Morgan of CNN choosing a strange way of declining an invitation to appear on his interview show.  

At times I think her brains may be where she keeps shooting herself.

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Dick Durbin Does Dems Dirty.

The senior senator from Illinois, Dick Durbin, who inexplicably has made a sharp right wing turn on safety net issues, revealed last week that a certain Repub congressman while in a meeting with Barack Obama said he “couldn’t stand to look at him.”

 durbin

Shades of Sarah Palin, Little Dicky Durbin shoots self in foot twice in one month.

The White House quickly dumped on Durbin after Majority Leader Harry Reid spilled the goods on the congressional GOP no-gooder, some guy from Texas who goes by the name of Pete Sessions. The dump-dump occurred when Press Secretary Jay Carney described the event as whatchacall your “mis-communication.”

I wonder if Durbin isn’t trying to cover his tracks after he brazenly lied about Social Security going broke on the Fox GOP propaganda network.

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Etna Blows.

Mt. Etna, a volcano located on the lovely Italian isle of Sicily, erupted once again, spewing lava into the air and forcing the closure of airspace to all traffic.

Conclusion: God is angry with Italians for electing a moderate cleric to the Papacy.

 etna

Thar she blows. Now that is one pissed off god.

What else could it be!

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Preacher Cures Deaf.

Multimillionaire TV preacher and African diamond mine wage slaver Pat Robertson chided a woman who prayed to God to cure her son’s deafness. Her prayers have been ignored and the preacher man said she must have done something to displease God if He chose not to answer her entreaties.

The preacher continued his chiding by telling the woman that he himself had restored hearing to the deaf by “rebuking” the bad spirit of deafness.

 spirit

The search for Pat Robertson’s Bad Spirit of Deafness yielded this photo by David Levine of Portland, OR entitled Libation to the Spirits.  Methinks Pat has been communicating with this spirit more than he would like to admit.

Way to go Pat. Must be an easy malady to cure if you’ve done it. There are many more people suffering from deafness you could turn your miracle working toward.

Perhaps your co-pays and deductibles are too high.

Hey, you wouldn’t be willing plug up that volcano erupting in Sicily would you?

Name your price.

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Combating Hunger In America.

There’s absolutely no reason for anyone to go hungry in America.

For example, generic cornflakes with a smidgen of powdered milk makes for a wonderfully nutritious meal. For lunch, add a pinch of salt. Dinner, some pepper or oregano.

Dandelion leaves are also nutritious. You can pick them from your lawn or your neighbors’. Be careful you don’t get shot however.

Ever thought about shoplifting? Now that winter’s coming, you can wear a heavy overcoat without being suspicious. Slip a can of peas or green beans into oversize pockets and no one will ever notice. Eating one or two peas a day can make for a wonderful treat and they last for a long time.

Don’t worry about getting caught shoplifting. Ladies, if you are ever searched simply yell “RAPE” at the top of your lungs. The manager will give you a bag of groceries just to shut you up.

And for the guys, insist that searching violates your privacy rights and demand to call your attorney.

And if nothing else works, there’s always the soup kitchen.  They’re making a comeback.

soup kitchens

Painting of a soup kitchen by William Rose (1810-1873).

By using these and other creative means, anyone can easily avoid starvation.

So there’s no reason for a person to starve in America and that is something we can all be very proud of.

July 14, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 07/14/13

Deja Vu Vu Vu.

It seems to me I’ve heard that song before.

Harry Reid, you know him, the Senate’s Democratic Leader, has threatened again to end the filibuster, albeit only for White House administrative appointees and not for legislation or judicial nominees.

I suspect Reid will get one or two consolation appointments approved just to mollify him but not much more.

duo

The dastardly duo and masters of Senate malfeasance:  The bluffer and the blocker.  

The Democrats, you see, want the filibuster to continue. They love the filibuster, they adore the filibuster. The filibuster permits them to proclaim loudly in support of legislation that they want to fail in the Senate.

That legislation is mostly suck up bills to appease their base. However, that same legislation would anger the payola – Wall Street and corporations that buy up the seats in that ignominious chamber.

They can then claim to the payola that, that even though they voted for the bill, they really didn’t want the legislation to pass. They just let the GOP do their dirty work.

I really wonder if Reid can get 51 votes from his Dems to implement the so called “nuclear option” to end filibustering.

Long live the filibuster.

***

Motorcycle Mania.

The North Carolina House passed a motorcycle safety bill this week and sneakily attached to it a rider that would severely limit access to abortions in the State.

Gov. Pat McCrory, who promised during the campaign not to sign additional anti-abortion legislation, fibbed. He did a voltafaccia, a complete 180 degree turn, and said he would sign the bill into law if it passed the NC Senate.

Could he be sniffing the winds for 2016? His positions have become so radically conservative that he’s now considered a right wing darling. He’s probably maneuvering for a VP nod, a move that would take NC out of play in the next presidential election.

mccrory1

Just another right wing GOP governor sniffing the political winds for 2016.

On a positive note about the bill, it does not specifically prohibit a woman from obtaining an abortion while riding a motorcycle.

That’s a relief.

***

The Texas Terrorist.

Ladies who entered the Texas State Capitol building had their purses searched by State Troopers who proceeded to remove all tampons from the handbags.

Texas State Capitol during the Summer of 2005

The tampon-free zone – the Texas State Capitol.  Troopers courageously removed the devices from the purses of ladies attempting to sneak them into the building.

UPW News Super Senior Correspondent Marcy Popindick reporting from Austin, said she overheard a trooper fingering the strange device telling a woman whose purse he was searching that “we doesn’t allow no improvised explosive devices in this here building.”

While removing the tampons, he said, “You just cain’t trust none of these here pro-abortion terarists.”

Firearms, however, were not confiscated.

Ms. Popindick reported that a member of the Texas Taliban state senate, promised to introduce free carry legislation that would allow women to bring tampons into all public buildings in the great land of the Alamo.

rick perry

Texas Gov. Rick Perry sniffing the political air to ascertain support for a 2016 run for the presidency. His chances improved dramatically when legislators promised to pass a free carry tampon bill. 

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A Kidney To The Poor.

According to Dean Baker, right wing economist Greg Mankiw, compared progressive taxation to removing a kidney from rich people for transplanting into the poor.

There’s something wrong with Mankiw’s assertion here.

After all, a rich person can have his kidney removed in the private clinic on his yacht.

How much of an inconvenience could that be?

Actually, progressive taxation is a lot less painful and a patriotic duty.

Our pampered rich should skip the surgical procedure and start paying what they rightfully owe.

***

Pissy Walmart Exec.

The Washington DC city council is considering a bill that would raise the city’s hourly minimum wage for employees of big box retailers to $12.50. Working 40 hours a week, a person at that rate would earn an annual income of $26,000. In DC, apparently, that wage will get you by.

In response, a Walmart executive threatened a pull out from the city.

walmart

The Walmart shuffle: Bust into a town; demand outrageous tax concessions; pay wages so low that it forces employees to seek public assistance; kill mom and pop businesses; destroy local jobs and competition and crush whole neighborhoods; then claim to be a good neighbor and a job creator while pocketing countless billions of dollars in exploitative profits.

I have a better suggestion. Why not just kick them out instead. Walmart stands to earn hundreds of million of dollars in profit doing business in DC offering poverty level wages and no benefits often forcing employees to depend on food stamps and Medicaid. These public services, by the way, are entitlements to Walmart that it and other corporations benefit from greatly.

And getting Walmart out of the community, any community, would benefit that community in a number of ways, not the least of which is an inducement to private, small businesses to open up shop.

Remember the “mom and pop” stores. Walmart killed them off by the millions thereby throwing millions of workers into unemployment and starving wage jobs.

In fact, Walmart and other big box retailers, have been job destroyers, by some estimates killing off 3 jobs for every 1 created.

When you consider the tax inducements and other breaks the big boxers receive for barging in, it’s easy to understand how such retailers can be a detriment to the prosperity of a community – paying poverty level wages, forcing workers to depend on public services and reducing the overall tax base for the community they brag about serving.

Want to get your neighborhood back on its feet? Consider dumping Walmart and the other big boxers.

How? Raise the minimum wage. Walmart hates it and maybe, just maybe, they’ll get the hell outta town and “downtowns” will spring up all over the country once again.

***

A Day To Behold.

The day we long for all year has arrived once again. Is it Christmas? Is it Thanksgiving? Halloween? Labor Day? The Fourth of July?

No, it’s National Nude Day. And today is that day. And why shouldn’t there be a national day for nudity. After all, there are days for condoms and toilet paper and all manner of other events, articles and subjects worthy of celebration.

nude day

And just in case anyone is wondering. No. That isn’t a picture of me. It’s actually a painting by Eugene Emmanuel Amaury Daval (1808-1885) entitled The Birth of Venus).

And here is my paean to National Nude Day.

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There once was a dude quite crude
Who often pranced around nude.
With assets astonishing
But a wife admonishing
The dude so imbued found a feud soon ensued.

 .

Related articles

May 19, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 05/19/13

Once Again, Harry.

Harry Reid is really, really mad at Republicans for obstructing the business of the Senate. This time Harry is really, really mad. For real.

It seems Republicans are blocking confirmation of President Obama’s judicial nominees and this makes Harry really, really mad.

Harry’s so mad that he’s threatened the “nuclear option.” That means Harry will end Republican filibusters and bring nominees up for a vote requiring only a simple majority.

If Harry does end GOP abuse of the filibuster, it will make Republicans really, really mad. And since Harry, and most other Democrats are afraid to make Republicans really, really mad, chances are Harry will bluster about a bit, maybe get one judicial nominee to pass with a 60-40 vote and return to his old ways of scratching his balding head and wondering why the Senate is in such a mess.

mitch1

Mitch McConnell sporting a new coiffure and the shit-eatingest grin in the Senate. Oh, he did mention something about Harry Reid pissing his pants once again.

According to a highly placed Senate source, Harry has decided to give Republicans just one more chance to stop exploiting the filibuster rule. Harry made Mitch McConnell say “cross my heart and hope to die” and then did a pinky shake with the Minority Leader.

Harry said he looked deep into McConnell’s eyes and saw warmth and honesty flowing from his heart.

The source also said that while McConnell crossed his heart with his right hand he placed his left behind his back and flipped Harry a bird.

According to Senate rules, that gesture freed the GOP Senate leader from any promises he might have made to Reid’s face.

The source also said that McConnell doesn’t believe a damn thing Harry ever says anyways.

So while Senate Dems are just wild about Harry, no way is the Majority Leader going to make the GOP really, really mad by invoking the nuclear option. If he does so, after all, the Republicans might just abuse the filibuster.

***

NC GOP: Replacing Success With Failure.

The North Carolina GOP is planning to turn the state’s Medicaid over to the free market.

This usually means that private profit making companies will be free to cut services, free to hire cheap help and free to gouge as much profit from needy patients as owners and shareholders demand.

To accomplish all of the above the state government pledges to deliver a tidy stipend of taxpayer boodle to ensure that the businesses make a handsome profit.

mc1

Pat McCrory, GOP governor of North Carolina, in conjunction with a Republican legislature, intends to turn public affairs in the state on its head. As in other states with Republican control, the hollowing out of government will receive priority. Businesses, of course, will prosper. But only at great expense to the taxpayer. (Photo, Hal Goodtree).

The GOP gambit promises to deliver the same services as a similar plan in Kentucky. Patients in the Blue Grass State soon discovered that small providers (once called doctors) have been so squeezed by profit gouging companies that many have been forced to borrow money to keep providing care to needy patients. What happens when the credit runs out? Oh, well!

And auditors in the state are still trying to discover what happened to some $300 million in taxpayer funds.

Personally, I’d check Wall Street.

Now Tar Heel taxpayers should prepare themselves for the profit gouging. Big bucks for shareholders; diminished health care for the needy.

I really have to wonder if the citizens of the once great state of North Carolina realized what they were getting when they cast their votes for Republicans on Election Day. Did they really mean to deprive the needy of health care?

Probably did. After all, NC voters aren’t stupid and who cares about a bunch of poor people anyway. Right, NC? Right.

http://www.starnewsonline.com/
article/20130414/ARTICLES
/130419816/0/opinion?p=2&tc=pg

***

Impeachment On Table.

According to an unimpeachable White House leaker, Barack Obama has put his impeachment on the table in return for Republican willingness to negotiate a “grand bargain” with the president.

barack

Barack Obama, confident of his superior negotiating skills, has agreed to put his impeachment on the table in exchange for a “grand bargain” with Republicans.

The leaked information gives strong indication that Obama would grant full White House assistance to the House Judiciary Committee should it decide to bring Articles of Impeachment before the full House.

Obama is said to be willing to negotiate the articles in return for cuts to Social Security and Medicare and some concessions on tax reform, with the latter items to be announced at a later date.

The House leadership is apparently eager to proceed to the negotiating table. However, Senate GOP leaders have demurred. They are demanding that Obama enter a guilty plea to the Articles of Impeachment to avoid a Senate trial. GOP senators believe they could not convict Obama in a trial in the Democratic controlled Senate and are insisting that the president agree to a plea of guilty to avoid a trial.

Given the president’s exceptionally strong negotiating skills, the White House is said to be considering the proposal.

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Meanwhile a group of Democrats is garnering support for the impeachment proceedings. According to this group, Obama helped the party defeat one of the worst GOP candidates in history and the president has now outlived his usefulness to Democrats. They believe it’s time to give Vice President Joe Biden a chance to bring some semblance of governance to Follyland.

***

Santilli Lace With An Ugly Face.

petey

Is there a rational conservative (oxymoron alert) who would condone this sick mental dwarf”s disgusting rant?

Yet another one emerges from under the rock.

Here’s the headline quoted from Forward Progressives:

Crazed Radio Host Pete Santilli’s Rant About “Shooting Hillary in the Vagina” Has Done Two Things.

Sick bastard. No other term is suitable under the circumstances.  Read the article if you can stomach it..

http://www.forwardprogressives.com/pete-santilli/

 

January 26, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 01/25/13

Speaker Briefly Hospitalized.

House Speaker John Boehner was rushed to Bethesda Naval Medical Center shortly after attending a luncheon honoring President Barack Obama’s second inauguration.

The team of physicians attending Boehner pronounced him to be in perfect physical condition with one exception – that was a bent nose he mysteriously suffered during the celebratory meal given in honor of the president.

BENT NOSE 1

…….

The Eyes Have It.

If there was a Guinness record for the eye roll, Michelle would hold the top spot.

michelle o

…….

Glowing Speech.

Nice inaugural address by Obama. It contained many liberal elements.. Republicans are aghast; progressives ready to march with the president. Will he be in the parade? That question remains open.

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Meanwhile, back at the White House, a spokesman announced today that the President is still in a quandary about which side of his mouth to speak from during his second term – the right or the left.

B O MOUTH 1

Given Obama’s indecision regarding the matter, the spokesman said the president will continue to develop his uncanny ability to speak from both sides of his mouth – simultaneously.

…….

Senator Atwitter.

Mitch McConnell maligned Obama’s Inaugural Address as the “return of liberalism.” For a right wing extremist like the Minority Leader, liberalism is spoken of as if it were a fatal disease. Hopefully, the liberal agenda alluded to by the president will ring the death knell for far right radicalism, the political disease which truly afflicts the nation.

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Right wing extremists complain
Liberals are beginning to gain
McConnell is flipping
After repeatedly stripping
The Senate of anything germane.

…….

Well, the White House really has its problems now. Talk about your phony fiscal crisis, contrived debt ceiling, the GOP blockade of the Senate, Tea Party domination of the House,etc. all you want. Those issues pale into insignificance since former Notre Dame football coach Lou Holtz twitted John Boehner in a text message that “he’s done, finished, the country’s over with.”  Lou’s heart has been crushed by the president’s election victory.

Barack Obama has more bent noses to deal with than he can ever possibly handle.

And as for Lou, well, he still has the memory of his long past glory days – a national championship at Notre Dame – and, of course, his yak job on ESPN to cling to. Better hang on to them Louie Boy.

LOU HOLTZ

Sailor Eric Davidson with whatshisname.

…….

Tyrant Retains Control of U.S. Senate

Caesar Augustus McConnell maintained his veto power over all business conducted in the U.S Senate when he wrested an agreement from Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) to continue the 60 vote cloture requirement.

In addition to all Republicans, several Democrats opposed elimination of the super-majority vote needed to bust a filibuster.

Caesar Augustus, as well as any of his tribunes, can continue to deny passage of any piece of legislation they find objectionable regardless of the will of the majority.

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The Senate was created as an undemocratic institution during the founding days of the Republic and it remains so, in the extreme, even today.

In school we are all taught that our founding fathers were the brilliant originators of an agreement they concocted that has since become known as The Connecticut Compromise. We are told that this arrangement became necessary to settle a dispute between the large and small states over representation in the new government the authors of the Constitution were in the process of creating.

And perhaps this is so. However, the men who drafted the Constitution that contained the Senate knowingly created an undemocratic institution. They were single mindedly focused on creating a government regardless of the consequences it might inflict on future generations. Those Americans who represent a majority are all now victims of the framers actions which must be regarded as woefully lacking in vision.

That institution today contains an incredibly lopsided body that gives sparsely populated states an overwhelming advantage over their large populous brothers.

One dramatic example of the disastrous effects of that tragic compromise is the disproportionate representation of states with huge disparities in population such as between California (about 38,000,000) versus Wyoming (about 600,000). Both states, as we all know, have equal votes in the Senate – a situation that makes a mockery of democracy.

On top of that comes the calamitous filibuster rule which affords any senator of any state dictatorial powers over that ignominious body.

The most recent attempt to end a senator’s veto power is a meaningless fake.

It was, however, supported by numerous Democrats. Why? For one thing, the filibuster provides cover to Democrats who oppose legislation but who are grotesquely two faced and fear the political consequences should they openly admit their opposition.

The Dems sneak around and hide behind the filibuster knowing it provides an excuse that “prevents” them from initiating legislation These deceitful triangulators depend on a GOP patsy to kill the proposals that they would prefer be dead on arrival or not be considered in the first place and thus steadfastly advance the undemocratic nature of that ignominious body.

The message from Harry Reid’s office to all Americans yearning for a greater display of democracy from their government was “tough shit.”

REIDMC

Harry Reid after his battle with the winner and still Emperor of the Senate, Mitch McConnell.

December 16, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/16/12

Pasta Fagioli, Italy

December 14, 2012

Committee Grants Award

The Nobella Committee today announced the winner of the Schmuckup Prize.

mcconnell

The latest honor went to none other than Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky.

The senator introduced legislation that would allow the president to increase the debt ceiling with the approval of Congress. McConnell apparently expected the Democrats to reject the proposal thereby giving the Minority Leader the ammunition to accuse the Dems of voting against an opportunity to increase the debt limit.

However, Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) accepted the offer thereby forcing McConnell to filibuster a bill he himself had introduced.

Wow. What a schmuckup that was.

McConnell, affectionately known as “turtle” to the American people, was also voted the least liked senator in the nation. Yes, the Kentucky senator is recognized as a really, really big GOP meanie.

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Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

Debt Ceiling Bluff Called By Harry Reid, Leaving Mitch McConnell To Filibuster Himself

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Some constitutional scholars contend that the president has the Fourteenth Amendment at his disposal in the fight against Republicans who are holding the “debt ceiling” hostage by refusing to raise the level.

Here is the relevant section of the amendment:

Section 4. The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned.

It appears that the president is indeed authorized to take what ever measure are necessary to meet the existing obligations of the government including those in the existing budget without regard for the ceiling. Debt not yet authorized, however, is excluded.

So why doesn’t Obama take this obvious pathway and simply authorized the Treasury to pay the debt through the sale of bonds?

One explanation is that the president simply does not want to use this “out.”

Been there, done that.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

From day one, Obama has been determined to cut the safety net and the conventional wisdom in Washington is that only a Democratic president can bring about the cuts.

Once the reductions are agreed upon, Obama then has the “excuse” he needs to blame the obstructionist GOP for “forcing” him to take action against the overwhelming opposition of his progressive base.

***

Being a politician in our nation’s capitol can be fun. Here in limerick form is an abbreviated biography of one Enos Throckmorton Periwinkle and his misadventures in Washington DC.

.

A rep by name of amorous Enos
Had a truly enormous penis
God help us that thing’s prodigious.”
Gals always said something religious.
Pray let him come stiffly between us.”
.
Now Enos was glad that size didn’t matter.
His asset could fill a turkey platter.
The gals of course could not resist
And Enos so blessed would not desist.
‘Round the town his seed he’d scatter.
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A tool of truly Biblical proportions
Often requires gymnastic contortions.
But Enos was a man quite clever
And disappoint a gal he’d never.
His body he’d twist in amazing distortions.
 
File:Pompeya erótica5.jpg
The host with the most. Enough to make a T-rex (or congress critter) jealous. Mercury – well-endowed to say the least. 
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He had to invent a new position.
So blessed he was with ammunition.
To please the gals in every way
From a chandelier he’d often sway
And leave the gals in burned out condition.
.
Five at a time he could not endure
So Enos returned to his usual four.
The gals would shriek with joyous thrill
So completely did he eagerly fulfill.
Alas not Enos but his penis did the gals adore.
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Enos of course was a politician
Whose job in DC was submission
Of all women compliant
Till he met one defiant
Who revealed his sins of commission.
.
Enos of course was sent packing
His work in the House sorely lacking
The voters rebelled
From his seat they expelled
Poor Enos as the whip they were cracking.

***

Another Reagan myth busted. There are so many who can keep up. This latest is that as president he achieved $3.00 in spending cuts for every $1.00 of tax increases. See the myth-busting article from the Washington Post if anything at all about Reagan still interests you.

My own personal very favorite fable is the one about the “welfare queen.” Of course, there was never such a thing – not even one. No one has found one to this day. It was simply a delusion that existed in Reagan’s aging mind.

Another doozy was the one about the family farms being foreclosed due to inheritance taxes. Again, not a single one was ever found. Yes, small farms were shut down but largely due to unpaid debt accumulated because of the inability of the family farmer to compete with huge corporate agricultural conglomerates. Many farmers simply sold off the land for the same reason.

The most egregious is the myth that Reagan was a “great” president. From the perspective of the 1% perhaps. And it is worshipers from among this group who are hyping the “greatness” thing.

For many of the rest of us, Reagan’s policies did nothing but great harm. If there is any greatness to this former president in lies in that harm. For the beginning of middle and working class decline originated in Reagan’s administrations.

***

Some limericks posted to http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/category/limerick-offs/

A woman who always wore blue
Gave the guys a colorful view.
She donned a new thong
And turned on a throng
Of Frenchmen who gasped “O mon Dieu.”
.
A fellow who always wore blue
Till it grew to a hue he would rue.
Never ever a prude
He pranced around nude
Saying blue never got me a screw.

***

TCBY – The Country’s Best Yogurt – is going down the tubes. It has closed 1,372 stores after a 2008 bankruptcy with only 405 remaining. Guess that’s why you don’t see so many. They used to be everywhere.

But what can you expect with competition from the likes of Sweet Frog, a rapidly growing yogurt chain.

***

Newport, CT.

A tragic day. It’s our fault too. We’re sorry.

August 12, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 08/12/12

After Mighty Mitt told Harry Reid “You first”, Republicans and Democrats have finally ironed out a new way to reach agreement as the Mittster and Harry continued to engage in a debate about the former’s tax returns.

Eeny meeny miny mo. That should settle things. Call it the new bipartisanship in Follyland, DC.

You just gotta love politics in Follyland.

File:US Navy 080722-N-2888Q-006 ) Children participating in Healthy Kids Day at the Delaware State Fair play .jpg

No, this is not a picture of Congress critters playing games. To witness that activity you’ll have to go to the U S Capitol in Follyland.

***

Casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson’s gambling organization is undergoing an investigation as a possible drug money laundering operation.

Who does he think he is anyway, a Wall Street banker?

Don’t really care how he made his fortune. Crime is an entrepreneurial enterprise and pays very well in this country – if you wear hundred dollar silk ties and five hundred dollar Ferragamos, that is.

What concerns me more is that my fifty bucks doesn’t stack up well against his hundred million. Which shows once again that in politics you gotta have the geetus.

Under the circumstances, I think I’ll put my fifty to good use and buy a couple of bottles of scotch.

File:Scotch whiskies.jpg

Not only are there some brands I’ve never tasted; there are some I’ve never heard of. Guess I have some catching up to do. (Photo courtesy of Chris huh).

***

Speaking of scotch, I don’t seem to think or type as well after I’ve downed a few.

I know it’s something in the scotch, but I can’t figure out what it could possibly be.

‘Tis a puzzlement. Not to worry though. I’m working on it.

***

Speaking of scotch, I’ve always been told you have to acquire a taste for it. I acquired mine in an unusual way.

When I was in the service and stationed at a remote base, for a couple of months the allotted liquor shipment failed to show. Very quickly all alcoholic beverages were consumed. The only liquor that remained was, you guessed it, scotch.

That’s how I acquired a taste for scotch. And trust me, it didn’t take long.

***

Speaking of scotch, I’ve recently learned a couple of drinks a night helps to prevent heart attacks.

Fuck the typing.

***

Speaking of scotch, I’ve only been drunk twice in my life. This is what it felt like.

 File:Octopus vulgaris Merculiano.jpg

I can’t imagine why I did it the second time.

 

***

The stimulus worked. It was insufficient because of the Republican’s scorched earth policy toward the economy and a country be damned attitude.

As for Mitt Romney, his attitude and the attutude of his class is that the “small people” must pay for the crimes of the 1%.

He again insisted that the Federal Reserve do nothing to stimulate the economy. Any such action by this notorious politically influenced board could hurt the candidates chances in the election.

Very early on, Mighty Mitt an advocate ot the GOP’s scorched earth war on the economy.

Screw a bunch of hurting Americans. If elected, the Mittster will continue to force the “small people” to suffer the consequences and make us all pay through the nose.

***

Christians Against Masturbation, a group formed to prevent teens from abusing themselves, now demands that anti-masturbation courses be taught in public schools?

And why not? I’m against masturbation as well. Like any good Christian, I’d rather get laid. I’m sure there are a lot of kids who feel the same way. Adults too.

File:Urban legends regarding masturbation.png

(Courtesy Abhijay).

Myths about masturbation. Check out the last item on the left. A good way to lose weight and a lot better than dieting.

And Christians don’t have a monopoly on that activity by any means. Checked out the populations of China and India lately??? I suspect they just never learned how to masturbate properly.

Marcy Popindick, religious correspondent for UPW News reported today that a new Christian group supporting masturbation has just been formed. The group’s mission is to advocate for teaching masturbation techniques in public schools Parents must provide toys for the kids, however.

The goal of the organization is to promote abstinence among teenagers. According to the group’s public relations officer, teaching courses in sex education and birth control could be phased out if teens are taught to masturbate correctly and encouraged to do so often.

***


The wisdom of George Carlin:

“This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be free. Am I right? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? ‘You give us a color, we’ll wipe it out’.”

***

To prove his right wing extremist bona fidoes, barf, barf, Mitt Romney today selected seriously serious Paul Ryan as his vice presidential running mate. Barf, barf.

Romney - Ryan 2012

Birds of a feather. (Image by DonkeyHotey).

Ryan, you’ll recall is the author of one of the most ignorantly ignorant budget proposals, a plan proclaimed seriously serious by seriously serious commentators who issue seriously seriously commentary about the seriously serious Ryan budget in Follyland, DC.

Seriously.

And only in America.

***

Mitt Romney still refuses to release his tax returns. There’s a reason for this. We just don’t know what it is yet.

Here’s some speculation.

If Romney filed a fraudulent tax return he is guilty of a felony. If Reince Priebus – RNC chair who recently called Harry Reid a liar for accusing Romney of paying no taxes for ten years – is aware of a fraudulent act and refuses to reveal the perpatrator, he is an accessory to the crime and hence himself a felon.

In any event, the cover up is on.

It is now up to Romney to release his tax returns or release his delegates and open the Republican convention to a more worthy candidate – if there is such a thing.

***

What does John McCain know and when did he know it???

Romney released 23 years of returns to the McCain campaign. So they know something is very wrong here.

And so Sen. Graham, best buds with McCain: What do you know and when did you know it?

No doubt about it. The cover up is on.

***

Wage Slaver Threatens to Raise Pizza Prices.

Wage slaver John Schnatter, multimillionaire owner of a mediocre pizza delivery chain, threatened to raise prices on his sub-par pizzas 11 to 14 cents per pie in order to pay for health insurance for the chain’s many employees.

File:PapaJohnsCardinalStadiumSat.png

Papa Johns Cardinal Stadium, University of Louisville. Looks like Papa’s done pretty well for himself. Himself, that is.

That means that for an extra few pennies per pie, this wage slaver could have offered health insurance to all of his workers from day one. For an extra quarter per pie he could have provided a dynamite insurance plan to his underpaid help. (Oh, sorry. He doesn’t need help. He does it all by his greedy self). Instead of waiting for Obamacare to force him to man up, he could have acted like a member of human species and provided health care from day one.

Actually he wouldn’t have to raise prices at all. Just leave off of each pie a slice of peperoni or two and everybody gets insurance.

So simple it’s really hard to believe. This right wing wacko must prefer to have his employees go without insurance. After all, like so many aristocrats, he no doubt believes that “the small people” don’t deserve medical care.

As we might expect, he’s no doubt cheating on the peperoni already and stuffing his own pockets with the extra quarter. Why should the small people receive a benefit they don’t earn and bilk Prince John out of the money from the business he built all by himself.

All by himself!!! Yeah, right.

Now, you’d think such outrageous behavior is about as skanky as it can get.

Well, if you do, you’re wrong. It gets skankier. This wage slaver is today cheating his drivers out of the money they earn when they deliver this run of the mill pizza. In a lawsuit filed in Missouri, the drivers claimed the chain is skimming wages in violation of federal and state minimum wage laws.

Gratefully, I’ve forgotten the name of the pizza house that John built We should all forget it. However, if you want to know more about Prince John and his chain, you can look it up in the trade mag Pizza Marketplace.

***

Here is a bulletin from Unreliable Press Worldwide.

The Nobella Prize Committe announced from its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, the winner of the Schmuckup Award.

Pizza prince, John Schnatter, takes home the prize for making it known to the entire English speaking world that if Obamacare forces him to offer health insurance to his employees, he will raise the cost of a pie anywhere from 11 to 14 cents a unit.

The award goes to the Prince John because for a measly 14 cents a pie he could have been giving his employees a good health insurance plan and access to excellent medical care.

The prince refused to do so, however, and because of his tireless efforts to keep workers as poor as he possibly can they would qualify for Medicaid.

So for not giving two shits about his workers health, the prize goes to Prince John.

Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The world renowned Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over..

***

Gaffe a minute Mitt is still trying to figure things out. Be patient. He’s catching on.

But he really needs your help. After all, he didn’t do it all by himself. Or did he?

Psssst. Ryan is the vice presidential candidate. Got it now, Mitt.

Oh, poopy”, vice presidential candidate Romney is reported to have said: “Where did I leave that damn duct tape”.

Or is he the presidential candidate? I don’t know. I keep getting the two confused as well.

***

John Schnatter, owner of Papa John’s and a bona fide wage slaver, has created a new pie. It will cost 14 cents more than a traditional pie and will be named the Mittsaroni.

Proceeds from the new pizza will be donated to a fund created to help presidential candidate Romney pay for the car elevator in his new multimillion dollar diggs.

What toppings would you like on your Mittsaroni, sir”.