Posts tagged ‘Jeb Bush’

April 12, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 04/12/14

Adjunct Professors Wanted.

The Sardo Institute of Higher Learning has several positions open for experienced adjunct professors in the fields of Mathematics, Biology, Chemistry and the Social Sciences.

Candidates must have a Ph. D. in the relevant field as well as at least three years of teaching experience.

Classes will be assigned to adjuncts on an as needed basis.

Salary commensurate with experience.

Benefits include eligibility for food stamps and government subsidized rent and heating assistance.

Qualified candidates should submit resumes to:

Human Resources
The Sardo Institute
P.O. Box 555
Pasta Fagioli, Italy 55555 5555

http://adjunctsaurus.wordpress.com/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-fuller/a-moral-dilemma-for-acade_b_4734053.html

***

Only In America.

We are lending money we don’t have to kids who can’t pay it back to train them for jobs that no longer exist. That’s nuts. Mike Rowe.

It is, however, the American way, largely because that sort of craziness results in massive profits for the only people who really matter – the very tiny minority of the ultra rich.

***

Right Wing Shaves Bush.

After reading that perhaps as many as 80% of younger women shave, ya know, down there and hearing that right wing media gangbangers shaved Jeb Bush for his comments regarding immigration, I immediately thought something afoul was afoot.

But, alas, Jeb remains hirsute down there.

jeb bush

Jeb Bush trolling for votes by speaking out of the left side of his mouth, has perhaps forgotten the Nixon Shuffle, that is, when seeking the GOP presidential nomination run hard to the right and when campaigning for that high office turn and rush quickly to the center.

The bangers humped all over Bush for his appeal to the Repub Party to reverse, or at least moderate, their harsh position on immigrant status, which is something akin to “throw them the hell out.”

The former Florida governor expressed the view that the Party’s view just won’t cut it any more. This is, like, the 21st century. We don’t round people up and send them back to their masters countries in Dred Scott* fashion.

He was actually sympathetic about immigrants’ situations.

After all, when you’re hungry and your wife and kids are hungry and you have no money to buy food to feed them, you become desperate. So you come to America.

And now a days, you have to be pretty desperate to do that. But everybody’s gotta eat sometime.

So Bush said let’s give them a helping hand and let them stay.

And that’s when the bangers shaved him.

However, according to a leak from the Bush team, Jeb burned the circuits of his cell phone calling the Party’s payola masters and media propagandists to tell them to pay no attention to his words when he speaks. It’s all a campaign lie to hustler Hispanics into voting for him when he runs for president.

Once he’s in the Oval Office, he’ll screw a bunch of immigrants just like he’ll screw everybody else.

*Dred Scott v Sanford was the notorious Supreme Court case in which the Court ruled that slaves were not citizens and could not sue in Federal Court. Scott, the slave who resided in the slave free Wisconsin territory, sued his owner, John Sanford, for his freedom. Chief Justice Roger B. Taney’s name ever since has been infamously tied to the Court’s decision.

***

Wise Words.

If you can convince the lowliest white man that he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on and he’ll even empty his pockets for you. President Lyndon B. Johnson.

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Ryan Running.

Paul Ryan is running for president. He hasn’t declared, but he might as well.

Taking a card from the marked deck of former President Richard Nixon, the Wisconsin pol is dashing hard to the right.

His plan is a right wing wet dream. It cuts trillions in aid for the hungry, the sick, health care for kids and college assistance for those who can least afford it.

It is a budget intended to impress right wing rich extremists who dole out campaign payola like drips of water falling off Niagara.

RYAN VULCAN

This media darling is still out ‘dere.

Now a budget that extreme, you would think, would sew up the cash no questions asked.

But wait. Not so fast. There are Republicans so far off the right wing deep end that they are claiming the Ryan budget doesn’t gut enough from the hungry, the sick and little kids.

So Ryan may now be left in limbo, with no suitable budget to impress rich donors.

Now this right wing Wisconsin extremist will have no choice but to go back to the drawing board and serve up yet another Path to Prosperity for Rich People. As if they need another path.

***

Krugman Praises Obamacare. Not So Fast.

Paul Krugman, Nobel laureate and New York Times columnist, has been praising the benefits of the Affordable Care Act for some time now.

But opinions such as Krugman’s, who is a tireless fighter for the underclasses, must be put into perspective.

The best anyone can say about Obamacare is that it’s better than what went before. But ii is a far cry from what could have and should have been: some form of a public option that eventually morphed into Medicare-for-all.

And for those Obamaphiles who believe the president took the easy way out because of GOP opposition, that’s just plain wrong.

The fact is Obama betrayed his supporters when he bailed on the campaign promise of a public option precisely when the Senate and the House were controlled by Democrats. Reconciliation, the process whereby budget legislation can pass in the Senate by a 51 vote majority, was well within the president’s grasp.

Instead, he sided with the 1%, a decision that crushed Democrats in the 2010 election, cost Nancy Pelosi her Speakership and made John Boehner and the Tea Party dominated House the bane of the American people.

***

No President Is As Powerful As the Institution He Governs.

There’s a plot in this country to enslave every man, woman and child. Before I leave this high and noble office, I intend to expose this plot. President John F. Kennedy, seven days before his assassination.

***

Campaign Cash Okay.

A spokesman for Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell told a high school group of sutdents from the Senator’s home state of Kentucky to “get lost.” The Senator was busy phoning donors to raise payola to finance his reelection campaign.

You see,” said the spokesman who was sipping on a tall glass of Senate lemonade, “one of the most important jobs the Senator has is to make sure he’s reelected so he can continue to serve the rubes from his states. And that means bugging the shit out of donors to send him some more cash.”

You see,” said the spokesman still sipping on a tall glass of Senate lemonade, “the Supreme Court, bless their little hearts, decided that payola isn’t corruption and the Senator isn’t a crook when he stuffs all that money into his pockets.”

john roberts

There have probably been bigger screw ups who sat on the Supreme Court as Chief Justice. Roger B. Taney of Dred Scott infamy and the all but forgotten Melville Fuller who gave the stamp of approval to “separate but equal” in Plessy v Ferguson, but Roberts is in the running for worst ever with his Court’s statements that campaign payola equals free speech.

But sometimes you just have to bug the shit out of rich people to get them to part with their cash. So the Senator calls them several times a week and promises, cross his heart, to vote on legislation exactly the way they tell him if only they’ll just send him some more money.”

Hell, the Senator will even let them write the damn legislation.”

You see, that’s the way the Senate works,” the spokesman continued.

Damn, this is one fine glass of lemonade. It’s the Senator’s favorite, don’t cha know”

.

Though the wealthy will publicly cheer
Very few will break out the beer.
They’ll stow the champagne
‘Cause every campaign
Will for sure want more cash so they fear.
.
The Supremies just said it’s okay.
To take cash and stuff it away.
It’s all just a game
And no one’s to blame.
So take the cash to help costs defray.
 
***
 
Limerick Lunacy.
.
A fellow got into a scrap
With a gal who gave him a slap.
She hit his shocked face
Then sprayed him with mace.
When he graced her backside tap, tap, tap.
.
A woman decided to scrap
A guy she couldn’t entrap
She grabbed up her rings
Among other things
While the guy took an afternoon nap.
.
When the gal decided to scrap
The guy who was taking a nap.
She packed up her things
And then took to wings
And thought, “Finally I’m out of the trap.”
 
***

The Case Of The Absent-Minded Surgeon.

No he didn’t leave a tool inside the patient; he forgot to take something out.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/oddnews/man-sues-hospital-and-doctor-after-they-allegedly-forgot-to-remove-his-appendix-during-his-appendectomy-205103325.html

 

So what’s wrong with fooling around.
It can help you to get unwound.
But this doc went too far
With a nurse in OR
And what happened next would astound.
absent minded 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The appendix this doc couldn’t find.
It appears the nurse blew his mind.
So he pulled up his britches
And sewed up the stitches
And left the appendage behind.

Article thanks to Mad Kane whose limericks can be found at her website.

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March 4, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

Heard the latest rumors about Olympia Snowe. She’s leaving the Senate and she never had an affair. Not homosexual, not bisexual, not even straight. How the hell did someone like that ever get elected to the Senate in the first place?

, U.S. Senator.

Snowe calls it quits. Just can't take the GOP insanity anymore. Image via Wikipedia

She’s a sly one though. This lady of Maine’s great coup occurred during the stimulus give and take in the Finance Committee. She managed to wittle down the package to one that Republicans could claim was a failure.

She repeatedly outwitted the Ivy League city slickers on the Obama economic team by presenting them with a bill that was sure to fail.

Even though the stimulus created and saved millions of jobs, it was much to small to achieve the objective of revitalizing the economy.

***

There’s an old Mafia saying: you gotta have the geetus. That goes double in politics. Not enough cabbage and you get to take the first plane out of Follyland.

The Dems didn’t push their agenda when they had a Democratic Congress because they were scared shitless that it might pass. And if it ever did the big money boys would stop greasing their palms.

That’s why the Dems love the filibuster. They can advocate for a fake populist agenda and then blame the Republicans for blocking it.

And, God forbid, if a portion of the agenda comes too close to passing, they can always depend on Joe Lieberman or Ben Nelson to shoot it down.

***

In view of the Church of Latter Day Saints’ custom of baptizing dead Jews, the bookstore at the Sardo Institute of Lame Humor is offering Mormons an opportunity to participate in a time honored Jewish tradition. 

The bookstore at the Institute announced today that it will begin selling a Mormon version of yarmulkes with the name of Brigham Young embroidered in 14 carat gold lettering emblazoned across the front of the cap. Yarmulkes for the ladies come with a pink tassel. And when you press the button on top of the cap, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will burst into a chorus of Tzena, Tzena, Tzena sung in medieval Yiddish.

The yarmulke comes with a certificate that entitles the bearer to a Bar Mitzvah and contains a discount coupon for a rabbinical circumcision – even if you’ve already had one – rabbinical or otherwise. And be sure to ask about our postmortem Bar Mitzvah. Bat Mitzvahs are also available.

Mormons are encouraged to be the first in their temples to proudly display a Brigham Young yarmulke.

Send your order to The Sardo Institute Bookstore, Box 555 55 55, Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Yarmulkes are only $19.95 each plus $5.95 for shipping and handling. But if you act right now we’ll include a second yarmulke absolutely free. Just pay shipping and handling. Cash only please.

Better hurry! Offer available while supplies last.

 File:YarmulkeAndMenorah.jpg

A real yarmulke and a menorah from the Harry S. Truman collection.  

***

It’ll be Romney as the Republican nominee or, if the Mayan calendar is right about a calamity in 2012, Jeb Bush by default in a deadlocked GOP convention.

2016 is probably Jeb’s year. I suspect the Bush family is secretly hoping for an Obama victory.

Barbara Bush, Jeb Bush, George H. W. Bush, Lau...

The Bushes - hoping for an Obama victory in 2012? Image via Wikipedia

A spokesman for Jeb Bush announced today that if the former governor does not earn the Republican nomination for president in 2012 he will vote for Barack Obama. The spokesman said that if Obama wins reelection, Jeb feels certain he will be the GOP nominee in 2016 and should win the presidential election with ease

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Referring to the Israel-Iran squabble, the president told a fund raising audience that he does not bluff. Well, he may not bluff, but that’s only because he folds with a winning hand.

***

Nice gesture by the president to a cruelly insulted young woman. He thanked Sandra Fluke for speaking out on the important issue of insurance payment for birth control. The Georgetown law student was then defamed by the defamer in chief, none other than Rush Limbaugh himself.

***

Rush Limbaugh makes his living by being a snot-nosed entertainer.

Phil Donahue and Rush Limbaugh's Back

Phil Donahue with Rush Limbaugh’s best feature in the background.  (Photo courtesy of Eddie S. Photostream).

Unfortunately for the nation, the millions who hang on his every word believe he is a journalist and that everything he says is sacred truth.

You have to understand Rush Limbaugh though. The man makes a living acting like an asshole. And he depends on other assholes for his bread and butter. It’s not his fault that the nation is filled with ignorant people. Moreover, it’s that crowd that makes him a multimillionaire – a true one percenter. And so he continually pounds right wing propaganda into the tiny brains of his listeners – many of whom reside firmly in the lower economic layers of the US and who may be rightly described as belonging to a class called the Ignorantsia. And after he finishes exploiting these dummies, he collects his cash.

So it’s not only Limbaugh who is an insult to civility and his country. His idolaters are as well.

Unfortunately for the nation, too many people consider this obnoxious entertainer a journalist.

***

353,000 MINUS 351,000 that’s a difference of, let’s see. I better get out my slide rule so I’m sure not to make a mathematical error here.

What did I do with that damn thing anyway! Oh, well, I guess you’ll just have to suffer through that mathematical problem all by yourselves. And I promise, I’ll try to come up with the right answer before the next leap year.

Anyway, the Labor Department ballyhooed that figure as a sign that the economy is on the mend. Yes, that’s right. Fewer people filed for unemployment benefits last week than the week before. Have you figured out how many fewer yet? NO! Well, take your time. There’s no hurry. And don’t feel bad ’cause the Labor Department doesn’t know shit from shoe polish anyway. (I would have used the defunct brand name Shinola but I didn’t want to associate a once fine shoe polish with Labor Department bullshit).

According to the LD, the unemployment rate was steady at 8.3 %. That figure however doesn’t include everyone whose unemployed. Go figure that figure.

You see, the Einstein’s at the LD stop counting unemployed people when they decide that these jobless souls are no longer looking for jobs. How do they figure that? Go figure. If they figured the actual number of unemployed along with those working part-time still looking for full time work, I figure the figure would be much higher than the LD’s figure. Probably somewhere in the low 20s. A 20% unemployment rate figure, however, just doesn’t figure well into Obama’s reelection message. At least that’s how I figure it.  

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