Posts tagged ‘John McCain’

August 4, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 08-04/13

Game Or Reality.

There’s been lots of fuss lately about the new banker’s version of Monopoly. The game will eliminate the “get out of jail free” card but will include a “bribe your Congress critters” card so you don’t have to go to jail in the first place.

***

bulletin 

The approval rating of Congress has just dipped below that of genital herpes.

***

Holy God!!!

Justice Antonin Scalia agreed with Pope Francis’s announcement that he would not judge gay priests. Scalia’s statement that judging gays only makes things worse places him in a position at the right hand of the pope where he now sitteth. The justice however sadly admitted that his new seat was a demotion since previously, so he claimed,  he sat at the right hand of God.

One of the most activist justices in Supreme Court history lost his position next to the Supreme Being after he displeased the Deity when he made a statement declaring the Holocaust was brought on by judicial activism. We all know the justice’s reasoning is upside down, inside out and backwards yet not necessarily hair-brained. It seems Scalia made the statement after God told him not to. His actions mark the first time the judge disobeyed God’s instructions.

scalia

Who is God to tell Scalia what to think anyway?

In his own defense, the judge said he misunderstood the words his Heavenly Father spoke to him.

According to a spokesperson, the justice made a good confession asking forgiveness.

The penitential plea went unheeded, however, because God was out drinking the day before and was unavailable for comment for at least 24 hours.

***

The Bells Are Ringing For….

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) offered today to officiate at the nuptials of Sens. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and John McCain (R-AZ).

According to a spokesperson, the Kentucky senator believes that his two colleagues are getting along so well that they should consider joining together in holy matrimony.

cupid

The Matchmaker.

The Senate was expected to pass a resolution today giving its blessing to the union. However, a squabble erupted between the happy couple when they couldn’t come to an agreement about who should assume the role of the bride during the ceremony.

The Republican caucus issued a statement indicating that it would filibuster the ceremony if Sen. McCain was not granted the bride’s part during the nuptials.

The Schumer camp was said to be studying the latest proposal submitted by the Republicans. To date, a solution of the matter has eluded both parties.

A spokesman for McCain said the senator will reach across the aisle in an attempt to achieve a workable compromise. One such offer proposed a two ceremony event with the participants reversing roles during the exchange of vows.

The Democrats are now in caucus and reports from the meeting indicate that Harry Reid has the votes to override a Republican filibuster. He would, however, be forced to resort to the so-called “nuclear option” that requires only a simple majority for a resolution to pass.

mcsch

The Happy Couple.

Democrats opposed to the nuclear option are delaying a vote which, if a few remaining details can be ironed out, could come as early as tomorrow morning.

.

breaking news

breaking news

A vote on the McCain/Schumer nuptials could be delayed further as a new dispute unexpectedly arose between the two parties. Republicans insisted that identical wedding gowns be worn by the blessed couple during the two ceremonies..

Sen. McCain chose a striking satin, organza strapless ensemble with a roched bodice, corset back and bustled skirt.

Schumer retorted that a gown of the type the GOP wanted made him look fat. He offered to wear a form fitted satin affair with a trailing lace train.

Representatives of both camps were scheduled to meet in a hastily scheduled conference committee to iron out differences.

However, Democrats were said to be outraged by leaks apparently emanating from Republican staff members. The leaks described in detail the types of gowns selected by the two brides before an agreement was reached. Schumer was depicted as being particularly distressed by the leaks.

The senator from New York raged that nothing is sacred in Washington anymore: “First the Manning leaks, then Snowden and now this tragic offense against national security.”

Word is expected shortly from conference committee members regarding a compromise deal that would allow the weddings to proceed.

A McConnell staffer said the committee was working under deadline pressure since the wedding had to take place as originally scheduled or the Kentucky senator would be forced to back out of his officiating commitment due to schedule conflicts.

If agreement could not be reached by tomorrow afternoon at the latest, the wedding would be delayed indefinitely.

***

God Save The Senate.

Everybody else has given up.

***

A Cake Of A Different Cheese.

Another Cheesecake Day has come and gone. Here’s a paean to those golden, olden days.

.

Carry me back to the days of cheesecake
The gals showed enough, you knew they weren’t fake.
A little thigh here
Some shoulder there.
Carry me back for a short retake.
nat
 

Natalie Wood as Gypsy from the movie of the same name.

.
Recall the movie of Gypsy Rose Lee
I will still watch it occasionally.
She came to town to perform once live.
I couldn’t get in, I was only five.
It was cheesecake for sure, she showed barely a knee.
.
Only the sheriff’s admission was free.
He’d make certain not much you’d see.
No fig leafs over parts of glory.
That’s for another time and story.
They’d cover with raiments from an old silk tree.
.
The scarves about would flow and float.
Showing glimpses of bodies on stages remote.
The drums would beat with a rhythm jive.
But alas I was only five.
I recall her photos in a furry coat.
.
And when I grew cheesecake was lost.
You now see all for a modest cost.
Gone are the days of the simple tease.
When gals would gyrate and pleasantly please.
Those days are lost like old movies tossed.

.

Well, it’s praise for the wrong cheesecake for sure. The day celebrates the edible variety.

cheese

Blueberry Cheesecake.

Thanks to MadKane for the alert.

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/category/

limerick-offs/

***

Larry The Blunder Guy.

You have to wonder how men who are brilliant and who ride their brilliance to riches can be so naive and sometimes just plain dumb. Enter Larry “don’t rock the boat” Summers.

SUMMERS

Of all of the tragic blunders committed by this economics genius, among the worst is his underestimation of the depth and duration of the Great Recession.

Woefully, he advocated for a tragically anemic stimulus that proved to be inadequate to deal with the prolonged downturn. His blatant mistake, destined to fail and pointed out repeatedly by numerous economists, is largely responsible for the despair his policy inflicted on a once prosperous middle class.

The bad advice he brazenly offered to President Obama and his deregulation mania, an aberration that resulted in the collapse of Enron and eventually a near total destruction of the world’s economy, now qualify him to be Chairman of the Federal Reserve, at least according to the president.

Only in America.

***

Do You Say it Right?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/31/

common-mispronunciations-video_n_3683218.html

Disirregardless of all pedanticism aside, the word is chawklate and not chockolate. Then there’s vanella, melk, arange, Long Giland, Noo Yawk, Joisey, 5th Avnya and Terdy Terd Street. And if you ain’t bin ta da Bronx you ain’t bin nowheres, pal.  

.

November 18, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 11/18/12

Bulletin – Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

Committee Announces Prize Winner.

Unreliable Press Worldwide has learned today that the Nobella Prize Committee has named Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) as the winner of its coveted MVP award.

Members of the christening party for the guide...

Members of the christening party for the guided missile destroyer JOHN S. MCCAIN (DDG-56) pose for a photograph after the launching at the Bath Iron Works shipyard. They are from left to right: Sen. John McCain; Mrs. Roberta McCain; Sidney McCain; Meghan McCain, maid of honor; and Cindy McCain, sponsor and wife of Sen. McCain. Location: BATH, MAINE (ME) UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (USA) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sen. McCain won for his vigorous efforts to achieve personal gain by exploiting the tragic deaths of four American citizens during a terrorist organized assault on the U.S. Embassy in Benghazi, Libya.

A few short years ago the senator held all the cards as he achieved the pinochle of success when the Republican party nominated him as its candidate for president.

Recently however the poker faced legislator has drawn nothing but four flushes in his attempt to maintain the leadership reins of his party.

To burnish his tarnished reputation, McCain demanded that the Senate establish a select subcommittee to investigate the Benghazi affair. He recommended that he be appointed to head the committee.

In a misguided attempt to publicize his call for the subcommittee appointment, McCain referred to a press conference he held as a “scheduling error”, a mishap that caused the senator to miss a top secret briefing on the Benghazi issue.

When questioned about his lack of judgment for missing the meeting, McCain grew testy with a reporter and said he had no intention of discussing his schedule with the press.

Because of his persistence in exaggerating the importance of the events in Libya, McCain becomes the proud recipient of the Nobella Committee’s Most Valuable Putz Award.

.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. 

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar engraved with the words “putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie the statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

.

For John McCain the end is near

He’s causing trouble that is clear

He used to be a real mensch

Now he’s just creating stench

And will besmirch a fine career.

***

An anonymous source close to the Romney campaign disclosed that Mitt Romney voted for Barack Obama for president after Obama promised the GOP candidate that he would continue to give gifts to wealthy people.

“What’s his name again” trying to hold back the tears after the loss in last weeks’ election.  (Courtesy DonkeyHotey).

In a sealed document, Obama vowed that he would send legislation to Congress that would allow corporations to avoid paying even more taxes by setting up additional tax havens in foreign countries, declare a tax holiday to minimize the tax burden for corporations that want to bring bring profits into the U.S. and increase expense deductions for companies such as Bain Capital that offshore American jobs.

In a statement to the press, Romney said he lost the election because Obama promised to keep giving gifts to rich people if they would vote for him.

Or something like that.

.

Mitt Romney is peeved at his loss.

It’s understandable he should be cross.

He screwed up his campaign

And now seeks to blame

Obama for spreading the sauce.

.

Paul Ryan is playing the blame game.

His excuses run poor to utterly lame.

Because he got picked

Mitt Romney got licked.

Paul’s name was no match for inglorious fame.

***

Former Mississippi governor Harbor Bailey informed the GOP that it needs a proctology exam.

No argument there. The members of Barbour’s party have more shit up their asses than a BP blowout could ever dump into the Gulf of Mexico. Problem is the BP spill came to a stop while GOP shit never ends.

Following is the procedure recommended by the Sardo Institute’s Proctological Academy for members of the GOP:

Insert 4 x 4 post eight feet long. Rough hewn (more splinters that way). Twist vigorously for two hours.

I would have suggested a twelve footer. But, hey, I am a compassionate liberal ya know.

File:Villianc.jpg

The doctor from the Sardo Institute’s Academy of Proctology who will perform the exam on the GOP. He’s a Democrat.  (Thanks to J.J.).

***

We need to build a bridge over the fiscal cliff. We need to work together – Republicans and Democrats – on a solution that provides some certainty to American families and businesses, while also bringing down our deficit and debt. Sen. Max Baucus (DINO – MT).

Translation: Extend tax cuts for the rich and cut Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid for the rest of us.

File:Max Baucus Elena Kagan.jpg

The ranking DINO from Montana with future Justice Elena Kagan.

 

You can never be sure if Slapsie Maxie is sober when he speaks.  One thing for sure, he’s a Blue Dog to the bone..  

***

Ranting Time

Samuel Alito, that right wing extremist who also happens to be a justice on the Supreme Court, defended the Citizens United 5-4 decision to allow unlimited political spending during campaign season.

He spoke before the right wing extremist organization known as the Federalist Society and his speech made the audience squeal with prepubescent glee.

Alito is dead wrong on the subject.

The question at hand here is does very expensive advertising amount to free speech. If speech is so costly that only the rich can afford it, the result is not an expression of a First Amendment right but an abuse of the right because only a tiny minority can avail themselves of it.

Alito mentioned that media corporations express their views openly. I’m guessing he meant newspapers that use editorials to present opinion However, most newspapers have op-ed pages where opposing views can be aired without charge.

TV stations were once required to present opposing views. The noxious decision to eliminate the equal time rule, however, ended that requirement and further restricted free speech only to those who can pay for it. That rule should be reversed to permit the open exchange of ideas through that medium.

If speech is to be truly “free”, there should be no charge to express it so all can benefit from that right.

***

Catholic Ideology Responsible For Woman’s Death.

Savita Halappanavar, a Hindu and native of India, died at the hands of Irish Doctors at University Hospital Galway when they refused to perform an abortion to save the woman’s life after complications developed during her pregnancy.

The doctors claimed that Mrs. Halappanavar’s life was not in danger and since the 4-month old fetus she carried still had a heartbeat, performing an abortion would have been illegal. The doctors, bound by law and Catholic ideology, allowed the woman to die. The fetus died as well.

It’s time for faithful Catholics to take a stand against the wrongheaded ideas of the leadership of their Church.

Populated largely by misogynistic old men, the Church’s hierarchy is wedded to a centuries old ideology that has outlived its usefulness for more than a hundred years.

Parading around on stage in medieval costumes and pretending to perform miracles amidst the clamor of ringing chimes during a portion of the Mass known as the Consecration, the prelates claim to transform bread and wine into the body and blood of a man who lived two thousand years ago. Such nonsense, perpetrated in defiance of the knowledge accumulated by science, defies belief in this modern world.

These men, it must be admitted, do more harm than good – child abuse and the willful cover up by bishops, is not the least among the pain they cause. Their willingness to allow healthy women to die during a difficult pregnancy represents cruelty beyond the pale.

It’s time to challenge these old misogynists. They perform no miracles. The Eucharist at which they claim a “transubstantiation” of bread and wine into divine flesh, is at best a symbolic re-creation of an event that supposedly took place two hundred centuries ago when a man named Jesus declared, at a dinner referred to as The Last Supper, “Do this in remembrance of me.”.

These men, who claim to perform miracles, have no special powers. Yet they show little remorse when commanding their congregations to obey religious laws they themselves have imposed on the faithful.

You may recall that a bishop, one David L. Ricken of the Green Bay diocese, brazenly warned his parishioners to vote in accordance with the moral dictates of the Catholic Church or risk having their immortal souls burn forever in the eternal fires of Hell.

If there is such a thing as a soul and a place called Hell, then a just God will surely set fire to the souls of prelates who commit the crimes of child abuse and their cover up and permit innocent women to die unnecessarily.

***

Yet More Violence in the Middle East.

Certainly the situation in the Middle East is tragic. Not as destructive, at least quantitatively, as the conquest of Iraq, but horrible by any measurement.

Extremists on both sides seem to be preventing any real solution.

However, if I were living in Israel I would place my faith in the tank, rather than a book, to protect me.

I have no doubt that if the Arab nations ever become militarily more powerful than Israel, that little nation will cease to exist.

And what becomes of all the people living there???

Sadly there seems to be no solution in sight – not for the foreseeable future at least.

Related articles