Posts tagged ‘Marco Rubio’

March 3, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 03/03/13.

Packing Heat On Campus.

Lots of talk lately about teachers packing heat in schools.

Well it seems to me, if teachers can carry guns on school grounds, we should also give the right to carry to the students. I mean, like, shouldn’t students have the right to fire back.

And carry rights for students could really lighten up the homework load.

Think about the benefits for a minute. Second Amendment rights could give rise to a whole new curriculum. A kid could major in quick draw (five courses, three credits each). And I’m not talking rapid pencil sketching here.

Required courses for the new program would include:

How to modify an AK-47 from semi to fully automatic. (3 credits).

Adapt a fully automatic Glock handgun to a 30 round magazine. (3 credits).

Uses for armor piercing ammunition. (3 credits).

Laser gun sights for fun and profit. (3 credits).

Operating and maintaining a .50 caliber sniper rifle. (Elective).

How to become a Mafia hitman (woman). (Elective).

Promoting your firearms skills. (Elective).

Now, no snide remarks. Let’s give the curriculum a chance. After all, kids could graduate from high school fully prepared to defend themselves in a well armed society.

50 CAL GUN

Courses.include books and material.

Who could ask for anything more?

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Marco Comes A Calling.

Marco Rubio went calling in the Big Apple this week for, what else, payola. Yes, he was out grubbing for cash for a purported run for the presidency in 2016.

Well does he know that in American politics you gotta have the geetus. You can’t with without a fat wallet and there are no fatter wallets than in Apple Town, NYC.

Peter King (R-NY) dissented. You can’t vote against everything the city needs and expect a payoff for it.  King criticized fellow Republicans and Rubio for their votes against aid for NYC after it suffered the devastation wrought by Hurricane Sandy.

I guess Marco figures “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

Marco who???

POLO

The travels of Marco. Not Rubio in NYC, but Polo in the East. (Artist unknown).

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Marco Rubio’s a real pip.
Hasn’t even become minority whip.
Yet look what he says
He’s running for prez.
Yet for people he couldn’t give a rip.
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In the Big Apple he shakes down for dough
Making ready for a really big show.
A King says he nuts
But the guy’s got some guts.
He’ll snatch the dough then town he’ll blow.

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When Fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross. Sinclair Lewis.

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Right Wing Court Activist Signals Vote.

Another guy who just can’t seem to keep his name out of the news is Associate Justice of the Supreme Court and Right Wing Extremist Antonin Scalia.

He’ s no dummy, but must be an embarrassment to his alma mater, Harvard Law School.

He is one of the most activist justices in Supreme Court history and has voted to overturn numerous acts of Congress. Fortunately for the nation, he has been in the minority in many cases.

His ideology is what is known as originalism, that is, interpreting the Constitution literally, as it was written by the guys known as our Founding Fathers and cast in iron, immutable, unchangeable.

Therefore, this radical activist opposes such notions as affirmative action, the program intended to give a break to minorities who’ve suffered from diminished opportunity all of their lives, abortion rights for women (he voted to declare Roe v. Wade unconstitutional but was in the minority) and recently voted in favor of broad application of gun carry rights (except for shoulder-borne weapons that could take down airplanes). Who knows, he could be on one of them.

Other votes based on his 18th century interpretation included sexual orientation rights (null), Miranda rights (null), the death penalty (constitutional).

In each of these cases, Scalia voted to strike down existing law making him one of the most activist justices ever.

SCALIA

Seeing the world through a different lens.

And based on his statements during the recent rights case before the Court, he is certain to vote to strike down The Voting Rights Act.

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A Little Night Hanky Panky.

lions

I’m really tired of these one night stands. And I’m not even a senator’s daughter.

Republican values apparently permit a senator to screw another senator’s daughter, provided it’s a one night stand.

I won’t mention any names, but if you Google Pete Domenici and Paul Laxalt you’ll learn the sordid details.

February 17, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 02/17/13

Marco, Marco, Wherefore Art Thou Going, Marco.

Sen. Marco Rubio’s SOTU response was frazzled with right wing excuses for the housing bubble and after that time-worn and lame claim that the gubmint made everybody do it, the speech reached its crescendo of unparalleled mediocrity.

RUBIO

Marco Rubio, all bright eyed and bushy tailed during his response to the SOTU address, found a clever way to plug bottled water on TV. Rumors persist that the Republican senator from Florida is seeking the presidency of the Bottled Water Association.

It left me thirsting for reason, rationality and, well, a little common sense. The response lacked all of the above and was meteoric in its vapidity. To Rubio’s good fortune, this close encounter with Republican mendacity bypassed Follyland with little notice other than a gulp and caused no permanent damage to the planet.

The senator, in so many words, said he believes firmly that the foreclosure crisis was precipitated by the Community Reinvestment Act passed in 1977 and inflamed by former government organizations Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. The reference was to right wing mythology that government interference caused the housing crisis and the economic meltdown that began in 2007. In strict compliance with right wing myth, Rubio echoed conservative story-telling that deregulation and the ever precious “free market” ideology were not at fault.

In a report filed by UPW’s Marcy Popindick shortly after the speech, a spokesman reiterated the senator’s position on the foreclosure crisis.

He gave as an example of fraud perpetrated by borrowers, a $300,000 mortgage issued by First NationsPride Home Ownership Bank and Loan Company to a 10-year old boy who claimed to be self-employed operating a lemonade stand.

Executives at the bank claimed government legislation forced them to approve loans of this type and they admitted no wrongdoing.

The mortgage was eventually purchased as part of a bundle by Fannie for cash thus freeing up funds and forcing the bank to originate even more substandard loans.

The boy, in this case, had obviously lied about his age when he signed the loan documents and it was later discovered that he also overstated the income he earned from the lemonade stand he operated as a sole proprietorship.

The 10-year old claimed an income of 80 cents a day. However, that claim was later shown to be grossly inflated because the boy occasionally sold a cup of the pink variety to a banker who charged a nickel fee for the privilege of doing business with the bank  That fee had never been deducted from the income reported by the business on its financial statements.

The mortgage lender instituted foreclosure proceedings against the boy through a robo-signing collection agency. The lemonade stand was also seized by the lender since the boy had used his business as additional collateral against the $300,000 loan.

The spokesman said the boy should have realized he had no chance of ever repaying the amount he borrowed and should not have swindled the mortgage originator into approving the loan.

The originator, again according to the Rubio spokesman, bears no responsibility for issuing the loan since government legislation establishing CRA and Fannie and Freddie policies virtually force mortgage writers to approve such substandard loans.

In addition to the foreclosure action, the boy will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law in order to prevent an epidemic of moral hazard behavior and, depending on the outcome of the trial, he could face up to ten years in prison for defrauding a lender.

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Pizza Bagel.

Bagels and lox is a Follyland favorite. If it’s fresh, not frozen and thawed, it’s quite a treat.

Did you know there’s such a thing as an Italian bagel?

BAGEL

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pizza_bagels_closeup.JPG

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An Italian bagel’s quite the thing
Garlic, provolone and sauce just fling
That’s my only helpful clue
The recipe is up to you
Invent your own bada boom, bada bing.

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Duct Tape Stocks Soar On News Of Revolutionary Use For The Sticky Stuff.

The North Carolina House Judiciary Committee introduced legislation making it a felony to expose “private parts” for the “purpose of arousing or gratifying sexual desire.” First offense, six months in the pokey.

It occurred to me that there are hundreds of thousands of North Carolina residents who could strip naked and not arouse the slightest sexual desire in anyone. There are laws on the books, though, prohibiting nudity of any kind and for that we should all give a vote of thanks.

However, the new legislation proposed by the committee, referred to as the “nipple law”, prohibits the exposure of female nipples including the areola for the purpose of enticing men or women.

Soooooo, when wearing suggestive garments that might incidentally expose a portion of the offending anatomy, NC GOP representative Tim Moore remarked, “You know what they say, duct tape fixes everything.”

NUDE

Reclining Nude With Duct Tape by Henri Matisse. Matisse painting of a reclining nude.

So ladies, strap ’em, tuck ’em and duct ’em.

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Bachmann Gets Committee Assignment.

Michelle Bachmann has been reappointed to the House Intelligence Committee. I know, I know, it’s laughable.

But did you know that the Intelligence Committee appointed her to the chairladyship of an ad hoc committee called SLIT, or Search to Locate Intelligence in the Tea Party.

So far, no luck.

 Related articles:
November 24, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 11/24/12

In an interview in a noted magazine, Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) stated that he doesn’t know how old the Earth is.  He said this despite an abundance of evidence that our planet formed some 4.5 billion year ago – give or take a couple million.

photo

Marco knows it’s never to early to begin running for president. (Courtesy DonkeyHotey).

The statement lends credence to the rumor that Rubio is planning a presidential run in 2016 and his remark is viewed as one way to cater to Christian fundamentalists who believe God created this rapidly overheating sphere 6000 years ago.

Just goes to show ya, you can’t be a Republican without defying irrefutable scientific evidence.

In a similar vein, rumor has it that birther Donald Trump won’t believe the age of the Earth until he sees the birth certificate. Long form, if you please. Then we’ll know for sure.

(Courtesy DonkeyHotey).

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Because there is no third term for presidents, Bill Maher believes Barack Obama should take a sharp turn to the left and lend support to the liberals without whom the prez could not have been elected in the first place.

And of course that there is no third term is true so his need for corporate payola diminished rapidly.

There is however, a “however” in the mix.

And that is none other than the pharaoh-mimicking monument otherwise known as the presidential library. Obama will need tens of millions of dollars to erect his.

That kind of scratch doesn’t come from “the small people.”

And ten bucks never got anyone a private pow-wow in the Oval Office.

So if he wants his “pyramid”, Obama will have to cater to the 1%.

I just can’t seem to catch a break anywhere.

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Bulletin – Pasta Fagioli, Italy

Committee Announces Award.

Senior UPW Congressional Reporter Marcy Popindick has just learner that John McCain has been awarded The Schmuckup Prize by the Nobella Prize Committee.

In a UPW exclusive, Ms. Popindick reports that McCain won for his demand that a Senate subcommittee be formed to investigate the killing of four Americans in the consulate attack in Benghazi, Libya. The senator put his own name forward to chair the subcommittee. His colleagues however turned down the request.

President Barack Obama and Senator John McCain...

President Barack Obama and Senator John McCain in a press conference, taking place on March 4, 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

President Obama and Sen. John McCain – a man who distinguished himself in service to his country in time of war – together during a less tendentious moment.

The rejection stopped the former military hero dead in his tracks after he initiated a series of attacks on UN Ambassador Susan Rice for statements she made regarding the assault on the Benghazi consulate.

Rice said her remarks were based on early intelligence reports that later proved to be inaccurate.

McCain however could not be mollified. He petulantly announced that he would oppose a Rice appointment if President Obama nominated her for Secretary of State, the office being vacated by current Secretary Hillary Clinton.

The senator also stated that he would oppose any nomination for Secretary of State until the administration revealed the truth behind the events in Behghazi.

His motives were unclear but appeared to be an attempt to restore a degree of credibility to a rapidly declining career.

In recognition of the senator’s irrational machinations, the Nobella Committe, noting that McCain is a previous recipient of its Most Valuable Putz award, proudly bestowed its Schmuckup Prize on the lamentable legislator.

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To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t just be an ordinary fuck up. There are thousands of those in Washington and not enough prizes to go around.

No, to win this award you have to be a fuck up of truly monumental proportions. John McCain has been nominated on several occasions but failed to capture the prize. This week, he finally broke through the barrier and achieved the status that earned him the esteemed honor.

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Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

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Don’t know much about this former Komen executive, a businesswoman contemplating a Senate run in Georgia.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

However, it does seem to me that business leaders are uniquely qualified to serve in Congress.

They’ve already learned to lie, cheat and steal. And get away with it.  So what other qualifications to you need to be a Congress critter?

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Christie Needs Disaster to Aid in 2013 Reelection Bid.

One more disaster and he’s a shoe in for reelection. But it will have to be another really, really big one. A Christie size, at the very least.

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“I celebrated Thanksgiving the old fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” Jon Stewart.

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Nice hat ya got there, bubba. Like your cool costume too.

If I dress up like that, can I tell people how to vote?

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An ode to drone warfare instigated by our glorious leaders.

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Glorious leaders will send us drones

For Christmas and no one bemoans

Their unquestionably gross illegality

So far be it from an angry me

To question the laws our Congress dethrones.

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Petraeus Afghanistanus and our glorious leaders keep putting their heads – among other things – where they don’t belong. Not even an election can pull them out.

So the drones keep coming and murdering innocent men, women and children.

I expect droney to start blowing up striking Walmart workers as soon as our glorious leaders declare them to be terrorists.

We all have our glorious leaders to thank for protecting us from underpaid American workers, I mean terrorists.

You really don’t have to be a terrorist anymore. The Wall Street definition of a “troublemaker” should soon be sufficient for launching a drone attack. Many of us may already be on a list.

I’d like to protect my house with an anti-missile system But the damn things cost too much and they don’t work. Besides my wife has bird feeders all over the place.