Posts tagged ‘Mitt Romney’

November 17, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 11/17/13

Top Secret Trade Deal WikiLeaked: It Is What We Expected | Money & Politics, Perspectives, What Matters Today | BillMoyers.com

The Obama-Clinton Axis of Betrayal.

In his Labor Day speech, President Obama reminded us that the middle class has been the victim of a conspiracy.  Left unsaid is the fact the Obama’s adamant advocacy of the Trans Pacific Partnership threatens to drive the final nail into the coffin he and other presidents, most notably pseudo-Democrat Bill Clinton, have constructed for the laying to rest of working class of America.

Clinton and Obama have thumbed their noses at the men and women who voted them into the highest office in the land. And both have betrayed the honor bestowed upon them by their supporters.

NAFTA, TPP, deregulation, proposed cuts to Social Security and Medicare and more leave a legacy of betrayal for both of these right wing conservatives who call themselves Democrats.

Together Obama and Clinton have forged within the Democratic Party an Axis of Betrayal, a group that has renounced the bequest of the great liberal presidents of the Party.

Top Secret Trade Deal WikiLeaked: It Is What We Expected | Money & Politics, Perspectives, What Matters Today | BillMoyers.com

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 Timothy Geithner, Former Treasury Secretary, To Join Warburg Pincus

Sign over the Treasure Department entrance: You Scratch My Back, I’ll Scratch Yours.”

Ah, Timothy me boy, yer father would be proud of ye. And never ye mind what brought ye to this exalted station in life. Besides, what’s a little cheatin’ among friends now and again. Never ye mind, me boy, never ye mind.  

There was a time when collusion between government and private industry wasn’t so blatantly open.

Today the ruling class feels entitled to display its contempt for democratic values. It does so with aristocratic arrogance.

Timothy Geithner, Former Treasury Secretary, To Join Warburg Pincus 

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Biggest Tax Break In U.S. History May Not Be Enough For Boeing

Boeing attempts to trash the labor unions and tens of thousands of loyal, hardworking, middle class Americans as the rich job takers ply yet another of their nasty anti-worker capers.

Next stop on the Boeing itinerary: China. Give it ten years.

The new employees in the South Carolina facility had better begin their retraining programs immediately.

Biggest Tax Break In U.S. History May Not Be Enough For Boeing 

***

puer

American citizens at a Puerto Rican Day parade.

mitt

I’m Mitt Romney and I don’t need “those people.” Well, maybe once every four years.

Mitt Romney: My Campaign Fell Short In Attracting Minority Voters

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House Democrats Refuse To Revolt Over Obamacare

nancy1

The lovely and semi-talented former Speaker of the House and belated member of the Obama-Clinton Axis of Betrayal, Nancy Pelosi managed to keep her caucus in line.

Although I’m a liberal and now a recovering Democrat, I’m no fan of Obamacare or the president. In fact, Obama lost me way back when he reneged on the promise of a public option thereby destroying the Speakership of Nancy Pelosi when details of his backroom wheeling and dealing were revealed.  His shenanigans resulted in a crushing defeat for the Party in the 2010 elections.

With that option within his grasp, he turned his back, so he has no one to blame but himself for the mess he finds himself in.

But I am a bit mystified as to why no one is blaming a private, “free market”, profit making company for the abject failure of its software.

Could politics possibly be the source of the criticism of the president’s “signature” program?

Once again, the “free market” has failed miserably. To enumerate the notorious failures you only have to look at defense contractors. Their programs with cost overruns and delayed deliveries are tantamount to malfeasance. Yet, somehow, we find a way to blame government for defense industry boondoggles.

By the way, does anyone recall a defense secretary being fired because of a private industry fiasco?

House Democrats Refuse To Revolt Over Obamacare

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 JPMorgan Chase Reaches $4.5 Billion Settlement Over Housing Collapse

Mr. Dimon was terribly upset at the $4.5 billion settlement. The announcement caused him to be late for a luncheon at the country club.

Things are getting so bad in this country, an honest man can’t cheat anymore.  (Original photo: World Economic Forum FlickrThe Global Financial Context: James Dimon).

JPMorgan Chase Reaches $4.5 Billion Settlement Over Housing Collapse

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Holiday Declared!

The Sardo Institute of Superfluous Holidays located in Pasta Fagioli, Italy has proclaimed Sunday November 17, 2013 World Pucker Day.

Dedicated to the proposition that every pucker should have a day, The Sardo Institute is observing the celebration by inviting Poet Laureate Emeritus Summa Cumma Louder Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe to join the festivities and regale the honorees with a poem. Here is the professor’s contribution to World Pucker Day.

There once was a gal with a pucker.
Who turned out to be quite a sucker
For a guy with a line
And a bottle of wine.
He would take her back home and then tucker.

Yes take her back home and tucker.
With her face in a frozen pucker.
He took off her clothes
But God only knows
He tried but he couldn’t quite pluck ‘er

The gal with the pucker named Tucker
Has a mom whose an over-road trucker.
The mother would drive
Thru the night sakes alive
Eating PB with jelly by Smucker.

So mom was a real Mother Tucker
Who from men she sought nightly succor.
She’d take them to bed
Not a one did she wed.
No man Mother Tucker would let buck ‘er.
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August 12, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 08/12/12

After Mighty Mitt told Harry Reid “You first”, Republicans and Democrats have finally ironed out a new way to reach agreement as the Mittster and Harry continued to engage in a debate about the former’s tax returns.

Eeny meeny miny mo. That should settle things. Call it the new bipartisanship in Follyland, DC.

You just gotta love politics in Follyland.

File:US Navy 080722-N-2888Q-006 ) Children participating in Healthy Kids Day at the Delaware State Fair play .jpg

No, this is not a picture of Congress critters playing games. To witness that activity you’ll have to go to the U S Capitol in Follyland.

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Casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson’s gambling organization is undergoing an investigation as a possible drug money laundering operation.

Who does he think he is anyway, a Wall Street banker?

Don’t really care how he made his fortune. Crime is an entrepreneurial enterprise and pays very well in this country – if you wear hundred dollar silk ties and five hundred dollar Ferragamos, that is.

What concerns me more is that my fifty bucks doesn’t stack up well against his hundred million. Which shows once again that in politics you gotta have the geetus.

Under the circumstances, I think I’ll put my fifty to good use and buy a couple of bottles of scotch.

File:Scotch whiskies.jpg

Not only are there some brands I’ve never tasted; there are some I’ve never heard of. Guess I have some catching up to do. (Photo courtesy of Chris huh).

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Speaking of scotch, I don’t seem to think or type as well after I’ve downed a few.

I know it’s something in the scotch, but I can’t figure out what it could possibly be.

‘Tis a puzzlement. Not to worry though. I’m working on it.

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Speaking of scotch, I’ve always been told you have to acquire a taste for it. I acquired mine in an unusual way.

When I was in the service and stationed at a remote base, for a couple of months the allotted liquor shipment failed to show. Very quickly all alcoholic beverages were consumed. The only liquor that remained was, you guessed it, scotch.

That’s how I acquired a taste for scotch. And trust me, it didn’t take long.

***

Speaking of scotch, I’ve recently learned a couple of drinks a night helps to prevent heart attacks.

Fuck the typing.

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Speaking of scotch, I’ve only been drunk twice in my life. This is what it felt like.

 File:Octopus vulgaris Merculiano.jpg

I can’t imagine why I did it the second time.

 

***

The stimulus worked. It was insufficient because of the Republican’s scorched earth policy toward the economy and a country be damned attitude.

As for Mitt Romney, his attitude and the attutude of his class is that the “small people” must pay for the crimes of the 1%.

He again insisted that the Federal Reserve do nothing to stimulate the economy. Any such action by this notorious politically influenced board could hurt the candidates chances in the election.

Very early on, Mighty Mitt an advocate ot the GOP’s scorched earth war on the economy.

Screw a bunch of hurting Americans. If elected, the Mittster will continue to force the “small people” to suffer the consequences and make us all pay through the nose.

***

Christians Against Masturbation, a group formed to prevent teens from abusing themselves, now demands that anti-masturbation courses be taught in public schools?

And why not? I’m against masturbation as well. Like any good Christian, I’d rather get laid. I’m sure there are a lot of kids who feel the same way. Adults too.

File:Urban legends regarding masturbation.png

(Courtesy Abhijay).

Myths about masturbation. Check out the last item on the left. A good way to lose weight and a lot better than dieting.

And Christians don’t have a monopoly on that activity by any means. Checked out the populations of China and India lately??? I suspect they just never learned how to masturbate properly.

Marcy Popindick, religious correspondent for UPW News reported today that a new Christian group supporting masturbation has just been formed. The group’s mission is to advocate for teaching masturbation techniques in public schools Parents must provide toys for the kids, however.

The goal of the organization is to promote abstinence among teenagers. According to the group’s public relations officer, teaching courses in sex education and birth control could be phased out if teens are taught to masturbate correctly and encouraged to do so often.

***


The wisdom of George Carlin:

“This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be free. Am I right? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? ‘You give us a color, we’ll wipe it out’.”

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To prove his right wing extremist bona fidoes, barf, barf, Mitt Romney today selected seriously serious Paul Ryan as his vice presidential running mate. Barf, barf.

Romney - Ryan 2012

Birds of a feather. (Image by DonkeyHotey).

Ryan, you’ll recall is the author of one of the most ignorantly ignorant budget proposals, a plan proclaimed seriously serious by seriously serious commentators who issue seriously seriously commentary about the seriously serious Ryan budget in Follyland, DC.

Seriously.

And only in America.

***

Mitt Romney still refuses to release his tax returns. There’s a reason for this. We just don’t know what it is yet.

Here’s some speculation.

If Romney filed a fraudulent tax return he is guilty of a felony. If Reince Priebus – RNC chair who recently called Harry Reid a liar for accusing Romney of paying no taxes for ten years – is aware of a fraudulent act and refuses to reveal the perpatrator, he is an accessory to the crime and hence himself a felon.

In any event, the cover up is on.

It is now up to Romney to release his tax returns or release his delegates and open the Republican convention to a more worthy candidate – if there is such a thing.

***

What does John McCain know and when did he know it???

Romney released 23 years of returns to the McCain campaign. So they know something is very wrong here.

And so Sen. Graham, best buds with McCain: What do you know and when did you know it?

No doubt about it. The cover up is on.

***

Wage Slaver Threatens to Raise Pizza Prices.

Wage slaver John Schnatter, multimillionaire owner of a mediocre pizza delivery chain, threatened to raise prices on his sub-par pizzas 11 to 14 cents per pie in order to pay for health insurance for the chain’s many employees.

File:PapaJohnsCardinalStadiumSat.png

Papa Johns Cardinal Stadium, University of Louisville. Looks like Papa’s done pretty well for himself. Himself, that is.

That means that for an extra few pennies per pie, this wage slaver could have offered health insurance to all of his workers from day one. For an extra quarter per pie he could have provided a dynamite insurance plan to his underpaid help. (Oh, sorry. He doesn’t need help. He does it all by his greedy self). Instead of waiting for Obamacare to force him to man up, he could have acted like a member of human species and provided health care from day one.

Actually he wouldn’t have to raise prices at all. Just leave off of each pie a slice of peperoni or two and everybody gets insurance.

So simple it’s really hard to believe. This right wing wacko must prefer to have his employees go without insurance. After all, like so many aristocrats, he no doubt believes that “the small people” don’t deserve medical care.

As we might expect, he’s no doubt cheating on the peperoni already and stuffing his own pockets with the extra quarter. Why should the small people receive a benefit they don’t earn and bilk Prince John out of the money from the business he built all by himself.

All by himself!!! Yeah, right.

Now, you’d think such outrageous behavior is about as skanky as it can get.

Well, if you do, you’re wrong. It gets skankier. This wage slaver is today cheating his drivers out of the money they earn when they deliver this run of the mill pizza. In a lawsuit filed in Missouri, the drivers claimed the chain is skimming wages in violation of federal and state minimum wage laws.

Gratefully, I’ve forgotten the name of the pizza house that John built We should all forget it. However, if you want to know more about Prince John and his chain, you can look it up in the trade mag Pizza Marketplace.

***

Here is a bulletin from Unreliable Press Worldwide.

The Nobella Prize Committe announced from its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, the winner of the Schmuckup Award.

Pizza prince, John Schnatter, takes home the prize for making it known to the entire English speaking world that if Obamacare forces him to offer health insurance to his employees, he will raise the cost of a pie anywhere from 11 to 14 cents a unit.

The award goes to the Prince John because for a measly 14 cents a pie he could have been giving his employees a good health insurance plan and access to excellent medical care.

The prince refused to do so, however, and because of his tireless efforts to keep workers as poor as he possibly can they would qualify for Medicaid.

So for not giving two shits about his workers health, the prize goes to Prince John.

Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The world renowned Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over..

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Gaffe a minute Mitt is still trying to figure things out. Be patient. He’s catching on.

But he really needs your help. After all, he didn’t do it all by himself. Or did he?

Psssst. Ryan is the vice presidential candidate. Got it now, Mitt.

Oh, poopy”, vice presidential candidate Romney is reported to have said: “Where did I leave that damn duct tape”.

Or is he the presidential candidate? I don’t know. I keep getting the two confused as well.

***

John Schnatter, owner of Papa John’s and a bona fide wage slaver, has created a new pie. It will cost 14 cents more than a traditional pie and will be named the Mittsaroni.

Proceeds from the new pizza will be donated to a fund created to help presidential candidate Romney pay for the car elevator in his new multimillion dollar diggs.

What toppings would you like on your Mittsaroni, sir”. 

July 15, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 07/15/12

If the fish rots from the head, Romney’s political carcass lies wasting in Massachusetts.

File:DEAD FISH WASHED ASHORE AT SANDY POINT STATE PARK - NARA - 546842.jpg

In due time, the entire body rots to the very core.

Romney is a dead fish reborn – of cynicism, hypocrisy and unprincipled opportunism

It is only by virtue of one of the most shocking flip-flops in recent history that he was able to seize the nomination from a gaggle of GOP candidates as effete as any put forth by a political party in decades.

Can he win the presidency? It is astonishing that such an eventuality is even a possibility.

Only in America.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Student debt is approaching one trillion dollars and may have already exceeded that amount. Many kids won’t be able to repay their loans because there are too few good jobs available and too many receive educations that are inadequate. Some profit mongering schools, in fact, are little more than government loan depositories.

File:EastJerseyStatePrisonNew.jpg

Time to invest in profit making prisons. Wall Street will soon demand that deadbeat college grads land behind bars – at taxpayer expense of course and profits for the Street. (Photo Jackie Finn-Irwin from Elizabeth, NJ, USA).

So what can we do about this intolerable situation. Simple. Throw the kids in jail. That’s right – debtors prison. Now that we’ve profitized the prison system students who default on government loans represent a limitless jailbird population for Wall Street investment firms who support and cash in on profit prisons. The situation is tailor made for the big banks. Incarcerate the students who can’t pay and charge the taxpayer for the incarceration. Why we could even make parents pay support toward their jailbird college kids.

So I’m appealing to McConnell, Boehner and the skinny guy with the glasses to get the ball rolling. Wall Street is salivating for enabling legislation. Investors could earn billions off this scam. You call yourselves Republicans??? You ought to be ashamed. Let’s get these damn deadbeats where they belong: In the profit making prison system at taxpayer expense.

File:Eric Cantor headshot.JPG

Skinny guy with glasses. Also known as Rep. Eric Cantor.

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The so-called Red States lead the nation in food stamp subsidies. Guess their sick and tired of people not starving – and that includes themselves and their children. Just hard to figure some people out.

What’s the matter with people in the Red States? Far too many are hopeless victims of latent racism. Yes, many are good Christians who attend church regularly. However, this group votes endlessly against its own economic interests because they believe they are being victimized by black people who want a free ride.  (Read the article linked below about Mighty Mitt’s “free stuff” comment).

Mitt Romney Says He Got Booed Because Black People Just Want Free Stuff | The New Civil Rights Movement

The racism rises to the surface only among their trusted brethren. But it can be detected in circumspect statements as they try to feel you out to determine if you are among them; or in conversations overheard during a careless moment; or, most notable, in “joking” around. One revealing remark is the resentment and anger that so many black people who never voted before went to the polls in 2008 to cast their ballots for Obama.

File:Red state, blue state.svg

I sometimes think that the racism of slavery has come full circle. For it now enslaves too many racists to a life of abject poverty – a life they vote to sustain time and time again.  

We should add of course that racism isn’t the exclusive domain of the Red States..

***

Mitt Romney has more foreign bank accounts than John McCain has houses. And neither knows how many or where they are.

That’s what it means to be rich in America.

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Condoleeza Rice said President Obama’s foreign policy is lacking. Guess he hasn’t started enough wars to suit her taste. Ah, for the good old days, right Condi.  

Rice is reportedly in the running for the vice presidential slot on the Romney ticket despite her firm denials of interest.

File:Condoleezza Rice.jpg

And the next vice president of the United States is…. May I have the envelope please.

It seems to me she opens up too many festering wounds.  But who knows?

Only in America..

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Iran and Iraq are becoming strong allies. And Iran is now in a position to transfer knowledge of weapons of mass destruction to Iraq.

How’s that for being ungrateful. We started a war to set them free; killed hundreds of thousands; deracinated millions and they go and join our enemy. Sometimes it’s just hard to understand people.

Not a problem, though. We can always invade again.

***

We built numerous military bases in Iraq with huge landing strips and impregnable fortifications at a cost of billions of dollars. Looks like we’ll have to abandon them. But not a word about all those McDonald’s restaurants spread among the forts. Where else can you get a Big Mac in Iraq? C’mon folks. Doesn’t anybody think of these things?

***

Mitt Romney got booed when he gave a speech before the NAACP for saying he would repeal Robamneycare if elected president.

Then at a fund raiser Mighty Mitt told reporters he was booed because black people just wanted free stuff.

Well, I for one had no idea black people had or wanted tax free bank accounts in the Caymans, Bermuda and Switzerland.

The Mittster also said that nothing is really free except his tax free bank accounts in the Caymans, Bermuda and Switzerland.

Uh, except for one minor detail the above statement is true. That detail: Romney omitted any reference to tax free offshore accounts.

***

Gee, who would have thought banksters would cheat people on interest rates? And not just some people. But quite possibly everyone on the planet whoever borrowed a dime from them.

LIBOR sounds like an X-Box video game replete with evil monsters who lie, cheat and steal. So evil, in fact, that the harm these creatures inflict belabors the imagination.

As you probably know by now, LIBOR isn’t an X-Box video game. It is the London Interbank Offered Rate – so who knew – a figure that dominates the rates charged by banks across the breadth of the entire planet and it can impact rates on mortgages, car loans, credit cards, loans to businesses and just about every other type of loan imaginable. So you think you got scammed by the S&L flim-flam and the dot.com and housing bubbles? Well, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. The amounts skimmed off the top by the banksters in this latest act of deception could rise into the gazillions.

Under the circumstances, LIBOR should give some enterprising soul an idea for a video game filled with evil monsters of every description – wearing handmade Italian suits and Ferragamo shoes and silk undies to show off to their thousand dollar a night ladies in waiting .

In order to be true to life, however, in this game the evil monsters win.

***

Oberstandartenfuhrer, I mean governor, Paul LePage of Maine went Nazi once again as so many Republicans are wont to do. It’s hard to know, however, whether his rant calling the IRS the Gestapo was a stupid remark by a Republican or a remark by a stupid Republican. Although the two do seem to go hand and hand.

You may recall another of LePage’s many blunders. Below is a youtube video about the governor’s removal from the Maine Department of Labor of a mural honoring American working men and women. 

LePage critic creates video sendup of mural decision | The Kennebec Journal, Augusta, ME

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According to Senior National Affairs Correspondent Marcy Popindick of UPW News, the Republican party is implementing a new plan they call Conservatives Helping Older People. The idea is to bring families together by eliminating Social Security and Medicare so children can bring parents and grandparents into their homes and furnish the loving care that seniors long for. As part of the plan, Republicans will implement Paul Ryan’s program to once and for all destroy Medicare and profitize health insurance for the elderly.

A second goal of the Republican CHOP program will be the profitization of Social Security.

Once these CHOP ideas are implemented seniors will be gratified at the prospect of moving into the homes of their children and will be able to enjoy family life with their grandkids, recently graduated from college, who have also moved in with their parents.

The benefits of CHOP, everyone will soon realize, are boundless.

May 21, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

The JPMorgan Chase fiasco highlights the gullibility of Bill Clinton who swooned over the deregulation scams engineered by the notorious Senator Phil Gramm and supported by his ill-advised appointments of deregulation addicts Robert Rubin and Larry Summers to Treasury.

***

Dimons are the Streets best friend.

File:Hope Diamond.jpg

The Hope Diamond, a gem worth more than the Jamie (Courtesy of David Bjorgen).

***

Masking tape alert!  Mitt Romney said something to the effect that young people don’t understand the workings of banks.  Not a good thing to say during an election year since a lot of young people vote.  Evidently someone in the Romney campaign forgot the masking tape and Mitt was able to open his mouth – again.

Jeez, can’t they just get the guy to read from a teleprompter.

***

JPMorgan Chase just invented a new derivative.  It’s called the Jamie.  You buy and it loses $2 billion dollars.

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The Woolworth Building built in the days when high finance could still work for the good of the people. (Photo courtesy of Derek Jensen (Tysto).

***

Speaking of Clinton and swooning, too many Democrats still gush adoringly over this millionaires’ best friend.

William Jefferson Clinton – otherwise known as Wild Willy – was a guest once again at the Peter G. Peterson Foundation’s Fiscal Summit in Follyland.  Clinton, a backstabbing Democrat who has been a right wing extremist on economic policy at least for two decades is, as always, happy to rub elbows with his fellow multimillionaires.

Wild Willy, the man with the fastest zipper ever to occupy the White House, long ago turned his back on his fellow working class Democrats.

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Why these middle class workers still pay homage to this brazen turncoat is a mystery of unfathomable proportions.  He is the president who signed off on NAFTA, the disastrous deregulation agreements and, except for his zipper problem, would have made a deal with then Speaker Newt Gingrich that might well have opened the floodgates to the demise of Social Security.  He, in the person of his chief of staff, the aristocrat Erskine Bowles, was open to the idea of cuts to the Democrats’ most revered program and was set to open negotiations with the Speaker.  Then along came Monica who performed a service for which we all owe her a huge debt of gratitude.  She should only know.

And, by the way, Clinton defiantly bragged to his fellow millionaires that he wanted to cut Social Security by 10%.  He was, however, prevented from doing so by a coalition of Democrats and some rational Republicans (I know it’s hard to believe, but there was a time long, long ago when such a thing as a rational Republican actually existed on the planet.  Archaeologists have found fossil evidence to support this theory).

For all of these reasons, the Clinton presidency should be viewed as the miserable failure it was for working Americans.

Clinton points to the strong economic growth that occurred during the years when he occupied the Oval Office as his legacy.  But anyone could have been there and the same growth would have ensued.  Clinton simply got lucky.  The boom in telecommunications and information technology would have happened whether Clinton was in office or whether his pants were up or down.  And the tech bubble, which burst before he left office, also contributed to the false sense of prosperity that occurred when he just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

It’s time for honest Democrats to recognize this quisling for what he has always been – a right wing conservative on economic issues and a millionaire’s best pal.

Where would I place this so-called Democrat among a ranking of Democratic presidents?  Well, I guess somewhere above James Buchanan.  I guess.

***

Earlier in the week, Mitt Romney said the economy should be creating 500,000 jobs a month.  I say it should be creating a million jobs a month.  Neither of us knows what the hell we’re talking about so I guess that makes me a better bullshitter than Romney.  And that’s not an easy thing to do.

***

California is set to win the JPMorgan Chase Challenge for money losers.  That’s gotta be worth something.

Gov. Jerry Brown announced the state’s debt has risen to something in the neighborhood of $16 billion dollars.

So how’s all that job outsourcing working for ya?

The state government has hundreds of departments – all of which provide good jobs for millions of residents.

The jobs created by these departments are probably among the few remaining good paying jobs in the state.

Now here’s a thought.  If the state would just outsource all of the jobs created by the government or just eliminate them outright, the departments could be consolidated into just three:

The California Department to Feed the Hungry

The California Department to Clothe the Naked

The California Department to Shelter the Homeless

That last department wouldn’t be needed in the warmer parts of the state.  People could just live and die in the streets.

The point here is when private enterprise abandons its people out of malicious greed the people then must depend on its government for a livelihood.  And the people’s government must recoup the tax base it so casually gave away to pay for worthwhile services.

Instead, what we are witnessing is government abandoning its people by eliminating jobs and aggravating an already intense depression.

***

Too many North Carolinians hate government because it spends too much money – mostly on better wages and benefits for workers.  The wages and benefits are much better than those received by workers in the private sector, for example.  Yet instead of advocating for better conditions in private industry, great numbers of North Carolinians vote to degrade conditions for government employees – in fact they’re quite satisfied that many are simply getting fired.  Schadenfreude anyone?

***

Scientists have discovered a fungus in the Amazon rainforest that can live on polyurethane.  Apparently it eats, digests and then degrades the product into its basic elements.  I guess that’s a good thing.  Now if they could only find a fungus that degrades Styrofoam; it takes planet Earth a million years to perform that function – give or take a millennium.

***

According to the Wisconsin State Journal, the state is leading the country in the percentage of – say what!!!!! – job losses!!!!!  How can that be?  Gov. Scott Walker gave businesses tens of millions of dollars in tax cuts.  Weren’t the cuts supposed to create jobs?

Guess all those tax cuts aren’t working out so well.  At least not for the average worker.  Guess what Scottie really wanted was two yachts in every rich man’s garage – paid for by cuts in public sector jobs.

But private sector jobs declined as well.  Musta had all those yachts built in foreign countries, right Scottie.

So how’s all that deregulated free enterprise working out for ya?

What’s really astounding, though, is that Walker leads his opponent in the recall race by six points according to some polls.

File:Scott Walker 2010.jpg

At least half the state loves those tax cuts for rich people.  As for the rest, well, let them eat rice.  It’s good for ya.

Wisconsin job losses highest in nation for last 12 months, federal report says

***

The F-35 joint strike fighter is turning out to be private enterprise’s biggest taxpayer rip-off in the history of taxpayer rip-offs.  Yes, even bigger than the big bank bailout rip-off.

The entire program is estimated to cost about $1.5 trillion dollars.  But it will probably cost more.  They can’t seem to get the thing to work right.  It keeps killing pilots.  Not to worry though.  A few multi-billion dollar tweaks here and there and the plane should fly – and stop killing pilots.

 File:Aichi Val DF-ST-91-10602.JPEG

A replica of a World War II Japanese aircraft – a plane that flies.

So who do we blame for this multi-trillion dollar boondoggle:  The government or private enterprise?  Should we blame Lockheed Martin – the manufacturer of this not quite ready to fly trillion dollar death trap?  Or the government that bought into the scam?

If it was up to me, I would tell Lockheed Martin to go fly a kite.  If it didn’t cost a billion dollars to get them to build one, that is.

The F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, the Most Expensive Weapon Ever

May 12, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

Congress is holding a buy one, get one half off sale this week.  That’s right.  Buy one vote at full price; get half off the second vote.  Better hurry.  Sale ends Saturday.

File:National Statuary Hall Collection.jpg

National Statuary Hall

***

Marriage is the union between a man and woman who have just entered into the first stage of divorce.

I voted against the marriage ban in NC.  Why should gays be any better off than the rest of us?

The real losers of the ban vote were the divorce lawyers.  Gay marriage would be a cash cow for them.

Most of Perdue’s problems resulted from having to deal with a Republican legislature – one which overrode several of her vetoes.  For the first time in a hundred years both houses of the legislatures were GOP dominated.  Of course, the Republicans needed the votes of five backstabbing Democrats to override.

The vote for the ban on gay marriage in NC was so lopsided I think only divorce lawyers voted against.  And me.

I wonder how many divorced people in NC voted to preserve the sanctity of the institution by banning gay marriage.  Probably a slew.

NC is filled with hypocrites who vote social issues while ignoring the economics of politics even if it harms themselves, their children and their grandchildren.  Go figure.

Prediction:  The state returns to the Republican column after Romney proposes an amendment to the Federal Constitution to ban gay marriage .  The amendment will fail of course, but the hypocrites will salivate with uncontrollable joy.  Holy rollers, Batman.

***

Ann Romney buys $990.00 silk tee shirts.  When she’s tired of one she takes it to the Salvation Army Store and gets a receipt she can use as a $980.00 tax deduction.  All is not as it first appears.

***

Here’s a phrase from the Bible that Wall Street lives by:  Strike first the other’s cheek; and when he turns strike again.  Can’t seem to find the chapter and verse it comes from though.

***

Walmart has been accused of bribery in Mexico.  I find that hard to believe.  In America, that’s called politics.

***

On a recent vacation the Romney family packed the SUV so full of $990.00 tee shirts and other stuff, there was no room for the dog – or for Mitt.  So they were both tied to the roof of the car.  Since there was only room enough in the kennel for the dog, they tied Dad directly to the car.  Not to worry though.  They gave Mitt a blanket and lots of sunscreen.

When they arrived at their destination, however, Mitt was so pissed off he began smashing TV cameras.  Apparently, riding on the roof of the car messed up his coif.

***

Palm greasing in the nation’s capital has replaced baseball as the national pastime.

At least the Washington Nationals play by the rules.

As for everybody else in Follyland, there are no rules.

***

Killing bin Laden was an important day in Barack Obama’s presidency.  Can you think of another one?

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Despite his successes, Obama’s failures seem to be rising to the surface.  Three missteps in particular are standouts:  His failure to pursue adequate stimulus, the abandonment of the  public option and settling for weak financial reform.

***

Actress Susan Sarandon, a political activist, believes her phone has been tapped by the government.

An Oscar winning actress and a fine looking woman, Susan Sarandon.

You might want to check the shower head for cameras.  UPW News reports some members of the Department of Homeland Security believe that numerous anti-government plots have been hatched by naked women showering.

***

The sad thing about the Walmart bribery case is that the Mexicans would have taken half; and Walmart would have paid double.

***

Mitt Romney – the uncaped crusader – is taking credit for the success of the auto bailout.  If you think he said what he said he said, that’s not what he said.  He said what he said was the car companies should declare bankruptcy.  And he said that’s exactly what they did and that’s what he said they should do.   What he said, however, left out an important element of what actually occurred; and that is government loans to the tune of billions of dollars were given to the credit starved companies and that is what saved the now profitable US auto industry.

What Romney said and what he said he said were actually two different things, if you can believe Romney would actually do such a thing.  What you think he said is not what he said, he said.  He’s not really sure what he said, but if I think he said what he said I think he said the free market should run its course and the industry should be left to swing in the wind.

But that’s been the basis of the Uncaped Crusader’s whole campaign.  Learn what his base really believes and then join in the chorus; read the morning newspaper and if there’s some good news, make a speech and take credit for it.

Want the naked truth about Romney:  This emperor truly has no clothes (with the possible exception of $990.00 tee shirts).

***

Some gazillionaire wants Obama to make a speech about how really, really nice rich people are.  And why not?  Even a tyrannosaur needs a little loving once in a while.

***

JPMorgan Chase just blew another couple billion dollars on some really shitty investments.  But that could be the tip of the iceberg – or should I say the shit pile.  Billions more could be buried deep in that pile.

Oh well.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Besides, Jamie Dimon, the CEO, is real good friends with Barack Obama.  A chit chat with the pres should rake in enough taxpayer dollars to cover any JP shortfall.

JPMorgan Chase, you see, is too big to fail.  It’s still not too big to fuck up, however.

***

After Pennsylvania residents who live near a fracking zone complained of contaminated water, EPA tests declared the water safe for human consumption.  An EPA spokesman encouraged residents to follow the agency’s guideline:  If you light a match under the kitchen faucet and the water catches fire don’t drink it.

April 28, 2012

Candidate Wins Award

Mitt-Romney

Romney enters his hair as a contestant in the new TV reality show "Styling With The Stars.' Mitt-Romney (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Nobella Prize Committee announced from its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy that US presidential candidate Mitt Romney has won the Nobella MVP award.

Mitt won for his statement that college students shouldn’t take out government loans to pay for college.  They should simply borrow the money from their parents.

And exactly where does Mitt “dog on roof” Romney believe parents are going to come up with the kind of scratch to put a son or a daughter through college?  Much less three kids?  That, of course, assumes that all parents have tens of thousands of dollars in the mattress just waiting for the kids to graduate from high school.

“Dog on roof” also noted that times are really, really hard for college students now graduating.  There are no jobs for about half of them.  And, of course, he said he would change all that, meaning the economic conditions existing in a country with few jobs available – conditions that he and his group of greedy capitalists contributed to.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

UPW Senior National Correspondent Marcy Popindick attempted to contact Romney to get a comment on his comments:

Hello, Mitt.  Mitt, are you there?  Come in, Mitt.  Houston, we have a problem.  Mitt Romney is lost in space.

Yes, “dog on roof” is really out ‘dere.  Waaaaay out ‘dere.

Popindick also wanted to congratulate the candidate for being the winner of the Most Valuable Putz award.

The prize was also given for his pointing that some guy named Jimmy John borrowed twenty grand from his parents to open a sandwich shop.  Good for Jimmy John.  And Romney undoubtedly knows thousands of parents with Swiss bank accounts and millions salted away in the Cayman Islands so they can avoid the taxes they justifiable owe their country.  And they would only lend their son $20,000.00!!!  What a bunch of cheapskates!!!  I guess greed is a family thing that even operates within the family.

Anyway, “dog on roof” Romney wins the MVP.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. .

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  Unreliable Press Worldwide:  Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

April 14, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

Congressman Poe and Governor Mitt Romney

Congressman Poe and Governor Mitt Romney (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Two of Mitt Romney’s greatest political assets are his hair stylist and his dentist.

***

A Republican judge on the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals sent an ultimatum to the US Department of Justice demanding a clarification within three days of President Obama’s statement that if the Supreme Court overturns the Affordable Care Act, the decision would represent an extraordinary step of judicial activism.

This guy, some judge named Jerry Smith (isn’t he a comedian;  or am I thinking of the circus clown) sent a letter demanding an explanation within three days of the president’s statement and whether Attorney General Eric Holder believes Federal courts can declare laws unconstitutional.

Frightened as they have always been of the slightest criticism from Fox News and Republican growling in general, the AG responded to the ultimatum presumably with a three page, single spaced letter by noon Thursday as the judge stipulated.

According to UPW News White House Senior Correspondent Marcy Popindick, the letter to this right wing judge began with the words “bafangool, asshole, it’s none of your goddamn business what the president thinks about anything.”

Later in the day Ms. Popindick withdrew her earlier report when she learned that the letter represented the usual White House suck up to Republican demands.

The reality here is that the judge himself violated the Constitution by encroaching on the document’s “separation of powers” imperative.

Moreover, the fact is that no Federal court has the Constitutional authority to overturn any law whatsoever.  That power is at best extra-Constitutional, if not itself unconstitutional.

The power of judicial review devolves from a decision of the Court headed by Chief Justice John Marshall, who declared an act of Congress unconstitutional in the now famous case of Marbury v. Madison.  At best, that power is based on precedent and tradition.  Given the penchant of right wing justices toward judicial activism and their rush to overturn precedent, there is no legal reason an activist president could not reject the Court’s activist decision since the Court has no Constitutional authority to interfere with the powers and obligations a president derives from the Constitution nor to undue the powers of Congress to pass legislation by declaring acts unconstitutional.

William MarburyWilliam Marbury (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

William Marbury (Photo credit: Wikipedia). This is a painting of the famous Marbury whose case before John Marshall’s Supreme Court gave to the Court the enormous and extra-constitutional power to declare acts of Congress unconstitutional.

Moreover, the men who drew up the Constitution were well of aware of the concept of judicial review.  Several state legislatures included that power in their documents.  It can be inferred then that the men, knowing the power existed, deliberately omitted it from the Federal Constitution.

***

Numerous religious groups have wanted Christian prayer restored in public schools for decades.  Now they insisting that The Bible be read in the classroom.

The goal of course has always been to force Christian beliefs on persons who prefer not to partake of the ideas and myths of Christianity.

Can Christians pray in public schools?  Yes, absolutely.  A student can simply bow his head and pray privately at the beginning of every class if he so desires.

Christian students can pray on a school bus in the same manner.

If they are driven to school by parents, they can pray continuously during the drive.

By rising an hour earlier, Christians can go to church and pray every day.  Get up an hour earlier to go pray!!!!!  Are you shittin’ me!!!

By the way, Christians can go to any courtroom in the land and pray.  They can simply take a seat on a bench in the back of the court and bow their heads in prayer.  How many Christians avail themselves of that practice?  I would venture to say none.

The reason of course is that the purpose of the Christian is to stand in front of a group and to force people to pray in the way the Christian commands them to.  Nothing less will suffice.

So, given the power of the pulpit, we might all just as well put on our prayer shoes and learn the Christian way of praying.

As a matter of fact, you might want to purchase a rosary for yourself and every member of your family since projections indicate that a majority of Christians will soon be adherents of Catholicism.

File:Rosari 2.jpg

Ancient Catholic rosary beads.

***

Alan We-est has a brain
EE eye ee eye oh
And from that brain escaped a thought
EE eye ee eye oh
‘Bout a commie commie here
And a commie commie there
Here a commie there a commie
Everywhere a commie commie
Alan We-est had a brain
EE eye ee eye oh.

Now the foregoing may be pretty simpleminded.  But it’s a better idea than West ever had.

***

Baboons have reading skills.  So says Jonathan Grainger, the scientist in charge of the research project.  The animals can distinguish actual words from random letter forms.

According to UPW Senior Science Reporter Chocolotta Chippie, the baboons don’t like Shakespeare or poetry.  They also vote Republican.  In fact, GOP operatives have a massive campaign underway to register baboons before the November elections.

March 17, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

The Bible doesn’t deny people the right to earn money. The idea that “money is the root of all evil” is usually misstated.

File:The Golden Calf (Bible card).jpg

Worshiping the “Golden Calf”, practiced by too many in the modern world.

The actual phrase from the Bible is “Love of money is the root of all evil.” There’s no doubt that the 1% are consumed by such lust. Lusting for riches is the sin and the wealthy are obsessed and possessed by this evil.

The obsession of the church is less understandable and unforgivable since it uses all manner of deception in its quest for the so-called tithe.

 File:PRICE ALLEN, THE PEANUT MAN, WHO SELLS HIS PRODUCT AND TALKS ABOUT THE BIBLE TO CUSTOMERS ON CHICAGO'S SOUTH SIDE.... - NARA - 556210.jpg

Price Allen, The Peanut Man, who earned a living selling peanuts in Chicago, while preaching The Bible to his customers.

***

A billionaire named Ken Griffin said in an interview with the Chicago Tribune that the ultra-wealthy in this country don’t have enough influence over government.

They already own the government lock, stock and barrel. That, of course, isn’t enough. Only the vast majority of Washington officialdom suck up to the rich. But the rich will never be satisfied until they transform every member of government into a suck up.

Shouldn’t take much longer either.

***

So Mitt Romney, y’all, said that students who want to go on to college should “shop around” for the cheapest one they can find in order to avoid the catastrophic accumulation of debt that most students are currently burdened with.

Or else join the military. And if he’s elected and you’re not killed in a Romneywar, you might just, as Mitt would now say, “git you a loan from the gubmint” to pay for some of the extravagant cost of a college education.

Romney’s plan would increase the amount of the loan depending on how many people a soldier killed. Innocent people count as well.

Actually, I just made that last part up.

***

Romney lost the cornpone election as his campaign went down to defeat in Alabama and Mississippi. I guess you could say he failed to “git ‘er done.”

***

Taking a cue from Republicans in Congress and the ubiquitous right wing effort to control a woman’s uterus, the commissioners in a North Carolina county said they refuse to help women who can’t keep from spreading their legs. So they turned down a state family planning grant, that is, free money for a birth control program, to assist these women. Men however are still free to open their zippers whenever they feel like it.

The commission has five members – all male.

According to the Star-News of Wilmington, NC, the statement from Chairman Ted Davis was something to the effect that if young women didn’t have sex in the first place, we wouldn’t have this problem.

Sounds like a man suffering from a severe case of anal constriction. He should seek immediate medical attention.

Jonathan Barfield, a Democrat on the commission, said he regretted his vote after his wife “explained” to him the error of his ways. I hope she sews up all his zippers. Would serve him right.

These men are trying to do something every society has failed to accomplish since the birth of civilization in the fertile crescent – inhibit mankind’s sexual nature.- while turning a blind eye to the fact that for every woman who parts her knees, a man pulls down his pants.

The undeniable fact is that men really do want women to spread their legs.

Now some measure of control is desirable, of course, and I would call that “birth” control.

Absent that, I would respectfully suggest to the commissioners that they forbid men from having sex with women.

And good luck with that one.

File:Franklin Street Chapel Hill NC.jpg

A photo taken by Caroline Culler of a view in Chapel Hill, NC, home of one of the finest educational institutions in all of Western Civilization, the University of North Carolina. The citizens of the state, whose views were politically moderate, seem to be taking a sharp turn to the right.

***

The word “slut” has re-entered our vocabulary once again thanks to right wing radio extremist Rush Limbaugh. It was, as it always has been, applied to a woman.

It seems to me the word “slut” lost any meaning way back in the sixties when the birth of the sexual revolution – a truly historic event largely made possible by the invention of the pill – freed women to have sex purely for pleasure. To apply that vile word to a woman since then, however, is a symptom of deeply rooted misogyny.

If “slut” has any useful meaning today, it should be applied to the “hit and run” dad. Now there’s a crud if ever there was one.

***

Rick Santorum took his campaign to Puerto Rico where he told its Spanish speaking citizens to learn to speak English if they wanted the island to become a state. That statement assumes that the majority of Puerto Ricans want statehood in the first place. There are a few advantages to remaining a commonwealth. For example, the citizens of the island are exempt from paying Federal income taxes – at least one good reason not to join the Union.

Santorum also ignored the fact that English as a second language is taught in all schools through the 12th grade. So citizens have some knowledge of the English language.

Also ignored was the fact that Puerto Ricans cannot vote in presidential elections even though they are citizens of the US and are represented by delegates at the Democratic and Republican conventions.

So why would a citizen of the island care one twit about whose running for president if they can’t vote in the general election? Well, they probably don’t care. And a candidate who campaigns there is revealing a desperate attempt to collect – what else – delegate votes for the convention.

If they want to vote for Santorum, however, they better learn to speak English first. Right, Rick. 

March 10, 2012

Random Musings

A Part of Our American Heritage

To Kill A Mockingbird, the novel by Harper Lee, will soon celebrate its 52nd year since it was first published in 1960. It is one of the few books that has never been out of print.

File:Harper Lee Medal.jpg

Harper Lee receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

The book won the Pulitzer Prize and Lee herself received the Presidential Medal of Freedom from President George W. Bush in 2007.  She was also awarded an honorary doctorate from the University of Notre Dame.  

A British newspaper columnist once said of the novel that it is a book that should be read before The Bible.

The story is about life in a rural Alabama town during the Great Depression. While the novel has a number of themes, chief among them is the overt racism that existed in the pre-Civil Rights South.

File:Atticus and Tom Robinson in court.gif

Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch. Brock Peters played Tom Robinson.

If you read the book than saw the movie, you will probably agree the film followed the book’s plot as closely as a movie can.

Gregory Peck in the role of a small town lawyer won the Oscar for his portrayal of Atticus Finch. The movie was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Picture. The year was 1962.

.

Another Part of Our American Heritage. The Romney Flip Flop.

Mitt Romney actually advocated raising the minimum wage.

Do what!!!

Yes, yes. He gave his support for raising the minimum wage. Want proof. After saying that and then hearing the outcry from the right wing, he reversed his position. In an interview with conservative CNBC-TV host Larry Kudlow, Mitt said in shocking tones: “I said that! That’s a bunch of horse shit! I never said that!”

Well, ya coulda foooooled me. Because he did say that. And in the time honored Romney fashion, he flip flopped.

OK, OK. What he really said to Kudlow was: “there probably isn’t a need to raise the minimum wage.” Even though just a while ago he said the minimum wage should be tied to the rises in the Consumer Price Index.

And we should all be grateful for his reversal. An American tradition continues.

File:Gymnastics (silver) av.gif

According to the UPW Newswire, Mitt Romney has just received a silver medal in gymnastics, the category Flip Floping. What else???

***

You’ve probably heard by now that Mitt Romney is practicing a Suthrin drawl. He just about has “y’all” down pat. According to UPW Senior Reporter Marcy Popindick, a spokesman for the Romney campaign said the candidate is taking accent training classes with an accent teacher. He’s making progress and is beginning to call his parents Mammy and Pappy. Even knows folks who like NASCAR, maybe some who even own a NASCAR car. And, of course, he has more sponsors than a dozen race car drivers. Well, keep a goin’, Mitt. Might even pick you up a vote or two. In Alabama no less.

Would you like a heaping helping of cornpone with your cheesy grits, Mr. Romney?”

Well, I declare, Missy, Don’t mind if I do. Yes ma’am, don’t mind if I do.”

***

Eighteen states in the Union have laws prohibiting oral sex. Kinda gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “hold your tongue.” You might want to look into which states forbid the activity. You may already be an outlaw in several of them. And you should be very careful when making future travel arrangements. Particularly if you’ll be driving through one of those states.

Funny emoticon with tongue out


***

In Willowdale, Oregon it’s illegal for a husband to talk dirty to his wife while making love. It’s lawful at the dinner table however. And I guess it’s OK if your screwing someone other than your wife.

***

Sexual intercourse between unmarried couples is illegal in Georgia. That makes Newt Gingrich a sex offender. Also, and I’m just guessing here, a menage a trois must be lawful.

***

In Harrisburg, PA it is unlawful to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth. If he’s not a truck driver, however, it’s OK.

***

In Virginia it’s unlawful to have sex with the lights on. Bet the proportion of “nooners” is very high.

***

Sex with animals is legal in Washington state as long as the animal weighs less than forty pounds. Suppose it hasn’t reached the age of consent. Is it still OK?

And many thanks to Facebook friends for checking out those silly laws.

February 25, 2012

Random Musings

I know women resent being called a bitch, so I will refrain from referring to Brewer as one.  The photo depicts Gov. Jan Brewer of AZ dressing down the President of the United States.

 

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Here is my definition of a newt: a fart that comes with an unexpected load.

Can’t take complete credit for that definition. The idea comes from the Jack Nicholson movie The Bucket List. He delivered the line as only Jack can do saying about aging that when you get older “never trust a fart.”

***

Losing a loved one is difficult. But when you take your baby son or daughter or grandson or granddaughter in your arms and realize that your death makes their lives possible – well, I’d choose death over immortality every time. And I believe most of us would choose the former as well.

***

My muse has always been a disagreeable critter. I dropped mine on the floor a couple years ago and still haven’t found it. It’s around here somewhere though. Little bastard.

Kinda like dropping an aspirin on the floor. Ever notice it seems to vanish before it ever hits the ground.

***

An individual seeking a Plan B contraceptive may well be exercising freedom of religion since her religion grants her the right to use that contraceptive method as well as others that may prevent the implantation of a zygote.

If your religion doesn’t prohibit the use of the contraceptive, whose to say you can’t use it – some bishop.

***

File:Roman Empire Map.png

The Roman Empire. (Map courtesy of Jani Niemenmaa, 2004. As always, click the photo for the link).

American exceptionalism expresses similar sentiments about the way Americans feel toward their country as the Romans felt about their city, their empire and themselves – the best thing to happen to the world since olive oil.

Of course, the Roman thing lasted about seven hundred years. You gotta wonder if this American imperial experience lasts even three hundred years. The Romans, after all, only conquered the Western world. We’re out after the whole damn planet.

File:The Blue Marble.jpg

The American Empire, as least as the neocons see it.

***

I hear tell of a Wall Street T-Rex who earns $18,700.00 in one hour. That’s about ten times more than an average worker earns in an entire lifetime working for 45 years.

And there are tyrannosaurs on the Street who make even more money than that. They complain about taxes!!!!! Oh my, poor babies – or should we say “billionaires.” To have such a bill would be a pleasure.

And Mitt Romney is now vowing to profitize Social Security and Medicare so the tyrannosaurs can make even more money.

Bet they figure out a way to avoid paying taxes on that scarol altogether.

(Scarol – Mafia word for geetus, moolah, cabbage, the green stuff).

February 4, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

Senior UPW staff reporter, Ms. Marcy Popindick reported today that unnamed Democrats are delighted with the filibuster arrangement as it exists in the Senate. It allows Republicans to overrule any legislation that benefits the 99% – thereby doing the dirty work for the Dems, most of whom would rather see the legislation killed anyway. So Democrats can then cash in on the big time corporate money through their complicity with the filibuster pretending to their base that the meanies in the GOP keep obstructing their policies.

 File:Dollars for Democrats.jpg

Anything for a buck. Right. Even little Johnny’s allowance.

Hey, what’s the use of being a Democrat if you can’t stab your supporters in the back every once in a while.

***

The UPW news wire is reporting that investigators have located more than $1 billion dollars of the funds missing from MP Global operations.

The funds were found in an executive’s briefcase.

According to a statement from the executive’s attorney: “Hey, just because he owns the briefcase doesn’t mean he’s the one who stole the money.”

Case dismissed.

***

According to many Republicans, globing warming comes only once a year, usually in the summer.

***

UPW news reporter Chocalatta Chippie has obtained a copy of the speech Mitt Romney originally intended to give after his endorsement by Donald Trump.

English: This photo depicts Donald Trump's sta...

Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Image via Wikipedia

The portions of the speech included high praise for Trump and a statement that when he was growing up he’d always dreamed of being endorsed for president of the United States by Trump. The speech continues: “Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. For today, my lifelong dream has come true.”

Romney advisers shit-canned the speech saying it was a bunch of poppycock and who gives a shit about Donald Trump anyway.

***

Biologists at the Sardo Institute have begun testing groups of mammals for sterility. Animals found to be sterile, the scientists said, will be culled from herds to prevent unwarranted and sinful copulation with fertile animals.

According to Dr. Monsignor Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe, a professor in Christian doctrine and the author of Osservare in Camera Da Letto, infertile animals, along with sterile human beings, must be separated from the group and denied conjugal rights in accordance with the laws handed down to the church by the Supreme Being. According to doctrine advocated by some Christian congregations the primary purpose of sexual relations is propagation of the species and, as such, sterile members are incapable of fulfilling the demands of divine law. It is imperative, therefore, that they be removed from the healthy group to prevent sinful copulation.

Monsignor Bacciagalupe stated that marriage between sterile and fertile humans is a sinful union because such a joining is incapable of producing offspring. Bacciagalupe reminded the faithful that pleasure is a by-product of sexual relations and not an end in itself. “It’s a OK to fucka you brains out, but you gotta make a da babies,” he said.

File:Old buildings, Hale Farm - geograph.org.uk - 190317.jpg

The complex of buildings housing the Science Department at the Sardo Institute of Higher Learning. (Photo courtesy of Hugh Chevallier).

In related news, Monsignor Bacciagalupe also decried the decision of the Susan G. Komen for Cure institute to restore funding for breast cancer screenings to Planned Parenthood. Bacciagalupe stated that Planned Parenthood issues birth control devices to the public. Catholic doctrine forbids the use of birth control even though a vast majority of Catholic women practice some form of it in order to prevent pregnancy. Many devout Catholic women, according to Bacciagalupe, support the Church’s position on birth control. However, most are widows over the age of 80.

The monsignor continued that he much preferred that men undergo a vasectomy. “It’s a not a too bad,” he said. “And it a happens a so fast. Before you know it, it’s a finished. And a you never have to worry again.“

***

Mitt Romney said today that he doesn’t care about poor people because nobody really gives a shit about them anyway and besides there’s this safety net thing.

And he doesn’t care about rich people because they already own half the damn planet.

But he does care about the middle class because that’s where most of the votes come from.

A spokesman for the Romney campaign said the candidate intends to pilfer as much money as he can from the poor and give it to the middle class and hopes that will win him the election.

November 24, 2011

Romney Receives Award

Pasta Fagioli, Italy

Committee Releases Name of Winner

The Nobella Prize Committee today announced the winner of its  recent Most Valualbe Putz award.

Congressman Poe and Governor Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney is all smiles at the news he has just won the MVP award. Image via Wikipedia

Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts and current GOP candidate for president, received the Putzie today for his statement “I’m not looking to put money into people’s pockets.”

The statement was superfluous because everyone knew that anyway. But what Romney really received the award for – and it’s something most people don’t know yet – is that Romney was once the CEO of a company that excelled at taking money out of people’s pockets.

The firm the Mittster once headed up practiced a mean scam on working people called the leveraged buyout. The practice involved buying a company, often profitable, and firing loyal, hardworking employees, not only to get rid of higher paid workers, but reducing benefits and destroying pensions. The firm than resold the ravaged company for a hefty profit, nice bonuses for Romney and his big time buddies and joyful investor returns.  Yes, everyday was Thanksgiving day for these con men.

With Romney now trailing Newt Gingrich in some polls for the Republican nomination, a campaign spokesman lauded the Committee’s decision to award the prize to their candidate.

Way to go, Mittster. 

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the prize as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar engraved with the words “putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie the statuette is made of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.