Posts tagged ‘Neanderthal’

July 7, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 07/07/13

The Evolution of Cunnilingus.

A study published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology revealed that men perform oral sex on their wives to prevent infidelity.

tongue

The human tongue from Gray’s Anatomy with tastes buds for bitter marked.

And I always thought it was fun.

The researchers who performed the study interviewed 243 men and referred to oral sex as a mate-retention strategy.

The conclusion, as near as I can tell, is that 243 men on this planet perform oral sex on their wives to keep them from cheating.

Recently, however, some high school kid discovered that the researchers made a spreadsheet error.

Analyzing their conclusions, you might be led to believe only 243 men perform oral sex on their wives and do it only to prevent them from messing around. In fact, billions of us do it because we like it.

Now I can’t help wondering if Neanderthal males performed oral sex on their mates. If so, the act certainly wouldn’t be necessary to prevent infidelity. I’m sure Neanderthals had mate-retention strategies that weren’t nearly so pleasurable.

neander

Did he or didn’t he? Judging from the smile on his face….

(Photo:  Erich Ferdinand).  http://www.flickr.com/photos/erix/143447820/

Then there’s the matter of female scent, caused by vaginal secretions which contain something called pheromones and which the ladies used in prehistoric times to attract a mate. The scent heightened male arousal and who can tell where that led him.

In any case, I sincerely hope the study wasn’t funded by a Federal grant. Now that would be a waste of money.

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Prize Awarded.

breaking news

Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

The Nobella Prize Committee announced a few moments ago that Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has won The Schmuckup Prize. Long a runner-up for this prestigious award, the senator finally garnered the required number of votes necessary to bring home the honor.

McConnell won for his contention that the U.S. Constitution is unconstitutional. The Constitution, he said, must be changed to include a balanced budget amendment. “We’ve tried persuasion. We’ve tried negotiations. We’ve tried elections. Nothing has worked.”

The senator proposed an amendment that would radically alter the foundations of the document.  A balanced budget would overturn the will of the people and the will of their representatives in Congress, virtually declaring the document a dead piece of paper.

MITCHCAR

Just fading away….

And from Think Progress:

It’s worth noting just what McConnell is asking the American people to choke down. Senate Republicans’ so-called “balanced budget amendment” does far more than simply requiring federal spending to equal federal revenues. It makes it functionally impossible to raise taxes by imposing a two-thirds super majority requirement — a provision closely modeled after the California anti-tax amendment that blew up that state’s finances. It would also require spending cuts so steep that it would have made Ronald Reagan’s fiscal policy unconstitutional.

Ezra Klein rightfully labeled this plan the “worst idea in Washington.”

http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2011/

07/13/267791/mcconnell-hates-democracy/

And so McConnell becomes that latest winner of The Schmuckup Prize.

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Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t be an ordinary schmuckup. There are already thousands of those in the nation’s capital. No, you have to be an extraordinarily monumental schmuckup and we are proud to say our most recent winner fits that description.

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Pillar of America:  The Kickback.

Greedy banker to greedy CEO: Say, how about you pay your workers with my debit cards. I’ll charge them hefty fees and give you a piece of the action.

Greedy CEO to greedy banker: Deal!

Just when you think bankers and businessmen can’t get any greedier, they go ahead and disappoint and do just that. Get greedier, that is.

If there’s anything eternal in this life, it’s greed at the top.

money1

Love of money is the root of all evil. Praise be the Almighty Dollar.

We have payday loan companies that charge mob like interest rates, now the debit card flim flam and, if you haven’t heard, credit cards with interest rates that soar above 300%.

Many of the payday loan boutiques are owned and operated by, you guessed it, greedy bankers. And the credit cards with rocketing interest rates are issued by Native American bosses from Indian reservations not governed by Federal or state laws.

One thing we can all count on, however, There’s always a good way to make a fast buck in America.

By the way, some state governments issued kickback debit cards to unemployed workers. Just to rub a little salt into the wounds.

Daily Kos: Employers Pay Workers with Costly Debit Cards

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Eight years was awesome and I was famous and I was powerful. George W. Bush.

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FLAG ON COFFIN 

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Oh, I almost forgot. Happy Fourth of July weekend.

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November 11, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley – 11/11/12

File:BarackObama2005portrait.jpg

The winner and still President of the United States….

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According to UPW Super-Senior Reporter Marcy Popindick the Neanderthal demographic voted 100% for Mitt Romney.

Neanderthals, who live in tribes located largely in regions known as Red States, have voted Republican since the days of Ronald Reagan. The former president is said to have appealed to the primitive people’s racist instincts.

Ms. Popindick interviewed the leader of one of the Southern tribes. Chief Ralph Cucamonga told the reporter that Neanderthals hate just about everybody who doesn’t agree with their political, religious and social views and the tribes stand ready to primary any members who seek leadership positions and whose views deviate from mandated ideology.

Neanderthal

Chief Ralph Cucamonga after hearing the news that President Obama had been reelected.

The chief stated that Neanderthals are a deeply religious people who often mix religion with politics.,

He denied the accusation that religious indoctrination of their young begins at an early age and stated the practice is strictly prohibited.

However, in order to remain in good standing, tribal members are required to oppose abortion, voting rights and equality of females. Also, members must support prayer in public places which includes schools, courtrooms and toilets.

According to Ms. Popindick, the tribes are in a state of shock and disbelief at the loss of Mitt Romney and the reelection of the socialist Barack Obama.

The primitives also opposed the president’s reelection because his complexion is somewhat darker than the average Neanderthal’s and because Obama refuses to grow a beard and adopt a straggly coif.

Chief Cucamonga stated his people had no difficulty whatever casting their votes at the polls even though they had no photo ID, weren’t registered and didn’t shave or comb their hair.

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Paul Ryan said today that his choice of a presidential candidate to run on the Republican ticket with him was a mistake.

His mathematical model of the election indicated that the GOP ticket would win. However, in checking his numbers, he discovered that he forgot to carry the one.

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No compromise Ryan is blessed

With a press that thinks he’s the best.

In headlines they’re honkin’

The numbers he’s wonkin’.

Yet his math is hard to digest.

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Well, their you have it folks, The election’s over and it only cost $4.2 billion. It’s an outrage and a disgrace. Candidates are saying they are disappointed. They expected far more payola given the amount of time they squandered selling out to rich people.

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Gambling magnate Sheldon Adelson made a multi-million dollar bet on the election. His placed his money on the red. Shoulda put it on the black.

photo

And I thought Barack Obama was an idiot.  (DonkeyHotey).

It was certainly a beautiful color on election night.

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Some Republicans are blaming the election loss on faulty programming of electronic voting machines. The devices simply did not flip enough votes. Wait till next time though. No more fuck ups, they said.

And even though Republican governors were able to eliminate millions of fraudulent votes, they didn’t have enough time to deny even more people their precious right to cast a ballot.

So just because you’re a governor, you can’t be a fuck up???

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The Republicans game is to cast blame

The excuses so old they are lame

It’s the other guy’s fault

Flip flop, somersault

It’s the fraudulent vote they exclaim.

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Another Republican just got laid and got caught. Remember Dinesh D’Sousa? Talk about fucking up!

Former General and currently former CIA director David Petraeus got caught screwing around with the woman who helped him write his biography, according to an FBI investigation.

In a report filed by UPW reporter Marcy Popindick, the two participants were working on an updated version of the general’s life and were putting the finishing touches on the final chapter. I wonder if it will include the juicy parts.

File:David H. Petraeus.jpg

A star goes supernova.  General David Petraeus.

So yet another prominent Republican falls victim to the Sixth Commandment: Yea verily, thou shalt surely not commit adultery when the FBI is snooping around.

Lest we forget, however, Democrats too are vulnerable to the weaknesses of the flesh. Hello, Eliot Spitzer.

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General Petraeus had an affair

With a woman it was so don’t despair

Gays are laughing like hell

Their old enemy just fell

Revenge is sweet and always so fair.

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Mad Kane tells us that there is a national gin day. Only one? I’m shocked.

I can’t help wondering if this ethyl alcohol based liquor isn’t somehow involved in those shenanigans engaged in with such regularity by our esteemed rulers.

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There’s a day that celebrates gin.

For all it’s a real win-win.

And I’m not talkin’ Eli’s cotton

That machine is long forgotten

It’s what you pour that let’s the fun begin.

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Newly reelected President Barack Obama is said to be standing firm on his demand that the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy expire on January 1st.

Speaker of the House John Boehner announced that he would accept no tax increases thereby setting up a stand off with the president.

When Boehner called the White House to tell the president personally of his ultimatum, Obama could not be located.

Sasha, the president’s 11 year old daughter, finally found her father under the bed in the Lincoln Bedroom, shaking uncontrollably.

Daddy, you come out here right this minute,” she said. “If you don’t tell Boehner to go to hell, I will.”

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They are not even eyeball to eyeball yet and Obama just blinked. He’s open to some form of compromise on the tax cuts for the wealthy.

Seniors beware the “grand bargain.”

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You may think the Republican party is a relic of the past. But Obama can save it, as he did in 2010.

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I’ve been called some pretty nasty things before, mostly by kids when I was a kid. But I’ve never been called a “maggot”, even by a kid. Oh well, takes one to know one.

Peter Morrison, Texas GOP Official, Calls For ‘Amicable Divorce’ From ‘Maggots’ Who Voted For Obama

Talk about your genetically defective Republican politician, that seems to be a requirement.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost