Genghis Khan Suffers Defeat.
On this day in 1192 Genghis Khan, emperor of the Mongol empire, suffered one his greatest defeats.
The great emperor appointed a commission to examine the causes of the tragic rout and report back to him personally in two weeks.
A portrait of Genghis Khan, artist unknown. (Public domain, PD-Art).
Two years and millions of yuan later, the great Khan received the report. It revealed that the battle was lost due to a lack of arrows.
Apparently, Genghis had appointed a new general to manage of the Office of Procurement and Inventory Control (OFOPROAINVCON).
The general issued a policy stating that arrows would not be issued without a signature on a signed requisition form and a valid photo ID.
In order to get the ID, a birth certificate, Social Security card and a utility bill with the warriors name and place of residence was required.
The general’s policy also stated that an X placed in the signature field of the new requisition form would not be acceptable for identification purposes.
The measure was in keeping with the general’s austerity program which he promised would save Khan billions of yuan as well as millions of water chestnuts, an exchange medium used by numerous Mongolian peasants.
On that eventful day when the Mongol forces fled in a rout due to want of an arrow, most of the warriors were standing in long lines waiting for their daily arrow ration. The delays were so numerous and the confusion so great that the Office of Procurement and Inventory Control shut down.
Needless to say, the shutdown of the OFOPROAINVCON forced by the new general’s austerity measures was identified as the chief cause of the defeat of the emperor’s forces.
To this day, no one knows where that general is buried.
Here is an exclusive from the UPW newsroom in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.
Unreliable Press Worldwide, the leader in mainstream media news, reported moments ago that the Nobella Committee announced John Boehner as the winner of the coveted Schumckup Prize in Literature. He won for his contribution to letters when he stated that “I weally shtuck my weewee in a winger this time.”
Boehner also said “whatever happened to the good old days when I could get drunk in peace. Barkeep make that a double.”
Nobella Committee Chairperson Pasquale Mangiapasta proclaimed Boehner the winner in a brief statement praising the House Speaker’s eloquence from the committee’s headquarters located in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.
Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.
In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.
All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.
To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t be an ordinary schmuckup. There are already thousands of those in the nation’s capital. No, you have to be an extraordinarily monumental schmuckup and we are proud to say the most recent winner fits that description.
From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.
Subsidy Or Tax Credit.
Not to worry about your Obamacare subsidy. The refund you will be getting, if you qualify, will cover everything you are entitled to, even if you didn’t pay any taxes.
The confusion resulted from so many pundits and websites (including Kaiser Permanante) referring to the subsidy as a tax credit. A tax credit is a refund against taxes paid and it is limited to the amount paid in Federal income taxes and no more. No taxes, no credit.
Obamacare pays a subsidy. As such, all who enroll will receive all of the contribution they are entitled to based on family income. The subsidy will pay more of your health insurance premium or less based on that income and premiums.
In the USA, we still profit off health care. Obamacare doesn’t change that. (Photo: In Sappho We Trust, Los Angeles).
One catch however. The subsidy is paid directly to the health insurance company. Sweet deal for them. Hopefully, it will be just as sweet for everyone forced to sign up for health insurance. To be determined.
So far, the best that can be said for Obamacare is that it is better than nothing. And even that is still to be determined.
For example, the Bronze Plan, the cheapest with the least coverage, has a 60/40 split (the insurance pays the 60. Phew). But a plan may contain deductibles. If you must meet a $3,000 deductible before benefits kick in, you’re on the hook for that amount. You get nothing, nada, zippo until you’ve spent the three grand on medical expenses. Only after you meet that requirement does the 60/40 kick in. Moreover, you will have to pay the premium each and every month.
Like I said, it’s better than nothing.
Complex and confusing and a thousand pages long, the program could turn into a loser when a person needs care but can’t come up with the deductible and this after paying the premiums.
A single payer Medicare for all would have been so much simpler.. Obama, however, bailed on the public option when it was well within his grasp, in effect, turning his back on We the People.
Well, there’s always Hillary. Will she be any better? Stay tuned.
National Gnome Day
The Sardo Institute For Profit Education For The Hopelessly Ignorant (Beware: Heavy Republican enrollment) has just declared October 5 National Gnome Day.
No not genome, gnome. You remember those pesky little fellows who live underground and usually guard something valuable.
Well, it’s official. There is a Gnome Day, twenty four full hours set aside to honor the mysterious little creatures.
In keeping with the festivities, The Sardo Institute is hosting a Limerick contest. Below is an entry composed by the Institute’s poet laureate emeritus summa cumma louder, Jocapo Bacciagalupe.
Gnomes representing the musical group ABBA. (Photo by John O’Neil).
.There once was a guy from Peru Who added some brew to a stew. He sipped it for taste Then added with haste More brew to the stew which soon he would rue. . The stew with the brew soon started to spew A heap of malt liquor as the stew it grew To a mountain of foam That soon filled the home Which to clean to a gleam took a little gnome’s crew. . The guy from Peru flew into the foam. Which mixed with the stew and turned into loam. From the loam rose a gnome With a heavenly dome. The gnome with the dome said “my name is Jerome.” . The gnome named Jerome flew in from Rome. Not on a plane but a magic comb. He sat on a chair And announced with a flair. “The stew with the foam made my day in the loam. . Jerome sipped the foam that grew in the loam. He fell from the chair and broke the Rome comb. He then broke as well his heavenly crown. Now Jerome is a gnome of worldwide renown. Jerome from Rome is a bald headed gnome. . The comb for Jerome was now of no use. It broke in the loam from constant abuse. The gnome from Rome was fit to die. He had no means with which to fly. For Jerome the Soused there was no excuse. . Jerome with no comb said in drunken despair The crown of renown now has no hair. In deeper despair, he was said to bemoan He lost it alone in the loam with the foam. Now the dome of Jerome shines with bald headed glare. . It is there in the loam that Jerome now resides. A life now fickle that rolls with the tides. For the foam in the loam Birthed a drunken gnome Whose sotted behavior the world now derides.