Posts tagged ‘Renee Ellmers’

October 14, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/13/13

Committee On Shutdown.

10/11/13, Pasta Fagioli, Italy

The Nobella Prize Committee shutdown today when members refused to award prizes.

Committee member Pollo Cacciatore, who spoke under condition of strict anonymity, said his colleagues felt they were being overtaxed due to the heavy workload. The Committee is receiving nominations in record numbers.

Moreover, due to austerity measures imposed by the Executive Board of Directors, members have been furloughed one day a week and have suffered a 20% cut in pay.

Negotiations between members and the Executive Board ended in a stalemate and no new meetings have been scheduled. There is no end in sight to the shutdown.

Meanwhile, screening applications for nominees for the Most Valuable Putz Prize, which numbered in the tens of thousands over the intervening weeks, have been stalled. A member of the Executive Board indicated no date has been set for renewing the process for evaluating submissions.

putsie 1

The Putzie, sticking it to winners who earned the prize. Will the committee allow the member to go flaccid?

Unreliable News Worldwide has learned through a series of leaks the names of a number of hopefuls.

Among the nominees for the Putzie were Sen. Ted Cruz (his second nomination); Speaker of the House John Boehner (lost count); Rand Paul (R-KY); Renee Ellmers (R-NC); Louie Gohmert (some guy from Texas, where else); Steve Pearce (R-NM); Ann Romney (screen tested for the role of Catwoman in a Batman movie)

Gohmert was nominated for the prize in Mythology for his discovery that John McCain (R-AZ) was a supporter of the terrorist group al Qaeda.

Millionaire Steve Pearce received his nomination in Banksterism for his advice to furloughed government employees to seek loans in the free market from banks willing to lend money without collateral. The free market allows borrowers to shop for the most competitive interest rates, some reportedly as low as 330%.

Ellmers served her state proudly when she voted to furlough 800,000 federal workers and then refused to defer her own paycheck because as she said, she needed $174,000 to pay for her hair stylist.


Renee Ellmers (R-NC) pockets her $174,000 per year paycheck during the government shutdown.

Romney received her nomination for accusing voters of causing the government shutdown. There was widespread agreement among Republicans with her statement.

Damned if you do; damned if you don’t. Let’s face it, if you don’t vote in America, you can’t go wrong.

Nobella Committee member Cinque Formaggi Gorgonzola, who also spoke anonymously, said members voted to pay their salaries during the shutdown. Bills for cell phones, gymnasium memberships and country club dues would be paid as well. However, members agreed to limit visits to bordelli to one a day. The latter concession is expected to save thousands of euros weekly.

Marcy Popindick, Senior Foreign Affairs Correspondent for Unreliable News Worldwide, asked Gorgonzola if he wasn’t referring to the U.S. House of Representatives in his statement.

Magari,” he said. “How you say, eets a not a too clear over here a whats a going on over der a.”






Rats On Mars.

No, really. The NASA rover currently roving over the Red Planet discovered rodents among the rocks on the Fourth Planet from the Sun.

According to a statement from an NASA spokesperson, the rat in the photo is a member of a huge colony living on the surface of Mars.

The rats, he said, speak a peculiar language, similar to the one spoken in Follyland, DC. NSA code breakers are said to be working feverishly in an effort to translate the unfamiliar tongue.

One thing clear from the NSA efforts to date, however, is that the rats on Mars, unlike their brothers in Follyland, have a functioning government.


Make Mine A Double.

Republican lawmakers were spotted entering saloons in the Follyland area in in astonishingly high numbers last week. According to witnesses, the GOPers were observed entering in a sober state and left drunk.

So heavy was the drinking that residents in some areas of the city were reporting a strange smelling stench hanging over their neighborhoods. One resident said the miasma stank of beer, bourbon and vomit.

A Congressman who thought he might be from Texas and who spoke in a language similar to the one spoken by rats on Mars, said he didn’t care a human’s ass about what happened in the House of Representatives, he was going to vote in favor of the taxpayer picking up his bar tab.

The important work of Congress must go on,” he said.


Obama; Amabo. Wrong Way O!

During one of his weekly radio thingies, President Obama told the American people what hundreds of millions of us already know: Forces are conspiring against the middle class.


What the president left unsaid is that he is one of those forces.

Consider. Obama has led the charge to cut Social Security and Medicare, two extremely successful and well funded government programs that working people depend on during their retirement years.

Obama is also cheerleader-in-chief for the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP), a trade agreement described as “NAFTA on steroids.”

Using his usual modus vivendi, the president is once again sneaking behind the backs of the American people trying desperately to keep deeply secret negotiations over this poisonous trade scam, one that poses the greatest of all threats against working people. The TPP abomination will drive the final nail into the coffin of the middle class.

bad hair day

The president showing great concern for the affairs swirling around him. “Oh, poopy,” he said. “Another bad hair day.”

Obama’s Labor Day paean to the working people is one with his classic diversionary tactics. It’s the way the man operates. He comes to praise the middle class, then to bury it.

While his aides were preparing the phony acclaim, Obama was no doubt burnishing his foot long stiletto which he intends to shove squarely between the shoulder blades of every working man and woman in the country.

Quo vadis, Obama? Need we even ask?  He is firmly entrenched in the 1%.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost