Posts tagged ‘Rush Limbaugh’

February 23, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 02/23/14

Hallelujah! He’s A Comin’

The Lord he’s returning to an earthly existence. You better believe it ’cause it’s in the Bible. Revelation to be exact.

He’s coming back and, by God, he’s a packin’ heat. An AR-15 in one hand and an AK-47 in the other. And their both just a blazin’ away.

revelation

John Patmos, the author of Revelation, knew nothing of AR-15s. Nevertheles he depicted a bloody retribution for all but the few faithful when the Son returned to reclaim the Earth from the sinful. (Painting by Matthias Gerung 1500-1570, Wikimedia).

So saith Lt. Gen. (Ret.) Jerry Boykin, now an executive vice president of the Family Research Council.

According to the former general, not only is the Bible the literal word of God. So is the Second Amendment.

Well, okay, maybe not the literal word of God. But the idea does literally come from Jesus Rambo Christ. Nevertheless, Jesus loves the right of the people to keep and bear arms, to say nothing of buying and selling them.

By the way, if you don’t have an AR-15, better go buy one. The Lord wants you to have it. And it’s an easy way to get yourself saved. Or born again, if you aren’t already. And while your waiting for the Coming, you can have some fun shootin’ up trees and stuff.

The latest Follyland rumors about Boykin pertain to the rejection of his nomination for the Putzie Award by the Nobella Prize Committee. A spokesman for the Committee maintained that nominees for the prize must possess at least some modicum of sanity. The general was disqualified on that basis.

http://gawker.com/ex-u-s-general-jesus-is-returning-to-earth-with-an-ar-1526260312

***

Rush To Serve In Vietnam.

Not likely.

When some doctor gave Rush Limbaugh his draft physical and said bend over and spread ’em, Rush could hardly contain his joy. You see, he had a pimple on his tail bone for which he would receive a 1Y classification, later changed to 4F, and exempting him from serving in the armed forces due to a physical condition.

limbaugh

(Ian Marsden from Montpellier).

The pimple is called a pilonidal cyst or boil, a minor condition which can be relieved and cured by draining – a treatment Rush neglected to seek at the time of his physical which was conducted by a private physician on the basis of whose report, Rush received the exemption.

He says he didn’t even know it was there. But, save for the now infamous butt boil, Rush might have been able to serve his country in the Vietnam War and become a military hero – or coward which is the more likely scenario.

In any case, he eventually became the quintessential chickenhawk or someone with a yellow streak down his back who sought every means possible to avoid military service duing the Vietnam era and who is now harshly critical of persons who prefer peace before war.

http://www.examiner.com/article/rush-limbaugh-dodged-vietnam-draft-due-to-a-boil-on-his-rear-end

http://www.snopes.com/military/limbaugh.asp

***

Racism In Greenville. Again.

Would that be Greenville, South Carolina? Or maybe Greenville, North Carolina?

Nope. Wrong on both counts.

It’s Greenville, Michigan.

green mi

(Historic District, downtown Greenville, MI. By Andrew Jameson).

Seems some Republican in that woe begotten GOP ruled state exhaled.

And whenever a Repub exhales you get more than a blast of bad breath. You can usually count on at least one dumb remark. And it’s very often a racist one.

And that is exactly what issued from the mouth of this babe in – yes, Greenville, Michigan.

It seems that wherever there’s a Greenville there is at least one racist Repub and probably many more.

So this guy says it’s time to turn Detroit into an Indian reservation.

No. Really. He really said that. You can look it up.

Who was the guy? It was Republican County Director L. Brooks Patterson. And he wasn’t talking about a Native American reservation.

Anyway, this intellectually challenged Repub has nothing to fear since he no doubt lives in a safe district and will be reelected in a landslide. In Greenville. In Michigan. Hmmmmm.

In a related matter, the Nobella Prize Committee rejected Patterson’s nomination for the Putzie Award. The Committee cited a rule that requires a candidate to possess some semblance of sanity to be considered for the prize.

http://www.greenvillegazette.com/disgusting-republican-says-most-racist-thing-weve-ever-heard/

***

MSM Ignores News. That’s News???

Maybe it’s the fact that the news is occurring in North Carolina and the MSM has a soft spot in its heart for the state, so it’s turned off and tuned out to events in the tenth largest among the 50.

Or maybe it’s because the state is now ruled entirely by Republicans for the first time since Reconstruction.

But whatever the reason, the media has failed to report the ongoing and popular Moral Monday protests that have been organized and

conducted on a regular basis in the GOP entrenched red state.

There is also a mysterious silence on the Duke Energy coal ash dump into the Dan River.

Perhaps the media fears Republican retribution if it reports honestly on the protests and Duke dump which poured massive amounts of arsenic laden coal ash that settled in layers on the river bottom.

Perhaps the media was satisfied that the state Department of Environment ordered Duke not to do that anymore. Or that it fined the power company $100,000 for its carelessness –

Perhaps it has something to do with Gov. Pat McCrory’s 28 year tenure at the power company. Or the favorable treatment Duke receives throughout the state from Repubs and Democrats alike.

Whatever the reason, the media is keeping its hand off both the protest movement and the toxic coal ash dump.

http://mediamatters.org/research/2014/02/20/report-network-news-ignoring-toxic-coal-ash-spi/198149

***

College. A Raw Deal?

College is becoming an arena for the privileged only. The kids are being scammed by the banks, the loan servicers and the colleges themselves.  Here’s a suggestion from Sen. Elizabeth Warren to help ease the heavy debt burden graduates are buried under when they finally reach the job market.

http://www.salon.com/2014/02/22/

just_say_no_to_college_why_its_the_worst_

decision_a_young_american_can_make/

***

Dinosaurs In Paradise.

dino

https://www.facebook.com/Antitheists

Researchers at the Sardo Archaeological Institute are disputing the claim by Creationists that male tyrannosaurs did not masturbate.

The reason given for their Onanistic shortcomings by fundamentalist theologians is that their arms were too short.  

In the scientists’ report, however, they  noted that dinosaurs had very long, you know, thingys.

The length has been estimated by nineteenth century biblical authorities to be between 1-3/4 to 2-1/2 giraffe necks based on interpretations of evidence found Genesis 51: 48-69.

Archaeologists noted that a thingy of this length could facilitate masturbatory activity. 

No word in the Bible on how females relieved their pent up sex tensions. 

 ***

Limerick Lunacy.

A woman whose life was fast-paced
Often her car keys misplaced.
She frowned and she fretted
Through sweater she sweated
As often to the office she raced.
.
A woman whose life was fast-paced
Was chaste though she often was chased.
One night on a bender
She’d finally surrender.
Of the good life she’d had a foretaste.
.
The woman whose life was fast-paced
 Her old ways she’d finally displaced.
 She soon took to bedding
 Without ever fretting
 As guy after guy she replaced.
 .
 A fellow who frequently paced
 Was upset that he was replaced
 By a new guy in town
 And so he would frown
 “I’m in no mood now to be chaste.”
 .
 A fellow who frequently paced
 Soon found his life was debased
 For a girl he went shopping
 So he started bar hopping
 Got drunk and he stripped ‘neath the waist.
 .
 A fellow was working with paste
 That he knew to be rye whiskey laced.
 He’d baste beef while roasting
 Then tasting and toasting
 Till his brain he’d completely erased

 

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March 18, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

If Congress passes a law declaring sperm to be people, the population of the world will increase exponentially – like maybe a trillion to the tenth power. Any guess as to how many zeros that is? And that might not be enough.

Personhood for sperm raises a lot of questions. Would a dead sperm need a decent burial? Could be a quick fix for the unemployment problem, ya know. Everybody would have to become an undertaker. Which raises more the questions: Would a sperm have to be embalmed? How much would a casket cost? Who would send flowers? Would a sperm need life insurance? How much would it cost? Would government assistance be available if the sperm didn’t have an insurance policy? Would Obama submit legislation to Congress mandating that all sperm carry life insurance?

Warning:  If you have an aversion to dirty pictures, stop here.

File:Sperm-egg.jpg

A dirty picture of a sperm that survived.

***

Wouldn’t legislation requiring sperm to be considered people make all men mass murderers? And women accessories? At least in some cases?

Just asking.

***

Rick Santorum is now advocating a ban on the distribution of pornography. He probably doesn’t know this but that position could cost him the entire South in the general election. Per capita, the Bible Belt states spend more money on pornographic material than any other region in the nation.

He says pornography is toxic to marriage and relationships. Well, so is fracking. It is also harmful to people’s health – fracking that is – and so far as I know he hasn’t called for a ban on that. And no doubt never will.

But before we go any further, we suggest one of Santorum’s advisers explain to him just exactly what fracking is so he doesn’t get it confused with that other thing you aren’t supposed to do if you use birth control when you’re doing it.  (So far, the BC ban applies only to Catholics.  So far).

Whether he succeeds in banning dirty pictures or not, the issue is still a good way to rile up the “better than thou” folks, like ya know, Christians who want you to live your life the way they tell you to.

***

Catholics who use birth control are committing a sin that will condemn their immortal souls to the raging fires of Hell for all eternity. Also, the pope doesn’t approve.

I guess the church’s policy applies to women only. The old men of the church have always hated women and it’s the women who use most of the stuff. Not the men mind you – unless we’re speaking of condoms and vasectomies.

Yes. Ever since Eve, it’s always been those damn women. Just can’t keep from spreading their legs. The “aspirin between the knees” method just doesn’t seem to be working – even with a whole bottle of the stuff in the medicine cabinet.

And all those rumors you’ve been reading about priests, bishops and popes fucking their brains out over the centuries are just that – rumors.

OK. OK. So some popes have had kids (out of wedlock of course so as not to violate the church’s celibacy rule). But so what. That doesn’t mean they have to like it.

Nevertheless, I’ve never known a priest who carried an aspirin in his pocket when inviting a woman from the parish for whatcha call your “religious consultation.” Not all priests like little boys, ya know. Some actually like girls. Provided they’ve reached the age of consent, naturally. Or maybe a bored housewife or two. Who can tell?

Oh, father. I forgot my aspirin.”

Don’t worry, my child. You won’t be needing it tonight.”

***

The Westboro Baptist Church – you know, those fundamentalist folks who hate just about every type of human behavior except that which they specifically approve – is apparently preparing ads to be broadcast on the Rush Limbaugh show. Birds of a feather. Guess they haven’t heard the rumors about Rush’s past.

Viagra anyone. The Westboro Baptist Church would approve. Aren’t you lucky?  There isn’t a whole lot these extremists do like.  You could say intolerance is their message.

Jael Phelps picketing Trinity Episcopal Church...

(This photo is copyrighted but free to use for any purpose). Image via Wikipedia

Westboro Baptist Church Anti-Jewish Picketing

Yes, they do pretend to be Christians. Image via Wikipedia (Public domain).

***

It’s time for AARP to support increases in Social Security. Retirees have been cheated long enough by schemes that underestimate inflation and shortchange seniors.

Members must face up to the facts. AARP is basically an insurance agency, perhaps the largest agency in the world. It gives nothing to its members they don’t pay for in premiums and members should realize they are getting nothing in return they aren’t paying for.

As for the benefits it claims for members, many other organizations offer similar discounts.

The message from retirees to the executives of AARP is a simple one: Support increases to retirement programs or back off. You are either with the retirees or against them.

These meetings with the cut-and-gut crowd are totally unnecessary and uncalled for. In fact, they raise suspicions of a scam in the making.

***

There is one way the Ryan health insurance debacle can be rescued. That is for government to pay 100% of the premiums demanded by health insurance companies forever. Yeah, right.

The real scam of the Ryan plan is to dump medical costs of the elderly on to the individual whether or not he or she has insurance and can pay for the care. The plan’s terms can be summed up in one phrase: Can’t pay, no doctor. You’re on your own, pal.

We’ll all be retired someday and the American people have demonstrated time and again that they want the social programs now in place to remain a part of the nation’s social safety net. And are willing to pay for the programs through payroll deductions. The cut and gut politicians who are trying to destroy the programs are acting in defiance of the will of the people and on behalf of a tiny minority of the rich.

And now back to Paul Ryan (the one with the shit eating grin – see photo) the tax cut and spend right wing Republican. Ryan voted repeatedly and continuously to raise the deficit and spend, spend, spend during the Bush administration. The man is one of the biggest spenders in the GOP – and that takes some doing, for with few exceptions, Republicans have shown themselves to be among the biggest spenders on the planet.

File:Paul Ryan, official portrait, 111th Congress.jpg

***

Darrell Issa, entombed for eight years during the Bush Administration, has finally emerged from his cacoon.

He said we’ve been lied to by the Justice Department.

 

Well, for heaven’s sake. You don’t say.

We were lied to for eight years during the Bush administration. And Issa is just coming to the realization that government lies. Fasinating.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost