Posts tagged ‘Samuel Alito’

July 6, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 07/05/14

Lobby Holds Victory Press Conference.

At a news conference today, Mr. Hobby Lobby, personhood of the famous hobby chain,  expressed his delight at the Supreme Court’s anti-birth control decision. Mr. Lobby stated that although he has never found a need for the product himself, his Roman Catholic religion forbids its use.

Under the Affordable Care Act, Mr. Lobby continued, he would be complicit in committing a mortal sin by providing a forbidden product to employees of his corporation.

hobby lobby

One of Mr. Lobby’s many hobby stores.

Mr. Lobby also expressed his gratitude to five of the Catholics on the Court who voted their religion and handed down the favorable decision.  He was also grateful to the Court for reaffirming his personhood even though he is a corporation.

Asked by a reporter if he was a Catholic in good standing with his Church, Mr. Lobby replied that he doesn’t attend Mass regularly and considers himself a typical religious outlier. In fact, he said, he has never attended Mass even once in his entire personhood.

Nor has he ever gone to confession, received Holy Communion or reaffirmed his faith through the sacrament of Confirmation.

To the astonishment of all who were present at the news conference, Mr. Lobby stated that he had never even been baptized and as a result his immortal soul lies on the precipice of eternal damnation along with the souls of other personhoods regardless of religious affiliation.

He then appealed to Pope Francis to institute a special sacrament of Baptism to remove the stain of original sin from the souls of all personhoods in order to prevent their suffering eternally in the everlasting fires of Hell.

Mr. Lobby also said he hoped the prejudice that exists against Catholics would be relieved by the Court’s decision since many religious groups concur in the opinion. As an example of the extreme bias that Catholics suffer, he pointed to the membership of the Supreme Court itself. Only six of the nine members of the bench are Catholic, a serious condition that must be quickly addressed, according to Mr. Lobby.  He then called upon President Barack Obama to appoint more right wing members of the Church of Rome to the High Court.

Concluding the news conference, Mr. Lobby said he would now require his unmarried female employees to refrain from engaging in the mortal sin of premarital sexual relations. And if any unmarried woman showed up for work pregnant, he would fire her for violating the precepts of his faith. After all, why should a personhood have to pay for health insurance for pregnancy and out of wedlock childbirth that violated his religious beliefs.

samuel alito

Samuel Alito, author of the most recent of the Supreme Court’s nefarious decisions and part of the vast right wing conspiracy marching in lockstep against the American people.

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Shortcomings Of the Court.

It’s becoming increasingly clear that certain members of the Court should seek legal advice before rendering an opinion.

john roberts

King of the Court John Roberts.

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Founding Chicken Hawk.

Ever heard of Thomas Jefferson. No not the TJ who authored the Declaration of Independence.

I’m referring to the other one, the chicken shit Thomas Jefferson, who as governor of Virginia during the Revolutionary War, hopped a horse and skedaddled out of Richmond as fast as his lily livered ass could move.

Why? Well, the British were coming. That’s why. And I don’t mean a one-if-by-land-two-if-by-sea heroic warning kinda ride.

No, this TJ shrank in fear of shedding a drop of his aristocratic blue blood for his country and hightailed it for parts unknown at the first sight of a Redcoat.

thomas jefferson

Thomas Jefferson, a president with a reputation firmly entrenched in US founding mythology.

And that was just the first time. Jefferson, who became president of the fledgling country in 1801, bailed out in a time of crisis.  He was, in fact,  a repeat chicken shit. When a British cavalry unit approached Monticello, Jefferson abandoned his plantation and the 14 year old slave girls he frequently raped, to seek safer confines.

We can all remain sick in the knowledge that TJ’s cowardly legacy has been handed down to his successors in office, both the presidency and vice presidency.

To wit, one Richard Bruce Cheney, warrior extraordinaire, who during the Vietnam War became a five time deferment chicken shit and who later in life heroically launched wars for bogus reasons and gloried in shedding the blood of others on the battlefield.

cheney

And let us also not forget to heap scorn upon George W. Bush, who used family connections to avoid the draft and grab a cushy spot in the Air National Guard where he bravely defended the semi-great state of Texas from Viet Cong aerial assaults.

No one can accuse either of those two chicken hawks of serving in the same manner as fellow Republican Teddy Roosevelt who courageously led a charge up San Juan Hill during yet another bogus US war.

As for the accomplishments of statutory rapist Jefferson, he did purchase the Louisiana Territory from one of history’s bloodiest monsters, the excessively admired Napoleon Bonaparte, and eventually became one of the heroes of American founding mythology.

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/robert-parry/56740/thomas-jefferson-americas-founding-sociopath

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Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow who rented a suite
From a gal who was cloyingly sweet
Then made a fast pass
Got a boot in the ass
And hit the concrete on Main Street.
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A gal who was cloyingly sweet
Sent a titillatingly fiery tweet.
It said “I am ready”
To go hot and steady.”
And I promise I won’t tear the sheet.”
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A man in a mood for a sweet
Affair with a woman discreet.
Didn’t care ’twas quick
As long as the chick
Didn’t squeal and tell all in a tweet.
 

   

June 30, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 06/30/13

Southern Bells Toll.

Actually, the Southern belle for whom these bells are tolling has gotten herself into quite a fix. And the hollow metal devices with the clapper in the middle that causes a persistent clanging as it strikes the sides, are ringing out all over the world.

deen

Ah moan git me some frinch fries with that thar super burger.

It all began when she spouted racial slurs. Who knows how many times, to whom and when. But her blathering revealed a deep rooted racial bias.

The outcome of the revelations: A canceled TV show; her overpriced, made in Asia cookware brand dropped by a dozen retail outlets; and her new cookbook canceled just before its scheduled publication date. Woe is she.

As a sidebar, and just to rub salt into the wounds, many of the recipes featured on her shows may have been pilfered from the cooking of the people she demeans.

Oh, just in case you’re returning from an intergalactic mission impossible space trip, her name is Paula Deam, Dean, Deen. Well, one of those anyway.

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Other News.

Yes, there were other newsworthy stories that seeped into the corporate media this week.

For example, right wing troglodytes on the Supreme Court reversed decades of legal precedent by overturning a section of the Voting Rights Act of 1965. The right wing trolls demanded that Congress erred when it applied the previous formula that determined which states must submit voting laws to the Federal Government for approval. So much for stare decisis.

scalia

In a sharply worded dissent, Justice Antonin Scalia referred to homosexual behavior as sodomy. Apparently, the webs remain in the brain even after one emerges from the cave.

To everyone’s surprise, however, the Court overturned the Defense of Marriage Act and declared California’s Proposition 8 unconstitutional thereby providing equal rights to same sex couples who wish to marry.

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Fix The Facts.

As the facts crumble the organization before their greedily bulging eyes, the members of the right wing Fix the Debt have morphed their message to Fix the Facts.

When the propaganda panic fails because of evidence to the contrary, not a problem. Simply rearrange the evidence to coincide with the propaganda.

Sorta like what’s being done at the Reinhart-Rogoff School of Errant Economics at Harvard.

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Right Wing Descent In NC.

Right wing Republicans in North Carolina emerged from their caves this week to enact a Neolithic agenda.

Extremist NC Governor Pat McCrory sneakily repealed a law that ended executions in cases where racial bias is evident.

mccrory

Gov. Pat McCrory achieved fame for bringing tons of out of state payola into North Carolina and implementing a far right wing agenda.  (Original photo courtesy of Hal Goodtree).

According to a report by Unreliable Press Worldwide Super Senior Correspondent Marcy Popindick covering political affairs in the Tarheel state, some GOP legislators are seeking to reinstate the firing squad in capital cases.

A spokesperson for the NC Cavemen’s Society said the firing squad uses less energy than an electric chair, is environmentally safe and will not contribute to global warming.

The use of lethal injections in executions has been rejected by members of the Society on the grounds that some religious groups object to medical interventions.  None, however, have any objections to firing squads.

In other news, North Carolina has become the first state in the Confederacy Union to refuse Federal funds to assist the state’s unemployed. It has also reduced state unemployment benefits to a maximum of twenty weeks. NC has already cut the weekly benefit. The state has the fifth highest unemployment rate in the nation.

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Rudeness On The Court.

Samuel Alito is not only an extremely activist right wing justice on the Supreme Court. He is also a boor. So much so that he may be one of the rudest individuals ever to serve on the High Court.

This week, he was observed crudely rolling his eyes while Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg read her stinging dissent to the Court’s overruling of the section of the Voting Right Act of 1965 that required states with restrictive voter registrations laws to report any changes to Federal authorities.

Alito has been profoundly rude on other occasions as when, for example, he shouted out during a presidential address.

As the justices were leaving the courtroom, some observers noticed a bulge in the robes of Justice Alito suggesting he may have inadvertently doubled dosed on Cialis. Others thought he was surreptiously flipping a bird to Justice Bader Ginsberg.

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In another vein, Alito is guilty of lying to Congress during his confirmation hearings. At the time, he stated to the Judiciary Committee that was an advocate of stare decisis and would respect legal precedent set by previous Court decisions.

alito

During his tenure, Alito has been one of the Court’s most activist jurists, showing at every turn a profane disregard for precedent.

The lie before the Committee places Alito in contempt of Congress and makes him subject to impeachment.

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Neanderthals In State Legislature.

North Carolina isn’t the only state with a legislature and executive branch occupied by lawmakers recently emerged from the cave.

The Ohio legislature and Gov. John Kasich are taking huge leaps back in time. Both are on an obnoxious quest to restrict women’s reproductive rights.

kasich

A spokeswoman for Gov. John Kasich stated the governor is not impotent. Just needs a little help every once in a while. Also, the governor has vowed to be the first patient to undergo the ultrasound test that involves inserting a four inch metal tube into the anus in order to ascertain the health of the prostate gland should the bill requiring test past the legislature. The comment from the surprised Kasich was “I said that!!!”

In an ironic twist of events, Ohio state Sen. Nina Turner introduced a bill to regulate men’s reproductive health. The proposal would require men who sought medications for erectile dysfunction to seek therapy for the condition, undergo a heart stress test and present a notarized statement from a spouse confirming impotency.

Interested parties also suggested men suffering from ED undergo an ultrasound test to confirm that a prostate condition is not the cause of the ailment. During the test, a four inch probe would be inserted into the man’s anus and twisted repeatedly to ensure prostate health.

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There once was a man from Lake Placid
Who at a critical moment went flaccid.
He explained to sweet Alice
I’ve used up my Cialis.
I need a quick dose of antacid.
.
When you lose it and must desist
At the moment a woman can’t resist
When you must take a pill.
In the jar there is nil.
At John Kasich you should really get pissed.
.

Not to worry.  The bill is certain to fail in the male dominated legislature.

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 And from Mad Kane:

 http://www.madkane.com/madness/

2013/06/28/mens-reproductive-health-bill-humor/